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New Guy here, should I stay or go?


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Hey everybody! Im new to these boards, so I hope im doing this right.



About 4 months ago I met this lovely young woman randomly walking down the street. I gave her my number, and to my slight surprise she actually called me up. We went out to dinner a week or two later and had a great time. Sometime went by and we went out again and we had a great time again. Initially I tried to take things to the next level, and she declined and told me she wasn't interested in men. She is 21, so I assumed that it was possible she was just confused at such a young age. Long story short, I continued to pursue her, knowing in the back of my mind that she was probably very interested in me. Over the course of the next couple months and spending time together, she confessed that she does like me, as well as another guy. Now its come to the point that we spend time together on a daily basis. Hours, sometimes days together. We've been extremely intimate with each other. I really enjoy her company, and she enjoys mine, but theres a catch.


She doesnt want to be in a relationship, and I have been pretty aggressive in courting her. After all, its my aggressiveness and relentlessness that has gotten me this far with her. However, she says she was recently in a serious relationship with her exboyfriend...the other guy, and isnt ready for another relationship, and she is still intimate with him as well. I told her that I don't think its fair for me to be spending so much time and energy trying to make things work with her, while she is still doing things with her ex. I mean, that has bad writing all over it for me. But she wants me to stay put, and trust her yadayada. So yesterday I told her, that I probably wont be talking to her anymore because I don't like whats going on between us. Its been one day, and I miss her, but thats part of the process. Did I mess up? What should I do?


In addition she says that she wants me to be with her, she just cant say yes right now for whatever reason. I have worked so hard these last few months, and come so far. From her not admitting that she likes me, to one of her friends actually referring to me as her boyfriend. But...I know, the other guy is there, and I just cant get over that. Should I continue to not talk to her, and hope she calls me? Or should I just move on? Should I keep an open dialogue with her?

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If she's still intimate with her ex, he's not, emotionally, really her ex at all.


That makes you "the other man." Probably not where you want to be.


I'd have to say, look elsewhere. Someone else will make you their priority, and not juggle you while they decide which of you they want.

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I wouldn't contact her, and I wouldn't have anything to do with her until she's dropped her ex. Actually, I'm not sure I'd have anything to do with someone who's so wishy washy and inconsiderate right off the bat. You're going out of your way to make her happy so she might want a relationship, and she's going along with it all the while telling you she still has feelings for her ex, that she's still intimate with. You're doing the right thing. I'd start focusing on someone else.


And good for you going after someone on the street!

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I'd tell her that I adore her but we both want different things from seeing one another. I'm letting her go while I still think highly of her, and if she ever decides that she'd like to try dating me with romantic intentions, she's welcome to contact me. If I'm still available, we can meet to catch up and see where things go. Otherwise, I'd wish her the best, and I'd move on.

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Before I sat down to read your post, from start to finish, this phrase had jumped out at me: "doesn't want to be in a relationship." Didn't have to read anything else.


Unless this is also what you want, which it doesn't sound like you do........................RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

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Thanks for the insight everybody. I guess Im making the right decision then. Too bad it doesnt feel good to make the right decision.


It also never feels 'good' to stick around in attempt to manipulate someone into wanting what she's clearly stated that she doesn't want. That's disrespectful to her and to yourself. Don't you deserve someone who's crazy about you?

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