ex girlfriend wanting to "hang out"

[saddis]

My girlfriend of 6 months and I broke up last month. I had problems with her she had problems with me. During the time of breakup she takes everything of hers back including all my change$ and refuses to give anything i left at her place back to me (she's 19, lives w/ parents). She went on a 15 minute speech about how i was not to contact her, talk to her, talk to friends, etc... she even went to far as to say do not drive by her house. (I think she has the wrong impression of me b/c of her last b/f) Anyways she called me up like three days after asking if i wanted to hang out, having a very nice vocal tone. ( I should mention that we broke up once and she went crazy on me having her firends call and threaten me if i didn't give them back her beer, then when the time came i told her i never wanted to see her again she started cryiing and saying that she wanted to work it out) So we start hanging out and everything is fine until she wants to get sex involved in this "friend" relationship. I didn't feel right about it, but we have been having it w/ eachother for the past month. But i don't know what is true with her because she says one thing to me and does another. She came over a few nights ago for a party which was unexpected and tells me she doesn't give a care about anyone outside she came to see me. a half hour later she is out at the table talking to 4 guys and the whole night she doesn't move, she doesn't even acknowledge me, makes me feel like an unwanted stranger in my own home.

This morning she called me telling me to get a job so i can have money so we can take a trip out of town this weekend. But she tells me she gave the guy at the party her number and he called and asked her out. I asked "are you going to?" she said she didn't know yet but he asked her to hang out on sunday, but said she would rather take a trip with me.

 

I have no clue what to think I don't know if she wants to be friends but keep having sex, but it bothers me that she flirts with guys in front of me. I know it probably shouldn't but it makes me feel horrible like i screwed up so bad and she's trying to throw it in my face that i was not her ideal boyfriends, to whom she always compares me to, and compares me to her firends and even tells me to be more like my friend.

Am i being oversensitive on this issue? It takes me to the point of depression and anxiety when she just flirts with other guys in front of me and treats me like complete crap. Then when they leave comes to me like i'm still her boyfriend.

 

She keeps telling me she wants to be friends and as weak as it is, I don't know if i can handle it.

[avman]

My friend, she is using you. Its obvious that she will do what it takes to get what she wants from you. But when it comes time to make a committment or sacrifice anything on her part she wants nothing to do with you.

 

If she's so excited to go on a trip - why doesn't SHE get a job and get the money? Why would it all be up to you? Why is she so excited to come see you - only to abandon you when she gets attention from somebody else?

 

Let her go. Do not see her or talk to her again. She will only destroy your self-esteem and hurt you more deeply than she already has.

[saddis]

She does have a job, but always comments on how poor I am. every morning calling me telling me to work in a restaurant which i've worked in 5 and swore i would never experience again when i reached this age. no offense to anyone working in them I just can't handle the stress.

She always re assures herself that she's such a GREAT person, i would give her that compliment if i felt it was true. She's told me she hates me at least three times, then when i bring it up she suddenly can't remember, yet she can remember minisclue details of conversations which we had months ago if it will work out in her favor. I know i don't deserve to be treated like this b/c even my parents say it troubles them. I need to stop being so weak twords her. She always tells me her feminist views on things about how horrible guys are how stupid they are, and how she'll get revenge on anyone. When i first met her she came off as this independent person who didn't care about what anyone else thought, and i was deveistatingly disappointed when i found out the way she acutally is.

 

When she calls on the phone, if I don't agree with something she wants she gets immediately upset and starts personally attacking me. I could have done the same to her many times, but I don't feel anyone deserves that.

Thanks for the advice avman

[dotneter]

Dude... I'm sorry but I have to agree with avman. She has some serious issues she needs to work out, but having you around as a punching bag is so much easier. Like avman said, she's using you. I may be completely wrong here, but it's possible she's testing your limits, see how far she can go (if you want to be optimistic about it). Try putting your foot down about something and see how that goes. If it doesn't go well, them I'm sorry but you should act like you own a pair and tell her to scram.

 

Good Luck!

[Scout]

One word: RUN.

