for the love of christ, i need serious help :(

[Belts]

I just found out that we need to hang on to the laptop longer, so I might not see her today. So I sent her a text and said thanks and not to worry about having plans. I did ask her to let me know if she'll be free for the show next Friday, so we'll see how this all pans out.

[imsuperman]

Yeah, it's looking like maybe she's not interested if she didn't mention the show.

[Glowguy]

I think she might still be interested but asking her out on your birthday for a first date was probably too much pressure and not the best move on your part. Just play it cool for a few days and then reach out before Friday about the show. That seems like a good opportunity to get to know her. If she flakes then move on.

[Belts]

Well I already texted her back about the show, and she hasn't responded. I'm going to back off for now. If I have to see her again I'll just play it cool and keep it simple. I know I've got the right number now so if she doesn't get back to me about the show or takes a while and then says she can't go, I'll figure it's too late and move on. No harm done and lesson learned.

[Belts]

Still no response from my second message. She either sucks at checking her phone (I def know some people like that) or she isn't interested. I'm going to lean toward the latter as to not get my hopes up.

 

I'm fine if this doesn't work out (although I'd love it to) which tells me I've definitely grown since the last time something like this happened to me. I made the mistake of waiting to ask someone out before and they "auto-rejected" me. I took it to heart and it really got me down for a while. This time I don't see that happening.

 

I'm ready to take my newly gained knowledge and get right back out there to try again, and again, and again, until I finally find someone. I know they're out there...

[Belts]

Still no response. I'm gonna go ahead and say she's definitely not interested now. It's a little disappointing, but it's my fault for waiting so long. Now I know not to do that and just get the asking out part over with off the bat. I'm sure that taking the rejection then is a lot easier than after having waited and building the girl up on some fake pedestal, like what I did here. Oh well. Like I said, I'm not gonna let it get to me. It sucks, but I know there are other girls out there. It's not like I'll never find someone like her, or even better than her again.

 

It just sucks cause I don't want it to be awkward when I have to see her now. I have to drop off that laptop next week and I'm a little worried about how I should act. I'm definitely not gonna stick around for conversation or ask her about going out again, but I don't want to seem like she offended me by acting all cold, either. I guess I'll just try to keep it quick and simple.

[Iloveshyguys]

Heya Belts!!

 

You have to think about it differently, though--you liked her for 8 MONTHS before you got up the nerve to ask her out. And now, you're ready to just forget her after a couple of days??

 

Anyway, I'm sure she's still interested in you. If she wasn't, then she wouldn't have said "Yes" to going w/ you to see the band.

 

I think she just doesn't use her phone much. I'm like that, but I do go on email every day. So, why not just send her an email on Monday. You can ask her if she and her dad had fun, and you can also mention Friday night. And check w/ your friends to see when their next-next local concert is, so that way you can also give her another date, just in case she's already busy this Friday.

[Belts]

I don't know... When I talked to her in person last, she had her phone sitting right in front of her on her desk. It was an iPhone and I commented on how I was jealous. She said she loves her phone, so I'm guessing she got the message.

 

Either way, I'm not forgetting about her. I'm just not gonna stress over it. I can't. What's the point? I've been there and done that, and it's a waste of time. If she shows interest again, by all means, I'll bite. But I'm not gonna go out of my way to keep trying if she isn't interested right now. I don't think that would help, you know?

 

She could have just said yes in person because I put her on the spot. Maybe she had second thoughts or has another interest of her own and doesn't know what to say to me now that it's become obvious that I've been trying to ask her out.

 

Anyway, like I said, I'm not gonna get worked up over it. I still like her and I don't have anything against her even if she doesn't feel the same. I'll definitely keep my options open for her as long as I'm single.

[youmeus]

hey Belt, I don't know how best advice I can give you but I totally agree with what Iloveshyguys said. Think it this way that she might have her own inhibitions like you, me and we all do. Give her sometime .. I think its a good idea to ask her about her weekend and tell her about any plans for your friend's band and see how it goes.

[Belts]

I hate to say it, but I'm definitely SOL. I stopped in to see her today because I "accidentally" left my keys in her office yesterday. (I really didn't mean to, but once I realized I left them there, I figured it'd be a good excuse for me to see her today.)

 

She was nice, as usual, but she didn't mention anything about me asking her out. So, when I left, I simply asked if she planned on going out tonight. She told me she already has plans to go with her family to visit her sister at college. She mentioned they are really close. She did say that she'll still try to go out to see the band sometime, but I kind of got the vibe that she was "just saying that".

 

So, I give up for now. Time to move on and look for other options. Maybe I'll run into her sometime at a bar in town or something and get another chance, but I'm not gonna count on it.

 

*sigh*

 

Oh well.

[Belts]

Funnily enough, I just ran into one of the girls I used to talk to a lot who I think had/has a little crush on me. She's very cute and friendly. She asked me if I have any plans for the weekend and I told her about the show tonight. I told her she should definitely come and hang out with me, and she lit right up. She said she'll definitely try as long as she doesn't have too much homework!

 

PS I'm going to continue to use this thread to document my endeavors, even though the first one didn't work out.

