Last chance on relationship. Please help me!

[Lester]

Again, nothing has changed or at least not yet.

You are going to change that now.

 

Improve and change.

 

You said in a earlier post, “ I can call, but I am really afraid of pushing her to the point of no return.”

Statham, You say you are afraid of pushing her but where has that got you? You have been trying to control by appeasement.

 

Additional appeasement by you will guarantee consummation of her relationship with this “person.”

Like I told yesterday… there can be no other man in your relationship.

I know it’s hard but you must be strong. It’s not about her anymore.

 

She stepped over the line.

It’s all up to you now!

You must decide if you will stand by her anymore.

 

If you decide to try you must not appease her one inch more.

 

Reread post #19

If she does not want to be accountable to you and is going to leave… that’s it. She has no respect for you.

 

You must respect yourself first for any hope of her re-growing her respect for you.

 

This will not happen with appeasement.

 

Statham, There's nothing new under the sun! Your wife most likely wants to be with you but considers you weak and a jerk.

Family busting scumbags always seem strong, rich, funny and “got it together” to lonely mad wives/women. Strangely she knows this about this person. Her anger is blinding her.

 

It’s your job to pull her back…if you can. That’s love.

 

PS, I’m going away for the weekend but don't fear.

My main purpose of being on this forum is to save marriages. I don’t really change what I say.

Therefore you can click my name and read old posts. My posts are mostly to men like you.

[Lester]

Were gonna speak tonight or tomorrow, what should i say?

 

I have to take a drive to clear my mind now....

 

What to say? What did Winston Churchill say to the Nazis? I'm bigger than you think!

 

Be strong improve and preserve your honor.

Fight for your wife to hell's gate... but don't go past that gate.

 

Find a line... and play it in your head. Say it if you need to.

Mine is/was "I've gone down as far as I'm going to go with you... you can continue down into the slime without me."

I also said right to her face... in a loving way. "You know Honey I've been all wrong about this... I played right into your hands. Why am I trying to stop you from being with this scumbag? I won’t stop you… go and give best revenge I could ever ask for." (I said that while perfectly composed. She stopped and talked for four hours.)

 

Don't be afraid or be mad. This is your best hope of saving your relationship.

She will sense this!

[Statham]

Shes gone now... It was to late... I still love her above everything, and still hopes very much she comes back, and I will continue to change myself to the better.

 

Now I dont know how to deal with this situation: I told her if she wanted to leave, she had to leave the house. But the problem is that she have no place to go, no one in her family helps her. Whay should i do? Let her live here? (Before she said that she couldnt even be in the same room as me, or look at me. And now she can live here?) Should I move out? I cant live at my parents house now, it would be too weird and hard to deal with at the time. And this wasnt my choice, it was hers.

[Lester]

Sorry Statham, By the time "some men" look for help it is usually very late. (And then they waste more time by denying the situation.)

 

You should be proud you belong to the "some men" group. It almost guarantees you she will be back on your doorstep one day… but much more importantly you are going to learn more about women than you ever thought was possible.

 

The education holds the promise of great relationships in the future. As a bonus you will be able to help other men and women who are in crisis.

 

To answer your question:

 

Being a man of honor you would never throw your wife out. If she wants to leave that’s her business… not yours. In a loving way, do not help her at all! Continue to improve.

 

To her you should seem strangely aloof, somewhat interested and slightly happy. (Run you’re line you head.)

 

PS, A better way of saying, "I told her if she wanted to leave, she had to leave the house.",....

I understand, (don't say honey anymore), and you can go if you want.

[Statham]

Yeah, I really hope she comes back, and without having ruined things forever...

Anyway, thank you so much for your help Lester. It really matters to me. its what got me through theese days, helped me think positive, and made me feel like i did the right thing... So again, thank you!

[Lester]

There's a reason for everything. Try to discover why God put you here.

 

Honor is one of those things you can take into that box at the end of your days. Think big picture.

 

Read and reread those books. Become educated in the ways of people.

 

Mass media's push of "life is a series of beginnings and endings" comes directly from devil.

