I think she was expecting a kiss... Do I have another chance?

[oldenoughtoknow]

If I were you, somewhere in the 45 minute talk, I would have gotten your schedules together and figured out a time to take her to the art studio. Then, you would be feeling better, right? Then, you could have told her about your audition tomorrow and that would subtly pass on to her that you have a good, full life. And, between now and the date, she would have something to anticipate. Now, she may be feeling the same thing you are. Don't overthink, and don't beat yourself up. Stuff like this only goes perfectly in the movies - and not always then. The important thing is that she's still talking. So, next time you have more than a passing conversation, I would get another date in the books.

[iBroken]

At this point, you are definitely overthinking it.

 

Just go in for the kiss. Worst case scenario, she says no. But you wont know until you try

[MakeItCount]

At this point, you are definitely overthinking it.

 

Just go in for the kiss. Worst case scenario, she says no. But you wont know until you try

 

+1. If it makes it awkward, who cares? She's only there for a cpl more weeks, you'll be fine.

[Bluesman89]

She responded very well to me today.

 

I was out all the day, and when I got back in the evening I just went right up to her room and knocked on her door. She came out and, to my relief, seemed happy to see me there. She immediately asked me how my audition went and I told her about it. We talked outside her room for what seemed like a long time, then she asked me if I could help her with a computer problem she was having. So she took her laptop downstairs and we sat in the living room. I managed to fix the issue, and she was delighted and gave me a hug. We then continued to chat while in front of the computer screen and TV.

 

Also I started playing with her hair again, and even went as far as to tickle the back of her neck with one of her pigtails. I did this a few times and she didn't react negatively at all.

 

She's going away for the weekend on one of those college trips again (on friday) and so when we brought that up I said that I would miss her (was that wise?)

 

And oldenoughtoknow, don't worry I did not forget to ask her out this time! I mentioned the jazz club for tomorrow night, and she said she would love to go. She is going to let me know tomorrow for certain, but it is seeming pretty likely. We are going to be rushing it though cause she needs to be back before 12 as she'll have an early day on friday (the trip)..

 

I think things went pretty well. What are the thoughts on this? And should I attempt to go for a kiss tomorrow? I don;t know how I will find the ideal moment though. It;s just going to be torture for me if I let her go for the weekend.. without kissing her and wondering if she's getting with any other guys...

[oldenoughtoknow]

Just the two of you, listening to some nice jazz music. Oh yeah, there will be an opportunity for a kiss at some point. Just don't over think. When you're alone or in an area that feels private and there's a lull in the conversation, don't be nervous and think you're blowing it. Look into her eyes for a moment and lean in for a kiss. She'll be smiling all weekend. Good job.

[MakeItCount]

go blues!! See, this isn't so hard

[Bluesman89]

Thanks guys. We're leaving in 45 mins. I am planning the kiss for either on the train there or the one back. I am just very worried about going in at the wrong moment and getting rejected.

[Shudder]

its best not to plan for these things. most of the time it doesnt work out the way you want it to anyway

[Bluesman89]

I'm left feeling pretty empty this morning... not knowing what to think. Last night was pretty emotional.

 

As we were leaving the club, I heard her say she was cold and I put my arm around her tight while we were walking. At this point she kind of got emotional, and ended up saying that she doesn't want to hurt me. And that she is a messed up girl, who I wouldn't want to be with. Anyway I responded saying that was nonsense, and told her I really like her and feel we have a connection.

Then I asked her to tell me about what makes her messed up. Well she told me she had been engaged to her ex, whom she only fell apart with 6 months ago. She said he took advantage of her at her most vulnerable time (whatever she meant by that).

We didn't talk too much more about it until on the train, when I brought it up again telling her I am glad she explained things to me. I clarified again that I really liked her. Well she then went to tell me more things that she thinks makes her 'messed up'. She said a guy apparently took advantage of her last weekend while she was away.. They made out and that he clearly said to her ''this is a one night stand'' (though they did not have sex)..

 

She asked me if that bothered me. I said that nobody is perfect but from what I understood was that it was mostly other people who were in the wrong and not her.

 

When we got off the train and started the walk to the house I had my arm wrapped around her tight and she said I made her feel really warm.

Then when we arrived back into the house I asked her to come in to the living room so we can talk a bit more which she agreed to. We sat down on the couch quite close up to each other. There was silence for a bit, and she was looking at me the whole time. Then I eventually told her something like ''I'm not going to kiss you if that is not what you want'', but said I would like to kiss her. At some point though I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

 

During the convo she mentioned that she is only here for another three weeks and she can't deal with long distance relationships as that was the case with her ex. She also said that the things I was telling her is just what other guys who took advantage of her said to her.

