Bluesman89 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 A month? She will only be here for another 3 weeks.. And how am I supposed to be cool when she acts so distant and avoidant with me? It is not pleasant at all to be constantly reminded of my failure like this.. My confidence hasn't improved at all from this strangely enough, despite having had this girl interested in me.. I am now left feeling as if there is something wrong with me.. Link to comment
fourty6and2 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 That's exactly how I felt when I was in love with someone who did not share the same feelings, 'cause he just wouldn't come out clean. I decided I will leave the ball in his court and if he wanted to, he would've contacted me. He did not...so I just had to face it. It took me over a half a year to recover...but hey...in love this happens all the time. I've been on the other side too where I had to say no and it is very hard on that end also. There is nothing wrong with you, it's just the way love is until you meet a person who shares the same feelings back. As an insight you could put on a paper your problem and try to brainstorm different solutions to it and their consequences.Think about all of them and then decide to go with the best one and stick to it. Your future is in your hands. I was down too when something like this happened to me, but I felt damn proud that I was honest with my feelings. You should too. All is not lost...I think you guys will have an other chance in these 3 weeks to at least talk everything out. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Okay now I don't know if I still have a sliver of a chance or not (perhaps I'm just grasping at straws).. but anyway we had a nice chat this morning and she agreed to go on a walk down by the sea with me today, after college. Basically I was down in the kitchen this morning, purposely waiting to see if she'd come down. So I was in the middle of making coffee when she did come down. She came in and said hi and we started talking. I sat down with her at the table while she was having her breakfast. Surprisingly she didn't jump up and leave the instant she finished her cereal as she did once before (during a time she was being distant with me).. She asked me what I was going to do today, and I said I'd just be practicing. When I asked her if it'll just be a normal day at college today she said it would and that she didn't know what she was going to do later.. So I took this as a sign and asked her if she'd like me to take her down to the beach so she can collect some shells (she mentioned before she wanted to do this). I was considering asking her to watch the dvd with me instead but I thought the walk would be a safer suggestion. Well anyway she agreed.. So I'm wondering how I should proceed? I'm wondering if I should just keep things light and act friendly with her, or actually talk with her about our dilemma. I was also thinking about bringing up the dvd again while we're on the walk later, but perhaps I should not? Link to comment
xyzzzz Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 oh well bluesman do you really have to grab this girl? cuz things will get ugly if feelings arent muture..it would be much easier to go after girls who arent living with you..or arent working with you.. and she will leave in 3 weeks? so your best hope is some fling? maybe FWB? Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 oh well bluesman do you really have to grab this girl? cuz things will get ugly if feelings arent muture..it would be much easier to go after girls who arent living with you..or arent working with you.. and she will leave in 3 weeks? so your best hope is some fling? maybe FWB? I'll take anything I can get at this stage. I really like her and want to be close and intimate with her, whether it is short term or not. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 grrr this is soooo frustrating and reading what you've written makes me want take a hold of your shoulders and shake.... hard. Why are you stressing soooo much? Why are you analysing every little thing? Stop wondering or wavering, just do it. I mean I've never been one for regrets, I would make a move if I felt compelled. I wouldn't just let things slip away bc I hate what ifs. Better to feel a fool for a day than be wondering a month later what could have happened. Man the heck up. Link to comment
Naitsirhc Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 At the beach you must kiss her. Just go all in. Don't hesitate! When the time comes, just act! You will feel relieved no matter how she reacts, because then you'll have no regrets because you did all you could. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 ^ Yes I will once I get her beside me watchig a DVD again.. Today went well. We walked down along the seafront and I took her down to the beach so she could collect some shells. I got her an ice cream and paid for it after her insisting she'd pay for it. All in all we were out for 2 and a half hours. Now she is downstairs making some kind of desert for our family. Wasn't sure if I should hang down there with her but I didn't want to be too in her face.. Though she definitely enjoyed our walk.. So I am considering asking her at dinner to watch a DVD with me.. but I am extremely wary of doing this as there is a risk I'll appear too clingy right? What do you think? If I get hr watching a film with me I will kiss her. Link to comment
superfox Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 “It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life” And it's true. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 “It is better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life” And it's true. Yeeeeep. If you don't take a risk you'll never gain that confidence man. It's amazing how many times I've caught myself fearing doing something new, only to do it, look back and go "well son of a beard, why did it take me so long to do this?!". Link to comment
superfox Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Anyone else wondering what's happening chez bluesman tonight?!! Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 I'll tell you what happened.. I kissed her No joke! I got her to watch a movie with me. Spent the majority of the film psyching myself up until I eventually turned to her, brushed her hair back, and after kissing her on the forehead I went right in for the lips. Then I gave her another one. She didn't move away and just stayed in my arms. Then we went back to watching the movie and afterwards we talked for ages. Now she's gone to bed. So what happens from here? Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 You go into her room and sex her up!!!! Just kidding, but well done man!!!!! See, it's not that bad. Now, you learn to stop overthinking everything and just go with the flow? Link to comment