[Belts]

I just got home. I'm a wee bit (read: a lot a bit) tipsy as I type this, so bear with me. The girl I invited who was mentioned in my last post did not show up tonight, but that's OK. I met 3 beautiful ladies tonight. I didn't end up getting any numbers or anything, but I did have some great conversations and I felt completely comfortable talking to them, even though they were complete strangers. I can really tell I've come a long way since I started this thread. I am confident now. I don't worry about my looks or anything like that. In fact, each time I went into the bathroom and checked myself in the mirror, I thought I looked pretty damn good. I bought some new clothes recently that really fit my style and improve my presence.

 

One girl ended up dancing next to me. When we made eye contact, she immediately introduced herself and we had a great little conversation for about 5-10 minutes. Turns out, she is a bar tender at another bar and only started two weeks ago. She told me that tomorrow is going to be her first Saturday bar tending and that she's really nervous, so she asked me to come out because she said I made her feel comfortable. I told her I would, and I definitely plan to. I think I'm just gonna go alone and see how things work out.

 

I just gotta keep being social. I'm realizing now that I have nothing to worry about. I'm not some macho man or anything, but I am comfortable with myself now and I am finding it easier to pick out the types of girls who may be into the type of guy I am. I know they're out there, and if I continue to have nights like this, then I'm bound to find someone I really click with.

[Julimony]

Oh man! I've read every post of this thread and when you said the first girl didn't seem to be interested anymore I was so disapointed.. lol! Just as if it was a movie.. xD Anyway. You sure have come a long way since the OP!! And congrats for that! Good for you that you are more confident and can talk more easily to women. I hope that Saturday will go well Good luck

[Belts]

Oh man! I've read every post of this thread and when you said the first girl didn't seem to be interested anymore I was so disapointed.. lol! Just as if it was a movie.. xD Anyway. You sure have come a long way since the OP!! And congrats for that! Good for you that you are more confident and can talk more easily to women. I hope that Saturday will go well Good luck

 

Yeah, it was unfortunate that things didn't work out. Now I have to wonder though if she was ever really into me. I'm obviously no expert when it comes to women, so I could have just been reading her "niceness" wrong.

 

I think it might be a good thing, though. It kind of taught me to not stay hung up on just one person, and to open up my options. I have always fallen for just one person in the past, and 99% of the time I end up blowing everything out of proportion and becoming awkward or nervous, etc., because I put these people on such a high pedestal.

 

I think I've finally learned my lesson to not do that anymore. Now I find that I talk to girls as though they are peers, you know, people who also have their own issues and are not perfect. Like last night, I didn't get hung up on just one person and feel bad for talking to others. I kept my options open, stayed myself while talking, didn't try to impress or be someone else, and it just feels so much more natural that way.

 

Then again, I still have my moments. There were a few times when I could see some girls looking at me out of the corner of my eye, yet I continued to stare straight ahead, "watching the band" but thinking to myself, "what do I say??". For example, one of the girls I talked to stood next to me for a while, and she would look at me but I'd get nervous and kind of ignore it. Then I'd kind of feel like an * * * * * * * .

 

So, I'm definitely getting better, but I still have a ways to go.

 

As for tonight, I just realized I am getting really short on money. I'm gonna see if I can work something out so that I can still go out tonight, but idk now...

[Julimony]

Well, reading what you wrote of her reactions and everything, I kinda felt like she was interested. But it took you a while to get the courage to ask her out and she probably was tired of waiting. Someone else said it, but girls are not really patient when it comes to this kind of stuff..

 

Sure you gotta open up your options, but also try to be faster to ask the girl out. I think that's what happened here. Of course you had to work on yourself and it was also misfortune that prevented you to see her when you felt ready to pop the question out but still.. But you're right. It wasn't all wasted time. You've learnt to talk to girls more easily and even if it didn't turn out how you wanted with that girl, it will help you in the future

 

Of course you do It's not an easy thing to do to be in the action and not in your head, if this makes any sense. I too always think too much, prepare what I would say in certain situations etc. It's a pain in the neck xD

 

Oh right Saturday is today.. xD Hope you'll be able to make it. Cos otherwise she might think that you "stood her up" even though it's not really a date. Otherwise can't you go and not drink? Or not much?

[Belts]

Yeah, like when I noticed those girls looking at me, I should have just been like "Hey! What's up? I'm ____. Nice to meet you!" but instead I freeze up and start thinking of things to say which leads to many brainfarts. I have to remind myself that most people don't start conversations with some magical and charming sentence. Hell, most girls who initiate conversations with me simply introduce themselves and we take it from there, so I've gotta remember to do the same, or else I come off as boring or uninterested.

 

As for tonight, I suppose you're right. I could just go and buy one or two cheap drinks. I've got all day to figure out my plans.

