NG85 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 So yesterday I had a first date with a girl, and it went well. I'm wondering when I should get in touch with her (Some sources say between 1 day and 1 week), but I suppose it might help more if I give some information on our date. I found this girl on OKCupid about 2 weeks ago, and messaged her about one of her hobbies, which is something very relevant to my interests (And only, like, .00002% of people would be into). I got a message back from her within an hour. We messaged each other back and forth about 20 times over the next week, eventually switching over to texts and texting a lot during the day. We have very similar tastes in interests, movies, and music, and she's getting ready to enter into the same career I am. Needless to say we had a lot to talk about. I work from home as a freelancer and I had a break during the afternoon when no work was coming in, and she had the day off, so we decided to meet up for lunch/coffee in the afternoon. She ended up suggesting we take a walk after lunch. Then we went to some shops. Then we drove around looking for a park. Then we hung out by the water. 3 hours flew by and I had to head home, and she seemed bummed. I drove her home and we hugged (I've had mixed reactions to giving a kiss on the first date, so I decided when in doubt to just not do it). As I drove away I saw her doing that "walking-away-looking-behind-her-repeatedly-while-doing-a-nervous-smile" thing. I thought the date went well, and I'd like to see her again. She even made a comment about doing something, then said "Maybe next time", so I assume things went well on her end, too. So how long should I wait? It's been over 24 hours since we parted ways, by the way. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I would wait one for day before I called her. Try to limit the time of the date this time. Think of something really interesting the two of you can do together. Good luck Link to comment
NG85 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I would wait one for day before I called her. Try to limit the time of the date this time. Think of something really interesting the two of you can do together. Good luck I'm confused by your wording, one day total, or one more day after today (So 2 days after the first date)? Link to comment
KJ2008 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Call her tomorrow. Do something exciting, like go-karts. It doesnt matter what you do really, just always leave the date on a high note Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 One more day after today. You want to convey interest but not too much eagerness. Good luck Link to comment
NG85 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Alright, guys, thanks! Tomorrow's fine by me. Another question - When meeting girls online, I like the first meet-up to be more casual, just to see if there's real chemistry. Typed words can convey some feelings, but I believe that means nothing until you're face-to-face. Who knows, the person may smell or actually look a lot different without the aid of Photoshopped photos. As such, there wasn't much "intimate" stuff going on. We walked along some rocks and I held her hand to guide her, I hugged her when she left, I paid for lunch, we talked a lot about school, work, friends, careers, family, etc., and I did some light playful teasing/flirting, but nothing too heavy duty. Could this put accross that I'm too "friendly" or a "nice guy", or is this a good way to approach it? Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Don't wait too long! Guys will tell you to wait a week, but women will tell you no more than a day. Who are you trying to date? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 85;4888726] As such, there wasn't much "intimate" stuff going on. We walked along some rocks and I held her hand to guide her, I hugged her when she left, I paid for lunch, we talked a lot about school, work, friends, careers, family, etc., and I did some light playful teasing/flirting, but nothing too heavy duty. Could this put accross that I'm too "friendly" or a "nice guy", or is this a good way to approach it? I think that you are doing just fine. My goodness, this was a 1st date! You need time to get to know each other. You don't get intimate on your 1st date. That comes with time, and I would not rush it. You don't want to appear to be a playboy. Let things just develop naturally. You will sense when the time is right for the first kiss etc. Just have fun and the rest will follow.....chi Link to comment
NG85 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I think that you are doing just fine. My goodness, this was a 1st date! You need time to get to know each other. You don't get intimate on your 1st date. That comes with time, and I would not rush it. You don't want to appear to be a playboy. Let things just develop naturally. You will sense when the time is right for the first kiss etc. Just have fun and the rest will follow.....chi Alright, good to see I'm on the right track! So I'll wait till the afternoon/evening to give her a shout, then see where it goes from there! I found out there's some fun stuff coming up in the next few weeks, so I'll see if she's free to go to one of them. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Alright, guys, thanks! Tomorrow's fine by me. Another question - When meeting girls online, I like the first meet-up to be more casual, just to see if there's real chemistry. Typed words can convey some feelings, but I believe that means nothing until you're face-to-face. Who knows, the person may smell or actually look a lot different without the aid of Photoshopped photos. As such, there wasn't much "intimate" stuff going on. We walked along some rocks and I held her hand to guide her, I hugged her when she left, I paid for lunch, we talked a lot about school, work, friends, careers, family, etc., and I did some light playful teasing/flirting, but nothing too heavy duty. Could this put accross that I'm too "friendly" or a "nice guy", or is this a good way to approach it? That's normal. If some stranger tried to jump on me I'd run away. Go on a couple more dates before you make a "move." Link to comment