Kitten love Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Oh my god! Blues that's fantastic!! WOW Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Wow, an actual GOOD story in this hellish forum, lol. Congrats, Blues. Excellent, and well done. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Thank you again guys! It looks like I am unlikely to see her at all today. Right before she will return back to the house, I will be leaving and won't be back until near midnight. Just hope she doesn't get the wrong impression and start thinking I was put off by her or something. Bah probably my over analyzing kicking in again.. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 This all took a turn for the worst guys. After all this (me kissing her and everything), two nights ago she suddenly starts the ''I don't want to hurt you/let's be friends'' crap again... I mean REALLY!?? It happened while we were sitting together on the couch, and I tried to initiate something.. She said she was attracted to me at the beginning but now sees us as more ''kindred spirits''...... When I asked her why she did not reject my kisses the other night, her response was ''you caught me by surprise'' which is bull * * * * because I moved in slow and gave her plenty of opportunity to move away (not to mention I kissed her a second time). She also threw another excuse in, saying ''I guess I wanted to see if I'd feel anything''... Just like the last one.. the talk got nowhere as neither of us would back down. I was not going to let her put me in the friend zone. I am just so confused now. She seemed to be spending a lot of time with me after the kiss (coming to sit with me on the couch every night, striking up conversation with me etc.) so this sudden rejection doesn't make any sense to me. It is so painful and has left me feeling so down. To make things worse I suspected yesterday night that she may have been going out to 'see' someone else... She was dressed nice and I heard her brushing her teeth in the bathroom before she left. She was supposedly going to meet up with some friends to discuss their day trip today, however she arrived back in an hour and a half. And when she came down and passed me she told me ''I waited for half an hour and nobody showed up'', which just sounded strange to me... Needless to say I went and got drunk after that. I don't know what to do now. I don't feel I can trust anything she says...... and I'm feeling a lot of mixed emotions.. mainly anger.. I can't help but feel I've been messed around with. Link to comment
Lamour detruit Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Time to move on bro. Seems like you had your window of opportunity, you missed it, and she kind of moved on. If I were you I wouldn't waste any more attention on this girl..just do your thing. Don't take it too badly though. Her initial interest showed she was attracted and into you. That in itself should show you there is no need to be unconfident with women. The thing you should take from this is not to overanalyze stuff as much, just go for it if you're into her instead of waiting as long. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 Time to move on bro. Seems like you had your window of opportunity, you missed it, and she kind of moved on. If I were you I wouldn't waste any more attention on this girl..just do your thing. Don't take it too badly though. Her initial interest showed she was attracted and into you. That in itself should show you there is no need to be unconfident with women. The thing you should take from this is not to overanalyze stuff as much, just go for it if you're into her instead of waiting as long. How did I miss it? I kissed her (just three nights ago).. and she let me do so. I can't understand what led to this sudden change in situation.. Would a girl ever let a guy kiss her if she did not find them attractive? Also another thing she mentioned in the convo was that it was 2 months ago when she and her fiance broke up (not 6 months like I previously thought I heard). And it's kind of hard to move on and recover when this girl is living in the same house... and will be for another two weeks Link to comment
dali Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Try not take things to hard, you just have to deal with it. Suck it up and move on. You will learn more through failure than success Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 Try not take things to hard, you just have to deal with it. Suck it up and move on. You will learn more through failure than success Yes so I'll just pack up and move out of the house. Perhaps live in a field somewhere for the next two weeks then? This is going to be torture. I have already started breaking out in these little face rashes I seem to get when I am very stressed. I can't move on (and I challenge anybody else to have that ability) while she is in the house and around me every day. Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 You are taking this way too hard and being a little hypocritcal here. You said you would take all you can get and would be happy with that. Then, you get a few kisses and that is the end of it. Now you think you are messed with? She made it very clear she didn't want a relationship and you went for it anyways. Sorry to be harsh but how you feel right now is all on you. She is still being kind to you and still talking to you. That is the best you can ask for. If that makes it worse for you then just avoid her for the next two weeks. She does also have a right to lose interest if she did not enjoy kissing you. Those are her own personal feelings and to be angry at her over that isn't fair at all. She was upfront the whole time with her intentions with you. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 No, she really wasn't. I mean I couldn't have hoped for better vibes from her on the night I kissed her. After I kissed her we talked for a long period afterwards. She was cheerful, and was trying to find me on facebook so she could add me. Following day.. same thing. She also waited up for me, when I got back late from a rehearsal... Then all of a sudden.. this happens........ Absolutely no explanation whatsoever. The only thing I can put it down to is that she found somebody else, who she prefers more than me and so decided to drop me. And that thought has already chipped away at my confidence, which is now gradually declining. Link to comment
wsim Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 You should still hold your head up high, you did great. Don't blame yourself, at least she was being upfront and honest, not playing games... which is a lot better than some people. Nevertheless, you got some kisses and experience. You can certainly gain confidence and build on this. Just be confident and all will be good. At least you have girls showing attraction and interest, many guys (including me) can only dream of having that or rarely ever happens for them. Link to comment
Shudder Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 i still think you killed it when you asked to kiss her that time. she probably allowed you to kiss her to see if it could reignite anything but my guess is that it didnt. girls are like that. they are more in tuned with how they feel at the moment. if its off, its off completely. so just make sure its on all the time lol Link to comment
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