Professional Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 I need some womanly input as I am very confused about this woman’s behavior? I have known this woman for a year, we’re both in our 30’s. She’s never been married and no kids. She works at a bar that I go to every weekend. At first I wasn’t attracted to her at all and only over the course of a year and little chit chats did I start to think she was pretty cool. At the bar is a lot of guys and they hit on her “all the time” and not being one who feels insecure about these things as my body, mind and personality are attractive to woman. These guys who hit on her are only after one thing, and she’s not giving it up. Even though she’s not the best looking woman who works there, she has an awesome body and amazing personality. Many times I have asked her out after the bar closes but she always had to “get home to her dog.??” She even showed me pictures of him. Then one night she did accept my offer, actually I think she may have asked me?? We went to a late night pub for something to eat and had a good time and she drove me home, but we had to make it quick because she had to get home to her dog. Out in front of my building I figured the vibe was good enough to get a goodbye kiss and she reluctantly returned the kiss. We did this for a few more weekends after that and her kisses felt more comfortable, and it was now something she wanted to do. At the beginning we’d send each other texts at about maybe 2 per week? Just saying hi to each other, and on weekends she’d say “are you coming to the bar?” After the night of the first kiss the texts increased. A lot of “I miss you” and “Can’t wait to see you again” “thinking about you”…etc. I thought this is great, BUT, she’s very vague about her home life. She won’t tell me her home phone #, just her cell, she won’t let me know where she lives, “You know strange things can happen” she said…?? Just like anybody else I smelled a guy in the background. So I confronted her on it one night and she dodged the question so I texted her the next day saying “look I know you’re in a relationship and I’m cool with that, just think of me if you ever think of ending it”……I get this 8 pg text denying she’s in a relationship, she never said any such thing, she doesn’t want to lose me, if she’s seeing anybody she’s seeing me ….etc....I just said OK. A week or 2 after this things went down hill for me when my appendix ruptured and I was hospitalized for 16 days and off work for 6 weeks. She was sending me texts while in the hospital, not many but 1 every 3 days. She even said she wanted to come and visit me but she said the hospital said it was “family only” ??....funny everybody else in the beds around me has their friends come and visit them!! I got out of the hospital and the first night I went to see her at the bar we got in a fight because she flirted hard with a guy who was hitting on her in front of me, and because I was still in pain and hadn’t seen her in so long, I showed my frustration and she ended up calling me selfish and we didn’t speak for a week! (I may have been extra friendly to a waitress and she saw that) So after a couple more weeks, we are all friendly with each other again, and she starts coming over to my place once a week and we talk, go out to eat, watch tv and have some fun on the couch, no sex, BUT very close….and to date we haven’t had sex!! But saw each other naked! After the flirting incident at the bar, I never returned to the bar again and I suggested she should come to my place instead. Sunday night is our night.....but she shows up late and dressed like she’s going to work at the bar and leaves my place the same time the bar closes??? ""Are you sure you’re not in a relationship!!??"".... “Oh no” she says “I just want to take things slowly” I like you and like you a lot! And I don’t want to lose you!" She questions me a lot about my ex, and if I got to other bars, do I see other women. She joked one time “When we get married I better not catch you with other women.!“(?) Which brings us up to present day, we text each other once a day, everyday. We rarely call, we just keep it as texts. I get her little things when she comes over and in one text I said “I have a little surprise the next time you come over” and she replies “What!?...an engagement ring” lol” She won’t come over on her day off or any day through the week, “she’s too busy” and won’t have sex because she wants to take things slowly. I still don’t know her last name, where she lives, her home phone number, and she still has to leave and get her dog when I ask her to stay longer. When I do talk to her on the phone, I will text first, and usually within 10 minutes she’ll call with “Private” coming up on the screen. We’ll talk for 10 minutes before she REALLY “has to go and get ready for work!!”……her shift doesn’t start for another 6 hours? She continually denies that she’s in a relationship!! There is electricity between us that would light a lightbulb and we’re both grinning from ear to ear with excitement when she comes over to my place. I also tried to make the moves for sex and I got a very loud and forceful “”NO!!!” So my question is “what the hell is up with her???” on one side we’re a romantic couple and on the other side it’s a big secret and I’m not allowed to know about. Please don’t answer with the typical answer : “Dump her” ”Move on” “kick her to the curb”……I don’t want to do that!! I want this to work…….The feelings are there! There’s just this BIG WALL! Why do women do this?? Why is she doing this?? Link to comment
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