Last chance on relationship. Please help me!

[Lester]

You asked, ["- This is the beginning for her. It could simply be closure. (In a way good.)" In what way?]

- I guess I am trying to prepare you... A decision, even though painful is sometimes better than no decision at all.

With the "promise" of a life of endless fun achieved by selfishness, common souls are making horrible life choices that would have been unthinkable not very long ago. Even though I am forever optimistic, I do fully understand the realities of the time we live in.

 

The possibility you were never compatible from the start, your too late or she has become another person's wife has always been there from the start. Closure, even when premature or wrong may be better than nothing at all. Sorry.

 

 

You asked, ["Do not help your wife into desolation. Don't assume you know her heart or actions. " I'm not completely sure I understand what you mean, can you explain?]

- Understanding as much as a distant anonymous poster can... I feel your wife is headed in a very bad direction which she will regret for the rest of her life. (She may not... but that's what I sense.)

 

We all have periods of desolation... making big, significant life choices during these periods almost always impacts future periods of desolation by lengthening the periods. Knowing this you certainly do not want to contribute or hasten her path to injury.

 

You accomplish this by being an honorable, genuinely loving husband and man.

Your honor is who you are and no one can take it from you.

 

Listening, understanding and knowing your line in the sand.

That's how you help a wife off the path of desolation.

 

PS, Don't think she is made of steel. Her heart is most likely being torn to pieces.

[Statham]

Ok, I understand... And I agree. This has been going on for so long now that I am so prepared I can possibly be I think (and hope). And no matter what happens I have learned (and keep learning) so much, and that really gives me a strong will, and a lot of courage to see forward with positivity. Its like I cant wait to see whats next! I know me and my kids will be ok no matter what. Yet the hope of her coming back is not gone, but now I atleast accept that she might, or she might not.

 

Okey. I also think shes down a bad road, I dont really think it, I am sure of it. But she is a strong woman who have gotten herself out of trouble many times before, so Im sure she will be ok in the end. But it doesnt feel good to look back at the way I treated her, and knowing that Ive contributed to push her to this... So I will do my best to make things right, and change to the best I can be!

[Lester]

On occasion I had the opportunity to train supervisors. When these well-credentialed persons arrived I had to teach them what supervision really meant. (They loved me... tee-hee.)

 

You see Statham… they were only given an opportunity to supervise. Being a supervisor had nothing to do with credentials but instead the respect you earned.

 

Don't you see Statham... you're girl was only a opportunity to be a loving husband and great dad.

[Statham]

Hey

 

Some time since I have been here now... Here comes an update:

 

Well, its been a hell of a ride I can say... These months have been the most traumatic ones of my life, and at some point I really felt raped! This had so big impact on so many things that I am shocked, and it has involved and hurt a lot of people.

 

Me:

Positives: Spending more quality time with my kids when it is my week. Work is better than ever, working longer days and a lot happier at work than before. It is a lot better around the house now, cleaner and tidier than before. I am much more social now, I have met many new people and many old friends. I am in better shape than I have been in years, and working out 4 days a week. My economy is also better.

 

Negative: I really miss my kids when it is not my week. I sometimes feel a bit lonely. I am often very concerned for my kids when they are with my ex (What kind of people she brings into their lives etc). I have been drinking and partying way too much, but I try hard to cut back on that. It seems like the days are shorter now, it takes a lot more time to do everything on my own (it could also be that the sun goes down faster now because its winter... hehe). Most of the days go by without thinking about her at all, but still I sometimes think about what we could have had together, and that is still very tough… I am scared that I never will stop wonder about it…

 

Her: It seems that reality have been harder than she thought it would be… She have been drinking a lot and used a lot of drugs (Mostly in the weekends she say). She also gets valium from her doctor now (in addition to the ones she gets from her new bf/friend). She has also have lost too much weight and are way too skinny now. Her finances are really bad, she told me that she had taken a couple of jobs as a drug courier, but that she had cancelled them because she realized that it wasn’t very smart. She has been crying when I have met her several times, and she seems totally broken down. She say she has come out of it now, but I have my doubts. She seems totally changed, and it is not in a positive way I have to say…

 

Us: We don’t contact each other very often now, and when we do it is a lot of arguing. Lots of stuff we have been 100% on the same page about before we now seem to disagree on… And I can now also fully understand why no contact is really important to move on, because I think about her a lot more after we have had contact, even if we argue. But as it is now, even if I miss her I would not get back together with her… She is not the person I loved anymore, and I don’t think I can be with a person who has hurt me like she did (And this is the 2nd time she have done it too me!).

 

Looking back: After looking at and understanding why this happened, I am convinced that this could have been avoided if I had done things right from the start. But its very hard not to make mistakes under that kind of pressure. And I sure did a lot of mistakes on every level, not just about our relationship. Anyway, even though this have been hell and I very much like to dream about another outcome, a lot of positive things have happened to me also... I am not saying this is the best thing that could happen, but I see now that I really needed a “kick in the ass” to start changing my life for the better, and it is like that I look at this now, and it sure did work!

 

I look back at the most critical period of this, and that was insane! The heart and mind was out of control, and the pain was nearly unbearable all of the time! I read a lot of similar stories here, and I send my thoughts to every single one of you that have to experience this pain! But it DOES get better! And this forum is priceless, at least it has been for me… At the worst times nothing would help make it better except asking for help and get great answers in here… I also hope this thread and the answers in it can help someone else.

 

Forever grateful