I miss him so much.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Even though we still spend time together, its not the same. His wall is always up to an extent. I miss so many things about him. He was quirky and sometimes loud and obnoxious (all things that I loved and made me drawn towards him) but also a loving sweetheart. I wish i could get off my chest every last thing that runs through my mind when I think about how much I miss him, but I know he doesn't want to hear it.

 

So here are the memories running through my mind today

 

-That time he showed up at my house wearing a suit (didn't even think he owned one) and brought me a rose for no reason

 

-Last year on my birthday he got up really early went out and bought all my favorite foods (many not even breakfast foods and waaaay too much to even attempt to eat) and when he brought me out my favorite song was playing and we danced to it before breakfast

 

-We live in NYC and everytime a big tourist bus would pass us by when we were waiting to cross the street he would yell at me real loud "NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!!" and their faces would be priceless

 

-He used to practice his MMA moves on me whether I liked it or not. He taught me how to put him in a triangle and then I started to win.

 

-Playing Superman with him. One of us would lie on our bed and put our legs up for the other person to balance their stomach on the others feet and "fly". When it was his turn to be Superman I often made him fall off the bed from midair on purpose.

 

-Writing songs together. covering silly pop songs together

 

-A lot of times we would get in a fight and I would tell him off. He would sit there grinning and when I was done he would tell me how sexy I am when I'm mad. It used to annoy me so much but now I miss it.

 

-He only ever called me pet names. Mostly Baby. Sometimes sweetheart, sometimes smelly butt. Whatever it was, it was always a pet name. I remember one time in the first couple months we were dating I actually had to check and ask him if he knew my name cause I'd never heard it come out of his mouth. He did.

 

-That time we went to the movies late at night on a weeknight and it was like a ghost town. Before leaving I had to use the bathroom, which was of course empty. I'm using the bathroom and I look up and there is a guy standing on the toilet seat in the next stall watching me making crazy eyes. It was him. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life.

 

-Scaring him and making him scream like a girl on an almost daily basis. When I would hear his keys when he came home I found a different place to hide everytime and when he would walk by I'd jump out at him. He screamed his high pitched girly scream every last time.

 

-The time I pretended to be asleep on the couch and he came over to kiss me. When he got to nearly touching my face I yelled "BOO!" and he again screamed like a girl but this time also fell backwards onto the floor.

 

-How he always walked holding hands, no matter what. Unless it was to put his arm around me.

 

-How, when his schedule permitted, he always came with me or picked me up from things. School, work, Drs Appts. Not out necessity, but just because he wanted to.

 

-How after meeting him people would always tell me about how he looks at me. Overhearing things like "You should see the way he looks at her. He loves her so much"

 

-How much he made me laugh, how he was willing to do just about anything for a laugh

 

-How he always talked to himself. In the bathroom, in the kitchen, I could hear him talking to himself while walking our long hallway in the apartment building. He'd be doing scenarios that were in his head or reenacting something from a movie. I used to sit outside the bathroom and listen to him. One time he asked me if I thought that made him crazy and I told him no. He just has so much creativity within himself that he literally cannot hold it all in. He was beaming with that response.

 

-How I always felt safe with him and knew he could always handle himself. Last summer he got jumped by four guys and he fought them off, they left without the bag the were trying to get from him. At the police station he met the other people that had been attacked by them that morning. One had been knocked unconscious, one had permanent damage to his vision. He wasn't some huge macho guy, he just knew how to protect himself.

 

-How he cared and would risk his life for others. He once saw a young girl get mugged, slapped, and then the guy ran away with her cell phone. My little vigilante chased after him, knocked him out and then used the stolen cell phone to call the police. He held the guy there by the throat until the police arrived and gave the girl her phone back.

 

-I miss using a paper clip to unlock the bathroom while he was showering and turning off all the lights and then leaving.

 

-I miss him prank calling me at work. I work in customer service and never knew it was him so I had to be nice.

 

-I miss him telling me how beautiful I am. Especially when he would say it when I had no makeup on whatsoever. He still does sometimes but it doesn't feel the same.

 

-And of course I miss what everyone else on here misses. Being held, kissed, him telling me he loves me (still says it, but again, its not the same).

