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for the love of christ, i need serious help :(


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I hate to keep repeating myself, but I would totally do that if I had already introduced myself.


I can't just ask her out when she doesn't even know my name. Don't you think that would be weird?


I feel that I must first introduce myself and then wait until the next time I see her to ask her out.


Once the introduction is out of the way, as long as I'm still getting good vibes from her, I'll gladly just walk in and ask her out to lunch. She'll actually know me then. lol


The reason this is such a problem is because I've already missed like 3-4 good chances to actually tell her my name, but instead I chickened out and simply told her what I was there for (the work related stuff).


Like I said in the OP, I did have a couple good conversations with her, despite her not knowing my name.


Anyway, that's why I'm so desperate now as to what to do. I didn't realize I liked her so much until I missed my chances.


Well, I'll rest on it for about a week and see if I get called over again. If not, I'll work on a good excuse to go over there that won't make me look like a fool if she's not there or something.


I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from, in that I feel the need to properly introduce myself before I actually ask her out.

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EDIT: What do you guys think about the current situation? Should I wait around to get called back, or make an excuse to go over? Should I just ask her out, or should I talk to her some more first?


Here is my plan for the next time I talk to her:


I am going to introduce myself right away, and apologize for not having done so already. I figure I'll just say, "Hello again. I don't think I've ever properly introduced myself. My name is _____." At this point I'm guessing she'll do the same. After that, I will ask her if she is a student worker. I know she is not, but she doesn't know that I know this. When she tells me she isn't, that will give me something to talk about. For instance, "Oh, I'm sorry. People always think I'm a student, too." If she is actually interested in me, I'm guessing I'll be able to tell once she realizes I am another full-timer. If she's anything like me, she would rather date someone else her age who is no longer in college. I personally prefer to be with someone who isn't wrapped up in college life.


So does that sound good for an introduction? Like I said, if she finds interest in the fact that I'm not a student, then this could be a good opportunity to enter her friend zone, at which point I would quickly attempt to advance to the boyfriend zone! lol


EDIT: This post was supposed to be an edit of my previous post... >.

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THIS is really, really sweet


I wish there were some way she could read what you've written here--her heart would melt!


More practically, can you call over to her office? At least just to be sure when she's there working. Sounds like if she's there, she'll be the one to answer. Then you could say, "Hi, it's Belts from IT. I'd like to ask you something, and just wanted to be sure you'll be there at ___ pm." Try to go at a time that's less busy, or maybe at the very end of the workday.


This way, you'll sort of lock yourself into it, but not completely. When you go over, bring her something--it can be anything: an orange, bag of fruit snacks, a candy bar, an extra pack of post-its. Then you can go in and say, "I was wondering if you'd like an orange?" And that's your ice breaker. So then, properly introduce yourself, and try to ask right away if she'd like to go for a walk in a park, or to the zoo, or out for coffee--wherever.


When you call, you could instead say you want to bring her something, rather than "ask" her something. Those things might be small, but they will seem very sweet.


Even if you end up getting too nervous to ask her out right then, you'll have gotten a little closer to doing it next time, or the 2nd next time.


And also, as far as acting nervously--most shy girls are going to find that endearing. Getting tongue-tied, flustered, blushing--all of those things are REAL. It's MUCH better to be approached by a guy in this genuine way, than by a more confident guy who's using some phony line.


So, I think that you can't lose, no matter what happens

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  • 2 weeks later...

I work in IT, why don't you do something to her computer remotely so she has to call for your help! I have done this before, slightly unethical, but gives you a good chance to have a conversation while you fix her computer! When you fix it you also end up being a hero too, win win!


Good luck!

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Hey guys. I just went back over there to set up a computer. She was on the phone and didn't look as happy as usual. I stood there for a second figuring I'd wait for her to get off the phone, but the guy that works in her office asked me what I needed. Unfortunately she was still on the phone even after I set up the computer.


Ugh, it seems like it's been so long since I wanted to do this, and I keep having horrible luck.


I like the idea of remotely breaking her PC so I have to go fix it, though... lol


Then if we end up clicking I could tell her what I did and she'd probably love it.

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Working in IT is a thankless job and you get branded loads of weird stereotypes. So I see this as one of the few perks of the job that you can actually use to your advantage!