NG85 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Alright, called and left a message a minute or so ago. Fingers crossed! There's a fair going on both this weekend and next, so I asked if she'd be interested in going with me. Link to comment
NG85 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 So I heard back from her. She said she had fun, and asked if she was what I expected her to be (I guess the online dating thing can lead to lots of false expectations). I told her I enjoyed meeting her, and asked her if she wanted to meet up again. She reiterated that she had fun, but felt no chemistry. Abort mission? I doubt there's anything I could do to convince her otherwise. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Poo! What a lousy ending. (and no - there is nothing you can do to change her mind). Still, be proud that you stepped up and did all the right things. Dating is just a numbers game. AND, at least she gave you closure so you can march on. Next! Link to comment
NG85 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Poo! What a lousy ending. (and no - there is nothing you can do to change her mind). Still, be proud that you stepped up and did all the right things. Dating is just a numbers game. AND, at least she gave you closure so you can march on. Next! Yeah, online dating is a tough thing. You spend a bunch of effort talking online and getting along great, and a lot of times that means nothing when you finally meet up. I really think the physical aspect is as important as the personality aspect - It's easier to idealize someone when they're just a photo on a profile. I'm thinking of texting her back "That's fine, maybe we could hang out as friends sometime." Good? Bad? Would this automatically friend zone me? Link to comment
orchidrose Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Yeah, online dating is a tough thing. You spend a bunch of effort talking online and getting along great, and a lot of times that means nothing when you finally meet up. I really think the physical aspect is as important as the personality aspect - It's easier to idealize someone when they're just a photo on a profile. I'm thinking of texting her back "That's fine, maybe we could hang out as friends sometime." Good? Bad? Would this automatically friend zone me? Well.. you're asking her to be friends, so yes. Honestly, I'd just let this one go. I can assure you that this was uncomfortable for her, as I'm sure she knew that you were into her and she felt bad about not having chemistry. It's just going to get more uncomfortable the more you push her. And honestly, do you want to be friends with someone you were so into who has no interest in you romantically? It would be torture for me. Link to comment
NG85 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Yeah, true, Orchid. I'll put the ball in her court. I'll just say "That's fine, it was fun", and then see what she suggests. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Yeah, true, Orchid. I'll put the ball in her court. I'll just say "That's fine, it was fun", and then see what she suggests. I don't think you really need to reply. Just from personal experience, I can say that when I don't feel chemistry with a guy and I tell him so, I'm not intending to get a reply or hang out with him again. Part of dating is meeting people that you're just not compatible with, and it's very, very rare that I'm interested in maintaining any sort of friendship or relationship with someone that I don't have chemistry with but I met through a dating site. Link to comment
NG85 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't think you really need to reply. Just from personal experience, I can say that when I don't feel chemistry with a guy and I tell him so, I'm not intending to get a reply or hang out with him again. Part of dating is meeting people that you're just not compatible with, and it's very, very rare that I'm interested in maintaining any sort of friendship or relationship with someone that I don't have chemistry with but I met through a dating site. Maybe I'm grasping at straws, but she said she doesn't THINK there was any chemistry. Same thing as no chemistry, right? Oh well, I tried Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Maybe I'm grasping at straws, but she said she doesn't THINK there was any chemistry. Same thing as no chemistry, right? Oh well, I tried LOL. Yes... If you keep pushing this, you'll look like a clinger, and then force her to be mean. Just move on at this point. Link to comment
NG85 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 LOL. Yes... If you keep pushing this, you'll look like a clinger, and then force her to be mean. Just move on at this point. Yeah, sounds good. Also, during this time I've been asking for advice, I got a message from another girl on OKC. When one door closes, perhaps another one opens! Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Yeah, sounds good. Also, during this time I've been asking for advice, I got a message from another girl on OKC. When one door closes, perhaps another one opens! EXACTLY! Like I said above - it's just a numbers game. This girl wasn't right for you, so maybe the new one will be all-around a better choice! Link to comment
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