So. Its official.

[SapphireNoir10]

Its official. I deleted and blocked him off facebok. Hes accepted it and is 'single' now on fb and has changed his profile pic from one of us.

 

He made out like he'd fight for me and want me back. But he hasnt.

 

I hope I've done the right thing

[Maame]

Congratulations on being so brave. I know you were struggling with it for a while now. I'm sorry it turned out this way though but at least now you know all he said was a bunch of lies.

[SapphireNoir10]

Yeah he swore he loved me and wanted to be with me no matter what. Obviously not. I dont want someone who gives up after one stupid fight.

[Maame]

He made promises he obviously couldn't or wouldn't want to keep. if he ran after something trivial like this then you really are better off. Imagine just, if you married what he would've done after the kids came, problems with the house, loans, bills.... It's far better for you that he gave up now, before it got too serious. He wasn't someone you could depend on.

[Batya33]

I think you're putting far too much stock in facebook -it's irrelevant to whether he plans in the future to get in touch with you and as you wrote in another thread you do not want him back so why would you want him to ask you to get back together -for your ego?

[DylanNotorious]

So you dumped him and now you want him back? Then why don't you ask him to have a talk???

[SapphireNoir10]

Yeah I guess for my ego. Or more so that I know he did care, I dont know Im really confused, the rejection sucks...I guess I wish he though he'd made a mistake

[SapphireNoir10]

I broke up with him cos he went nuts at me for three hours going from 'your the best gf ever' to 'you are an awful person' Basically on the early morning of my grandads funeral, he never even asked how it went etc.

 

Hed been confused about what he wants for ages, very hot and cold. I couldnt deal with not knowing. I know its best were apart, but it still sucks and I wish he'd liked me enough to make it work

[Batya33]

I broke up with him cos he went nuts at me for three hours going from 'your the best gf ever' to 'you are an awful person' Basically on the early morning of my grandads funeral, he never even asked how it went etc.

 

Hed been confused about what he wants for ages, very hot and cold. I couldnt deal with not knowing. I know its best were apart, but it still sucks and I wish he'd liked me enough to make it work

 

It's normal to change your mind -but what you wrote earlier today was that you definitely didn't want to get back together even if he called you now and "liked you" enough to make it work (which might not work anyway - you two might not be compatible no matter how much you like each other).

He hasn't been confused for ages - your whole relationship was only four months! Sounds like he got confused around the 2-3 month mark, right? That's a typical time, after the initial infatuation wears off that people start to see if they can deal with the reality of the relationship. I don't think he didn't like you enough -I think that his expectations were unrealistic.

[MysticRhythms]

He sounds abusive, Sapphire. I think you made the right decision.

 

And kudos for you making it! Some aren't that brave.

[SapphireNoir10]

Thanks for being patient guys. I know its only four months. I know its not the end of the world it just sucks right now.

 

I couldnt take him back. It is just my ego, Im being silly.

 

He did have unrealistic expectations...I dont hate him. I hope he manages to become confident and secure and able to trust again oneday.

[SapphireNoir10]

I feel better. a lot of his friends have messaged me saying they dont know what going on with him, that im an amazing person etc

[Batya33]

I feel better. a lot of his friends have messaged me saying they dont know what going on with him, that im an amazing person etc

 

That's nice of them - it sounds like you need that kind of validation right now.

[Lavender25]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, Sapphire. I've been reading your threads over the past few days and I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Just try and push forward. I know it isn't easy because I'm finding it difficult to take my own advice.

 

I know it's silly to put so much stock into something like Facebook, but I'm the same way. I was so excited to make our relationship official on there. And when he took it down two days after the break-up, I was gutted.

[doiiiieeezie]

I'm sorry this happened, but I gotta ask this. Can you live without being in a relationship with anyone right now or in the future? It seems you jump from one to another quickly.

[SapphireNoir10]

Oh I do. Im terrible for it. And I now its a problem. I get in relationships with the wrong guy cos I get lonely.

Im gonna try my damndest to be single.

[Batya33]

I don't think you need to be single for long after a short relationship. You've learned a lot and you just need to make better choices - so, get busy getting an active life that involves socializing, maybe volunteer work or an activity that gets you moving and perhaps outdoors (hiking/dancing/yoga) and that way when you meet people it won't be from a perspective of desperation.

[SapphireNoir10]

Yeah,. I have a fairly active social life, like going out with friends for meals/drinks I do quite a lot etc but I wouldnt mind pickinup hobby...

