PrettyGood Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 A month ago he broke with his ex of 8 years. They had ups and downs. They broke several times before and got back together. She doesn't want to let him go. So yesterday we had a romantic evening when he said "I love you". I didn't want to pay attention to this as always, because I wasn't sure if it's not a rebound thing, but he asked me to listen to these words and truly believe him. He was talking about our future and marriage. Then his ex called out of the blue and said that she's gonna to kill herself. Of course she didn't but he talked to her over the phone for 2 hours. He was scared. He couldn't sleep all night long. Today he asked me to visit him at his house promised to spend all day with me. When I came he kissed me and said that he's gonna to drive his ex home from somewhere because she asked and he wanted to be friendly that she wouldn't do something crazy this time. Of course they both returned to his house. He wanted her to spend some quality time with us. I agreed. Then I've noticed that he acts like nothing is happening between us - he didn't embraced me, didn't kissed, nothing. And she wanted to look her best and tried to flirt with him. Finally I stood up and said I'm going home. It was a hint for him. I wrote a message to him how I feel about it and he didn't reacted to it. He just said "Ok, then talk to you in the evening". I went home and felt really stupid. I was afraid that he's gonna sleep with her when they're alone. What should I do now? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I would leave him alone. It's clear that he and his ex are not 100% over. I would move on from this situation - don't get sucked into it. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 As soon as I read "A month ago he broke with his ex of 8 years" I thought to myself TROUBLE. Sounds like he's not over his Ex and you are the rebound. You can try putting your foot down nad telling him he's needs to cut ties with her but who knows if that will work or if he'll be honest about it. To be honest, I don't see this ending well for you. Tread with extreme caution. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Yeah, that first sentence was all I needed to read too. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Ok, what should I tell him tomorrow? I'm meeting him tomorrow to take my stuff I left at his house. All this time he told me that I'm a perfect woman because I don't make problems just because he wants to "stay friends" with ex, but now I really feel abandoned! That's she needed to go out, not me And he's offline now, so I know that he's still there with her for several hours... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 What kinds of "things" are at his place? I would just ask him that he box it up and have it ready for you to pick up. that's all. honestly, this guy is not ready to be in a relationship. 8 years?? you are not his "perfect" woman, sorry, he doesn't even know you. he's still hanging out with his ex as well. all bad signs. stay away from this drama. he's not ready for a new relationship. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Yeah, that first sentence was all I needed to read too. Same. They are only a month broken up, after 8 years together. I'm sorry but there is unfinished business here. And who on earth brings their ex-gf home to spend "quality time" with their new gf!? Why would either of you want to spend any time together, let alone quality time? If you stay with this guy you are heading for trouble. I would walk away from this before you get hurt as he obviously still cares more for her feelings than yours. He would be with you right now and not her otherwise. If they are only a month broken up then how long have you been together? Link to comment
tresqua Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Ok, what should I tell him tomorrow? Tell him what my first girlfriend told me after my long term marriage failed and I was still disentangling myself from my ex. "You're a great guy but so not ready to be back out there. Call me in 6 months or whenever you have things settled one way or the other". Link to comment
bulletproof Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 If he broke up with his ex-gf a month ago, then you two couldn't have been together more than a few weeks. I honestly would not trust someone telling me that he loved me in that short of a time. Those feelings take a long time to develop. I don't think his (or your) main issue is his ex. He just sounds like a really confused person overall. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 It really hurts like hell. We're together since he broke up with her, even if he know me for almost a year. My tactic now is just to give him space and time. Everything he needs to solve his problems in one way or another. I really think that a person who said he would be with me rather than her is very correct. It's so painful and sad that I believed him. I asked him NOT to tell me these words until he's over her, but somehow he just has a very good way to say things a girl wants to hear. It crushed my heart. Tomorrow I'm meeting him, because I left my passport at his house and his ex knows that we're meeting. I won't tell him anything in advance about today. Just do my business and return. If he wants to talk about something - I'll listen to him and update it here. I really need your advise, guys Link to comment
Tanzi Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Try not to let him suck you in with more words. In all honesty, the fact that he could be talking about marriage after such a short time and after only a month broken up with his gf of 8 years is a huge red flag to me. He can't possibly know what he wants with you yet and he can't possibly have got his ex-gf out of his system, even if he is pretty sure he doesn't want to be with her. He may well be using you as an emotional crutch and saying what he things you want to hear to keep you there. Be careful. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 You know, honestly, my biggest fear is not to be pregnant, because all this time we did IT without any protection and till the end inside me. I trusted him so much. I mean I LOVE children and I always wanted to have them, but now I'm just afraid not to be left all alone He already has 1 and it happened similarly - when he dumped a girl she got pregnant, but in revenge she didn't let him to see the child for several years till now. So I really wouldn't behave like this. I know that heartache is easier to cure than such mistakes like pregnancy. It's too early yet to make a pregnancy test, but we did it 5 times in 2 weeks not looking at the calendar so I think the possibility is very big. I feel heart broken and trapped now I don't feel guilty for not protecting myself, because I REALLY wanted to have children, so maybe that's why I didn't protected myself consciously. But in this situation I just feel too much lonely Well if talking about 'love' words, he felt in love with me from the last year he was broken with her, but I gave no answer, because I had a boyfriend at that time and he tried hardly to get me and it was unsuccessful thing. So I can easily understand his words like "I love you" because he always wanted to get me as a girlfriend - he knows I have a lot of quality features like loyalty, caring and sharing and he always wanted a girl like that. Still, I think he's not over his ex yet, even if he try to say that he is. So maybe it's like a lottery for him - make love without protection and if there is a baby with a cute woman then everything is solved automatically. Of course it's stupid, I think. Link to comment
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