CitizenE Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Hello, I recently have been cheated on and left after a serious two year relationship. It has been a painful couple of months. You probably know about the pain. I feel used and ignored. I've lost a lot of self confidence and I feel like my mood is out of control. This is my way to reinvent myself. A beautiful relationship has two happily independent people who desire to be together. Not two people who depend on each other. I was too attached to you, I need to become satisfied on my own. - my ex before leaving me to date someone else. Strange that this has become my motto for relationships. While it being a complete lie from her, It absolutely applies to me. This is my attempt to becoming a happily independent person, so someday I can have a healthy and "beautiful" relationship. I'm going to post my plan for moving on and I'll keep log here. I hope this gives me the pressure, motivation, and organization to stick with it, move on, and stop dwelling on someone who isn't worth it! Of course anyone can comment, but I hope some people join me! You can organize it however you want but here is how I did it. CitizenE's plan My nights are free so i'm doing this nightly. Goals -To become healthy and physically fit -To boost self-confidence -To regain inspiration in personal interests -To stop obsessing about my ex -To become happy in being alone Plan 2 night rotation Night 1 Rule 1: 2 cigarettes max (slowly decrease) Task 1: spend 1-3 hours programming on the Poker program i've been working on. Task 2: Do my work out routine. Task 3: Meditate* -sleep afterwards while mindset is positive- Night 2 Rule 1: no cigarettes Task 1: Play Starcraft II for 1-3 hours and stay focused!** Task 2: Stretch and Meditate* Task 3: Go on a night run. (Slowly increase length) Task 4: Post a log in the thread -sleep afterwards while mindset is positive- General Rules Rule 1: No contact with my ex Rule 2: Get out of bed when I wake up (I spend too much time lying in bed upset.) Rule 3: Do not "kill time" Find something productive or something I want to do in all of my free time. *I call it meditating, but it is a silly personal cross between meditating, yoga, and stretching. It is mainly mental, I force myself to think about good things. I actively will try to think positively. If i think of my ex or badly about myself I force a smile and change the subject. At the same time I keep myself busy moving, I do some excercises, some yoga movements, and some stretches, whatever comes to mind. **Starcraft II is a competitive video game I used to play whenever I had nothing else to do. I loved it and was good at it. My friends would watch me frequently and ask for coaching/lessons, and I loved to talk about strategies and watch professional players with my friends. After the breakup I found if I played the game, I wouldn't focus, I played terribly, and just thought about my ex the whole game. So actually, getting good at Starcraft II again somewhat parallels me getting over the breakup Link to comment
CitizenE Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 CitizenE's Night 2 I worked out yesterday and picked back up the poker program i've been working on, so tonight will be night 2. I had a good day with friends yesterday, we went swimming in my pool and I watched a movie with a girl who I used to like. I broke NC today, I told my ex I wanted to be friends which isn't true. I hate her and find what she is doing pathetic and weak. I just wanted to get a chance to talk and know what was going on in her life. She told me some suicidal thoughts. She really got in my head today, I need to find a way out of this situation so I can continue NC. I ran probably around a mile tonight, I used to be in such better shape. But hopefully that won't take long. I had a cigarette too, but that was before I got the plan sorted out. I feel really good about this plan and I'm excited to stick with it. Goodnight. Link to comment
LP90 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Good for you man! I am actually in the same situation as you. Was in a 2 year relationship with my first love till 3 weeks ago. Felt like a dream come true. Ended with her cheating on me, string me along for months, lying to my face about everything and deciding to move on even though she still "loves" me. You seem like you got a great healing plan set, so just keep it up and work on yourself. Feel free to PM me anytime btw. Link to comment
Unwanted Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Sounds like an awesome plan! I like it! I especially like the plan about playing Starcraft =) Don't worry about breaking NC, or any slip ups, take one day at a time and your physical and emotional strength will increase. Link to comment
bunny45 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 What a great idea! Sounds like you have a plan in place to help with your healing! I'll be checking and reading your updates. Link to comment
CitizenE Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Good for you man! I am actually in the same situation as you. Was in a 2 year relationship with my first love till 3 weeks ago. Felt like a dream come true. Ended with her cheating on me, string me along for months, lying to my face about everything and deciding to move on even though she still "loves" me. You seem like you got a great healing plan set, so just keep it up and work on yourself. Feel free to PM me anytime btw. That all sounds very familiar. Thanks everyone I wasn't sure what to expect. Link to comment