Also you can use loads of little cheeky things to get her attention, like making sly little comments like 'You didn't have to break your computer just to get to talk to me!' ....... Ow the irony! You need to keep a completely serious face for a few seconds then just give a cheeky smile! Your right as well they do love it when you come clean a few months down the line!


I think its really important to use a few cheeky comments just so they know you are 'normal', then she is yours!


Again good luck!

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Wow, I'm really beating myself up over this one. I just missed THE PERFECT opportunity. We are supplied with golf carts to carry equipment around the campus. I just took one out to deliver some PCs. On my way accross campus, I see this lovely looking lady walking towards me. I didn't recognize who it was at first (she was wearing big sunglasses), then it hit me... it was her! I looked back and she was smiling at me. I returned a nice smile, but stupidly continued driving.


OMFG I COULD HAVE ASKED HER FOR A RIDE!!! *punches self in face* (not really but * * * is wrong with me... after all this waiting and complaining, I get the perfect chance to introduce myself AND do something nice, and I blow it)


I expect no sympathy. Instead, will someone please smack some sense into me? xD


EDIT: And yet again, here I am telling myself 'next time'. What a vicious cycle. Why must my anxiety and insecurity always get the best of me in these situations? The fact that she's gone out of her way to talk to me and always smiles at me should tell me to go for it. Why can't I remember these simple facts when I am presented with opportunities? It feels like a cancer that I just can't seem to control.

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I think I may have some kind of dormant depression thing going on. I'm sick of it. I have no reason to be so negative that it effects my social life, yet it persists. And it seems to come and go. I just want it gone for good. I can think of times when I have been truly confident with my life and those were the best times. I even remember being shocked every once in a while to find out a random girl liked me, ones way better looking than I ever thought I could get.


I wish I could get back to that point. I feel like I'm within reach, but then something always brings me back down.


It's like, I know what I want in life and I feel confident about achieving it, and then for one reason or another I fall back into old bad habits that effect my health, mentally or physically. This always distracts me away from my confident self and then it goes down hill from there. I go from perceiving myself as handsome and smart to the polar opposite, ugly and stupid.


Now, lately it hasn't been so extreme on the negative end, but I do know it's what is keeping me from grasping opportunities when they arrive, instead of cowardly avoiding them. It's not just with my 'crush', it's with everything in life.


If only there were just a switch in my mind that I could turn off and instantly feel positive and confident...


EDIT: I just explained my situation to my friend and told him how I was worried that if I don't try to snatch her up soon, some hunk in the gym would. He simply told me, "but you are The *nickname*". This kind of struck a chord with me and made me realize how negative I have been about myself lately. Other people don't see me as I see myself, and I have to remember this, and try to start viewing myself from a different perspective. Because when I am feeling good and see myself in the mirror, I see a fairly decent looking person (I wouldn't consider myself a stud or anything). And I know that I really am smart and interesting/unique (what others have told me). It just literally drives me nuts that I seem to instantly lose all this positive knowledge when I am put on the spot.

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Just to put your mind more at ease and take away some of the time pressure--girls that like sweet, shy guys are almost never going to also be impressed with "gym hunks". But if you see any other shy, quiet guys hanging around her, THEN get worried!


Otherwise, try to relax and not feel so upset, b/c you'll get more opportunities Everything is still going well, and you are still getting to "know" each other, just really slowly and in unusual ways.

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Yeah... you're right. I was also thinking that if she is into shy guys, then she probably doesn't like gym hunks. I also agree with you that even though things are not going exactly as I want them to, simply a smile and eye-contact are still great steps. I feel like the smile she gives me is more than just a friendly one. I feel like it calls to me, in a warm and welcoming way. I just need to calm down so I can take the bait.

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If there is anything in life that will put her off 'Gym Hunks' then its working in a gym, so you can scratch that one from your worries list. The buggy ride would have been a good ice breaker but its not the end of the world.


My advice to you is to build up your confidence a bit by speaking to lots of other woman, whether you fancy them or not. Should be easy in a college!, kinda like practicing! Then when the opportunity comes when you see this woman again speaking to her will be second nature! I'm quite a witty funny person in real life but I used to totally lose it in front of the people I fancied, my friends couldn't understand it, so that is normal I think. You just need to have the experience to know you wont talk rubbish which gives you confidence to just go for it, then once your comfortable you can be your normal self!


