Will you get back together with your ex? No, you won't!

[Eocsor]

Will you get back together with your ex? Odds are no, not a chance in hell. We all want it for whatever twisted reason but it just isn’t likely to happen. At least not if you are broken up for real, as in, we have been apart for longer than a couple of months.

 

All those wonderful stories about people getting back together are the EXCEPTION and you my friend are the rule. Either that or it was a lovers spat that lasted for all of a week. That’s not a breakup, that’s a hissy fit.

 

Try any method to get them back you want to. Buy those wonderful self help books, go No Contact, go limited contact, go no initiated contact. It’s all the same. They aren’t coming back.

 

Sure, statistically speaking some couples do reunite, but as I said before, they are the exception and you are the rule.

 

So stop searching the net for any and everything you can find on reconciliation. Stop bugging your friends about the odds of your ex coming back or who they are seeing or what they are up to. Stop stalking their FaceBook page. And for the love of god stop e-mailing, texting and calling them.

 

And stop listening to those people who come on and tell you sure, you’ve got a definite shot, just wait it out because they will surely be back. Because you aren’t the exception, you are the rule.

 

In the end it really doesn’t matter because no matter what you try, no matter what you say or do, you’ll end up in the same place. And that's the place where you have no choice but to accept that it’s over and begin to heal. And you will heal. Because you aren’t the exception to that either, you are the rule and we all heal eventually.

[DN]

Your evidence for your assertions is?

[DylanNotorious]

In the end it really doesn’t matter because no matter what you try, no matter what you say or do, you’ll end up in the same place.

 

We should give that place a name. This is the place that NOBODY wants to be in. But the quicker you accept being in this place the quicker you will get over it. It's when people try to escape this place - it just makes it harder to and longer to get over. Stay in the place no matter how much it hurts!

[NoDice]

Ok? Why are you so angry?

[KronicMan]

his ex didnt take him back

[babysunshine]

I love this post. It's harsh but true.

[endy]

Only thing I would want to add is that even if you do get back together, usually it doesn't work out and your wasting your time. Especially getting back together before you have healed and both of you have changed. That's the only way I would ever consider a reconciliation personally. When the relationship actually is NEW again.

 

Does it happen, and can it happen? Sure, but please give yourself time to heal completely before you ever contact that person that broke you and turned your world upside down. I don't think any plan besides moving on and getting back to YOU, being ok alone, will truly attract your ex back, or anyone capable of being in a healthy relationship for that matter.

 

The sooner you move on, heal, and accept everything for what it is the better IMO. Also the above post is 100 percent correct IMO, and that place that you go in... it makes you strong inside. It's not using another person so you can feel strong, it's the place where healing, growing, and changing takes place. Hopefully in all areas of your life to better yourself for YOU. If anything that's what is going to attract someone better, and sometimes even the ex back.

[LDRohnos]

Agreed, I think people break up for a reason. Unless there's a drastic realization on one or another (or both) parts it's going to stay that way.

[aminaSa]

lol...why are you so angry? im pretty sure most people get in some way a second chance with the ex.I havent had any boyfriend who didnt come back into my life in some ways

[LDRohnos]

lol...why are you so angry? im pretty sure most people get in some way a second chance with the ex.I havent had any boyfriend who didnt come back into my life in some ways

 

It could be he's just at the "anger" phase of a breakup. It's healthy, imo.

[aminaSa]

Maybe but its not healthy to be this negative lol

[NoDice]

I love this post. It's harsh but true.

 

I agree with the stop looking for methods to GET THEM BACK, whatever approach you take may or may not work, most of the time they don't work. It is better to heal yourself first and foremost and when you do, the majority of the you realize you were just attached to the feeling of love, not the specific person. Being harsh or dealing tough love isn't for everybody, and nothing in life is certain. So saying that your ex not coming back is almost definite, is a bit overboard. I can say so far in life it has been 50/50, depending on why you broke up, for how long, and if you were actually really genuine and good to your ex throughout the relationship. Maybe I am one of very few, but out of all my exes only one never came back or wanted to talk about reconciliation, and only about half of those was I willing to try again. Just saying if you do your best and have an open heart during the relationship and after anything is possible, I never cheated, lied, manipulated, wronged, or really treated my gf's with anything but respect and love. I guess to each their own though.

[MakeItCount]

Haha, I love that people are just itching to jump down his throat. Not everybody who makes posts like these is jaded, or angry, or hating their life. Many of us are simply realists. The cold hard truth is that his post is true.

 

Let's assume for a minute that our good friend Roscoe here got burned badly, and hates his life. So he chooses to accept that his ex is never coming back. Now you tell me, is that any worse than begging, pleading, and spending your entire life wishing and hoping she'll come back? Is acceptance, and moving on with your life instead of concentrating on that one person 'till the end of time a sin? No. It's an amazing way to put the past behind you, realizing that IT'S JUST A GIRL/GUY, and being HAPPY.

 

I find no satisfaction in cooking up plans, spending days upon weeks upon months waiting for that magical time period (30 days, 90 days, 1 year) to make contact and POOF! Magically, your ex comes back. Live your lives people. I was in the same position that many of you are now. I spent hundreds of hours reading how to get your ex back books, from Magic of Making Up, to Ex^2, to blogs, and of course ENA. I'm over my ex. I miss her, but I realize she just isn't what I'm looking for. You think anyone managed to convince me otherwise in the first few months after the BU? Hell no. She was Ms.Perfect. If only she could grow up a bit...mature and see that I'm her one and only.