[Julimony]

Or you could have commented on the band or anything. Like you said, first contact doesn't need to be original or anything. Just as long as you find the courage to do it and then it's all good

 

And it would probably be better. Because she sees drunk guys all the time. Not saying that you'd have gotten drunk, but you don't need to drink to talk to her or anything. Cos the reason you're going is to see her and give her some support on her first Saturday working at the bar and maybe flirt a little. And it's the fact that you're doing this for her that is important

 

I feel like every sentence in this message means the same thing, but you get the idea.. xD

[Ms Darcy]

Sorry about how things turned out with the girl at work. I agree that she probably liked you but got tired of waiting. I think the bartender is interested so good luck on that one! Go you!!!

[Julimony]

So how did it go?? Did you see her?

[imsuperman]

Eh, bartender's are tough. They're always trying to get people to come to the bar because it's their job. While working, they basically get paid to talk/flirt because it keeps guys drinking. Talking to her there is going to be tough.

 

When she said that, I probably would have suggested something else to do, but that's just me.

[shykind]

I read through this and felt my heart snapped. It was like watching my favorite TV show. The main character that goes after the girl of his dream and when he gets close to being with her something goes wrong. To see how you were nervous to talk to her at first, and then to see all the progress you made up to getting her number, I was really cheering for you and that girl to end up together, cheering every time you made progress towards being with her. I'm so disappointed. I hope one day you guys do end up together someday, and you come back here and write about it. That would be awesome.

[Belts]

UPDATES:

 

OK, I did not go to the bar. I thought about it and she really didn't seem my type, anyway (maybe I'm being too picky.) Also, the weather was horrendous that night and I live 30 minutes away.

 

Anyway, I have been doing work for a student here who writes for the newspaper. I saw her a couple times in person, but it was quick and business-oriented. However, we've conversed, still pretty much about business, through e-mail. I set them up with new PCs and went out of my way to get them a dual monitor and speakers working. She has been very thankful in the e-mails. Today, I finished my work there and she sent me a message thanking me again for all my help. I responded "No problem. I just got back to my PC and see she looked me up and requested me as a friend on FB. She's pretty cute and seems nice, but I am going to take it easy this time and not get all worked up about it. Anyway, I haven't added her yet, cause I don't know what to say. I have kind of backed off focusing so much on getting a gf lately and focusing more on my artwork and work with my friend's band. Should I just add her and not say anything? The last few times this has happened, I haven't got a response. Should I just simply say hi and thanks for the add? Should I mention something about the work I've done for her?

 

Let me know.

 

Also, shykind, don't worry about it. I learned my lesson to not put girls on such a high pedestal. While I still am very much attracted to that girl, it's not like she is some goddess or something, which is pretty much what I saw her as before. I work at a place where there are many, MANY fish in the sea.

 

EDIT: All that said, as far as my workplace goes, I am kind of running out of time. I'm 25 and most of the students here are 18-22. I don't want to become like my coworkers who are in their 40s and still perv over the girls on campus, if you catch my drift. I mean, I know there are other options besides students here, but there are just so many of them and they outnumber the guys like 5-3 or more, so it seems that there would HAVE to be SOMEONE out there I'd click with...

[Belts]

I added her but I didn't send her a message or comment or anything. I figure it's best to avoid that and try to talk to her in person. So, I just grew a pair and went over to the office where she works planning to ask her how everything was working and then see if she wanted to get coffee or lunch sometime. Unfortunately she was not there, so I'll try again on Monday. Should I continue to avoid Facebook, or should I at least say 'hi' or something over the weekend?

[shykind]

UPDATES:

 

Also, shykind, don't worry about it. I learned my lesson to not put girls on such a high pedestal. While I still am very much attracted to that girl, it's not like she is some goddess or something, which is pretty much what I saw her as before. I work at a place where there are many, MANY fish in the sea.

It's good to see that you have opened yourself up to the many options before you

 

I added her but I didn't send her a message or comment or anything. I figure it's best to avoid that and try to talk to her in person. So, I just grew a pair and went over to the office where she works planning to ask her how everything was working and then see if she wanted to get coffee or lunch sometime. Unfortunately she was not there, so I'll try again on Monday. Should I continue to avoid Facebook, or should I at least say 'hi' or something over the weekend?

 

I think you should of said "hi" over Facebook, nothing wrong with that. It puts your foot in the door for when you go talk to her, plus, she added you

 

*on a different note, while i would love to continue reading your stories on you and women,(success or failure). Perhaps you should move this topic to a different forum, or even to a journal; you did change the women your chasing, so it makes sense to change forum.

[Belts]

hmmm... I took your advice and just sent her a message thanking her for the add. She IMMEDIATELY responded and said "it made sense.. haha"

 

???

 

What does that mean? lol

 

I don't know that to say. >.

 

EDIT: I missed her first message, the whole thing was actually this "Hey! Yeah I mean we email enough. it made sense.. haha"

 

She sent that seconds after I messaged her... I didn't know what to say, so 16 minutes later I said "lol true. i like to keep people up to date haha"

 

...I was tempted to say "well, since we're friends now, we should get a coffee sometime. do you like coffee??" But I figured it'd be best to ask that in person... or should I just go ahead and ask her now?

 

EDIT2: Bah... I should have just said whatever came to mind after she responded. Now it probably looks weird that I waited so long. And now it's been 10 minutes again so if I send her another message it's really gonna look weird... ******* I think way too much instead of just acting. >.