for the love of christ, i need serious help :(

[shykind]

My rule is, when trying to make a "date" ask in person; or over the phone if you have her number. So IF you can wait till you see her again then wait, and chat her up a bit on facebook.. BUT if you're not sure whether you see her anytime really soon, like in the up coming week, then ask her. but do so with suave.

[Belts]

I was just typing out another response to you when she sent me another message saying "well i appreciate it! haha"

 

So I didn't wait and said. "no problem! hopefully i'll see you around, since we're friends now. lol

 

idk... was that an ok thing to say? re-reading it, i hope it doesn't come off as sarcasm.

 

EDIT!!!!!!! She just said: "yeah of course! that'd be great!!"

[shykind]

That was perfect, not too strong, not too weak. I Highly doubt it came off as sarcasm, the "lol" and the " would offset any sarcastic tone. you could of said

"hopefully i'll see you more" instead of "hopefully i'll see you around" but that's okay.

[Belts]

I'm chatting with her now!

[shykind]

I'm chatting with her now!

 

SWEEEEET!!!

[Belts]

Aaaaaannnnd I just chatted with her nonstop for a good 45 minutes!!! Wow! Seriously, that's the most I've spoken with a female that I'm interested in (even though it was online) in like... 2 years now... damn!!! Where have I been!? lol!!!

 

Anyway, we talked about a bunch of stuff, like how she's going abroad for a few weeks this summer to India and how I went to Spain when I was younger. There were many lols and smilies. We even made plans to meet up next week!

 

Unfortunately, I started to blank at 45 minutes, and told her I was getting tired (which I actually am). She seemed a little surprised and said "it's only 10:30!!!" I told her how I'm just tired from work and how I have to get up early in the morning on workdays and she said "yeah yeah..." at which point I thought she might be thinking I was making an excuse to stop talking to her, but I told her that if we don't continue the conversation over the weekend on facebook, then I'll find her and we'll continue it in person. She said "that sounds great!!!" and wished me a good night.

 

All in all... This seems way more promising than any chances I've had lately. But again, I'm gonna take it as it comes. I'm realizing that my biggest problems are over-analyzing. Once I just started talking to her and not THINKING about every little thing, like how do I say this, should I mention this, etc. it just went so smoothly.

 

It's gonna be quite a leap for me to take this face-to-face, in person, without having major brainfarts and making a fool of myself, but I'm gonna try to avoid that by not spending the weekend thinking about it.

 

EDIT: Even though this totally contradicts what I just said about not thinking about it... I'm kind of freaking out a little right now. She did seem a little disappointed by me cutting our conversation short, and it was right in the middle of her telling me about India after I told her all about Spain. I hope she doesn't think I was being rude. I'm also worried that I'm going to make a fool of myself when I see her next week, since we haven't really talked much at all in person yet. I really don't want to mess this up, and it's so easy for me to fall into brainfart mode when I am nervous around someone.

[shykind]

HELL YEAH!! that awesome... that's good that you know when to leave a conversation. sometimes you should end the conversation early just to play with her head, you don't want to be too available to her. but i'm not gonna tell you to play mind games with her. I was surprised at the fact that you didn't get her phone number, does she not have a phone? if you can go from facebook, to an on the phone conversation, talking in person will be a breeze.

 

I too used over think my moves when it came to girls, and then i realized that no matter how well i plan it, even down to the smallest detail, it NEVER works out. so, i just winged it, sometimes i didn't even know what the hell i was saying. But it doesn't matter cause i realized to myself that i'm talking to her and that's all that matters. once you stop over thinking, or just stop thinking period. You'll be fine.

 

But seriously, phone number.

 

HELLA PROUD!!

[Belts]

Thanks, man! Although, I don't feel the same as you about phones XD. I think I'll ask her for her number after I see her in person. It's actually way easier for me to talk to people in person than on phones, lol. Even with my ex's, when it didn't even have to do with being nervous. I just get too distracted on a phone, and I'm not a phone person in general. I find it much easier to talk to someone face to face. And of course online chatting is the easiest because you don't always have to be so quick to respond, so it's OK if you have little brainfarts here and there.