 

Newsflash...it didn't happen. Maybe one day it will? But let me tell you, it would take a hell of a lot of growing up on her part for that to ever happen. I CHOSE to be happy. I CHOSE to move on with my life, make new friends, and expand my horizons in any way possible. If she comes back now, that's neat. I'll cross that bridge if it ever comes. For now, I'm on green pastures. I CHOSE self-respect, and realized that I want someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. I did everything I could in that relationship, I was a great bf, but ultimately she chose to end it. That means we werent meant to be. Did it suck? Yep. Did I lay in bed for the first two weeks? Yep. Did I almost crap my pants when she got in a new relationship? Most certainly.

 

But guess what. I'm alive. Life is good. My only regret is that I took so damn long to accept it. But, it made me stronger. I hope you realize this soon too. Harsh words are sometimes what's needed to snap out of it.

 

Great post.

[guynextdoor]

his ex didnt take him back

 

If you read some of his posts he has moved on and he is making this post considering the amount of people on ena posting about wanting their ex back. Its just a reality check and I don't think its personally about him.

[Nick Lansing]

I understand the OP's feelings, but it's a generalization. I have gotten back together with women I've "dumped," and been taken back by women who have "dumped" me. And some of the breakups were pretty bitter. Obviously, it does happen. There is more than a "chance in hell," especially if you go away with dignity and regain your self-respect.

 

It has been my experience, though, that it helps to assume the breakup is permanent, both for purposes of moving on and for maximizing your chance at reconciliation (if that's what you want).

 

Not saying my experience is universal, but neither is the OP's.

[lanaa]

The OP is a bit angry?

 

 

I would say most ex come back in some way,,thats what i have noticed and seen around me.But usually the girl moved on when the guy is back..

[indigoblue]

My ex is back with his other ex at least I think. I'm very bitter lol.

[MakeItCount]

The OP is a bit angry?

 

 

I would say most ex come back in some way,,thats what i have noticed and seen around me.But usually the girl moved on when the guy is back..

 

Sure, some ex's do come back in some way. A lot of them come back when they're lonely, bored, or their new relationship failed. Or they want to be friends. How many stories like these have you seen where the dumpee comes back and goes "OMG she contacted me, her new relationship failed, awesome!!" only to be strung along for the new few months/years. No problem being friends with your ex when you've moved on. What's the best way to move on? Accept that its' over.

[NoDice]

Yeah, you have way more clarity then the OP. I agree with everything you are saying, but realist or not, everyone defines their own reality. In saying that if some one is more than a year post BU and still pining and hoping, that is kind of sick. If things are meant to be they will be, it is what you do in the mean time that matters most.

 

Cheers.

[swann]

I think I get what Eocsor is trying to say. Unless I'm wrong he's just saying that most times ex's don't come back, especially after a long period of time and not to dwell on the "what if they do" but focus on the "they are not coming back" aspects and move on with your life. You will get better. That's the way I read it.

 

The one thing I will say is that I guess my ex and her old/new boyfriend are the 'exception' to the rule as they were apart for several months (how long I don't really know) and are now back together. It worked for them (yeah me huh?) so as Eocsor said they are the 'exception" and I am the 'rule' in that she isn't coming back to me. She left me for him. But it really is a good thing that she isn't coming back as I now wouldn't want her back. Difference being with healing is that I use to say "I don't have to worry she is never coming back" as my way of coping and getting past her but now I can say "even if she came back I wouldn't take her back" I have the power of me now. Not her.

 

I think that's what he is saying. Unlike the Journey song "Don't stop believing" you need to "Start believing" that an ex isn't coming back for your own betterment. Even though it worked different for my ex I know it won't work out that way for me.

 

The way life is most of the time.

[MakeItCount]

Yeah, you have way more clarity then the OP. I agree with everything you are saying, but realist or not, everyone defines their own reality. In saying that if some one is more than a year post BU and still pining and hoping, that is kind of sick. If things are meant to be they will be, it is what you do in the mean time that matters most.

 

Cheers.

 

Well, I wouldn't call it SICK persay, but it happens all the friggin time. Either people don't have the resources to move on and get their life together, or they just don't want to. It's not exactly healthy, that's why we promote acceptance.

[Nick Lansing]

My ex is back with his other ex at least I think. I'm very bitter lol.

 

Oh yeah, that reminds me, I'm pretty sure my most recent ex got back with her most recent ex after she broke up with me.

 

This is not exactly Halley's Comet rare...

[lanaa]

Sure, some ex's do come back in some way. A lot of them come back when they're lonely, bored, or their new relationship failed. Or they want to be friends. How many stories like these have you seen where the dumpee comes back and goes "OMG she contacted me, her new relationship failed, awesome!!" only to be strung along for the new few months/years. No problem being friends with your ex when you've moved on. What's the best way to move on? Accept that its' over.

 

I know also many cases where the guy is fighting to get her back,and just few moths ago she would do anything just to get a message from him! Usually those girls will not take the ex back

 

one thing i noticed is guys dumpers come back more often than girls dumpers....thats something to talk about,maybe i mwrong? but there has been discussion around that

[NoDice]

Well, I wouldn't call it SICK persay, but it happens all the friggin time. Either people don't have the resources to move on and get their life together, or they just don't want to. It's not exactly healthy, that's why we promote acceptance.

I was once there at one year post BU, searching for whatever to get her back still, so I look back now and I am like holy crap I was sick.

[endy]

I think in short the message of his OP is to move on and live your life for you, not another person. I've said this a few times in my last few posts. Living in the past is a symptom of mind being unhealthy. Living in the moment is the symptom of a healthy mind. Tearing up the past, having constant thoughts of someone else does nothing beneficial for you. Let the past go, live in the moment, live life for YOU, and not someone else. Don't ever base your happiness on someone else.