The proper way to think of life is as continuous journey of loving, forgiving, learning and growing.

 

Don't hesitate ask if you have more questions.

 

Best to you.

[Statham]

There still may be hope, or am I dreaming?

 

Yesterday, I said I was going to tell my grandparents what was up (they have been like parents for the both of us, and helped out with everything)... After Ive told them, she broke down crying and stuff, she said she didnt wanted to be the bad wolf, and that she was feeling guilty about this. She said we have to work out something to give it one last chance...

 

She spent the whole day thinking, and at the evening she told me this: I still get my own apartment as planned, and we use the time apart to see if we have something or not. We can see a counsellor, do stuff together as a family and go out on dates. (She was thinking about a year apart, but might sooner, and might later).

 

I said: If you want to leave, its breaking up to me, and i have to start my process of getting on with my life, and that I couldnt do both that and working on keeping our family. And that i couldnt deal with that situation knowing she might have feelings for another guy and spending time with him.

 

Then she got angry and told me that it was I that made that choice. I told her that it was still her that was leaving.

She agreed, and came up with this:

 

She would get her own apartment, I could live there, we work together on getting the house out of chaos, and build it finished. See a counsillor, try to do things together. She would stop to have contact with the other guy.

 

I agreed on that, but today I feel like... Hmm, I dont really know....

 

And by the way, these last days we have been sleeping in the same bed, and went out for pizza together yesterday. And today she was going to Sweden to shop cigarettes and food, I asked if i could join. She got angry and told me to back off. She sent me a text right after and apologised, telling me that she just wasnt in the same "place" as me yet. And she asked if we could go on a mini-cruise to Denmark for a few days soon with the kids...

 

Im i right to get my hope back? Or is she just doing this/using me to feel less guilty?

 

Still havent recived the books. Dobson's book will be here by the end of the week, but Smalley`s will not be here for about a month I found out....

 

I really agree with you about mass media, the last years ive wondered why there is so much evil in the world, and why all the bad things in life is so glorified. Where does it really come from? Whats the purpose? I cant even imagine....

[Lester]

Is there hope? That depends on your willingness to change.

 

A husband willing to change is a powerful event. It almost guarantees the marriage can be saved.

Unfortunately, it rarely happens and when it does the husband usually reverts to his unloving/uneducated ways once he feels comfortable again.

 

You stood up to her in a loving intelligent fashion. This will fly in the face of who she thinks you are.

You said, [Our marriage is us working on it together here and now not in a year or in different buildings.

There can be no other man… ever.

Anything less is a deal breaker because I will not step over that line.]

 

Good for you! You are becoming a husband.

 

Don’t get too heady just yet. You may be thinking she admires you for this. She does but only a little. She’s mostly thinking…

“What’s going on? Who is this guy? I fix him and now some other women is going to get him! I bet he is already seeing someone on the side! I better stay a little closer to this guy.”

 

Pretty sick huh!

 

PS, You must get your books sooner. Do you live on the moon?

[Statham]

Okey. I am still working hard on it, but sometimes I feel weak and that there is no point in keep on fighting. But then its great to come in here and write and read, I really feels it builds me up!

 

I live in Norway, but I will try and get the books faster, but Im broke at the moment and have to order the books where i can get the bill later. What book should I read first?

[Lester]

She should be with you in the same house but not the same bed. She stepped over a line of yours and you need her to think you are still considering your options.

 

Allow the vestiges of your strength and respect you have for yourself continue to emerge. From here springs genuine love.

 

An immature wife will test you. That's normal and okay but you must have your “line in the sand”.

Again, Who are you?

How do you want your wife to think about you and this stage of your life ten years from now?

 

She wants a husband and a man... but you hurt her a million times. It's going to take time for her to get past this. Her anger, blame and punitive reactions are all manifestation of this.

 

 

Some/much of the blame is yours but only to a point.

 

Typical future exchange;

Wife - I didn't want to hurt you but you drove me to it. It’s entirely your fault.

