Kitten love Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Oh wow good luck hope things are going well for you right now!! Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Good progress man, she's been wanting to hang out alot. Keep it going in the right direction. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I didn't kiss her but upped the ante a bit more from last time anyway.. I had my arm around her like the whole time. Eventually I started very gently rubbing my fingers over her bare arm, which she didn't seem to mind. And on one occasion while we were talking, I brushed her hair away from her face. She was very tired throughout and fell asleep in my arms three times. After the first time she feel asleep I told her she should go to bed, but she insisted on finishing the movie. However after the first movie finished she seemed wide awake and we ended up watching a second one. She fell asleep again during this one but I couldn't bring myself to wake her up. Eventually I decided I would, and after I did so, I insisted that she go to bed, which she did. I said goodnight to her and that's it. Anyway I'm pretty miserable this morning as I woke up with a * * * * ing eye infection (in it's early stage). These occur now and again due to my wearing of contact lenses, which generally means they need to be taken out for the infection to heal..... Well that means I either have to wear my stupid glasses and likely destroy what I have with this girl.. walk around blind..... or leave the lenses in and pray the infection heals regardless. So yeah I am devastated. And on top of that my skin has suddenly become relatively bad in the past few days. Part of me knew my happiness would not last. It's quite typical really. Life lifts me up, then shoots me down. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Anyway I'm pretty miserable this morning as I woke up with a * * * * ing eye infection (in it's early stage). These occur now and again due to my wearing of contact lenses, which generally means they need to be taken out for the infection to heal..... Well that means I either have to wear my stupid glasses and likely destroy what I have with this girl.. walk around blind..... or leave the lenses in and pray the infection heals regardless. So yeah I am devastated. And on top of that my skin has suddenly become relatively bad in the past few days. Part of me knew my happiness would not last. It's quite typical really. Life lifts me up, then shoots me down. So basically you had an another amazing night with this girl and you're miserable because of an eye infection? Seriously? Please try to get some perspective. If someone is interested in you, she is not going to care about classes or a little acne. And by saying "it's typical" that "life lifts me up, then shoots me down" you are being incredibly negative. Nobody is shooting you down. You are making progress with this girl and that's what you said you wanted. Life is not conspiring against you. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 So basically you had an another amazing night with this girl and you're miserable because of an eye infection? Seriously? Please try to get some perspective. If someone is interested in you, she is not going to care about classes or a little acne. And by saying "it's typical" that "life lifts me up, then shoots me down" you are being incredibly negative. Nobody is shooting you down. You are making progress with this girl and that's what you said you wanted. Life is not conspiring against you. You are right. I'm sorry I just lost it there. Thankfully the redness in my eye faded, so it appears it may not be a full blow infection after all. Lets hope it stays this way.. Anyway so you think I did good last night then? I still have the pressure for a kiss looming over me.. I am also worried about getting too repetitive with our 'dates' or whatever you want to call them. So far it's been mostly me suggesting them, and they have consisted mostly of walks and watching a DVD. She is into art though, so I was thinking about suggesting we go visit a nearby relative of mine who happens to own a large collection of quite famous paintings and sculptures. I dunno.. what do you think? Or would I seem clingy asking her out to do something again today? Link to comment
bulletproof Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 She is into art though, so I was thinking about suggesting we go visit a nearby relative of mine who happens to own a large collection of quite famous paintings and sculptures. I dunno.. what do you think? Or would I seem clingy asking her out to do something again today? I think that is a great idea for something to do. If you think it is starting to get to be too much, wait a day and then ask her. Space between people is good. But don't wait longer than that. How long is she there for? Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think that is a great idea for something to do. If you think it is starting to get to be too much, wait a day and then ask her. Space between people is good. But don't wait longer than that. How long is she there for? Okay. I think she'll be here for another 4 weeks. So yeah not much time really, plus she goes away on trips every weekend. Link to comment