[saddis]

I think she has already tested my limits. The more I thought about it today the more i realized that there is no reason to care about who she flirts with etc.. She has done nothing but put me down for the past 3 months. It's the fact that she was my first real girlfriend and I guess i just wanted it to last longer than a few months. Hopefully i can find someone.

[avman]

Good for you! Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Just focus on yourself now. Heal up from this girl and go on to a much brighter future.

[ryan14]

i agree with avman and scout stay away from her, she's using you i know the feeling trust me it hurts a lot as if i want to die to stop the pain. use NC to heal from this and if she keeps on calling you...tell her that your busy and you'll call her later ( BUT DON'T CALL ).

 

try to heal, go out with friends, get busy learn to love yourself again, dont fall for the " I'm sorry i made a mistake I love you lets get back together " or "Lets be friends again"

 

update us man we're here for you

[saddis]

she called me last night around 3 am. telling me how she was at her ex's (before me) house with some friends and was ignoring him. Apparently he has attempted suicide once in front of her and last night attempted it again. She was pretty upset so i didn't want to be a dick but she kept saying things like "your not doing a good job comforting me" and "i'm going to call my friend he knows how to talk to me". It's hard to be nice and console someone when all they do is critique my words.

and I don't think i said this before but when she called me the morning after that party she was asking me if i knew anything about some guy there and told me he asked her out and she was considering it. the ONLY reason i could think she would say that to me is to try and upset me. She dates these oversensative guys and treats them like crap, in my opioion she needs soemone thick headed who doesn't care what she does.

 

thanks for being helpfull everyone, you have no idea how much i appreciate it.

[avman]

your not doing a good job comforting me

I love this line. That pretty much sums her up wouldn't you say? She sounds like a classic narcissist to me.

 

If you'd like a little humor mixed with some good information about that type of person look link removed

 

I hope you find it as enlightening as I did when I ran accross this personality type. Count yourself lucky to be rid of her!!

[saddis]

my jaw dropped while reading that. Everything said on there is what i've been dealing with. For some odd reason reading that... made me feel alot better.

thanks

[avman]

Yeah I thought that might be the case People like that are emotional vampires. Once you see it all laid out like that do on that site its actually humorous to realize what you've been dealing with.

 

Glad you are feeling better!!

[saddis]

She just called again.

Told me i was wrogn for not calling her and conosling her better after she mentioned that her b/f was missing. I honesly didn't know what so say the only thing i could think of was that i could imagine how he felt. she was calling me a psyhco, selfish, baby, etc for not telling her that i felt she was ignoring me. She thought that i was being a psycho for mentioning her not paying attnetion to me? am i being a psycho? I'm starting to get reallyl confused. Everythign she mentioned was my fault, EVERYTHInG.

She told me that she also calls her es's and tells them who she's dating when i got upset for her calling me asking about some guy who was taking her out. She told me that was really weird and sick that i would get upset about something like her dating someone else.

This guy who I've never even met leaves a suicide note and is missing, feel bad about that but i have no idea what to say and she always makes me feel worse. I admit i can see how i came off selfish and i can be a bit selfish at times. But she called me saturday night when got two hours of sleep on friday and was workign hard all day sat, then went to a concett until 11 and was extreemely tired, too tired to drive a half hour to her hosue.

I just feel like if iwould have called her she would have gotten pissed and asked what was that about last time, why didn't you tell me it wasn't my fault. basically why didn't you tell me what i want to hear.

This sitution feels so hopeless and impossible i feeel like i'm scraing my nails against the dirt in a hole i can't get out of.

[avman]

I'll keep this short and to the point.

 

Quit taking her calls.

[faeriechyld]

I agree with avman, stop taking her calls, get as far away from her as you can and she will either find someone else to "feed" on or will come to terms with her problem and deal with it.

 

She's inciting you to emotions so she can gain strength from you. She knows she has a sense of power over you because you give such an emotional reaction to her, and that's what she wants. The moment you stop giving into her is the moment she can no longer drain you.

 

If you'd like to learn more about emotional vampires, I offer the following site. It's by no means the best one out there, I'm still looking for more right now, but it's a fairly good starting out point I think.

 

link removed