 

Weak unloving response – Yeah, I guess I did, I’m sorry… (Yuck)

 

Strong unloving response – I did not and you’re a big fat liar... (Again, Yuck)

 

Proper response – I know I haven’t been the husband of the year to you but what you did you did on your own.

Don’t blame me for your mistakes. (She should say sorry at this point… only then do you say... I too am sorry it turned out this way.)

 

 

PS, Anything you do to reduce your forthcomingness will be viewed as strength by her.

PS2, As always… talk less and keep improving. (Strength)

PS3 Secretly become a master of body language.

[Lester]

What book should I read first?

 

Which ever one you can get your hands on first. Both at the same time is good.

 

Being broke is bad.

It is a major marriage issue. Think back at the correction she offered... did you reject it?

[Statham]

I guess you are right...

 

Ok, but there is a limit there also? If I reduce my forthcomingness to much, she will leave right?

Its hard not to talk, I feel I have so much to say. But I realize that it doesnt work ofcourse.

Yeah, body language its very important. Any books youd recommend there, or is that also in the two books ive ordered?

 

Yes it is. Actually we have a good income. But that doesnt matter when we throw it away on "false happiness" all the time. I found out that she now have many credit cards that I didnt know about, and we are in quite a dept crisis. And yes, I did reject her correction. She has really tried to fix things...

 

We had a rather good talk yesterday. She opened up more, atleast a bit, and we talked for several hours (I mostly listened). But, I asked if she had cut contact with the other guy, she said yes. I asked how she said it.

She said this:

I told him that we was going to give it another try. And that we could have no more contact.

 

Then I asked what he said, and she told me:

That he understood, and that she could take the time she needed. And wished her good luck.

 

Then I checked her phone this morning, and she had deleted the messages (if she didnt call, but i doubt that). But I did see messages to and from her best friend (sister to the other guy): That she said we were gonna give it another shot, but she didnt have any faith in it, and that she misses the other guy.

Best friend: Still Didnt approve on her having contact with brother becouse he was still trying to fix things with hes girlfriend. (They had a big argument on her having kissed her brother earlier)

 

This makes me wonder... What did she really tell him? That she had to stick it out with me a little longer to eaze her consience? I really feel that it is like that... And it hurts alot to read she misses another guy... This is so extremely painful, becouse I want to fix things more than anything, but there is a side of me that really doesent want to be used and hurt like last time.

 

So the question is: Do I bring this up? Or do I just keep on as planned? (Get another apartment with her and keep working on myself)

Im really afraid that when she is all set up in apartment, she will just quit it then, and I will be the big loser, and she could tell people she really tried everything.

[Lester]

I will come back to the rest of your post in a minute…

 

I think I told you several times already…

 

THE OTHER “MAN” IS IRRELEVANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You said, “Then I asked what he said, and she told me 8221;

Scumbag said, “That he understood, and that she could take the time she needed. A wished her good luck”

 

 

MY GOD STATHAM! NEVER MAKE THIS MISTAKE AGAIN.

 

NEVER AGAIN ASK HER WHAT THIS SCUMBAG THINKS OR SAYS. IT TURNS YOUR MARRIAGE INTO A THREE RING CIRCUS IN WHICH HE LOOKS LIKE A UNDERSTANDIND MAN TO YOUR CONFUSED WIFE!

 

 

UNDERSTANDING MAN MY ASS! NEVER OPEN THE DOOR TO THIS PERSON AGAIN!

 

PS, Now you know why you need books. You are uneducated in women and sex.

[Lester]

I only know you from your posts and therefore am forced to make quick assumptions because of limited time.

I thought you may over talking/thinking man. To a wife this is always viewed as control by intimidation and ownership.

 

Forthcomingness, (if that’s a word), is like being an open book. Women say they love it but actually consider it weakness/controlling when overdone or done improperly.

 

Like I have been saying… you must change. This is why recommend being less forthcoming in talk and behavior.

This does not mean unloving. You are going to have time to listen to her now. That’s the best way to “talk” to your wife.

