for the love of christ, i need serious help :(

[Iloveshyguys]

ILoveShyGuys, I think you've got the best idea. Just go with the flow; no planning. That's just so hard for me lol. My mind is wired to automatically plan, theorize, etc. It's so annoying! But I do feel like this whole situation is giving me some control over that. For instance, it's becoming a lot easier to just say in my head "Stop!" when I start worrying about things now.

 

Also, what do you mean by not breaking any other girls' hearts? xD

 

Sounds like you're doing well. I know what you mean b/c I try to plan everything, too. But you could make the perfect plan, go over to do it, but get there to find out there's some kind of crisis going on in their office, etc. If you go over kind of just free and open, sometimes things fall into place perfectly. Like maybe she isn't there at first, so you talk again with her co-workers, and that conversation goes really well--maybe you find out one of them knows your cousin or has the same exact hobby that you do, or your same birthday, etc. So then she comes back and finds everyone talking + getting along well. At that point, something inside of you will push you forward to talk more freely with her, and then help you to ask her out. When things finally happen--it can seem like magic, or that angels helped everything along

 

Breaking other girls' hearts--well, they may not realize that you're only "practicing" with them, so they might start to fall for you, or start thinking to themselves, Hmmn, maybe he likes me ...

 

One of the serious hazards of dating.

[Iloveshyguys]

Thanks for the insight, dean. You're right. I do think about things a lot. It's a blessing and it's a curse, just like you said. But your whole post makes perfect sense to me.

 

I also agree that if, in the long run, this doesn't turn out the way I'd like, that at least it's a growing experience.

 

And, the fact that you're a thoughtful guy will be a BIG blessing for this girl

[Belts]

You're right. I love that feeling when something works out that you've been hoping for. It's very magical.

 

Ah, I see what you mean about other girls. I don't think any of the other girls I've been talking to see me as more than a friend. And when I say I practice my social skills on them, I don't mean that I flirt with them or lead them on. I just mean that I am friendly and socialable. I will be careful though. I know how it feels to be mislead and I wouldn't want to make someone feel that way.

[Iloveshyguys]

Or another thought--is your birthday next month by any chance? You can use that as a sort of "excuse", if nothing works out before that. Otherwise if you wait until Christmas, you can do it "British-style" where it seems that they use Christmas as an "excuse" to let their crushes know how much they like them (like in Love Actually).

[Belts]

Or another thought--is your birthday next month by any chance? You can use that as a sort of "excuse", if nothing works out before that. Otherwise if you wait until Christmas, you can do it "British-style" where it seems that they use Christmas as an "excuse" to let their crushes know how much they like them (like in Love Actually).

 

My birthday isn't until Feb.

 

And can you explain this whole 'using xmas as an excuse to let your crush know you like them'? I've never seen Love Actually and I'm from the US.

 

EDIT: Although, I definitely hope I don't end up waiting til xmas. xD

[Iloveshyguys]

Right, don't wait that long. But just in case some unexpected circumstances came up to keep you guys temporarily apart.

 

Well, I'm from here, too, so hopefully a Brit will come on and explain it more. Basically from the movie, it seems that around Christmas, people there will tell their real feelings to the ones they like. Like inhibitions come down, and maybe there's a 2-week "no embarrassment period". Something like this. It's a sweet movie--so see it if you can. I think it's a movie that ALL girls everywhere like, and maybe shy guys, too (?)

[Belts]

I've heard good things about the movie. Perhaps I shall watch it tomorrow for inspiration.

[Furtive]

This has been the most analytical thread on asking someone out that I've ever read!

 

Can you have her sign you up to workout, or show you the machines? Or is it student only?

 

This would give you loads of conversation time to build up to asking her out. "Well you showed me how to build the guns, how's about I show you how to build the gut? "

 

Something leading to a date.

 

Maybe send her a flirtatious e-mail, "we need a bowflex in IT, could you get someone on that, would prefer Chuck Norris, thank you."

 

I personally practice my suaveness on POF. Maybe if you want to risk writing something serious (always fear writing creeper things. Always suggest re-reading an hour or more later to vet poor wording).

 

Something I sent on POF earlier minus the second paragraph.

 

Subject: Just so you know...

