Is this a deal breaker?

[Kjv1611ad]

My bf of three years is taking me for granted. We have had talks about it. He says he doesn't. He says he wants more from me, to invite him more places. I do. He declines every time. I give up.

 

My 30th birthday, I go on a trip with friends. I invite him. He declines. I'm mad.

 

Fast forward 3 weeks, me asking, pleading to spend more time with him, For him to make me a priority. He tells me right now he's too busy with school to spend any time with me this week. Ok....I'm skeptical considering he only works 2 days a week and takes only ONE class. But I give him his time. Whatever.

 

Today we were on the phone for about 30 min, asked about his school, He says he still has so much left, doesn't say anything about plans to go to his friends house tonight. I hear his house alarm in the background and ask. He tells me. I get mad and hang up on him. He never bothered to call me back.

 

Why wasn't I invited? Why am I not enough of a priority for him to want to spend time with me? Why would he not tell me earlier today he had plans? Because he knew I'd get mad? Wouldn't you be upset?

He just called me, it's been two hours, I didn't answer. I know it sounds petty but I feel completely taken for granted and he could care less about me anymore. Would you not want to see your girlfriend at least once if you had all the time in the world to do so? He's giving horrible excuses. I work long and hard and make time for him. He does neither.

[slammin16]

To be honest, I commend you for putting up with a guy like this for three years. It TRULY shows how much you love him. If only my ex asked me to spend more time with her I would of dropped everything ( except school) to spend more time but she fled instead. I can't wait to find a girl who is not afraid to ask to spend more time with each other. It shows lack of commitment on his part. All you can do is really just ask to spend more time with him which you did and he doesn't seem to be getting the picture. I say sit him down and have a long discussion with him and give him an ultimatum. Why would he not want to spend time with you after you have practically begged him?? possibly a commitment phobe

[Hollyj]

The actions say it all. This guy is clearly showing that you are not a priority in his life, find someone who will.

[Kitkat973]

I agree that his actions are what you need to look at. He says that he's making you a priority, but reality shows differently.

 

In my first term of college, one of my professors told me that we establish our priorities by where we spend our time. It's something I've kept in mind.

[blackhawks1287]

I wouldn't say where, but how we spend out our time...

 

So essentially just because someone is not with physically does not mean they are not making you a priority...

 

But either way this guy is complacent in his efforts...have you told him you would like him to go to these events or included him in the planning or deciding of? Or do you just ask? Say hey i am doing this and this do you want to come?

 

Working two days and once class is a pittance, and don't accept his lack of time...he should have plenty of it and you should blame his time management.

 

I am not saying this is your fault by any means but maybe he is doing these things without realizing it or just simply doesn't care.

[WockaWocka]

You're "pleading" to spend more time with him, he makes lame excuses, you invite him to events and he refuses. Then you hear he's at a party with friends all the while explaining why he has no time to see you. Sounds to me like he's too much of a wimp to break up with you so he hopes that by acting like a big enough jerk that you'll do it for him. He'll never admit to it when you confront him, but as other posters have said his actions speak for themselves. It takes two to make a relationship work, and he clearly doesn't want to make the effort. You are far better off ending this relationship now rather than banging your head against a wall for another 3 years. Sorry.

[Ms Darcy]

Men are not women. Sorry to tell you. But this whole "he takes me for granted thing" is a bit one-sided. You want him to invite you to things. Presumably being with you for three years shows you he is committed to you correct? And he's willing to be with you even though he's really busy with school and whatnot. Now what you have described is him not wanting to spend as much time with you as you'd like - camping with your friends and inviting you to his friend's place. Can't he opt not to do things with you sometimes?

 

In relationships I've been in I've noticed that my male partners have usually (with one exception) needed more space from me than I would necessarily want. Didn't mean they didn't care ... they just needed to retreat into their "man cave" and get some space before coming back to me.

 

You, on the other hand, KEEP GETTING MAD AT HIM. It sounds like you take for granted that he's going to keep putting up with having the phone hung up on him and having talks about the same thing over and over.

 

I think in relationships the best thing you can do is back off. Just back off and see what he does. Getting angry is trying to control his behavior. Men need freedom so he'll resist your anger. If you back off you can observe. Often when you seem calm and relaxed then he'll start to step up and reach out. Give him the space to. Give him the chance to miss you. And be nice for goodness sakes.

 

I'm not saying you need to stay in the relationship. If you want something and you are not getting it, you are free to leave. But trying to cajole someone into doing what you want is not the best way.

[katycloud]

The actions say it all. This guy is clearly showing that you are not a priority in his life, find someone who will.

 

Yeah, I would say this It would definitely be a deal-breaker for me - if I wanted to be a priority I would want to see evidence that I am a priority.

[Kjv1611ad]

I hear this is my fault for making a mountain out of a molehill, and I am being selfish because he is stressed out. Really? Thoughts?

[_Asti_]

After 3 years, I wouldn't be pleased with things and if he wasn't receptive to my concern, I'd be out the door.

 

One thing I have learned in my long term relationship, it takes work and effort. I have voiced myself many times over the years when things become off balanced to have more time with my guy. He bends over backwards to make it happen. We have worked really hard together to get the maximum amount of time together. I couldn't imagine being in a long term relationship where things were like this.

 

For me, it would be a deal breaker. After three years, I should feel valued, important and a priority. His actions aren't making you feel good. And he could easily remedy the situation, but chooses not to. And to me, that says alot. His actions here say alot. And like someone mentioned, maybe he's hoping that you just pull the plug, because clearly he doesn't want to make the effort in any fashion.

 

Thats the way I see it from what you've posted.