CitizenE

I'm saying this because I'm disappointed in you, and because of that I'm legitimately trying to help. I know you're not the analytical type, but this is my analysis, and I know you very well. You sounded so strong and brave that day, while sitting in the grass by our dorm. What you said about wanting to be independent was admirable. You were careful and considerate with what you said that week. It hurt so much, yet I couldn't help but be proud of you. Disappointment tore me up when I saw you never followed through with those intentions. Being alone is a terrible and scary thing. I think you blocked those intentions out and jumped into another relationship to cope. Maybe this relationship is different, but that wouldn't be the first time you've thought that. You are considerate and thoughtful, you are kind and genuine, and you can be amazing and beautiful for the people you care about. Yet your actions can be impulsive, inconsiderate and regretful. You did horrible things to me, but you don't regret, you block those thoughts out instead. You have so many blocked troubling thoughts that you can cause yourself a break-down by dwelling on them. You often say you hate yourself. I know you are a caring person, and you truly have the best intentions. You can be very weak at times by blocking out thoughts of consequences or consideration for others. I think this is what causes you to hate yourself. I believe you can change, and I believe you have the potential to become satisfied with yourself. Maybe it won't happen now, maybe it will never happen, but I'm certain you are capable of it. As we agreed on, a beautiful relationship has two whole independent people who desire to be together. You have had an itch to become independent for a very long time. You had that intention when you left me. I know you are with Mike now, and I'm not telling you what to do. I'm here to tell you that becoming independent is a terribly painful and lonely process, and it probably would be worse for you than me, but I think it would be very beneficial for you in the end. As I said, it's working wonders for how I view myself. I truly hope for the best.