 

I could go on for days. I don't think I'll ever find someone as loving OR weird as him.

 

Also, is it strange that when he does act like that towards me now it makes me miss him more? Like when he sort of lets his wall down and does something he normally wouldn't do since the breakup it hurts.

 

For example, the other day he bought me an italian ice and then smushed it in my face. It was funny and at the time made me feel good (I know that won't make sense to most of you) but now it makes me sad because I know us hanging out like that probably has an expiration. Like, when he finds a girlfriend.

[scarlett27]

this is a sad post hun , why are u hanging out ? is it really healthy as ur clearly in love ?

[livelarge]

Now I miss your ex.

[scarlett27]

what u miss my ex ? i dont u can have him love

[replytome]

This post actually made me sad.

[VictorVic]

It seems like you guys had alot of goofy fun moments together. try and understand that there are so many people in this world, many probobly just as goofy and you could have just as much fun with. I cant think of one guy my age who I am friends with who isnt a goof or a clown. You will always miss the little things, thats just how it is. I am only a few miles north of you, in Boston. I also had my heart broken and I only see the good times.

What has changed so much about him? He says he loves you but do you just think he is saying it and not really meaning it?

[Elisian]

wow, what a sweet guy, what happened?

[hausser]

Sad post. Yeah what happened?

[Robin2904]

This post made me sad. And it made me miss all the little things like this about my ex too

 

I don't know what happened between you two but

[Live-N-Learn]

Wow, I don't know why you are hanging out with him. This has to be pure torture. Please stop and move on.

[apple89]

thats what i miss about my ex too!.. we were zoo goofy together.. well it was mostly me haha i remember he would rn and lock himself in his room bc he knew i was coming to poke him or scare him or bite him .. whatever the point is... it sucks missing someone it really does.. i wouldn't be friends with him.. it will just make you miss him more.. and possible make those cute memories become nasty hurtful things bc you might get hurt if he moves on or something like that.. i hope you feel better soon and don't worry today might be a down for you, but tomorrow it should be better

[TheJerseyKid]

Now I miss your ex.

 

This, lol. Your situation has to be tough, like others have said, probably better to cut ties at least for a certain period.

[JerkBrokeMe]

It's so hard to summarize the breakup because I don't fully understand it. But here goes.

 

We met and started dating on the same day. I was 16, he was 21. That was a couple months shy of a decade ago. We had never broken up before until 4.5 months ago. I'm gonna copy and paste from another thread of mine now:

 

After nearly a decade we started to bicker a lot, as you can imagine most couples would. We never did anything about it and let it slowly rot our relationship. We still had a lot of fun and loved eachother wholeheartedly but we argued more than necessary. Every now and then we would discuss going to couples counseling but neither of us did anything about it. I think we both thought we were just in a rut, as we had been before over the years, and we'd work through it like always. *

 

After one last stupid fight about nothing important I was actually the one to end it. He begged me not to. Wrote me a letter about how special I am to him and that he would show me more often. I was angry and didn't let it go. I told him to leave. About an hour later I regretted it and knew I wanted to work things out and I had only said it out of anger. I called him and his voice was completely cold and distant and he said I was right. It was over. We fought too much and that he didn't want to do it anymore. Now I was the one begging. I pointed out that we never actually TRIED anything to work on our communication and that our problems were small it was the way we handled them that needed work. We just needed someone to show us how to communicate in a manner that was healthy. He didn't change his mind. *

 

He's been cold like that ever since when I try to talk about it (which isn't often, sometimes it comes up organically, but mostly I try to respect the fact that he can't talk about ANYTHING emotional at this point- - whether it has to do with us or not). I feel like I broke him. I feel like its self preservation on his part. I think he won't give it a shot because he doesn't want to open himself up to me treating him like that again. Why else would two people that still have so much fun together, still physically attracted to eachother, still say they're in love with eachother not be able to give it a chance? Anyway thats my take on it

[JerkBrokeMe]

Okay, now onto the other question being asked: why do I still spend time with him? It's the confusing part. He's not seeing anyone else, he's become very depressed since the breakup and doesn't really hang out with anybody except for me once or twice a week. He literally spends almost all his free time sleeping. Or drinking by himself. Or both. I didn't even know it was humanly possible to sleep as much as he has been. But any time I call him, no matter the day or the hour, I've woken him up.

