for the love of christ, i need serious help :(

[Belts]

I just made a new thread, here:

 

 

 

It seems that forum is more active, so I might end this one if the new one really picks up.

 

Just figured I'd let you guys know.

[shykind]

Good job on the ice cream thing btw.. probably a test by her, and you obviously passed.

 

one important thing: for the love of GOD!! Do NOT send this girl ANY TEXTS during work, unless it's absolutely important to the maintenance of the date. DO NOT. I say the vehemently because, it makes it seems that she's the only thing on your mind all day,while this maybe true, she doesn't need to know it or be constantly reminded. Are you trying to make her know you like her? I'm pretty sure she knows. What you should do is, when you guys are having ice cream asking about each others day. You tell her that it was kinda lame, and you couldn't wait to end the night with her or something along those lines. DO NOT TEXT HER, i cannot stress this enough.

 

Do's and don't's:

 

Dos: whether you know or not, this is a first date. offer to Pay for her ice cream, this is very important, even if she denies your offer, offer again, but still know when to back down.Break the touch barrier, this is essentials. touch only appropriate areas thou(probably didn't need to say this, but you never know). touch her hands, put your hands around her if walking down the street. If she's slightly out of reach, take her hands and pull her into you, Break the touch barrier. Flirt with her, this very important. Touching could be seen as flirting, but there should definitely be some word flirting in there too; but not too much, its like sugar; just enough is awesome, too much is disgusting.

 

Don'ts: the obvious stuff of course. Don't talk about yourself too much, no depressing crap, no disgusting crap, no controversial crap. Light and sweet, that's all. No political crap. This is the time to show her how sweet you are. make her laugh and you'll be golden. Don't ask to perform any of the previous things i mentioned, like touching her.

 

The kiss: you didn't ask, but i'm putting it. It's gonna hit your mind at the end of the night, I can't really give any advice on what to do here, you just have to pay attention to the situation, this is why i told you to break the touch barrier. Read her reactions when you touch her and when you flirt with her, you'll know what to do. If you do decide to kiss her however, do not ask her, just do it. it shows confidence. But don't go rushing in(I don't think i need to tell you how to kiss, so we move on.) Read the situation, read how the night is going, her reaction during the night and you'll know whether to do it or not. Or you can offer her a taste of you're ice cream after you have licked it, if she accepts, you know what to do. But this is a very risky move, which requires you to be able to analyze her well.

 

* or ask if her ice cream taste good, and she what she does.* (Don't count on her movement as final, unless she gives you a taste, then you're good, but some people don't like to share.)

 

If all goes well, i know it will tell her you had a good night and hope to see her soon.

 

 

Good Luck!!

 

I'm still shocked over that four girls thing, you have no idea what that would of done to some men. most could have never made such a move, not even me, damn I'm proud. your making great progress and you'll do fine. Dress nice and just smile.

[Belts]

Gotta make this short, cause I'm at work, but thanks for the tips! I definitely WON'T text her today.

[shykind]

Few more things I feel I need to touch up on. understand that this night probably won't go exactly as your probably planning it in your head. You have to relax, be able to thing quick on your feet, and most importantly, have fun. This is just a learning experience that could turn into something more.

 

Be the perfect gentleman. open doors for her, help her out of vehicle, if your taking a car, or even help her off the bus. But, with that being said, this is a just casual ice cream date, so I don't think you have to be too formal by pulling out chairs for her; but it can't hurt. so, if in doubt, do it.

 

oh.. and if she's going toward a door before you, gently put your hands on her back(break touch barrier) and say: let me get that for you. then, obviously, get the door. lol.

 

And remember not everything will go as plan, so don't try to thing ahead. learn to wing it. Improvise. Have fun, and be CONFIDENT.

[Belts]

Thanks for the tips! I'm trying my best to not think ahead about it, but my mind loves to screw with me. I think once I get out of work and have some time to wind down, all should be well.

 

I do have one major problem I've never mentioned in these threads though, cause it's kinda personal and gross/embarrassing. I have hyperhidrosis (excessive underarm and palm sweat >.

 

Luckily, since I'm going home before our date, I plan to take a nice long shower which will hopefully help me relax enough to not have it start acting up again afterwards... bleh

 

I'll definitely be wearing a black hoodie, just in case...

[shykind]

Yeah.. and where something light so if it's windy or cold, that will deter the sweat. But just keep calm.