 

A couple of his friends said to me they used to hear about all the great stuff I did for him and cant believe he ended it cos he always went on about how amazing i am

 

confusing

[Batya33]

Right - that's nice of those friends to say -they obviously have good intentions and it will help you get over the rough spots. I tend to disagree with them, however, that the focus of whether a relationship is healthy is whether one person does a lot for the other person. I might find that too one-sided and getting into a bad pattern which could cause resentment to grow, etc. I like to hear that a couple is a good team, that there is obvious and mutual respect, that they seem to have loads of fun together. As far as how he complimented you to his friends -sure I can see why they might be confused as to why it ended. I'll give you another perspective. When things are going well and peacefully/happily in a relationship often all you hear even from a close friend, is "things are good" or "things are fine!" or perhaps an anecdote about something they did together or a trip they are planning. Usually the raving on and on -good or bad -is either at the beginning (or maybe when there's a proposal or similarly exciting news) or bad when there is drama/rollercoaster. I also sometimes get suspicious when there is too much gushing.

 

So, yes, take comfort in what you are hearing - whatever works to get you through this tough time - better than ice cream! but I wouldn't focus on it to any extent as far as whether the relationship should have worked. That's the past - and it won't help you move on.

[SapphireNoir10]

I guess it just comforts me that he must have thought I was a good gf at somepoint, and probably didnt mean the hateful rant he had at me.

[Batya33]

I guess it just comforts me that he must have thought I was a good gf at somepoint, and probably didnt mean the hateful rant he had at me.

 

Of course he enjoyed much of his time with you -why do you need validation about that? People say things when they're angry -read all the hurtful things you've said about him and how he treated you when just a short time ago you posted the opposite.

[SapphireNoir10]

But the awful stuff I've posted...he genuinley DID do or DIDNT do.

 

A lot of the good stuff I posted I was grasping at straws, I wanted to believe it was working and it was good even if it wasnt

 

BUT thats what I dont get...he seemed happy with me...I dont understand how he's dissapeared from my life after one argument that he promised me he wanted to work on it and he wouldnt let go

 

A lot of the hateful stuff he said...I know he didnt mean.

 

But he really wasnt a good bf overall. I guess we just werent compatible. He wasnt ready for a relationship, he took and I gave, and I gave too much.

 

Ah

[SapphireNoir10]

I guess its if he kept telling me it was the best four months of his life and wanted to marry me oneday...why he bailed and dissapeared after an argument. Yes I ended it but because he basically wanted me too.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Sapphire, you have to shift your focus from him to you. You were relationship ready and a good partner to him. He was a spoiled child who didn't know what he wanted. Don't bother psychoanalyzing him. Believe me, he's not bothering to do that for himself, so why should you waste any more of your time doing it. He's done. This is your time. Concentrate on initial traits of his that you missed. How can you avoid someone like this next time? How will you garner the strength to leave earlier, if next time you find yourself in the same predicament? Make a list of things you must have in a partner, and a similar list of things you can't tolerate in a partner, and write it down. This process will be helpful, and having these things on paper will also help next time an initial infatuation has clouded your judgement. Use this as an opportunity for growth. Plant seeds in this manure. You are already a good partner. Your focus should be on how you can sort out the toads and find someone that will be your equal. Focus on you.

[Batya33]

But the awful stuff I've posted...he genuinley DID do or DIDNT do.

 

A lot of the good stuff I posted I was grasping at straws, I wanted to believe it was working and it was good even if it wasnt

 

BUT thats what I dont get...he seemed happy with me...I dont understand how he's dissapeared from my life after one argument that he promised me he wanted to work on it and he wouldnt let go

 

A lot of the hateful stuff he said...I know he didnt mean.

 

But he really wasnt a good bf overall. I guess we just werent compatible. He wasnt ready for a relationship, he took and I gave, and I gave too much.

 

Ah

 

With all respect, it seems like you're grasping at straws right now for validation that you are a good and deserving person and to tell yourself that it must be that he's not ready to be with anyone. When you've calmed down it's much healthier to accept that the more likely scenario is a combination -you two weren't a good match, you weren't being yourself, he was acting unreasonably and he wasn't willing to keep seeing you - at 4 months it's a good time to decide whether there is long term potential.

 

You posted a few weeks ago about how he told you about how much you annoyed him, his doubts - so I don't think that it's accurate to say that he showered you with compliments and then out of the blue argued with you and withdrew. i'm not saying he was right to be annoyed by you just showing you that you continue to change the story for the short term bandaid effect. Right now that's ok but soon you'll need to work on a more objective, balanced perspective so that you're not left feeling jaded and cynical (or so the hurt doesn't keep hitting you over and over again when you're in a vulnerable mood and not strong enough to rationalize).