[Lester]

You said, “Ok, but there is a limit there also? If I reduce my forthcomingness to much, she will leave right?” Wrong, she won’t leave if you change. (Dobson, Smalley)

 

You said, “Its hard not to talk, I feel I have so much to say. But I realize that it doesnt work of course.” It is hard but must be. She knows everything you are going to say before you say it,(Dobson), and has heard it for years. Not talking and listening will accomplish what you are after. (Smalley)

 

You said, “Yeah, body language its very important. Any books youd recommend there, or is that also in the two books ive ordered?” Not so much in books. All you need to do is start paying attention.

 

You said, “Yes it is. Actually we have a good income. But that doesnt matter when we throw it away on "false happiness" all the time. I found out that she now have many credit cards that I didnt know about, and we are in quite a dept crisis.”

This is a marriage issue and a good project for you and her once your recovery begins.

 

And you also said, “And yes, I did reject her correction. She has really tried to fix things...” This is huge! Remember her advice she gave and reiterate it at the right time. Once you do shut up and watch her….

First anger and then she’ll melt into your arms.

YOU REMEMBERED! THAT’S HOW A HUSBAND SHOWS LOVE FOR HIS WIFE. (Smalley)

 

 

You said, “But, I asked if she had cut contact with the other guy, she said yes. I asked how she said it.”

DON’T EVER ASK THIS AGAIN! There are only two things you would ever need to say regarding this scumbag.

1. There can be no one else…ever.

2. (In response to her future track dusting. Matter-of-factly say.) You’re are/were in love with another man. (Never say his name and then shut up.)

 

You said, “That she said we were gonna give it another shot, but she didnt have any faith in it, and that she misses the other guy.”

Ignore what she says. She has no idea what she is doing. (Dobson)

 

 

You said, “This makes me wonder... What did she really tell him? That she had to stick it out with me a little longer to eaze her consience? I really feel that it is like that... And it hurts alot to read she misses another guy... This is so extremely painful, becouse I want to fix things more than anything, but there is a side of me that really doesent want to be used and hurt like last time.”

It’s not about her! Keep ignoring this! Keep changing. It will take time for her to "gracefully" stand down from her wrong. Let her but don't stop changing.

 

 

You said, “So the question is: Do I bring this up? Or do I just keep on as planned? (Get another apartment with her and keep working on myself)”

What she says or does means nothing.

Plan, (alone/with her), and move forward with your life. Invite her to come along.

 

You said, “Im really afraid that when she is all set up in apartment, she will just quit it then, and I will be the big loser, and she could tell people she really tried everything.”

I don’t think you are a loser. Just the fact you are here says so much about you. You’re special!

Screw what other people think.

 

Don’t be afraid anymore. Believe in God’s grace and hold your head up.

 

PS, In my darkest hour I changed how I prayed to my God. Instead of asking for this or that like I had always done I began just saying thank you prayers for what I was given. Two days later everything started to change. (Thank you prayer? Start with food.)

 

PS2, I found me and my lines.

 

PS3, I carry this in my wallet wherever I go now…

I went down into the countries underneath the earth, to the peoples of the past, but you lifted my life from the pit, Lord, my God.

[Statham]

Yes, I guess I really did know the answer to that one. But my mind is constantly in battle with itself, kinda....

You are so right, I hope my books arrive soon!

 

Today I wrote her a note and left it on the kitchen table, just telling her I appreciated the nice dinner she had made, and the talk we had.

 

And she wrote me this on the computer tonight (google translator):

 

---------------

 

Hello =)

 

Thanks the same!

 

It's wonderful that we can be good friends and chat, eat and do things with the kids together.

I hope you see that I really try hard, although I do not always think it's just as easy.

Must admit that I feel even now that I've been a little too much with you, and be needed some time alone.

But the time we have had together have been pleasant. =) It's progress just that!

 

I am not angry and irritated by being with you anymore, but is struggling more to get in between two lives and stomp if you know what I mean?

We are neither completely back together, or apart from each other and it's a very tough situation for me. feel that all my energy just flows out!

BUT, again .. I put so much appreciate that we can have a good time, and that we can cooperate on anything that happens in the future. WE can only take one day at a time, as long as we can.