 

Also: I want to explain why i asked you not to text her. on it's face, plain and simple, it seems weird, perhaps desperate. If you where trying to confirm the date, you guys made plans yesterday, there is no need for that. If she forget; forget her. If you where trying to have a conversation with her bad idea, because that leaves nothing to talk about on the date. If you where trying to let her know that she, or the date with her was on your mind, bad idea, I think I told you why. However, I must reiterate that text pertaining to the maintenance of the date such as: "what time to meet?" "what time to pick you up?" etc.. are fine.

[Belts]

That makes sense. I saw your message early this morning, so that saved me. I think I would have come to that conclusion myself before texting her, though. And I've already thought about not over doing it as to leaving enough for us to talk about in person, which is why I kept it short and sweet last night after I gave her my number. Once we had the plans set and I told her I'd give her a call when I'm back in town, I left it at that. No more texting or facebooking since then.

 

I'm gonna drive her in my nice new car, and I'll be parking in a parking lot outside the building she's in. I'm just gonna give her a quick call to make sure she's ready and I'll tell her that I can meet her inside so she doesn't have to come searching for my car. Hopefully it will go smoothly from there.

 

More about the issue I mentioned. I recently bought some expensive, "clinical" anitpersperant, but it doesn't seem to help. So the next big thing on my self improvement to-do list is to see a doctor. I really think this issue adds a lot to my whole stress and confidence issue, and I'd feel a whole lot better about myself if I didn't have to deal with it.

 

Obviously there's not much I can do about it in regards to tonight but try to remain calm and relaxed, which I think I can do. Since it will be later at night and we're going somewhere off-campus, I won't have to deal with hanging out with her around countless other students, nor will I have to deal with the stresses of work.

 

Anyway, I'll take your advice about wearing something light. Thankfully it's not much of a problem beyond the site of it if I'm not wearing something to cover it up, which I will most definitely do just in case. I wear clean clothes as it is, so, yeah... XD

[Belts]

Which leads me to another point. I believe I read somewhere that she's a sophomore, which makes me wonder if she realizes my age and that I'm not a student...

 

Hopefully she already knows from the info on my Facebook page.

 

I'm 25 (just turned) and chances are she may only be 19 or 20.

 

I hope that won't make things super awkward, but I'm definitely not going to worry about it now.

[shykind]

I'll definitely be wearing a black hoodie, just in case...

 

uhmm.... a black hoodie? Don't you have a jean jacket, or some kind of light jacket. who knows if the night extends beyond ice cream to somewhere else. I know it's just casual ice cream but still.

 

Or just go as you please.

[shykind]

Which leads me to another point. I believe I read somewhere that she's a sophomore, which makes me wonder if she realizes my age and that I'm not a student...

 

Hopefully she already knows from the info on my Facebook page.

 

I'm 25 (just turned) and chances are she may only be 19 or 20.

 

I hope that won't make things super awkward, but I'm definitely not going to worry about it now.

 

Insignificant. I'm pretty sure she knows, plus you told her about your job. nobody in college has a real job. and if she never asked you like "what's your major?" she knows. that question is the like the staple of conversation for all college students.

[Belts]

Nah. Jean jackets are definitely not my style. It's probably not what you're thinking, though. It's black, but it's got bright white zippers and pull strings, and it's form fitting (maybe not a good idea due to my issue...?). I do have a jacket, but it's kind of heavy, not something I'd wanna wear while we're sitting and chatting. And if the sweat is a problem, it'd be really embarrassing to take it of and have moist underarms...

 

Well, I've got a couple hours to kill at home before we go out. I'll figure something out. I'm praying that it just simply won't be an issue, though. It'd make life so much easier. It's just so unpredictable. Sometimes it happens even when I'm having a great, completely stress free day.

[Belts]

Insignificant. I'm pretty sure she knows, plus you told her about your job. nobody in college has a real job. and if she never asked you like "what's your major?" she knows. that question is the like the staple of conversation for all college students.

 

Yeah I should have already realized that. She knows I go in early, and she asked me about my lunch hour and knows I get out at 5. I'm sure she's smart enough to put 2 and 2 together and realize I work full time by now. XD

[shykind]

Nah. Jean jackets are definitely not my style. It's probably not what you're thinking, though. It's black, but it's got bright white zippers and pull strings, and it's form fitting (maybe not a good idea due to my issue...?). I do have a jacket, but it's kind of heavy, not something I'd wanna wear while we're sitting and chatting. And if the sweat is a problem, it'd be really embarrassing to take it of and have moist underarms...