 

I made clear to her that I am not a guy who would use her and disguard her like the others. I mentioned again at some point that ''I could kiss you now, but I want you to feel the same way''.

 

Anyway we weren't getting anywhere as we both had many silences in which we just sat there looking at each other. So eventually I said to her that I'd like her to have a think about us getting together while she is away on her trip, and she agreed.

 

Shortly after she said that if we do not end up in a relationship, then she would still like to have me as a friend. I said I would 'be honored', 'but I want more than that'.

 

I may have missed out important bits cause there really was so much talk (as well as getting the order wrong). But anyway at the end we had like a really long hug, and I told her to enjoy her trip and that I'd talk to her when she got back..

 

What are you thoughts?.....

[lalalollipops]

I thought you handled that REALLY well.

I awwed, and this is coming from sb that got burned severly =/ and have major trust issues.

 

 

Good job, I think whatever happens, just know that things will go well.

[Bluesman89]

I thought you handled that REALLY well.

I awwed, and this is coming from sb that got burned severly =/ and have major trust issues.

 

 

Good job, I think whatever happens, just know that things will go well.

Will they though? I mean did she mean it when she agreed to think about it over the weekend or is it all too late/case closed?

 

There is only one outcome that I will be able to look at and say things went well. I'm just feeling so depressed right now it is almost unbearable. I'm so confused.

[dali]

How long is she going away for? I haven't been reading the whole thread.

 

Why are you depressed bluesman? You handled it like you really care about her. On asking her if it's she wants a kiss, it's sweet but I find it kind of takes away from the experience a bit, the spontaneity. I've done it got told no and did it anyway just needed a little bit of courage. But it's about reading the situation though, if your good at reading people and body language you don't need to ask, just do!

[LoveSoDeep]

I've read some of you other posts and I think no matter what happens this is a mjor victory for you. It sounds like she really does like you and if she wasn't leaving in a couple weeks and already soured on LDRs that she would not be hesitant at all. So you need to remind yourself it's not you that she's unsure of it's the circumstance, and she clearly feels bad about that but at this point it can't be helped.

 

What you need to do is take this as proof that girls do find you attractive and intersting and if you keep putting yourself out there you will meet one who is as into you as you are her and who isn't leaving the country soon.

[Kitten love]

I think you did really well too.. I'm sorry to hear she backed off when things seemed to be going well.. You're getting the hang if the dating game that's for sure, maybe you just need to work on reading girls a little better? Though it sounds a bit like she did a 180..

 

To be honest I've said those same kinds of things to nice guys who unfortunately I didn't feel a spark with.. But it's good she's being honest right? She must care about you enough to give you that.

 

My advice would just be to keep doing everything (except datey

[Kitten love]

stuff so you can work on your conversational skills further.. There is a positive to come from this.. Though it's no doubt hard to focus on that now.

 

But yes backing off on the physical closeness I think it important from this point on, not pushing the issue or bringing it up ( you made your feelings very clear- well done that takes guts!) or ypu could risk making her final time in the house uncomfortable.

[Bluesman89]

What you need to do is take this as proof that girls do find you attractive and intersting and if you keep putting yourself out there you will meet one who is as into you as you are her and who isn't leaving the country soon.

Thing is I don't even know if she does or ever did find me attractive now...

 

It has just crushed my confidence.

 

dali, she is away till sunday.

[dali]

I wouldn't be crushed, progress is still progress if you have issues dating and self confidence.

 

Hmmm I just read a bit more and your actions kind of say 'good friend' to me rather than 'i like you in that way'. I think if your good at reading people you don't need to ask questions like 'would you consider a relationship or can I kiss you". It's not rocket science but it does take a bit of experience.

 

How long is she going away for?

[Bluesman89]

I wouldn't be crushed, progress is still progress if you have issues dating and self confidence.

 

Hmmm I just read a bit more and your actions kind of say 'good friend' to me rather than 'i like you in that way'. I think if your good at reading people you don't need to ask questions like 'would you consider a relationship or can I kiss you". It's not rocket science but it does take a bit of experience.

 

How long is she going away for?

Really? I wouldn't have thought playing with her hair, stroking her arm and putting my arm around her are something a friend would do. And I did these things on multiple occasions.

 

And she will not be gone for long. She is due back this weekend, on Sunday.

[LoveSoDeep]

Trust me I would never and I mean NEVER go out alone with a guy I didn't find even a little attractive.

 

The fact that she spent so much time at the house talking to you and agreed to go out with you alone, then let you touch her hair, stroke her arm, and put your arm around her....there's something there. I have guy friends I don't find atractive and I would never let them get away with any of that for fear they would get the wrong idea. Just becasue she's not acting on it doesn't mean she doesn't think you are good looking.