If I can not handle it no more, I will let you know , but I'll at least give counseling a try and distance when we are in between that I move out and you may be visiting, etc. And Iam sure it will be nice doing things as a family, together with the kids =)

 

I love you =)

 

---------

 

Now I am struggling to know what I should write back... Im so confused now...

[Lester]

She said, "I am not angry and irritated by being with you anymore, but is struggling more to get in between two lives and stomp if you know what I mean?"

What heck does that mean? If it means what I think it means… she's deciding between you and a scumbag. Write back...

 

Bite me.

 

 

Nay, don’t write that… we must ignore her words and look for the meaning behind them. Possible preemptive track-dusting?

 

Write instead,

Thank you for the nice note. Can’t say I understand some of it. Either way I’m not interested in being your friend. I want a wife. I'm not interested in a half a wife either.

 

Love you too.

 

 

PS, Don't talk to her again today. Don't answer the phone. If you have to... remain somewhat aloof. Don't show any anger.

[Lester]

Going away this weekend… Don’t fear!

 

Once you understand the simple precepts of marriage and human sexuality you will be able handle any marital situation.

But until then use this simple technique to answer most if not all your questions about daily crisis.

 

You have heard me say at least a billion times… “It’s all about you changing”

At first most hapless husbands think it's about getting in shape and new clothes.

Yes it is that, but it is also much more.

 

 

When any situation arises out of the blue, (and they usually do), use the “change concept” to help yourself through it.

 

Whatever happens, with mouth closed. Think.

What would have been you’re typical reaction before you knew of your wife’s unhappiness?

 

Now reverse it.

 

Example;

She says – I took a five-hundred dollars out of our retirement account and purchased a mutt from the shelter with it.

 

Let’s say your normal reaction would be;

You – Instantly, feeling shocked and betrayed lash out and yell. “Are you crazy? You know how many penalties we will incur?" Etc.

 

Instead say;

You - That’s great honey! Where is he? Is he nice? Can we take him to the park?

 

 

Helpful hint:

Buying new socks is not enough. If you normally buy light colored socks buy dark. Throw out all light colored socks the same day.

[Statham]

Thats great advice! Its in theese situations I most often lose myself, and this helps me alot!

 

One thing that is also hard, is not to tell her Im writing in here. I really feel Im getting help in here. And sometimes I really want her to see that Im working hard on it. But i guess that would not be very smart. She would probably get very angry becouse I talk about this with others... And the only thing that really matters is me changing, like you say... Takes some time to get my mind to think that way i suppose. Becouse, to be honest... I really never seen it that way. Up until now, she have always been the biggest problem.

 

This weekend I went with her to buy some furniture for the new apartment. And we had a good time. But when we went to drop them off at the apartment (first time ive been there). I got a really bad feeling, and I told her I really couldnt help her with this, becouse I didnt agree on doing things this way, and that I had to think for some days about whether or not to move in with her. She said she understood.

But later that evening she looked at my phone, and got angry at her best friend becouse of some text messages she had sent me during theese weeks, that her friend didnt tell her about. And started to argue with me, telling me that she didnt think this would work etc...

I said calmly, that it was ok by me, but she had to decide now. Becouse this time, she was the one to ask for another chance, not me. And that I had made my peace with her leaving.

 

Then she said she was sorry, and that she was just angry now becouse of her friend. And that she still wanted to give it a shot.

 

Thats progress right? Atleast I feel that way, becouse this is the second time she wants a second chance more than I do (or atleast I pretend to).

 

Hmm. I feel my english is getting worse by each day now, and Im struggling to explain what I mean... Hope you understand most of it anyway.

 

And thanks again for your help Lester!

[Lester]

The stages of a great marriage are listed below. Notice how they only concern you and your behavior.

The first stage is what we’ve been concentrating on. (Stage one is very similar to pre-marriage dating.)

 

1. You do what ever it takes to attract your wife’s respect/attention back to you.

-------

2. You discover and correct all of your underlying issues which you had ignored in the past.

3. You become a husband by facing all tests and growing and maturing from them.

4. You maintain your status as a husband with secret “thank you” prayers, God’s grace and your commitment to improving each day.