I think you should go for it though! Here's another aspect to all this, you don't know her yet she could be a total nightmare in which case you've spent months of your life chasing someone you might not even like!

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Thanks again, Andrew. Your plans seem pretty good, and I've already put them into action. I have been trying to be more social and calm around females lately, and it seems to be working great for me. In fact, I set up a PC for a professor the other day, who was an attractive, younger woman. I think there were a couple moments that could have been considered as flirting between us. She seemed really happy for all the work I did for her, told me it was very nice to meet me, etc. A professor! I didn't think I had it in me, but I'm definitely feeling like I am improving.


Also, according to my friend who used to know the girl I have a crush on, she is a sweetheart. My friend is a very honest guy so I trust his judgement.

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No problem I know what its like, I had the exact same problem and still do. I had the chance to ask someone out at work and I waited and waited and now she has a bf. Its a total downer and I still live in hope I get another chance but I'm having to move on. Its not a nice feeling so just don't want you to have to go through same thing!


Yeah man, it really does help your confidence! I used to think doing a job and being professional meant you just got on with it with minimal communication. Now I use the time to build a rapport with people, its useful for later communication but it also makes you really good socially. Especially if your mixing with Professors, even better! Here is a massive one for you as well, woman no matter who they are love compliments. I frequently compliment female colleagues/whoever on new hair, clothes etc. Nothing too creepy but just stick it in the conversation, ow BTW love the hair really suits you. This only works with people you are friendly with, and in right situations obviously, but good skill knowing when those situations are! Once you have built up a small rapport with her you can start throwing some of these in!

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Just wanted to comment specifically on the issue of not getting too caught up on one person. I don't think I'm doing that. When I first got out of the relationship I mentioned in my OP, I met this artsy chick who I hit it off with pretty well. I am also into art so we had a good conversation about that. When I took my leave, she actually told me that we should hang out, so I got her number. I then spent weeks running into her every now and then, pretty much obsessing over her and not finding interest in anyone else. I asked her if she wanted to hang out several times, and each time she was 'busy'. In the long run, I realized she was pretty stuck up and full of herself, a huge turn-off for me. Thus, I wasted 2 months chasing after 1 girl who I ended up not liking at all.


I feel that I'm not making that mistake this time. Even though it may seem like I'm not keeping my options open from what I've written in this thread, I really am. It's just that this girl seems different.


I almost feel like, even though we haven't talked much, when I see her we kind of telepathically converse. Of course I am not being totally serious, but I definitely get good vibes. That is all.

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UPDATE: Just went over to set up a PC and FINALLY introduced myself lol.


After she showed me where the office was I just said, "Hey, I don't think I've ever introduced myself". She got a big grin on her face as I did so and she said, "Yeah, it's probably good to know each other's names. We'll probably be seeing a lot of each other." Then she went back to her office, because a coach was there to talk to her. I went about setting up the PC and then she came back and offered me some pizza that her office ordered. As I took my slices and got my drink, we actually chatted a bit, and I managed to joke around with her and *possibly* borderline flirt! I asked her if she was a student and she said no, so I said, oh, sorry, I'm sure people ask you that a lot. She said no not really because she doesn't really see anybody besides the people she works with. I told her that I'm not either, and then she asked me where I live. When I told her, she said, "Oh that's right. We've had this conversation" and laughed. Then I told her that I remembered where she lived and she had a big smile again. Anyway, she was on the phone again by the time I left, so that's where our conversation ended. However, on my way out, she lowered the phone and thanked me AND addressed me by name.


So, love detectives, what do you say?


I have more PCs that need to be set up over there next week, so I'm hoping I can talk to her again then. She really is so nice!


EDIT: This may have been a no-no, but I just sent her an e-mail thanking her again for the pizza. I also informed her of some job related / technical details with the computer setup. I figured it wouldn't hurt, but now that I hit send I'm wondering if I shouldn't have done that? I don't want her to think I'm a creep.

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Aaaw, Belts This is so nice.


How did you get up the courage? Now the way you make it sound, it was so easy!


