ur thoughts on friend with benefits..good or bad?

[luvsomeone333]

well so i met this French guy about 3 weeks ago, ive know him for 2 weeks and well, ive been talking to him a lot and well one thing let to another and he offered me friends with benefits. now for me this is something new and ive never ever done this before. so i asked him where does this take us to? i thought i would start dating him, like ur suppose to and well i thought i had something good going but one major flaw he told me that has commitment issues...so im like ok fair enough but like if i do decided to do the friends with benefits, what does that reflect upon me? and upon the guy? i mean he doesn't treat me badly and he said to me if dont feel comfortable i can end it.

 

i mean i wasnt even looking for this kind of thing, i just broke up with my ex 6 months ago..

 

so any ways what are your thoughts on this subject...

 

i mean for him this is very common in Europe but from where i am from its completely wrong...its like not like me cause im usually the good girl in all of this...

[april15]

This can go either way. If you really can get comfortable with it you can have some fun and make the most of the situation. The good news is, he was honest with you and his commitment issues so if you cannot get comfortable with the thoughts of sexual involvement without emotional attachment (sex without love) you can make a choice and not have your heart broken when he cannot reciprocate the love you would develop with a sexual relationship. Good luck, decide how you truly feel and move forward.

[Alezia]

As long as you do not expect to start dating him due to this arrangement, then it does not matter whether you consider yourself a good girl or bad girl. I would be more worried about whether you can get attached to him or feel hurt as a result if ever you want more.

[DanDee]

Messy and complicated - you could end up developing feelings for the guy. It doesn't sound like it's something you're comfortable with either.

 

Oh and it isn't very common in Europe, so he's lying there.

[Hollyj]

This is not common in Europe, at all. Why did you think that?

 

If I liked someone I would never settle for so little, as these types of situations usually only result in sex, and nothing more.

[luvsomeone333]

well he told me the truth and his open about everything he has said to me and telling me how it is and his past relationship and who has been with. so his not lying to me and like i said he told me if i want to end it thats fine and cause he wants nothing more but sex...

 

see i considered that too, am lowering my standards about this? i mean this is something thats not exactly the "right" thing to do society says...

[ChicoShadow]

ummm well it doesn't seem like you like this idea and well you shouldn't feel pressured to enter this type of situation with him if its like not comfortable for you. He doesn't want a real relationship and well if you go into this expecting that and things don't turn out that way, you could end up hurt. So like I say think about it first, don't rush into a situation you are not comfortable with, but if you are truly interested in it, go for it and well have fun.

[DylanNotorious]

Well if you decide to go through with it, you can't end up putting expectations on anything.

 

He's just after your body and not your mind. Your thoughts and feelings will be irrelevant. So you can't moan about it once you start sleeping with him.

[Stay_home]

It's a temporay solution to a longterm problem.

[Keyman]

Think of it a little like this. He has said: He has commitment issues. He says this is what happens in Europe and he doesn't want a girlfriend. This means: I want to have sex with you as much as I possibly can but I never want you to complain that I might be doing the same with someone else or want anything more than just sex.

 

What I'm hearing from you is: I thought we would date for a while and go somewhere, I'm a good girl, I'm just out of a relationship. Meaning: You don't want someone to just have sex with without a something mroe coming from it.

 

My thoughts: You might be able to handle it for a while, and it might be fun, but at some level you may likely want more and when you eventually do break it off you might feel used, or if/when you discover he is sleeping with other women as well, might be utterly devastated. If you were to say no thanks, lets just stay friends, will he hang around?

[Deciduous]

Hi luvsomeone333,

 

Personally, I've found Friends-With-Benefits to be perfectly lovely as long as you "definitely" are not interested in a commited relationship with that person whatsoever.

 

And when I say definitely, I mean that you are positive that this is not a guy you want to bring home to mama. Absolutely positive.

 

However you've mentioned that you wanted to date this guy and in those circumstance I would give the FWB arrangement a wide berth. A definite no-no! A big thumbs down. It's these sort of scenarios which give FWB's a bad name. Regarding it as a path to greater commitment is highly risky endeveour and generally fails. You are moving into heartbreak territory there.

 

FWB's work best when both parties have very specific reasons why they don't want to be in a commited relationship at that time.

 

such as;

 

a) Monsterous career commitments,

b) Major studying

c) breezing through town,

d) on the rebound, and not looking for love

e) My children need me (and not a new chick/bloke around the house)

e)looking for your s/o but absolutely positive that this Mr/Ms Hot Pants ain't it.

 

Are you getting my drift? It works well if both people are honest and pleased with what they are getting out of the arrangement. A little sex, minor romance and a bit of companionship. That is all. NOTHING MORE.

 

That is why it's called Friends With Benefits not a relationship.

 

You mention you're concern about how people will perceive this. This leads me to believe this arrangement wouldn't work for you. And that's fine. It's a personal taste thing. But I do think you personally would be very unhappy with it before too long.

 

That is just my two cents as the solitary advocate of the ole FWB's

 

Deci xx

 

PS. It may not be common in Europe, but in France...?? Wouldn't surprise me!;-)

[luvsomeone333]

i think your right, i dont think i can do this, but in some respect its giving me a positive outlook about myself. i mean the break up between my ex and i messed me up. so for him to do this kinda made me realise that i can get what i want if i want it. if i think about it im probably using him to get back at my ex. But its not going work since its all behind closed doors...i have some issues i need to fix about myself -_-... Thanks for your advises everyone. One day, if or when i will get comfortable doing the fwb, I will definitely know what's coming ahead of me.

[lizzie2011]

..so im like ok fair enough but like if i do decided to do the friends with benefits, what does that reflect upon me? and upon the guy?

.its like not like me cause im usually the good girl in all of this...

c v

 

.... and therein lies your answer. Friends with benefits can't work if you relate sex to morality. You would have to completely separate sex from emotion, feelings etc and just deal with the physical aspect of it. You would have to be at that stage where you don't think that casual sex makes you a good or bad person but simply a person with needs. You should never do anything you are not comfortable with. You should live by your own standards.