 

From this will spring your wife’s respect, admiration and eternal love for you.

 

 

 

You said, “ One thing that is also hard, is not to tell her Im writing in here. I really feel Im getting help in here. And sometimes I really want her to see that Im working hard on it. But i guess that would not be very smart.”

- Your right, that would be a dumb thing to do. She wants to believe in you, especially a “self made you”.

- Telling her everything will wreck everything.

- You may be trying to manipulate the situation still, whereas you trick her into a journey of learning thus alleviating yourself from your duties. She will sense this and consider it more controlling behavior by you. Weakness. It will drive her into the arms of a “real man.”

 

 

You said, “She would probably get very angry becouse I talk about this with others...””

- She won’t get angry because you’re not going tell her.

- The urge to tell all is continued weakness on your part. (You will never again get brownie points from your maturing wife by acting like a child.)

- You would lose a major edge in saving your marriage.

- If you have intimacy issues and struggle to find things to talk to her about… Say something nice to her. Short, sweet, heartfelt complements are a better place to start… then shut-up.

 

You said, “And the only thing that really matters is me changing, like you say... Takes some time to get my mind to think that way i suppose. Becouse, to be honest... I really never seen it that way.

- Keep thinking… It will hit you soon enough. You never had control over anybody but you.

 

You said, “Up until now, she have always been the biggest problem.”

- She still may be the biggest problem and you may fail in saving your marriage. That’s life. You only have control over you but that's a very powerful place to be.

 

You said, “This weekend I went with her to buy some furniture for the new apartment. And we had a good time. But when we went to drop them off at the apartment (first time ive been there). I got a really bad feeling, and I told her I really couldnt help her with this, becouse I didnt agree on doing things this way, and that I had to think for some days about whether or not to move in with her. She said she understood.”

- Explain to me the apartment. You are moving in together in a new apartment? (Sorry if I missed this eariler.)

 

You said. “But later that evening she looked at my phone, and got angry at her best friend becouse of some text messages she had sent me during theese weeks, that her friend didnt tell her about. And started to argue with me, telling me that she didnt think this would work etc...

I said calmly, that it was ok by me, but she had to decide now. Becouse this time, she was the one to ask for another chance, not me. And that I had made my peace with her leaving.”

- Sounds like you are getting your arms around your unique marriage. Be careful, a wife can make horrible split second decisions. I would avoid deadlines in your speech.

 

You said, “Thats progress right? Atleast I feel that way, becouse this is the second time she wants a second chance more than I do (or atleast I pretend to).”

- Yes!

 

You said, “Hmm. I feel my english is getting worse by each day now, and Im struggling to explain what I mean... Hope you understand most of it anyway.”

- You’re doing just fine.

 

You said, “And thanks again for your help Lester!”

- Your welcome… but knowing you saved your marriage would be the best thing you could ever say to me!

 

 

PS,

Statham, Remember that I really don’t know you so I sometimes am forced to shoot in the dark...

Marriage is a very serious undertaking. She’s changing and so must you. She wants to admire you for your strengths. Ask yourself if you have been avoiding this in your marriage.

[Statham]

Yep, dont worry, I will not tell her.

 

The apartment:

Last Thursday, I told her that I was going to tell my grandparents that we where splitting up. After I had told them, my "wife" broke down, crying etc... She said that she was feeling guilty etc, and that she wanted to try one more time... After one day of thinking, her solution was this: She would move out, but we would still try to work things out. I said: That isnt gonna work for me.

Then she got angry and said I was the one who didnt want to work things out. I said: Its still her that is leaving.

She agreed and suggested this solution: She would get an apartment, I could live there, but the place would be hers...

 

I said ok. And now she have rented an apartment about 30min drive from our house....