 

That's how I feel about phones, though. I'm just not a phone person with anyone, even my friends.

 

Anyway, she said she's gonna be in her office pretty much all week, and basically made it very clear that she would love it if I came over to see her.

 

I managed to throw in a few jokes here and there, too, which she seemed to enjoy.

 

I told her that she should break computers for me so I can get out of my office more often. She got a kick out of that one.

 

EDIT: Also, what you said about playing with her head just a bit made me feel better. Not that I meant to do that, nor would I make a habbit out of it, it's definitely happened to me enough. And if I follow through, which I 100% plan to, she should be relieved if she is wondering why I cut it short.

 

Another thing though, speaking of not being "too available", when she acted disappointed I think I may have acted a little too nice, as in I said "don't worry!!! i promise we'll continue this conversation!!!" Promise is a word I want to avoid, and I kind of regret saying it. I mean, I am definitely going to follow through, but I don't want her to get the impression that I'm that kind of guy, you know? Does that make sense? haha... It's probably nothing, though. Maybe it's a good thing that I said that, as it made it clear that I do care about getting to know her.

[shykind]

This is perfect. you're on a role with this girl and she obviously likes you. just don't take it too slow like the last girl, but don't move too fast either(it's horrible).

most people like talking on the phone, and the way she was acting when you ended the conversation early, tells me she might want to talk to you on the phone too, soo, deal with that situation when it arises... in regards to you feeling rude about cutting her India story off, just ask her more about it when you guys meet in person. say something like: "so, tell me more about your India adventure. what sorth of people did you meet? blah. blah. blah." But once again, i state, do not make yourself too available to her.

[Belts]

Trust me, I don't rush things. Although, I DEFINITELY won't take it as slow as I did with the last girl. Are you saying that I should really get her phone number before the weekend is over? I mean, Monday is in two days, that's not that long to wait, is it? I just personally feel like it would be much easier for me to talk to her on the phone after talking to her in person, but if you think I'm making a mistake by going about it that way, then I'll take your word for it.

 

Glad to know that you think I'm on a role, though. All-in-all, I think I am too! It's much more obvious that this girl likes me than it was with the last one.

[shykind]

i guess it depends when you guys gonna meet up. is it next week, or week after next?. if it's next week then wait and exchange numbers then, if it's not, GET IT quickly. I'm just thinking that she was probably wondering, talking for 45 mins online, and you didn't ask for her number; but yet you guys made plans. But we not gonna over think this situation, it's feeble.

 

Make no mistake about it, that other girl liked you, what happened along the way is completely beyond me. People was saying it's because you wanted too long, and i think that feasible. Which is what you must prevent with this girl, the long wait. every opportunity you get should be grabbed.

[Belts]

Yeah, I get what you're saying about making plans and then not getting her number. I didn't even think of it, tbh. That's just how out of the loop I am with this stuff lol. But, luckily, I will be meeting her this coming week, hopefully Monday, as in, 2 days from now. Although, I suppose if I do chat with her again before then, either Saturday or Sunday, then I'll definitely ask her.

 

I totally can understand you urging me to get it if it was still gonna be a whole week from now, but since it's only a couple days, I think I'm safe.

 

As for the other girl, yeah, who knows. 8 months is a long time though, so I can see that being the issue. She probably figured that if it took me that long to ask her out, that I'd take too long to make moves with her and progress the relationship. Maybe she figured she'd have to do all the work. Anyway, it's not important now. I'm gonna try to make the best of my current situation, and if it doesn't work out again, then it's just one more lesson.

 

I mean, these girls are really cute/pretty/nice... all that good stuff. And the fact that they like me is enough to make me feel better and strive to not give up, and to improve myself. If I mess up along the way, it's my own fault, and I just have to learn from my mistakes.