 

That your profile is among the best I've read. * Flat out honest and sincere, which is not something you see on this site often. * Multi-lingual and beauty to match my imagined Mercedes in the Count of Monte Cristo. *

 

Good luck man, I'm rooting for you!

[Iloveshyguys]

I've heard good things about the movie. Perhaps I shall watch it tomorrow for inspiration.

 

It really is inspiring in that way. It starts out pretty depressing though, but stick with it ...

 

This has been the most analytical thread on asking someone out that I've ever read!

 

....

 

Maybe send her a flirtatious e-mail, "we need a bowflex in IT, could you get someone on that, would prefer Chuck Norris, thank you."

 

....

 

Good luck man, I'm rooting for you!

 

Your first sentence made me laugh

 

Although it is true that it should be at least 100 times easier to ask someone out in an email, or even on the phone--maybe in Belts' case it's best to do it in person, since they're already now really talking pretty well that way. He's lucky that his girl isn't the totally shy type, since it seems she's being able to make it easier on him

[DividedSky]

Belts I connected with your story so much, you seem like a copy of me haha. I read this whole thread and it made me join this forum and ask for help on a situation all too similar. It sounds like things are going well and I truly hope that it all ends up perfectly for you. It feels so great to know someone out there is as much like me as you are and that things are looking up.

[luminousone]

Love this thread!

 

So Belts, now you have a common shared experience - the pizza. So, you could ask her to your favorite pizza place as a "thank you" for her sharing the pizza with you.

 

And be sure to add that it is a place that has "pizza with stuff" on it...

[Belts]

Belts I connected with your story so much, you seem like a copy of me haha. I read this whole thread and it made me join this forum and ask for help on a situation all too similar. It sounds like things are going well and I truly hope that it all ends up perfectly for you. It feels so great to know someone out there is as much like me as you are and that things are looking up.

 

lol Nice! I'm glad I'm also not the only one. Makes you feel crazy sometimes, huh?

 

Well, it's been a while since I've posted here, because I've been so busy now that the students are back. I haven't seen her since I posted here last. However, this morning I got a call on my office phone, and it was her. She was asking something about the office I did work in over there, but unfortunately what she was asking was work to be done by another department, so I had to redirect her. I still had that feeling, though, that we speak very fluidly and just kind of 'mesh' with each other in conversation. She has a very laid back tone and so do I. Neither of us sound like we're being fake at all or too business-y, which a lot of people here at my workplace are guilty of. Anyway, before I hung up, my co-worker/friend was in the background saying, "Ask her what she's doing tonight!" Of course, I did not... I'm such a chicken!!!

 

Anyway, she just called back again and said she had another question for me, but she was having trouble wording it correctly, so before the conversation could really advance, she put me on the phone with a dude who works with her. Just for fun, I asked him if he could put her back on the line after we were through, thinking maybe that would force me to ask her out for lunch or something, but unfortunately she had left the office.

 

So, that's where I'm at... Still a complete chicken and not much progress... Although I guess it's yet again another good sign that she specifically called me twice when there is a main line to an IT Help Desk that she could have called.

[Iloveshyguys]

Oh man! By now though, she might be thinking you don't like her anymore.

 

Is there any way you can go over and see her on Monday or Tuesday, or at least just call her? So she knows you're still interested ...

[imsuperman]

I've arrived once more to peer pressure you. Ask her out. Don't think about it. Just do it.

[Belts]

Yeah... I realize this is getting a little ridiculous. It's beyond obvious to me now that she at least doesn't NOT like me, even if she only sees me as a potential friend. So here's the game plan. I will call her this coming week to see if the guy I forwarded her to ever got over there to help them out. This will show her I was thinking about her and not just blowing her off. After she tells me whether or not he showed up, I will ask her out for lunch.

 

I think it will be easier over the phone, especially now that she's called me twice. I also won't have to feel pressured by doing it in person if the other guy she works with is there.

 

I'm gonna do it. Wish me luck.

[Ms Darcy]

I work in IT, why don't you do something to her computer remotely so she has to call for your help! I have done this before, slightly unethical, but gives you a good chance to have a conversation while you fix her computer! When you fix it you also end up being a hero too, win win!

 

Good luck!

 

This is devious and cute!

 

Working in IT is a thankless job and you get branded loads of weird stereotypes. So I see this as one of the few perks of the job that you can actually use to your advantage!