 

Well, I've got a couple hours to kill at home before we go out. I'll figure something out. I'm praying that it just simply won't be an issue, though. It'd make life so much easier. It's just so unpredictable. Sometimes it happens even when I'm having a great, completely stress free day.

 

Okay.. that hoodie sounds nice. then just deodorant up, cologne up; keep calm and carry on.

[Belts]

Okay.. that hoodie sounds nice. then just deodorant up, cologne up; keep calm and carry on.

 

That's the plan! I even bought some good cologne last night that's given me great results in the past.

[shykind]

Good luck!!

Tell us how it goes.

[Belts]

I'm back!! So, where to start...

 

I arrived a few minutes early and hung out in my car listening to music until about 5 minutes before we planned to meet. I called her and she sounded more nervous than I did, which immediately relieved all tension I had built up. I told her I was there and she said she'd be on her way out in a couple minutes. I told her it'd probably be better if I came to get her so she wouldn't have to search for my car, and I could hear the relief in her voice, "Yeah!! That'd be great!" So I went up and met her in her office and walked her out to my car, which she complimented. My doors were locked, and they're manual, so I unlocked it from her side and let her in.

 

I held all the doors for her that I could, which I could tell she liked. She kind of gave me a bashful smile each time. I had no problem talking to her, although I caught myself saying "like" a lot, but thankfully I noticed she has the same bad habit. I only noticed a couple awkward pauses, which probably weren't really that awkward at all in retrospect.

 

I found out she actually doesn't live around here, which kinda sucks. We also don't seem to have much in common, but that wasn't a problem at all, as it was really easy to talk to her. I caught myself kind of "bragging" a few times about things I do, so when that happened I just turned the tables and asked her things about herself. She seems really busy with college right now, like, REALLY busy. I kind of joked about that and told her that she was making me feel guilty for feeling like I have a busy life, when it's nothing compared to what she's got on her plate.

 

The topic of age came up. She told me how her dad and her sister get ID'd all the time. So I asked her how old she is. She's 19, almost 20. (she seems mature for her age, though.) I asked her to guess my age, and before she had a chance, I asked if she's cheated by seeing it on Facebook, which she hasn't. She guessed 24 at first and then 23, so I told her I'm actually 25 but just turned. It didn't phase her one bit, and she told me that I don't look it (which I took as a compliment).

 

All in all, we had a good time and great conversation. I don't know how I feel about wanting to get serious, or whatever you want to call it, but I can see her being a great friend to have. We seem to be on two completely different walks of life at the moment, and it'd be hard for me to fall for someone who isn't going to be around much and isn't even from where I live.

 

Anyway, we were both done with our ice cream, so I asked her what her plans were for the rest of the night. She said she had to go back to the office to continue working on the paper. She was definitely sincere about that, so I took her back. I had yet to break the "touch barrier" at this point. I pulled up to the side of the road and she said she had a really great time and gave me a cute smile. I told her I did too and asked if I could see her again. She smiled again and said, "Of course!". She started telling me that it'd be hard to again this week, and I could tell she felt bad, so I told her not to worry about it one bit and that we'll definitely work something out. She agreed. So I gave her a hug and wished her a good night.

 

On the way home, I felt great! It didn't go exactly as I thought it would, which is what you guys here warned me of, but all-in-all I think it went much better than I had expected. I dreaded making a fool of myself, and I most certainly did not end up doing that. There were times where I could tell she was nervous, so that made me feel soooo much better.

 

I kind of wish at this point that I had went for a kiss. Nothing big, but I think I could have gotten away with a short and sweet one when we hugged. I definitely think she was into me. And I know I said that I don't know how I feel about getting serious, but a little affection would be nice. Oh well, there's always next time. I'm thinking that I'll ask her to come see my friend's band next week, or maybe go to a movie or something.

 

Also, I'm glad I went with jeans and a hoodie, because that's exactly what she was wearing! And her's was black, too. lol!

 

I'm sure I've missed a lot of details and rambled on about some unnecessary ones, so feel free to ask questions.

 

If anything, I can say this was a GREAT exercise in just learning to be myself around a nice, pretty girl. I feel more like my true self now than I have in years! For real, I'm freaking glowing right now!

[shykind]

Good Job.. I'm glad you got this learning experience.