 

For a while I was wondering if there was something wrong with me, like if I was really ugly or just came off as being really stupid or boring, but now I know that's not the case. My issue is confidence. I think when I start to let that show too much, like I did with the first girl, is what turns them off.

[shykind]

Yeah.. try to avoid words that makes it seem like you are trying to please her, that's a death sentence. Avoid trying to please her "too much". Fact of the matter is, your in the dating game now, and they're are going to be games being played on you that you might not be aware of, with this girl or any other, you must be prepared to play this game too. after all dating is a game. But you said you promise, and above all thing, you must show her you are a man of your words, this will prove useful in the future.

 

 

 

You GOT IT!! confidence is the secret and girls can smell it a mile away, it's better that the most expensive cologne.lol. you must have confidence in yourself to not over analyze thing, confident to not have to plan every move you make, every word you say, and know that girls will still want you. even if you have brain-farts.

[Belts]

Yeah.. try to avoid words that makes it seem like you are trying to please her, that's a death sentence. Avoid trying to please her "too much". Fact of the matter is, your in the dating game now, and they're are going to be games being played on you that you might not be aware of, with this girl or any other, you must be prepared to play this game too. after all dating is a game. But you said you promise, and above all thing, you must show her you are a man of your words, this will prove useful in the future.

 

Yeah, I won't be doing that again. It kind of slipped in the panic of the moment. I could tell she didn't want me to leave, so I tried to make up for it by being all "extra nice". I'll remember now that I don't have to be like that. I know I like her, so that's enough.

 

You GOT IT!! confidence is the secret and girls can smell it a mile away, it's better that the most expensive cologne.lol. you must have confidence in yourself to not over analyze thing, confident to not have to plan every move you make, every word you say, and know that girls will still want you. even if you have brain-farts.

 

Yup! I know I act like I'm just a constant, nervous freak, but I do have my confident days, and I can easily see the difference it makes. I'm gonna try to replace worrying and trying to plan things in my head when it comes to talking to girls with just telling myself now to worry because I'll do fine. I mean, when I go to hang out with my friends, I don't ever act like that, you know, worrying about what to say and how to act, I'm just me. I have to remember to be the same with girls I like. I should definitely know by now that planning and over-analyzing lead to disaster.

 

When I woke up this morning, I did kind of have a sinking feeling in my gut, like "man, I've got a lot to live up to now, I really hope I can pull this off, blah, blah, blah." But then I just forced myself to stop thinking about and just go about my day.

[Belts]

Just to add to the confidence issue, I remember a couple years ago I was sitting outside with my two good friends who were very, VERY attractive girls (but both taken at the time) and they were talking about my other friend who they were admitting was sexy. I kind of laughed and basically asked them if they were kidding, because I thought he was a pretty goofy looking guy, and they told me it was because he was very confident. Come to find out, one of the girls who was like my best friend at the time apparently had a huge crush on me. Unfortunately, nothing ever came of it. I wouldn't have acted on it anyway, since she was dating a good friend of mine, but remembering things like this helps me to not worry so much. That was a great time in my life and I was pretty confident myself back then.

 

Anyways, besides my little freak-out this morning, I've been doing a lot today and not worrying about my current situation. The times that my new interest has popped into my head, I have actually been looking forward to this week and seeing her, rather than dreading it. I'm actually very interested to get to know her better. She seems like a really cool girl and I really think I can pull this one off if I just remember to be myself.

[whes]

You can do it!! Just keep reminding yourself to relax, and that either way it goes, it really is going to be fine.

[Belts]

You can do it!! Just keep reminding yourself to relax, and that either way it goes, it really is going to be fine.

 

Yep! That's pretty much where I'm at now, mentally.

 

I'm feeling pretty good about everything and I really think I've got most of my kinks worked out! You guys have all been such a great help since I started this thread.

 

I'm really looking forward to this week, and I'll let you all know how it goes, even if it doesn't work out.