 

Also you can use loads of little cheeky things to get her attention, like making sly little comments like 'You didn't have to break your computer just to get to talk to me!' ....... Ow the irony! You need to keep a completely serious face for a few seconds then just give a cheeky smile! Your right as well they do love it when you come clean a few months down the line!

 

I think its really important to use a few cheeky comments just so they know you are 'normal', then she is yours!

 

Wow, this guy is a pro!

 

Oh man! By now though, she might be thinking you don't like her anymore.

 

Is there any way you can go over and see her on Monday or Tuesday, or at least just call her? So she knows you're still interested ...

 

If I were her, I would think that you don't like me.

[Belts]

If I were her, I would think that you don't like me.

 

 

 

I don't want her to think that. But it's totally understandable if she does.

 

Like I said, I have close to no experience with asking girls out. I suck at reading them, too. You guys all say that from what I've written it's obvious that she likes me, but to me it's so hard to tell. A girl would have to come right out and tell me she likes me in order for me to believe it.

 

I know I'm too hard on myself. That's what scares me. Sometimes I think I am still depressed. This doesn't help one bit. I am scared to get into a relationship because I don't want to end up hurting someone or letting them down with my own negativity. For instance, my room is a mess right now, and it has been for a while. This is just one of the many excuses I let get in the way of progressing, or rather starting a "love life". I tell myself, now is not the time because I have too many problems of my own. I can't take a girl home because she will end up turned off by my apparent sloppiness.

 

Well, tomorrow is a day I have all to myself. Tomorrow I am going to reboot. I am going to clean my room spotless. I'm going to buy new clothes. I'm going to take care of my personal problems, so that I've got nothing to get in the way or be ashamed of. It's now or never.

 

I spent today at my cousins wedding. All I could think of the entire time was how much I want that happiness. He and his new wife are so much in love, I could literally feel their love. I could feel the joy, the warmth, the peace. I want that. I want it so badly. I am sick of feeling alone. It's time for me to man up and stop waiting for love to find me.

[Ms Darcy]

To get love, you have to give it. Before your cousin found love he took a chances, many chances. You only see the end of one journey (and the beginning of their journey together.) You don't see the tears and doubt and self-questioning.

 

My advice is to ask her. Just do it. Write her a cute little note if you need to, but don't wait any longer. Girls often have a time clock for how long they'll wait. Trust me.

[Belts]

I'm just going to call her.

 

She seems very down to earth, logical, laid back, etc. I think the best thing for me to do is just call her and ask if she wants to get lunch, as I would with any new friend. If she says no, oh well. If she says yes, then I will have a great chance to really get to know her outside of just quick moments at work. I know it's not going to happen any other way. And while I don't enjoy the pressure of society's view that the guy always has to ask out the girl, I can't simply continue to hope for something otherwise.

 

I kind of have the generalized idea of females my age, that they are all super hard to impress and most likely wouldn't like someone like me. What's good is that I can definitely tell from talking to her over the phone that I can be myself around her. I don't have to try to be someone I'm not or do things that I normally wouldn't do in order to impress her. It's funny cause it's so simple. It's just that I get all worked up and nervous that I complicate the issue and instead of just being me, I start thinking things like, "my voice needs to sound more like this, I'm talking too fast, I'm talking too slow, I'm being boring, I'm not standing up straight enough, I'm figiting too much, is my hair messed up?, am I making enough eye contact?, etc."

 

I need to make sure that I stick to my plan this time and not start worrying, because the worrying leads to those thoughts, and when I start thinking them I stop being myself, and at that point I chicken out. I cannot let that happen this time.

 

EDIT: Just wanted to add that for me, I think calling her will be the easiest way to ask her out. That way I don't have to worry about other people, and I don't have to worry about her being busy. Since her job deals with the phone, she obviously won't be busy during the time that I am on the phone with her. Seems like the most fool proof plan to me.

[Ms Darcy]

Just hope you follow-through. Good luck!

[Iloveshyguys]

I don't want her to think that. But it's totally understandable if she does

 

It's more that she's probably just wondering what happened ...

 

Like I said, I have close to no experience with asking girls out. I suck at reading them, too. You guys all say that from what I've written it's obvious that she likes me, but to me it's so hard to tell. A girl would have to come right out and tell me she likes me in order for me to believe it.