Anyway, emails and whatever else are fine. The way that you describe her actions, she likes you. So you can't go wrong


I think I've "leveled up" my social skills. I've been feeling very positive lately and have been having great interactions with people. Students are coming back now and I've noticed a lot of pretty girls smiling at me which also keeps my confidence up. There are a few girls who I see regularly who either have a boyfriend or aren't my type, so I've been practicing my social skills on them, and it's actually fun!


So anyway, today the girl I have the crush on e-mailed our team and asked that someone come move a PC. Instead of doing what I usually do - waiting an hour or more trying to "mentally prepare" myself and go over different scenarios in my head - I simply just went over there with no particular goal in mind rather than doing my job. When I got there she gave me the usual big smile and it just seemed to go great from there. I feel like we really click when we talk.


She told me how I might not like the pizza because "it has stuff on it". For some reason, I thought that was cute and kind of played off of it. I was like, "Oh, well actually I'm a huge fan of stuff!" Then we continued to joke about it for a minute or so.


Anyway, that was all just the easy part. What is going to be difficult for me is actually asking her out. xD

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I guess the thing I'm worrying about now is asking her out while seeming 'cool' about it. Since I've never actually done it in person, I don't really know a good line, or how to lead up to it. I also don't know how I'm not going to appear like a nervous wreck while doing so. I've read that it's important to act very nonchalant when asking someone out, and if they say no to act like it doesn't bother you, and like they are missing out. This is going to be tough for me because I obviously reeeally want her to say yes.

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Hey Belts, reading this thread my heart goes out to ya, bud. Been there sooo... many times. Congrats on stepping up and doing what you have so far though!


I'll tell you something that has helped me a lot - I think it relates to your current situation.


You're like I am it seems, you live in your head a lot. That can be good b/c you think things through, but bad b/c it keeps you from acting sometimes. So while you might know what you need to do (there's been some good suggestions in this thread), the problem is in the moment itself, you sort of get frozen. So try this...


The day you want to ask her to join you for a coffee for lunch or whatever, be SUPER social with everyone else that day. So go and try to have fun chats with all your co-workers. If you stop to get breakfast on your morning commute, talk with the person behind the register. Whatever, just talk to EVERYONE. What this should do is get you out of your head (worrying about this or that) and get you warmed up socially. That way, when you go to talk to her, you've already had 10 or more conversations and social interactions during the day.


It's funny how it's so much easier to talk to people when we don't necessarily "want" something from them. Take for example your post above when your girl wasn't in her office, but you ended up chatting for a while with the two people who were. What I'm saying is use that to your advantage to get socially primed.


The way I started looking at it, when you're shy or not great at being social, high-stakes conversations are like a strenuous exercise. In other words, you don't just jump into running 3 miles if you haven't even run much at all lately. You need to stretch and warm up. Same with conversations... From what I've seen, even people who are good at conversation might struggle through the first interactions of the day.


So...I guess what I'm saying is make sure you're warmed up socially by the time you get to her. Good luck! And remember, no matter what happens, it'll still be an opportunity to grow!

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Thanks for the insight, dean. You're right. I do think about things a lot. It's a blessing and it's a curse, just like you said. But your whole post makes perfect sense to me.


I also agree that if, in the long run, this doesn't turn out the way I'd like, that at least it's a growing experience.

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Try not to break any other girls' hearts, though!




I love it too :sentimental:




Man, she HAS to say yes. Well, from the way you've described everything. Don't worry about being cool or lines or leading up to it--if you want the super-easy way, then why not just say something like, "Hey, I'm going out for pizza tonight/tomorrow/this weekend/whenever, and I'm going to get the kind with no 'stuff' on it. Would you like to come with me?"


And on the slim, slim chance she's busy or says no, just say, "Oh, ok. Maybe next time then?"


I know it's the hardest part, actually getting the words out, though. Might be better NOT to specifically plan it, so that you won't get too nervous ahead of time. Just sort of go with things, and then the next time she brings you some pizza, or the time after that ...

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ILoveShyGuys, I think you've got the best idea. Just go with the flow; no planning. That's just so hard for me lol. My mind is wired to automatically plan, theorize, etc. It's so annoying! But I do feel like this whole situation is giving me some control over that. For instance, it's becoming a lot easier to just say in my head "Stop!" when I start worrying about things now.


Also, what do you mean by not breaking any other girls' hearts? xD

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