[shykind]

Here's a trick whenever you're low on confidence look back at moments such as that, moments such as this. when very,very attractive girls wanted you; like this girl you're talking to now, and the girl before. that will remind you that if attractive girls want you, you must be attractive too, right?

 

I want to tackle the last thing you said. I thing this is the second time you said something to the effect of "pull this off", what does that mean?(rhetorical) there is nothing to be "pulled off" here. you're putting too much pressure on the situation. the initial stage is about getting to know her better, like you said. And after you think you know her well enough, then deciding if you want to try to "pull off" anything. And if you fail, oh well, next fish. the phrase "pull off" has too strong a connotation on it, she's not the be all end all here. Do do that pedestal thing again.

[Belts]

I'm just referring to getting over my confidence issue. I use that phrase a lot.

 

But you're right, maybe I'm still thinking too much into this. Well, today's another day. Just woke up, feeling good, gonna go with the flow, and continue to do so.

[Belts]

So, I just went over to her office and here's what happened:

 

There were 4 other girls in the room, and it's a small office, so immediately the pressure was on. She introduced me to everyone (already forgot their names, lmao) and then we chatted for a couple mins. I kind of just stood in the doorway because all the seats were taken, until one of her friends got up (I think to give me the seat next to the girl I like) I didn't take it though, cause I couldn't stay long. I felt pretty awkward and monotone, and my face was probably beat red. There were a few awkward pauses in our conversation, which just started with basically, "How was your day, weekend, blah, blah, blah..." I told her mine was boring, which I regret (there's always something >.

 

There was another really awkward pause and I was like "...so..." and she was like "...so..." and I asked, on a whim, if her paper was coming out Friday, which she already told me it was when we last talked, so I felt really stupid then. She kind of saved me on that one though by saying yeah but she doubted she could get a comic in by then.

 

Anyway, after that, with the whole room full of girls, I asked her what she was doing later and if she wanted to get coffee!!! I immediately noticed her mood go from kind of awkward to really happy. She had a big smile and said yes, but that she won't be free until later this evening. So, I guess I'm gonna be staying in town until then. Anyway, I asked for her number, but realized it's already on my phone because it syncs with FB. I told her I'd text her mine, which I just did. No response yet, but she's probably in her meeting now.

 

But, damn, I was totally freaking out and I hope I didn't come off as awkward as I felt inside. If so, I must have looked like a complete fool. >.

 

I'm hoping tonight that I'll feel more relaxed and talkative. Seriously, I was feeling so confident and then my body and mind decided to just completely screw me over and make me feel like I was having a heart attack.

[shykind]

First let me say, I'm freaking proud of you!!!. You had the courage to ask her out in a small room of not one, but FOUR girls, knowing that they were going to talk about you when you left. That's awesome!!!.

 

Where I think you went wrong is, that you we're still focus on having a one on one conversation with her, with the girls there. Once you realized that the girls where there, your attitude should of changed. You should of instead shifted focus on having a conversation with all of the of them, instead of just one. When more than one person is in a room you must try to incorporate everyone into the conversation, and you would just of been having a regular conversation with a group of people, one of which you just so happen to like, it would of left much more relaxing.

 

If you wanted to speak to her alone, you could of whispered in her ears, something to the effect of: "I can't stay long(not being too available), but i want to talk to you alone for a little awhile." Then you could of asked her how her day was.. blah blah blah and when you feel you're running out of things to say, ask her out, then leave. No need to prolong.

 

BUT still, congrats on you asking her out. I remember reading something in your previous post about that other girl, and how someone was in her office and you didn't make your move because of that. Now to read that you made your move in front of FOUR girls, I gotta say, Good f-ing job man.

a

Edit: I just wanna add, that you asking her out in front of her friends, probably had the greatest impression on her, it overrides anything "stupid" you could of done, it's possible better that any advice, I or anyone could give you. Why? because that shows that you have confidence, that move was confidence exemplified my friend, and girls love it. so, don't beat yourself up.