Kitten love Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think the relative's gallery sounds like a lovely idea, will there be any chance of privacy while you're there? A nice garden you could kiss her in perhaps? Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Yes, the person has a nice big garden, but it's mostly very long and open. So not ideal for that I would think. Also would it really be that bad for me to suggest this for us to do today? She was away for the weekend so I suppose we did already have a bit of time apart. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Oh man.. guys I got the feeling she was a bit more distant than usual today.. There are so many conflicting signs. She's gone out now, I think to celebrate the 4th of July with the other americans in her group. She didn't invite me.. However earlier this evening we were both talking for ages in my room. She was excited and telling me about the things she is going to do. I'm not sure if it was my tone at the end of the conversation that offended her or something. I have this difficulty with ending conversations, and I usually don't know what to say. I remember I said ''okay I'll see you at dinner then... I guess.'' Just the way I said it I feel sounded like I was annoyed or something, which I was not of course. I was upbeat throughout the whole conversation. But anyway she started talking to me at dinner so I made an extra effort to be talkative with her then in hopes of reassuring her that I was not annoyed about anything. And smiling at her etc.. I'm not sure if that was enough though. Link to comment
Kitten love Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 I think that's fine Blues.. sounds like things went fine at dinner! And I wouldn't worry too much about her not inviting you to 4th of July celebrations, it's an American celebration and not surprising it would involve only her group.. I wouldn't read too much into that. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 My eyes are filling with tears now as I speak. There is no doubt in my mind now that she has begun to distance herself from me.. I heard her down in the kitchen this morning. She was on her own so I decided I'd go down and have a chat with her. Well I asked her how she was today and if she was going to attend this college event she said might be happening later today. She said she probably was. Anyway so I then asked her if she'd like to do something later, and she didn't give a proper response. I mentioned I could take her to see the paintings, as this event does not start till half 7 (she get's back from college around 4:15).. But anyway I can't even remember what her response was to that. Usually I could see her eyes light up when I talked to her before, but I did not see that today.. I think I f*cked myself over big time and my chance is blown. The depression I am feeling now is hard to bear. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Don't be so hard on yourself man. Maybe she was tired and not up to being all perky. I mean maybe you DID wait too long to kiss her, maybe it was sth else. Either way don't be so quick to jump to conclusions... I mean you really need to work on your confidence and tendency to over think things and get ahead of yourself. Like seriously...It's FINE, you'll live. She's just one girl. You're the same age as me! Don't stress so much. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 She had 11 hours sleep apparently. I'm thinking about going and asking her one last time, when she gets in from college. If I could at least get her to go for a walk with me I could explain my feelings. I just need one last chance! If I could get her to watch a dvd with me again tonight I would kiss her for sure.... Most likely wont be given that chance though.. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Oh and I forgot something. During our short convo in the kitchen this morning she did mention she has a presentation today. And also that her laptop was giving her problems. I would like to hope that these are the reasons for her not being talkative with me.. Perhaps she's been stressed.. I dunno. All I know is I am torturing myself. I want to feel that closeness with her again. Link to comment
Kitten love Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I don't think you waited too long. Wait and see what happens tonight/tomorrow before worrying too much. And make sure you're getting all the right signals before you lean in for the kiss. My thoughts are with you Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 She has a presentation and her laptop's not working? That's one of life's definitions of stress. Dude, chill! Don't worry about every little conversation. You're putting your arm around her and she likes it. She's falling asleep in your arms. She feels safe with you. This is all good stuff. See, if you were more calm, her presentation was one of those times when you could have been empathetic. Giving presentations is a big event for most people. That's why she was a bit distant - it's not always about you! If she has a big day with something else going on at 7, chill. Don't push or pressure her or look needy/clingy. Bring it up tomorrow with a little enthusiasm - she likes art and you're excited to show it to her. Oh yeah, ditto on the glasses and acne. She's already decided she likes you. Glasses and acne aren't going to change that - acting like a puppy dog will. Remember to breathe, and be calm and casual. You're doing great. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Thanks for giving your thoughts! It's always nice to hear your take on the situation. I still can't help but feel she is becoming distant with me though. She has just come in the door now like 20 mins ago. She just went right up to her room and closed the door. I certainly don't want to appear clingy. That is my main fear and it's what I have been breaking my back to avoid. I;, just worried I have already come accross that way.. So what's the best thing to do? Just leave her alone completely? Or go up and ask her how the presentation went? EDIT: Also to add.. Yesterday at dinner I noticed that she did not sit beside me (she had always sat beside me before then).. She did talk to me however but obviously I took that as another blow. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 This is part of the dating dance. She does have a life, and you should have one too. You guys aren't together enough yet for her to confide in you with her problems yet. She may have a fear of public speaking and has been freaked about this presentation. Freaked out to the point that she couldn't think about anything else, including spending some more time with you. I'm not saying that's the issue, or the only issue, just that you don't know everything that's going on in her head. I wouldn't go out of your way to ask her about the presentation. Next time you run into her, then casually ask about it. Things don't have to make progress every day. Chill. Give her space. For just knowing her a week or so, you're doing fine. You're really developing your skills in conversation. Next time you're talking for a good length of time and she seems to be paying you more attention, then you should bring up the art gallery again. It doesn't have to happen today. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Okay thanks for the advice. Little update.. I was down stairs watching TV, when she came down on her way to the kitchen. I said hi and asked her how her presentation went. She said it went fine, and came and sat next to me on the couch. We talked for a brief period, but I noticed she still was not quite as chatty as she used to be. After about 15 mins she then went out into the garden to join the other (female) student, who was sitting out there. And that was the only encounter I had with her today. I'm not sure how I should feel now. I mean yeah she came and sat with me, but at the same time... she really didn't have much to say to me. Also she won't be here for dinner so there goes an opportunity to chat there. She and the rest of her group is going out tonight and I don't know when they'll be due back. I still don't know where I stand. I'm wondering if I should risk asking her if she'd like to watch another dvd with me, if I catch her when she arrives back later on? Or is it best not to? Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Blue, you're overthinking again. Maybe she had to follow up on something with another student. Maybe she's been in an argument with one of the other students for the past few days. For whatever reason, she's preoccupied. On the DVD, eh, maybe, if she comes back early. If it were me, I'd find something to do tonight. Go out and have fun with some friends. Hopefully, she'll be home before you to see you're not there. Don't be too available. Let her wonder what you are up to - right now, you're doing all the thinking. Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Blue, you're overthinking again. Maybe she had to follow up on something with another student. Maybe she's been in an argument with one of the other students for the past few days. For whatever reason, she's preoccupied. On the DVD, eh, maybe, if she comes back early. If it were me, I'd find something to do tonight. Go out and have fun with some friends. Hopefully, she'll be home before you to see you're not there. Don't be too available. Let her wonder what you are up to - right now, you're doing all the thinking. Yeah I have not been very busy recently... I have an audition tomorrow through, so I will not be able to do anything with her then. So that is why I'd really like to spend some time with her tonight.... Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 If you act like you don't need her and can get anyone just cos you can, you'll give off confidence. Don't over analyse, don't stress, just be laid back. Holding back on eagerness is going to help you. Let her approach you, be friendly but alittle more on the indifferent side. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I used to be an overthinker back many years ago. And I've gone through alot of experiences which have taught me alot about human nature and the opp sex (had experience driving sb away due to being clingy at the start..) People want others who live their own life according to their own rules (like devil may care way) You're not even in a relationship with her, don't worry so much. Just imagine, if you did get with her, you'll be stressing out even more! About other guys, and the possibility of her changing her mind...Making out and eventually sex. You seem to give off this kind of potential clingy bf aura haha. Work on that!! Link to comment
Bluesman89 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 Well she came down to me and joined me on the couch again, shortly after she got back. She was more talkative this time and we talked for about 45 mins overall but no I did not kiss her. The mood was not right and on top of that people kept coming down. I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie but she said she needed to get to bed early tonight (they have an early day tomorrow). So she came down a short time later but I could tell she was gong to bed so I uttered a goodnight and that was it.. Yet again I'm still left not knowing where I stand. Thoughts? Link to comment
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