 

We've both admitted we're still in love with each other just a few weeks ago. Why that isn't enough for him to want to work it out, I don't know. We still have so much fun together. Again, to copy from my other thread from last week: "Tonight I threw a bag of dog poop at his head after we walked my dog, we had a slapping contest (i won but my ears are still ringing) and then he took me out to a nice dinner. Ah, courting." It's the day after when I get sad about it. When we're together i couldn't be happier. He's happy. We don't fight.

 

Is it healthy for me? I doubt it. Put us alone in a room together and we still have sex. He likes to tell me we're just friends to which I always respond "we'll never be just friends." He definitely knows where I stand.

 

He accidentally called me his girlfriend yesterday. He was recalling a story that included me that he had told someone else but when he was telling it to me he referred to me as his girlfriend. He continued talking like he didn't realize and I just kept staring at him until he finally put his head down and said "Yeah, I called you my girlfriend. Shut up." I know it doesn't mean anything but it's nice to know I'm not the only one that finds it confusing.

 

Neither of us can seem to put up the boundaries that you're supposed to have for a break up. I'm still trying to figure out a path that I can be happy with that is healthy for me now, includes NO mind gaming, and perhaps leaves me with a second chance with him someday.

 

I thought of one more thing that I miss about him today. He used to think the word obese was pronounced obeast. I miss my cute little idiot.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Now I miss your ex.

lol. For real.

 

It seems like you guys had alot of goofy fun moments together. try and understand that there are so many people in this world, many probobly just as goofy and you could have just as much fun with. I cant think of one guy my age who I am friends with who isnt a goof or a clown. You will always miss the little things, thats just how it is. I am only a few miles north of you, in Boston. I also had my heart broken and I only see the good times.

What has changed so much about him? He says he loves you but do you just think he is saying it and not really meaning it?

 

Sorry you had your heart broken. Hope you'll be on the mend soon. I know what you mean about youngish guys being silly but there is just something different about my ex. Its hard to explain unless you've met him. Everyone is drawn to him. Male and female alike.

 

I remember bringing him to a family function (actually my sister's in laws) with a buch of adult male cousins that he had only met like once before and I couldn't spend a second with him. Everytime he sat down next to me they were shouting his name for him to come over. He literally had them on the floor laughing. My brother in law told me they STILL talk about that night and how he's like the funniest guy they've ever met. I'm thinking "Yep. He's funny. Get over it already." The other part is that his heart is as big as his personality.

 

I do think he means it when he says he loves me but it sounds/feels different because I think he knows he shouldn't be saying it. He kind of says it with the look of a child who knows they're doing something wrong. He definitely wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it. He doesn't do anything he doesn't want to for me anymore. =/

 

This post made me sad. And it made me miss all the little things like this about my ex too

 

I don't know what happened between you two but

 

Hugs right back at ya. Sorry I made you miss your ex more.

 

Wow, I don't know why you are hanging out with him. This has to be pure torture. Please stop and move on.

 

Sometimes. But sometimes its the only thing that gets me through the week.

 

To everyone else that said this post made them sad: sorry charlies. But thanks for caring.

[JerkBrokeMe]

thats what i miss about my ex too!.. we were zoo goofy together.. well it was mostly me haha i remember he would rn and lock himself in his room bc he knew i was coming to poke him or scare him or bite him .. whatever the point is... it sucks missing someone it really does.. i wouldn't be friends with him.. it will just make you miss him more.. and possible make those cute memories become nasty hurtful things bc you might get hurt if he moves on or something like that.. i hope you feel better soon and don't worry today might be a down for you, but tomorrow it should be better

 

Thanks. Its nice to know we're not the only weirdos. I remember sometimes we'd be on the subway being our silly selves, in our own world. I'd look up and there would be a bunch of people watching us and smiling/laughing. We were cute weirdos.

 

Today actually feels worse, but maybe tomorrow.

 

This, lol. Your situation has to be tough, like others have said, probably better to cut ties at least for a certain period.

 

Ahh, I saw your screenname and thought you were gonna be rough. Thanks for taking it easy on me. And yes, you're probably right about cutting ties. Will I listen? To be seen.