motleylou Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Good plan, keep up the good work and it WILL get easier. From own experience of being cheated on by my ex gf 2 months ago after she had just moved in with me 4 weeks earlier and were planning a life together. I can tell you that I had many slip ups and was still in contact with her for 4 weeks after the break up. On week 4 I got my closure when we met up to exchange some things. Slips ups happen, but NC is 100% the best way to go. I've been NC for 1 month and feel great, I'm getting back to my normal self and am feeling indifferent about her which is the last step in healing. For 6 weeks I was so mad at her and blamed her for me being in a bad mood. I would always throw myself a pity party and would say how she ruined my summer. When really I realized that it wasn't her I just wasn't happy with myself, when you start to become happy with yourself, you'll see that you actually start to almost feel happy for your ex and wish her well. That's when you know you're over her, when you can honestly sit back and maybe still be sad but just go " I'm happy with my life and I hope she's happy too." Try and not feel resentment because it's unhealthy and will only slow down your healing process. Best of luck and stay positive. Link to comment
CitizenE Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Day 3 An absolute failure. I woke up to a phone call saying there wasn't work today. I glanced at the massive painting next to my bed that my ex made for me. I love the painting, it has all my favorite characters from all my favorite video games. She spent hours upon hours on it. I recalled my dream. It was a romantic dream with my ex. I laid in bed for 2 hours simulating conversations with her in my mind. I was surprised how angry I was with her. I spent that time thinking and thinking of the right words to say to really get in her head and show her just how badly she screwed up. I had so many things to say that I repeated the same old thoughts multiple times throughout the day. I constantly relived the same conversations in my mind, meanwhile I killed time playing a game that I don't really even like. I played about 10 hours of it. It manages to kill time very quickly, that is probably why I chose it. I did this until 11:00 p.m. and fell asleep. No contact, two cigarettes, didn't do work out routine. Day 4 I woke up feeling badly again, seeing the same old painting that I loved nearby. I never want to give it back to her, it's simply too awesome. While working I thought of the same ideas again and again in my head. When I finally got home I was sick of it all. I hid the painting under my bed, and I wrote a note with all of my thoughts to my ex on a notepad file on my desktop. I wrote and wrote, edited and edited until it was exactly what I wanted to say to her. This plan worked exceptionally well. The rest of the day I didn't have to dwell on those thoughts and think about how best to tell her what I think about her. Now I have it in my back pocket so to speak. So at any time I can send it to her, of course I have no plans on doing so, but it saves me the torturous monologue in my head. I played 2.5 hours of StarCraftII today. I played horribly and lost 7 of them in a row. I thought I had lost the 8th one and right before I was going to surrender I decided I still had a chance and played my heart out. I came back and won. I felt satisfaction, which doesn't happen too often anymore. It was way too hot and humid outside to run. Recently I take any excuse I can get to be a bum, but instead I swam laps for 20 minutes. No contact, no cigarettes, but excercise felt great! Link to comment
CitizenE Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 Day 9 I just got done working out for the day. Didn't do a log the past two times but mainly because I've been preoccupied having a GREAT time! I've been exercising every day, running, water skiing, swimming laps, or working out. I've gotten tan and my exercise has started to show, a few people have commented on it. I am starting to feel fit and in a much better mood. I'm glad I've become active and productive because it keeps my mind off of my ex and has me feel better about myself. I'm abandoning the "meditating" because I've been in a good mood. I feel like I had somewhat of an enlightenment. I was stuck thinking this mess I'm in is complicated and needs to be sorted out, and I viewed what I had with my ex as sacred. I'm realizing it's actually quite simple, she left me for another man. She wasn't doing it to me, what happened to me was a side effect. I don't need to be angry or upset either because I'm in a great position to get back on my feet and start again. In the same way I think I viewed my sadness as a complicated depression that needed to be thought over. No amount of thinking, weeping, or anger is going to fix it. I need to actively cope, coping doesn't happen naturally. After the BU I found it hard to do everything, even hard to take a shower. Now I force myself out of bed, I force myself to invite friends over or to spend time with them. I force myself to exercise and even play video games. Each time it gets easier and more rewarding emotionally. I'm in no way over the relationship. I still spend hours a day thinking about it, practically every night I have intimate dreams of her. But I'm very optimistic, and I'm drastically improving. current Starcraft ranking in North America #1423 ranking before BU #700 I got some work to do Link to comment
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