[Belts]

I think I like her, though... That whole afterglow feeling is really strong right now, and like I said, I think she really likes me too. I could tell by the way she was looking at me and talking to me, and the fact that she also seemed nervous a couple times (always a good sign that someone likes you, right?).

 

So, what do you recommend I do now? Or do you think I should simply take it as a learning experience and move on?

 

Sorry to already be asking so many questions again, especially after saying how I feel like I'm me again. You'd think I'd have it all figured out... But I'm still a noob.

 

I definitely do want to see her again. She makes me feel good about myself, even if it is just simply talking.

 

I'm just unsure of it all right now.

 

Anyway, should I contact her again soon? I told her that I'd give her a text or something to see when she has free time, and she said "Yeah, and I'm sure we'll see each other around!" The thing is, I've never see her anywhere around campus. She always seems to be in that office with the other girls, and I just feel like that's a bit of a nerve wracking area for the both of us.

[Belts]

PS I know you said to avoid texting and whatnot but the reason I mentioned that is because, based on her ridiculously busy schedule, it seems like finding out when she is free is easier to do through messaging. I don't want to call her at a bad time, you know? If and when I find out more about her schedule, I'd have no problem calling her. I just want it to be a good time.

 

Anyway, I guess I'll leave her alone until next week. If she likes me, then I shouldn't worry. So yeah, I'll figure out something next week and ask her if she wants to join.

[shykind]

I guess if you really want to see her again. But a couple things to tackle: Don't waste your time talking to her if you don't like her, or want to be with her, just too feel better about yourself; what i'm saying is don't lead her on. I say things like mess with her head, but that would be going too far.

 

Next: I don't know what to make of that statement she made, I don't like it, it doesn't sound good to me. But that's because i don't have the her emotions behind it. So, I ask you, what was her reaction during the whole night?, what was her movements?, how did she look?, where did she look? anything you can remember can help me better analyze this. especially when she made that statement.

 

 

 

I'm don't know what to say in this regard. If you want to have a conversation with her or ask her out again, I would advise you to call her; or you can text her and say something like: " I wanna to talk to you, kinda miss your voice, tell me when you're free." Texting her to ask her out is not something I'm fond of.

 

Edit: In regrads to when you should contact her again, next week is a good idea. If anything she'll contact you before. But not the friends' band thing, not really second date material.

[Belts]

I guess if you really want to see her again. But a couple things to tackle: Don't waste your time talking to her if you don't like her, or want to be with her, just too feel better about yourself; what i'm saying is don't lead her on. I say things like mess with her head, but that would be going too far.

 

Oh, I definitely like her. I didn't mean to give the impression that I don't. My only issues are the fact that she has so much on her plate, and that she doesn't live around here. When I said we don't have much in common, I really didn't mean much by that. Basically, she's a busy college student juggling a lot of responsibilities, where as my life is much more simple and laid back. She's more into writing, where as I'm more into music and art. She didn't really seem to care much about music when I asked her, which honestly is no big deal. She's very smart, pretty, and kind, and that's what counts. Also, although we may not share the same hobbies, our personalities really seem to match, as does our style.

 

Next: I don't know what to make of that statement she made, I don't like it, it doesn't sound good to me. But that's because i don't have the her emotions behind it. So, I ask you, what was her reaction during the whole night?, what was her movements?, how did she look?, where did she look? anything you can remember can help me better analyze this. especially when she made that statement.

 

I'm pretty certain that she didn't mean it the way you are thinking. This was after she told me she had a really great time. We had constant eye-contact, and she seemed very happy. She even motioned to the building as she said it. I just took at as her inviting me to not be a stranger, you know, to stop in and see her sometime. And it was right after I gave her a nice warm hug. She didn't hesitate at all. In fact, she seemed to be glowing with happiness when I opened my arms and leaned towards her. She leaned in for it as much as I did. I didn't get the feeling that she was "just being nice" at all.

 

I'm don't know what to say in this regard. If you want to have a conversation with her or ask her out again, I would advise you to call her; or you can text her and say something like: " I wanna to talk to you, kinda miss your voice, tell me when you're free." Texting her to ask her out is not something I'm fond of.

 

Edit: In regrads to when you should contact her again, next week is a good idea. If anything she'll contact you before. But not the friends' band thing, not really second date material.

 

Yeah, that's what I meant. I'd just text her to find out her free time, and call her during that time.

