Joet916 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Me and my girl had our ups and downs, mostly her dealing with her own inner issues. And after a week of being completely happy and in love. She calls and says shes not ready and can't do it anymore. Says I'm too good for her and she's not a good person and I deserve better. Goes on to say that She can never be comfortable enough to tell me everything about her and her past, so it must end. After a week of this she has been the one to call and text me. Wonders how I'm doing, likes that I listen to her. She says she loves me always no matter what and that she is so sad it's over. She still ended it and the hope is fading away. I just don't get why if she was so happy she would end it all and lose me forever... I can't eat or sleep or function at work. I'm a complete mess right now. I've told her everything I possibly could to make her know she can tell me everything, there is just no getting through to her. I swear she is happier being in bad relationships and sad. Like she deserves to be unhappy. The whole situation is just so sad... Please any input is welcome. Link to comment
DN Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Says I'm too good for her and she's not a good person and I deserve better.I would tell her that she should have had the respect for you to let you decide that. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 How did you react to the breakup with her? Did you tell her you accepted it? If you haven't yet, tell her it's fine and that you understand why she's doing it even if you don't. Don't be so available for her. Either way, I think you shouldn't be letting her toy with your feelings. The best thing you can do is go NC. It's gonna take forever to start functioning normally if you still have her in your life. She's just being nice and saying she's hurting because she's trying to ease her guilt over the breakup. Classic. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 And after a week of being completely happy and in love. She calls and says shes not ready and can't do it anymore. For the sake of clarity, are you saying you were only together for one week? Link to comment
Joet916 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 Sorry no, I meant we just spent a whole week together. She woke up and went to work fine. Then called later and said its over... Link to comment
Joet916 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 I just keep asking why. Have not accepted it... I know she has deep issues and she randomly cries and freaks out...but she can't tell me why... We have never actually argued we just got along so well. It's so sad and hard to go NC... Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Why she did it is irrelevant, since you can go around trying to guess what it was for years. It could have 100 things to do with you or maybe it's just because of her own insecurities and I sincerely think it's the latter. And 1) she clearly doesn't respect herself enough to believe she deserves you or 2) she's just the typical dumper that's too much of a coward to say she doesn't want to be with you so she tells you it's her, NEVER NEVER you to ease her guilt over breaking your heart. Since she couldn't respect you, please do yourself a favor and respect yourself by going NC. It's hard. No one is ever gonna tell you NC is easy. It hasn't been easy for me. I've probably looked at his FB 500x since we broke up, but at least I don't reply whenever he texts me meaningless * * * * . Link to comment
Joet916 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 She does talk a lot about her insecurities, like a lot! I always reassured her that I accept her no matter what. Guess its just nothing I could do or say and it sucks... Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 The thing is... your acceptance and/or view of her doesn't really matter if she doesn't see herself the same way. And - you can't fix that. Just don't be too hard on yourself. A week after the break up is still fresh. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 I think the question you need to ask yourself is why you stuck around such an unhealthy person. Link to comment
brokenheart311 Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Joet, I know what you're going through as I went through the same about 2 years ago. And by the same I mean we never fought, but end the end she alluded to her past and said I deserved better than her. I told her I can decide who is good for me better than she when she said that, guess what it didn't matter. I kept blaming myself for awhile and eventually let it go as it's her issue and any attempt would push her further away. Now it's almost 2.5 years later and I have not spoke nor heard from her, but I'm ok now, you will be ok too after your grieving period. There is something about them (our ex's) that we will never understand because as you said they seem happier when they are in dysfunctional, confrontational relationships. That is something I would never be able to be a part of and I'm just guessing you wouldn't either. Again it will take time, but once you are far enough removed from the moment you will be happy. That is your happy ending, moving on. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 Some people that are insecure also have a problem admitting they feel a certain way. So even if it's her insecurities, she could just be afraid to admit to someone that she feels she doesn't want to be with them but the outcome is the same: she doesn't want to be with you. People just have a way of blaming everything in their "insecurities". Link to comment
Joet916 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Thank you so much for your response. I'm at my lowest low and just looking for that light at the end of the tunnel... The worst part right now is its all been over the phone. We have not talked in person and we still need to exchange items... I'm already in tears. I don't see much good coming anytime soon.. Link to comment
brokenheart311 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I know it seems so far away but that light is there. I think it really helped me to come here to vent, grieve and heal. Just keep getting through one moment at a time. Link to comment
