vanillacupcake Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Quick background: we first met in the beginning of summer. We weren't looking for a relationship but things really spiraled out of control, then we dove head first into a very serious relationship. We met at the wrong times, our relationship was a mess of wrong timing. He wasn't ready for a relationship after an awful breakup and I wasn't ready because I had way too much stuff on my plate. There is no doubt the two of us feel very strongly for each other. This week, we had a conversation on Monday. We decided to "hang out", become friends (which we never did in the first place), get closer and get to know each other. We agreed on something very casual, and if something were to come about it, if we decided we were ready, we would have a foundation to build upon. I guess you can call it dating? We also agreed it would be tricky since there are emotions involved, but this is going to be 100% no pressure so we can go back and do it right. He did tell me, "I have no idea when I feel like I'll be ready", which obviously, I understand. How can you put a time frame on that? I have let him take control this week. Have not texted him, I let him text me. Every single night, he has called me up to hang out. We sit around, talk to each other about everything to nothing, laugh, we're very playful. He has reconnected with my best friend. We also sleep with each other. This is where it gets tricky. However, every single night, he has wanted to stay at my apartment or for me to stay at his. I am very weary of cuddling at this point, but he definitely cuddles. Last night, we literally slept face to face with his leg wrapped around me. There is not one minute through the night where he needs to be touching me or holding me in some way. My friends know we have been seeing each other, his friends know too -- its not some dirty secret. The con? He has an awful work schedule. Even when we were bf/gf, I would not see him until after AT LEAST 11 pm. While we were serious, we would text throughout the day, but it was occasionally -- he is a bartender and can't really be using his phone. However... now, I don't hear from him until late at night. I don't hear from him all day (granted, I don't text him all day either). But when we get together at night, he is very interested in what I do, who I hang out with and how my work is. I guess what I need is an outsider's point of view. I have never done this with an ex before. This all feels like dating -- but he's my ex boyfriend. He has always been a guy who's actions speak louder than words. I need a translator. I am terrified of being hurt, but at the same time, I need to be patient with him (because I definitely wasn't when we first got together). Help! Link to comment
RedDress Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I don't understand. Are you just upset about his work schedule? Why did you break up? What are his work hours and what are his awake hours? What are yours? Dude needs a job. If he's at his job until 11pm, it's perfectly natural to either see/speak to him during the day or after work. Not much he can do about that... Link to comment
vanillacupcake Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 I don't understand. Are you just upset about his work schedule? Why did you break up? What are his work hours and what are his awake hours? What are yours? Dude needs a job. If he's at his job until 11pm, it's perfectly natural to either see/speak to him during the day or after work. Not much he can do about that... Oh I am definitely not upset about his work schedule. I just made that clear before anyone tried to say, "he's only calling you at night -- I think you got your answer", but he works till usually midnight, 1 am. He works 3 jobs. He usually goes in around 1-2, and works till around midnight, 1 a.m. Sometimes till 2 am. I also have a weird schedule, but I am a night person and have no problem staying up till 5 a.m. hanging out with him. I guess I am worried about whether or not he is spending time with me because he's lonely or he actually wants to work on things. Link to comment
indigoblue Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Ask him flat out, are we heading into something serious again? If you want to set standards for this relationship arrange a time to spend together when you are both available, and not just sex maybe quality time like dinner or going out of town if that is even possible. Do you ever have conversations like a couple should have? Expect him to say something that you don't want to hear, but be honest with your needs. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I guess I am worried about whether or not he is spending time with me because he's lonely or he actually wants to work on things. As long as you're giving him all the benefits of a relationship without actually being in one, it's likely that he'll have no incentive to work on anything. I think you should stand up for yourself, and ask where this is going, otherwise you're selling yourself short. Link to comment
vanillacupcake Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 We were spending a lot of time together. He took me out one night and asked me what we were doing. What our "label" was. We agreed that we were working towards something together. Link to comment
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