[Glowguy]

Glad to see you've got some new opportunities. Keep updating as this thread is really encouraging for someone like me. I really relate to a lot of what you've expressed here and I think I'm similar in a lot of ways. Unfortunately I just got burned recently so I'm taking a break but I'll try to apply some of the stuff here when I get back to it. I'm really awful at the cold approach and just initiating with people in general so I have a lot of progress to make.

 

Good luck on your coffee date BTW!

[Belts]

Oh man, thanks so much for this response. Yeah, thinking back, I can't believe I did that!!! HAHAHA!!! And I'm not gonna worry about it one bit! Like I said, she lit right up when I asked her, and nobody else in the room was really paying attention at that point (although I'm sure they heard and talked about it ) lol... You're right that I would have felt better if I talked to everyone as a group, but then again, who knows if things would have worked out like this.

 

ANYWAY

 

She texted me back and gave me the option of coffee tonight, which would be quick because she's so busy this week, or ice cream tomorrow night when she has more time. I told her ice cream sounded better and she told me about this place she really likes which I've never heard of. She kinda poked fun at me for not knowing about it, and said "You'll love it! I promise!" So that's what we're doing. I told her I'd give her a call tomorrow night when I get into town so that we can figure out where to meet up and that I'm looking forward to it, and she said "Great! Sounds perfect" then sent me a single "

 

EDIT: I just wanted to add that she said that she'd rather get ice cream, too, because it'd "be a nice break from everything going on".

 

That was all through texting. So, I figured it seemed like a good point to stop texting. I might send her a few random texts tomorrow during work, you know, like "can't wait for tonight!" or "blah work is boring, can't wait to get out and go get ice cream" or something along those lines, but I don't want to over do it until I see her again tomorrow.

 

Anyway, I'm now 100% certain she likes me, I'd have to be a fool not to. I'm still a little nervous though, but I guess that's normal. All-in-all, I'm pretty confident that we'll have a good time.

 

I do have to ask, though, are there any dos and don'ts I should be aware of for our "first date"? I mean, I'm not THAT out of the loop, but I haven't dated anyone for almost 2 years now, and before that I was in long term relationships. So my knowledge on the subject is still very rusty!

 

 

 

I'll definitely keep this thread updated! And don't take too long of a break! That's what I did after my last gf broke up with me (although I now realize I should have got out WAY sooner) and I ended up taking a 2 year break!!! I got so down on myself during that time that I think it seriously affected me mentally and emotionally to the point where I almost became a different person, or rather, a shell of my old self. And I don't just mean with girls, I'm talking friends, family, co-workers... TRUST ME, you don't want that. Now, after all that time, I finally feel like I'm *almost* back. In short, don't do what I did!

[Belts]

Also, I was starting to get cold feet before I went over, and by a random strike of luck, this article popped up on my FB.

 

link removed

 

Seems like a good way to go about things. The key is to not take rejection so seriously.

 

I basically saw that as a sign to get up off my ass and just go see her like I said I would. My mind literally blanked the f out before I got there, which was probably a good thing, because I was working with a clean slate instead of trying to say things I had "planned".

[Belts]

Also, I was starting to get cold feet before I went over, and by a random strike of luck, this article popped up on my FB.

 

link removed

 

Seems like a good way to go about things. The key is to not take rejection so seriously.

 

I basically saw that as a sign to get up off my ass and just go see her like I said I would. My mind literally blanked the f out before I got there, which was probably a good thing, because I was working with a clean slate instead of trying to say things I had "planned".

 

Also, just wanted to add to this while I'm feeling like a million bucks...

 

I know I can be hard on myself, too, when it comes to rejection, but I really shouldn't, and neither should anyone else. If someone isn't into you, then so be it. They weren't into you anyway, now it's just no longer a mystery. And if they are harsh about it, then they are SO not worth it, and probably have a really lame attitude. But, from my experience, and others', most people are nice about it. Like the girl this thread was originally about.