 

Thing is I don't even know if she does or ever did find me attractive now...

 

It has just crushed my confidence.

 

dali, she is away till sunday.

[dali]

I probably haven't read the whole thread sorry, I only read your last post about giving her a hug... not the hair playing, touching of arm.... if you've done all those things why haven't you kissed her? Taking it slow? Doesn't feel right? Waiting permission? Self confidence?

[Bluesman89]

I probably haven't read the whole thread sorry, I only read your last post about giving her a hug... not the hair playing, touching of arm.... if you've done all those things why haven't you kissed her? Taking it slow? Doesn't feel right? Waiting permission? Self confidence?

Fear of being an awful kisser, and embarrassing myself basically sums up the reason for the delay..

 

I have never kissed anyone before you see. The mere thought, during moments in her company, invoked pure terror in my mind. I don't even know how I managed to kiss her on the cheek last night..

 

LoveSoDeep, thanks for your input there. That is nice to know. I just felt like this hideous, undesirable ogre in the aftermath of last night..

 

Anyway I have been thinking and I think I'd like to sit her down when she gets back and tell her that I am okay with partaking in a more casual thing with her. I guess I sort of agree with what she said about the long distance complication etc.. However I do desire some intimacy with her.. Any thoughts as to how I can best explain this to her? Do you think that is something she would also want with me after the suggestive remark she made to me (quoted in the OP) last week?

[dali]

Oh like never? Now I get it..

 

Look no posts on a internet forum is going to take that fear away. To give you comfort no one is a good kisser the first time they do it or even knows what to do at first, you sort of purse your lips and push em together. You got to put all those feelings of fear to the back of your head really. No guts, no glory, if you sense the time is right.... well just bloody well do it. It's like - brain 'I want to kiss her" and your body does the rest, stuff the consequences, eventually you don't care about the fear. Your adrenaline will be pumping through your veins for sure.

 

And who cares if your crap, if she thinks you are, explain she would understand. If she pulls away, whoops you misread the situation no big deal, you'll live if you suck or that happens. The more you ask permission to kiss and the more you worry about doing it the more your building it up that it has to be earth shattering.

 

However I do desire some intimacy with her.. Any thoughts as to how I can best explain this to her?

 

That's a tough one because your not in a official relationship yet though, are you? i think your being very gentleman like, considerate and nice but first things first kiss this girls. Asking is fine, but showing it through your actions is better.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Blue, dude, look at you! Do you see how much you've grown from this experience? This is huge! You're having great conversations, you've gone out on dates, you're touching her hair, stroking her arm, putting your arm around her, and you were pushing for a kiss and actually moved in and gave her one. On the cheek...who cares?!? Can you see how much you've progressed? You should be proud of yourself. You had a mini-relationship, and it's not necessarily over yet. She was only in your area for a limited amount of time. You know there was a miniscule chance you would establish an LDR out of this, right? You've already done all that was realistically doable. I would just wait and see what happens when she gets back. She's definitely likes you and is attracted to you. I don't think a full on kiss is out of the question.

[Bluesman89]

Few glasses of wine in me now, forgive any errors..

 

Thing is.. I always end up looking back on these sort of things and feeling regret. I can't cope with that feeling sometimes and I don't want that to happen here. I crave intimacy and despite my 'gentlemanliness' last night.. I really want to experience that with this girl.. on all levels..

 

I'm wondering if I should sit down with her when she gets in and just tell her that I understand she does not want a serious relationship, but that I like her and think we should enjoy each others company in the time we have. Then hope that i can at least kiss her without her thinking I expect a relationship out of it..

 

Do you think this is achievable?? I probably make no sens right now..

[LoveSoDeep]

You are making sense....BUT trust me it is very hard to go in with no expectations especially when what you really want is intimacy which is really a bonding experience, especially when it's a first of any kind. Everyone feels that special bond with their first kiss, their first love, their first whatever.

 

My fear is that she has a little more experience and while she may be able to go through with "just a fling" it won't feel the same to you when she leaves and you'll get hurt. Also didn't she say she felt kinda used when she hooked up with some other guy on her last trip? It sounds to me like even if she is okay with it it still makes her feel a little weird after the fact.

 

I say she's going to be around for a couple more weeks....just tell yourself there is nothing there and let whatever happens happen. Don't try to plan b/c these things can't be planned....just try to have a good time, but focus on the fact that she is leaving and this whole thing is just an experience for both of you ....one that shouldn't be skipped or stiffled but at the same time one you shouldn't focus on too much.