Emilia Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Hello. Me and my b/f have been together for 7 years now. We are both 25 yrs old. We just moved to FL from TX. We don't have any friends here yet, I just started a job and he is just starting to look for a job. We have been here for 1 month. Living together and not having a social life has made us not appreciate one another because we are together 24/7. Now that I have a job it has been less, but we have been having so many problems. He has been complaiing that we don't have any friends and he is going nuts sitting at the house all day.I I feel like he is taking his anger on me. If we can't stand to be together w/o friends for 1 month it makes me question how we will be able to spend the rest of our lives together. We basically have no intimate life anymore. We can't go out and drink and have fun...we will go to some bars on the beach but he will just complain on how he needs a social life and friends. He went to the gym and right after to the bar. I miss my family so much. They all live in Pennsylvania, I am home sick and he is just not there for me in regards to that. He sees me sad about it but all he says is, it will be OK. I need more than that. He is on the computer ALL day....literally playing chess or doing other things. I cook dinner, I do the laundry, clean etc. I feel he doesn't appreciate it. He always says he can't find a deep connection with me because he thinks I am insecure (because I frown upon strip clubs and him going), says he can't respect me for that becuase I have never gone to one to see what its like. He lied to me before about going. He would go frequently and lie to me about where he was. He doesn't go anymre, Im sure of it but I still think about it. I have lied before in the past too, about going out etc. We are past that, we were long distance for 4 years and we were living our own lives. Now we have matured. Its still rough to get over though. We've got into fight after fight, some ending up bad. 2 girls kissed at a bar and right infront of me he told the girls he didn't mind that. I told him it was kind of disrespectful and he thought nothing was wrong with it. Things escalated that night and I started yelling at him so he called the cops on me. Nothing happened, they just told us to sleep in different rooms. Crazy right???? Despite all of this, he is a good guy and would do anything for me, would take a bullet for me. We have been together so long, I left everything I had for him in PA and now I feel confused, I dont know what to do. Link to comment
Stampedingwolf Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Honestly...I'm not a girl, but if it was me, I would probably disappear for a short while and neglect him some what...see how he reacts to it...If he's crazy enough to sit there and kiss another woman in front of you, then he has a few issues that he needs to address...that's just my opinion though. It surprises me that he would go so far to even do that. What I'm saying is, the neglect might be good for him. He only thinks he doesn't have a connection to you, but if he does...He will react in some way if you disappear for just a little while. I find myself more and more intrigued by other people's relationship problems every time I read about them here. Here I am, almost 20 years old and I still haven't had a single date in my life, nor have I even been shown affection from the opposite sex before, and it leaves me to wonder...why do other men do things like this? I've come to appreciate just merely having a true friend to talk to. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Why did you both move to Florida in the first place....chi Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 WOAH. He didn't kiss to girls, but he commented that he didn't mind it... Second! DO NOT play that game and disappear. That could backfire and destroy every bit of love you have. No offense, but someone who has yet to have a date, kiss, relationship should not comment on someones relationship problems FYI. It convolutes the situation and gives poor advice. After all you two have been through, how much you have accomplished, the places you have moved to...this is that point in the relationship where it is probably make or break.... My suggestion is to do what you can, within reason, to make this relationship work. Don't dwell on the problems of the past...but remember all the good and why you should continue...even though you two are in a rut right now.... link removed for your area and meet new people. Bring your BF with some co-workers on a night out too. You guys need to find people somehow...and HE NEEDS to find a job. Tell him to find something and you don't care what it is as long as it gets his ass out of the house... Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 This is why I say that if people have been long distance, they should move to the same place, but live seperately at first and date eachother even if it is for just a little while. Then, when the time is right, they get married/engaged or if they feel it is what they want to do, live together. You guys just went from one extreme to the other - not seeing eachother at all, then 24/7 with no transition period. I think that instead of complaining, you need to go out and make friends. First, just go out to new restaurants or go and people watch sitting having an ice cream on the beach together. Find out what clubs or meetup groups are in your community. is there, seperately, groups that you attended back home, like a craft class or a dog walking group that you can find there? I think too much togetherness can be too much, but I also think that if you can't be together most of the time during a transition because one can't stand it, then I would question things too. If I were in your shoes after being LDR, i would think the first month together would be exhilerating where we just couldn't get enough of eachother before we sort of felt we needed space, but that's just me. Things will get a little better when he gets a job, but the rest you might have to fake it until you make it. But I would make sure you are absolutely happy with this if you want to stick with it. but if the cops have already been called, you guys have serious communication problems and too much unresolved anger or resentment - you need to resolve that Link to comment
Stampedingwolf Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 ...What I meant was to give him a little space, somewhat. Not ACTUALLY leave him. You can try to resolve the issue with him, but it really depends if he's willing to co-operate with you; get a job, spend time with you, and the like. If he doesn't...then that's not good, you know? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 btw, you shouldnt be doing all the cooking and cleaning. divvy up some of the chores. You guys aren't married but you are also working now and he isn't Link to comment
hrtlsngl7 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 It started to sound dysfunctional when your unemployed bf called the cops on you....take it from there. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.