SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Day one of no contact have not contacted feel very sick, and so dissapointed, blaming myself Link to comment
Firiel Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Don't blame yourself, Sapphire. You made the right decision. Mature people DON'T spend three hours beating down another person verbally. When a mature person realizes someone in their life is not worth the effort, they cut them out in a reasonable way, the way that you broke up with him. The difference between the way you two handled each other really reveals who is more mature and capable in interpersonal relationships, and it's not him. You should be proud of yourself for being able to take this step now and not in a few months or even years when things would have gotten even worse! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Obviously his ranting and raving at you is all about him not about you. You must must keep repeating that to yourself. He's shown you through his erratic (not "erotic!!") behavior that he has no filter, that he has emotional and psychological issues and fears about relationships and that he deals with conflict by either sulking or lashing out. With all seriousness, even my 2 year old son deals with conflict and disappointments better than this guy seems to --because he has his little tantrum like a normal 2 year old but then chooses to look on the bright side and go back to having fun and being joyful about, just, life! This guy on the other hand is always going to look for the negative, to choose to feel criticized, and nothing you do will be good enough because that way he never has to be close to you. Can he change - sure he can! It can be a slow process, it can require therapy, but if he wants to he can. But you cannot help him with that because you're biased, and because he will continue to subject you to his bizarre mood swings/rantings/ravings. You come first and that means you need to be out of his life. If in several months from now he gets in touch with you, he shows insight and self-awareness about what role he played in your relationship conflicts and he tells you about concrete things he has done to work on himself then, maybe. Lots of "ifs" there. And you need to work on why you chose to tolerate this behavior, why you chose to act like a puppet and a puppy dog because the last thing you want to do is attract another train wreck project like him and reap the benefits of jumping through hoops. The benefits are that if you're not being yourself you don't need to get close to someone, it's never boring or routine (because it's always a challenge no matter how awful the stomach ache or nausea or headache) and you don't have to be alone. You played a role in this also. You were a victim of his rantings but you chose that role to a certain extent. When you are feeling calmer it would be great to figure out why, with brutal self-honesty. For now you're entitled to a pity party of course! Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I really think you should take some time to yourself. You're always jumping from one relationship to another, that's not healthy. Good riddance like others said, but please take a break from relationships. Link to comment
Firiel Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I really think you should take some time to yourself. You're always jumping from one relationship to another, that's not healthy. Good riddance like others said, but please take a break from relationships. I agree with this. You need to take some time to get over this guy and THEN some time to find out why you tend to end up in relationships with similar men. You will only be able to change the pattern once you give yourself the time you need to discover why this pattern keeps repeating itself. Link to comment
SlowBlues Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You did the absolute right thing here Sapphire. I'm really proud of you for stepping up. It's gonna hurt but sticking to NC is the best thing for you. Use this time to reflect upon things. Where things went wrong and why you think they went wrong. Grieve, cry, talk to people and let it all out. It gets easier, I promise you. You are going to realize in time that you are so much better off without this guy and having to deal with his attitude and his issues. He doesn't deserve someone like you and you are going to find someone who is so much better for you. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I guess I go for fixer upers. I meet guys, they seem nice, then the issues seep out, and I wanna give them the benefit of a doubt. My problem is im a people pleaser, I want people to like me...If a guy pulls away im even NICER cos i want to please them. Him saying im a bit, horrible disrespectful girlfriend who never seemd like I loved him cuts deep. I really am sick of relationships now. I've got a lot on my plate coming up with working lots and starting a degree. So hopefully I wont have time to get into another relationship. Link to comment
CMS Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Sounds like you have codependency tendencies. Read "codependent no more" when you have a chance, its pretty relevant to relationship behaviors. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Thank you. I think thats a good idea. I am codependent. Im scared of being alone. Link to comment
CMS Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 The thing is, we should not NEED another person in order to be happy, we can be happy just being us, and the partner can add to that happiness and make it better but our sole happiness should not be depended on our relationships. It was an eye opening for me to read that book. Hope you can learn something from it when you get a chance. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I hopeso im so dissapoined he hasnt apologised, or contacted, or missed me Link to comment
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