 

As for the band thing, maybe I should do a movie instead? She mentioned chick flicks. I don't mind a chick flick, as long as it's good. Maybe I could take her to see something that's really sad, which would give a lot of openings to break that touch barrier. I definitely wouldn't mind her resting on my shoulder with my arm around her.

 

But anyway, I will wait until next week to talk to her again. I kinda hope she contacts me before then, though... XD

[shykind]

ok... yeah, you definitely should of kissed her, that would of kept her smiling all week. You Dropped the ball there. But, all in all, good job. Really should of kissed her, but next time tho.

 

I do have one question tho: after you hugged, her did she stay put and keep talking to you?

[Belts]

Yeah, I know man. Every time I take a step forward, there always seems to be something I regret, but I feel like this is going pretty well. She's young, and I see no evidence of past relationships on her fb. Not to sound like a stalker or anything... lol... But what I mean is I don't think she is someone who I have to be rushing with or worry about competition.

 

And for what I've been through, I'm surprised this is going as well as it is. I was honestly thinking I wouldn't be able to talk to her or any other girls like I just did without literally having some kind of a mental break down. I'm not even joking with you. My last gf seriously effed my head up big time.

 

If you don't want to read about effed up ****, then stop reading now, but I'm just gonna give you some background on why I am the way I am.

 

She was sexually abused at an extremely young age, and I didn't find this out until half way through our relationship. Of course, I would have never (and never did) held this against her, but let's just say she had an infinite amount of issues because of that. And then I got stuck with dealing with them. She was a chronic liar, and had me believing that she was a perfect angel when we started dating. Well, that was not the case. Because of her abuse, she was physically and mentally addicted to sex. Weird, right? Little did I know she had cheated on me several times for no reason other than she couldn't get enough, AND come to find out she slept with COUNTLESS people before we started dating, even though she had me believing there were only a couple. I could go on and on, but I'll spare you the drama. By the way, I have been tested, and thank god I'm clean. But, dude, that **** screwed me up big time when all the truth came out.

 

I've been slowly picking up the pieces since then, and I'm just happy I've made it as far as I have in the past few days, even if it only amounts to a hug. It may seem pathetic, but hopefully you've got more understanding now.

 

I just want to find someone normal who makes me happy, and who I can make happy, so that I know what it's like to feel true love and affection again, and I think I can get there with this girl. Even if it takes baby steps. And if that's too slow for her, well then I'll pick up the pace on the next girl. But right now, this is about getting back my sanity. Again, don't take that as I'm using her, because I really do like her. But I'm not gonna do too much at once to make me feel uncomfortable.

 

All that said, if there is a next time, I will definitely go for the kiss... lol

[shykind]

First, thanks for sharing. I'm very sorry that happened to you, and no one should ever have to experience that. However fact of the matter is, that type of behavior is very, very common amongst girls that were sexually abused at a young age; I'm sorry that you didn't know that before hand so that you could of either drop her, or get her some her help. But it's very common, the minute I read that first sentence I knew what happened.

 

But we must leave the past where it belongs. I'm glad that you have a nice sweet girl in you're life now and that I hope that if the relationship does get to that point. That you can trust her and have confidence in yourself to not be jealous of guys she may know or hang with.

 

That being said, I hope you have forgiven your ex for what she has done. It is the only way you can truly grow, and I'm not defending her, but she had a sickness and it wasn't really her fault, it was the sick bastard who raped her.

[Belts]

Totally, dude. I'd kill the guy if I ever saw him. So, I'm glad he's locked up somewhere, or else I would be too. I don't hold that stuff against her now. The thing that made it worse, although it doesn't matter much at this point since it's been two years, is I never did forgive her. We had an extremely rough break up, and I said a lot of hurtful stuff to her for the things she did (although she said a lot of horrible things to me, too). It ended with her telling me to never speak to her again, and I've respected that. I'd be lying if I said that there weren't times I feel like I should send her a simple message saying "I forgive you". It does still bother me from time to time. Hell, maybe that's one of my issues.

 

I'm friends with her sister on fb, and I rarely speak to her. But a few weeks ago she mentioned something about chicken wings and I simply said I was jealous. My ex actually posted on the same thread saying she wished she had some, which surprised me. I was so close to sending that "I forgive you" message then, but I never did.

 

I think maybe I should... Just to finally get it off my chest... I don't really care if she doesn't like it or not.

 

I'll leave it to you, random soul on the internet. Should I send it?