 

The thing is this: Theese last days, I have been thinking that this is wrong. Becouse alot of reasons (Mostly money). And I am not sure if I want to live there. We talked last night, and I said that we should just see how this works out... But I agree about some of the reasons why we should move out (environment change, and some time away from the "hell" we have here home. Becouse the house isnt finnished, and there is a mess and chaos everywhere. And moving out would make it easier to fix those things I guess).

 

 

And now I got this new problem...

That night she had been kissing that other guy, she was at her friends house (My wife, her friend + her boyfriend, and the other guy). This friend of hers, is a girl that she went to school with many years ago. And she have only known her for a couple of weeks now.

And I can see that her "friend" is really pushing her towards the other guy. And encouraging her to leave me... What to do about that? Why cant she see that real friends dont give advice towards breaking up a family?

[Lester]

Again, forgive me if you mentioned before..

 

What are you living in right now? Does she stay there nights? Do you own/rent? Are the kids with you all the time?

 

 

You said, "And encouraging her to leave me... What to do about that? Why cant she see that real friends dont give advice towards breaking up a family?"

- This friend is a member of her "circle of sorrow". Persons in these circles only hear one side of the story and want to help. Unfortunately the secular age we live dictates only evil solutions to all discouraging moments in life. If the friend is an unbeliever she only has popular culture and natural law to guild her. (The reason for so much heartache in the world today.)

 

Either way, As always…it’s irrelevant what others think, say or do. You’re going to prove all of them wrong.

 

Your marriage is just you your wife and God. Everything you need is in your two shoes…look down.

Your husband power can overcome anything no less a few little people.

 

PS, If I understand, I don't think more luke-warm commitment from you will help. You want to be married to her but are helping her get setup in a singles life.

The apartment should have both of your names on the lease.

[Statham]

We are living in our house, that we bought 2 years ago. She has the kids while am at work (Except 3 days a week due to kindergarden), and we have them together when I get home from work. She stays here at nights yes, but she/we are supposed to move out temporary tomorrow (becouse she thinks that we could use an enviromental change, and that it would be easier to get the house "under control" while we do not live here).

 

Yes, but I feel like I got the world against me kinda....

 

She said the reason why she is the one who got the apartment, is becouse she feels like she have to be in control of her own life for a while... And that she never really had a place that was only hers. Becouse we moved in together when she was only 16....

[Lester]

Okay I understand. You can help if you are on the lease and you and the family will be living there.

 

If not, you can't help her with this apartment! If she insists… it’s her answer to you and the family.

 

She thinks this new pad will help her decide. It won't and she will be used the "understanding man" sexually till he has his fill. At that point he will show his true colors and she will come running back to you.

 

(Statham listen very closely to what I'm about to say.)

When she comes running back you won’t want her!

You might at first, (especially if you still have low self-esteem), but in time you will lay next to her hating her. She became another man’s wife. She’s not yours anymore… that’s what you’ll think.

 

So, you got nothing to lose.

You must stand you ground and not allow this to happen. You must do it for you and her.

 

If you stand your ground you may save your marriage. If you don’t it’s lost.

 

 

PS, She was sixteen and never lived life… boo-hoo. I heard that mass media pushed, silly statement from persons from twelve to eighty. She chose her life. Don’t let her dump that on you.

 

PS2, Did you get Dobson yet?

[Statham]

Ok.

 

But the thing is, I really dont want my name on the lease. Becouse I have now started a plan to become dept free, and get my finances under control. And what she is doing now will ruin that plan. If we stay together after this, we can fix theese problems together, but if we go our separate ways, I dont want to be dragged down with her. But I see your point.

 

Ok, I think I even now have felt some of those feelings you talk about, but for now I still love her with all my heart and want to be with her forever. And I WILL do everything in my power to save this!

 

I dont agree on what shes saying either. She was my first girlfriend too, and I dont have the need to live by myself... And I really think its ridiculous to say that after we have brought 2 children to this world... And the funny thing is that, a couple of months ago we had a talk about how much we respected the older generations (our grandparents) for the values they had (More loving, respecting, caring etc), and the will to stay together, due to our parents generation. And we wondered where it all did go wrong...

 

I come straight from the post office with it now, and will start reading it the second I am finnished writing this.