boyblue Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Joet I know exactly how you are feeling right now but you need to do some things, you need to tell her you are sorry about the break up but you accept it but in order for that acceptance you need to cut all contact and move on as you need to heal. I cannot stress how important it is to do this right now before any more time is wasted. I know it seems like the very last thing you want to do and your heart is telling you to hold on but this is so important. See by talking to her you are actually helping her feel better while you fell progressively worse, think about it logically, you think if I keep talking to her she will come round and reconsider getting back with me - she wont because you will have alleviated her guilt and helped her move on, she will friend zone you and you will spend eternity listening to her talking about her new boyfriends. What you need to do is make her realise right away is that you are gone and not coming back, and make sure she knows how that feels by dropping right off the face of the Earth. Get on that horse and ride off into the sunset! BB Link to comment
Joet916 Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Thank you all so much as you all are much stronger and wiser than me. Today there almost no contact all and I intend to keep moving in that direction. I guess it's just that since i know she wants that it's hard to do. But then again she keeps contacting me first... I've lost not only a companion but a best friend. What hurts the most is not missing her now but wondering if she will ever come back. I want her in my arms again... Link to comment
Joet916 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 So new twist and it's killing me. Her current living situation went south and the only place she could move was in with her ex bf. she says please don't worry and that she is actively looking for a place to move in to. And she was forced to do this and it means nothing. She called and told me this because she wants to be honest and so on... I know I can't do anything about it and she wants to be in her own place very soon. But this sucks so much. She did look at a place today and it didn't work out and also says I should not worry because I'm the only one on her mind and she only did this because she has no other choice. Her roommates had a falling out and things got abusive and violent so I'm glad she's finally out of there. Amy thoughts out there?? Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 She broke up with you. The fact that she's sharing this information with you kind of disturbs me. It's like she's deliberately trying to hurt you. You don't tell an ex after a breakup that you're living with an ex. Why would they do that? On the other hand, why would the dumpee stay in contact? Link to comment
Joet916 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 We have always been close and I guess still are. I really was her best friend which makes it worse that she ended it. Basically she said first that she didn't want to lie to me about where she was. Later in the convo she says please don't trip "were not together and im still only thinking of you". Also the only other place she could go is here which obviously cat happen for many reasons. This is just kicking me when I'm down. Then I said stay here and she said if we ever live together it won't be under these messes up circumstances... I really think she wants me to be there when she needs me. Link to comment
Lithp Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 It's great that you guys were always close, but she can't have her cake and eat it too, as they say. As in, she broke up with you, she needs to stop dangling herself in front of you and filling you in on every detail. It would be in your best interest to start no contact immediately - delete her from Facebook, delete her number, delete every contact information you have for her, and don't respond if she tries to get in touch. I understand you were best friends, but to me right now it sounds like she's playing mind games. At least give the no contact a try for a few weeks or a month - give each other the space to re-evaluate the situation. It's not easy at all, but it will become easier with time. You don't tell someone they're too good for you, break up with them and then expect them to be there when you want them - I'm sorry but that is extremely selfish and disrespectful. I wouldn't be feeling for her in this situation, in fact I would be thoroughly ticked off that she thought she was still entitled to my friendship after all that. Like you said, she's basically kicking you while you're down and you don't deserve that. Cut off contact for a bit and give yourself some breathing room. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Love - attraction - and to a lesser extent compatability You lost one of the 2 (or 3). Anything else is an excuse. My girl thought I was sexy, always touching me, but she had to see me to feel it. My behavior was out of whack, I wont go into detailing what is attractive for a man, but i lost that, and it didnt matter that my arms were getting pumped, she lost attraction. You ask her why she left me, she will say: she doesnt know why, she just doesnt "SEE ME LIKE THAT ANYMORE, the SPARK IS GONE, I DONT KNOW, I DONT CRAVE HIM LIKE I USED TO". She doesnt see me as being unnattractive, her friends love me and cheer for me, but she lost that sexual feeling, that means i am unnattractive to her- but she wont say it because she doesnt understand it, or understand why, she will just say, "something is missing." Love was there for me too. She would cry when anything happened to me, and always worried about me. She dreamed of us being together, and i always had her rolling on the floor laughing at anytime. Link to comment
Joet916 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 In a sense today I manned up when she called. I asked why do you call me? Why do you say it's done but call everyday? She says you make me feel better. I say you can't have your cake and eat it too. I also say sense your now stuck on the ex bf couch I know your not going to be calling while he's there. So that's disrespect To us both and I'm not down with that. She went on to say I still need to talk about things with you that don't deal with us... I said your friends and situations are bad. Your choices are bad. But I'm the one you call when you need to feel better? Whole lot of BS. Link to comment
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