 

I know I'm too hard on myself. That's what scares me. Sometimes I think I am still depressed. This doesn't help one bit. I am scared to get into a relationship because I don't want to end up hurting someone or letting them down with my own negativity. For instance, my room is a mess right now, and it has been for a while. This is just one of the many excuses I let get in the way of progressing, or rather starting a "love life". I tell myself, now is not the time because I have too many problems of my own. I can't take a girl home because she will end up turned off by my apparent sloppiness.

 

The thing that you're not seeing is the other side--she may have a really messy room too, lol! And she might be just as scared as you are, thinking to herself that she has her own problems/isn't ready for a relationship, etc. But a really good way to think about it is that even if it doesn't work out for forever, at least you both will have some nice and fun times, and share things together--so really it will be a positive experience for both of you, no matter what.

 

Well, tomorrow is a day I have all to myself. Tomorrow I am going to reboot. I am going to clean my room spotless. I'm going to buy new clothes. I'm going to take care of my personal problems, so that I've got nothing to get in the way or be ashamed of. It's now or never.

 

I spent today at my cousins wedding. All I could think of the entire time was how much I want that happiness. He and his new wife are so much in love, I could literally feel their love. I could feel the joy, the warmth, the peace. I want that. I want it so badly. I am sick of feeling alone. It's time for me to man up and stop waiting for love to find me.

 

So sweet!

 

I'm just going to call her.

 

She seems very down to earth, logical, laid back, etc. I think the best thing for me to do is just call her and ask if she wants to get lunch, as I would with any new friend. If she says no, oh well. If she says yes, then I will have a great chance to really get to know her outside of just quick moments at work. I know it's not going to happen any other way. And while I don't enjoy the pressure of society's view that the guy always has to ask out the girl, I can't simply continue to hope for something otherwise.

 

But if SHE had asked you out to lunch, would you have been able to easily say yes (or would your messy room and other such things still have made you hesitate?)

 

I kind of have the generalized idea of females my age, that they are all super hard to impress and most likely wouldn't like someone like me. What's good is that I can definitely tell from talking to her over the phone that I can be myself around her. I don't have to try to be someone I'm not or do things that I normally wouldn't do in order to impress her. It's funny cause it's so simple. It's just that I get all worked up and nervous that I complicate the issue and instead of just being me, I start thinking things like, "my voice needs to sound more like this, I'm talking too fast, I'm talking too slow, I'm being boring, I'm not standing up straight enough, I'm figiting too much, is my hair messed up?, am I making enough eye contact?, etc."

 

Just fyi--I've never judged a guy on any of these things. Being yourself will be enough

[youmeus]

Today while juggling with my personal problems as usual. I ended up on this thread and this one has cheered me up. I read all the post on this thread in one shot and it made me to joined this forum lol and writing a reply now

It was like I am reading my own story.

 

Belts, wish you luck buddy as Iloveshyguys says being yourself will be enough

[Belts]

Welcome, youmeus. I'm glad people like you are popping up in this thread to remind me I'm not crazy and there are other people out there just like me.

 

So, I finally got the balls to call her at the end of the day today, and sure enough, she was already gone... BUT!!! Now I feel like I can call her tomorrow morning no problem. Just the fear of dialing her number and hearing the dial tone was enough to run me up a wall, but I don't think that will happen again.

 

Anyway, something very unexpected happened. One of the girls on campus who I had mentioned in an earlier post as a sort of "practice target" literally came running to me today with a huge smile on her face and told me she had been thinking about me and was very happy to see me. We talked for a few minutes and for the first time I realized how beautiful her eyes are and when I noticed this, I definitely got the feeling like she wanted me to ask her out.

 

This is good, because now I feel like I'm being forced to ask out the girl I had a crush on to get it over with. If she says yes, then that's awesome because I have liked her for so long now, but if she says no, I am totally finding my friend who I ran into today and will ask her. I'm 99% positive she would say yes. She was practically jumping for joy when she saw me today, lol.

[imsuperman]

This is good news. Knew you could do it!

 

Tell us what happened.

[youmeus]

Belts, looks like you already made the deal with one or another girl since you are missing from this forum lol

just kidding .. tell us what's up with you now