SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 See past thread. I rang him up, and he was a bit drunk, and we talked We had an argument over something stupid on Wednesday and he basically said 'You remind me of my ex now, not sure if i wanna be with you' On Friday he called, he told me he wanted to make it work 100% wanted to be with me and loved me. Last two days I've heard nothing from him really. So I called him this evening. He basically told me -Im the worst girlfriend hes had -I treat him with no respect -He wishes I was more clingy -There are many great things about me but they are just 'bonuses' and im incapable of getting the fundamentals right -that he needs time cos he thinks im like his psycho alcoholic ex OVER ONE ARGUMENT? He says I never tell him I love him or anything, I feel like hes never heard a word I said. I tell him all the time hes amazing, I love him, that hes a good boyfriend etc. so I said 'If you feel that way Im going to end it' He was so calm just like 'Ok fine, but what if i wanna get back together' and I just said 'You can talk to me if you do, but theres no guarantee i will want too' and he was like 'well i might not wanna get back together either' He literally shouted and swore down the phone, said he'd done nothing wrong and the end of it was all on me. Im proud I had the guys to end it. I am. I've never been able to before. I've always let it drag on and drag on, or begged. I didnt beg, or plead for him to just make it be ok. I ended it. I need support and reassurance...I have a funeral in the morning...my grandads and now I've broke up with my bf Link to comment
CMS Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 sounds like you made the right call based on your previous posts. It wont be easy but I think you will be ok Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Its not easy But he spent three hours telling me what an awful person I am...but that Im a great girlfriend 99% of the time he just cant let the 1% im not go :S I have been considering breaking up with him cos hes never ever happy. he never takes in the nice stuff I say and he constantly comapres me and our issues to his exes. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Ouch it hurts like heck help he made me feel like i destroyed it Link to comment
Mercurial Girl Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Holy hell, he had some balls to say those things about you. I'm happy you're out of there - he does NOT seem like a good guy, much less a mentally stable one! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I mean, ok he obviously want happy, but jeese, do you have to make me feel like the worst person on earth cos we had ONE argument and you cant get over it He basically said hes an insecure mess cos of his exes and he doesnt wanna end up suicidal agian but then says how happy we are most of the time EUGH EVERYONE said he was lucky to have me cos i was so nice, and he said it too...now apparently im awful Link to comment
greywolf Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 good riddance. He obviously has serious issues. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I feel brave. I've never EVER been able to end a relationship before. But this time I realised I was being treated out of line and ended it. He tried backtracking towards the end of the conversation but I stuck to my guns. But i also feel devastated. I did care for him and i made a lot of effort Link to comment
sweetpeaswuv Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 just wait until you find someone who appreciates it Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I wonder if I ever will. My first bf was abusive physically and mentally, the second turned out to be a pathological liar...and the third turned out to hate sex and became a serious weed addict Then this guy seemed normal but then asked more and more and made me feel like crap I give up Link to comment
Mercurial Girl Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 I promise you will! Every dud we go through we get closer to our ideal mate. You're learning from each and every one of these, including in ways you don't consciously recognize Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Its making me think theres something wrong with me. Maybe I AM A crappy girlfriend. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I feel like every guy im with ends up wanting to get away from me as quick as possible. Im pretty sure he was relieved. Great Link to comment
Mustachio Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Or instead of thinking that you are a crappy girlfriend, perhaps its just that you havent met the right person yet? I know you are doubting yourself, but having someone tell you for 3 hours that you are a horrible girlfriend sounds pretty mentally abusive to me. What makes you think you are gonna get it exactly right on the fourth try? Sure everyone wants to believe that we will find that someone and find them quickly. But dating is trial and error, and just because it hasnt worked out yet doesnt mean it never will. Try not to get down on yourself, it sounds like you made the right decision. Link to comment
Maame Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Don't think that. he said it himself, you are a good person and I'm sure there are some issues he needs to deal with. I read and even replied to your previous thread. I'm really sorry you had to end it with him but maybe you both need to cool off a bit to appreciate each other more. I know how, the last thing you probably want to hear right now is how crappy boyfriend he is or how you should just let him go, he's no good. I know I hated when people tell me that. You care for him, it's still to fresh but as I said. Maybe he needs some time to cool off, time to think and deal with whatever is going on with him right now. I got a feeling it's not you, he's just insecure and afraid. I've learned that most of the guys 'bail out' in a way on first sign of trouble, or fight in your case. it probably reminds him of bad experiences he had with his ex's and he doesn't want to go through it with you cause he cares about you more than others. Call me hopeless romantic here but that is what i truly believe. Please don't think I'm trying to give you false hope. I honestly wish you all the best and this works out for you the way you want it. And please accept my deepest condolences. I'm so sorry about your grandfather. Sending you a big hug and prayers. Hang in there. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Thank you I Guess he made me feel like if only id been more loving or respectful it wouldnt be this way He was always up and down and hot and cold and in the long run i realised i cant live constantly worrying It still sucks and im blaming me Ive wasted four years of my life in bAd relationships and i guess i should be glAd in a way Cant stop crying Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 Im a romantic too and i believe if he loved me he wouldnt constantly doubt me and us Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 He said before i put the phone down theres a Seventy percent chance he will want to get back together again... By the time he comes to that conclusion im pretty sure ill be done. Everytime ive broke up wih someone its always been cos they pushed me to it and sometimes they want me bAck. But i cant go back Link to comment
Mercurial Girl Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 He said before i put the phone down theres a Seventy percent chance he will want to get back together again... By the time he comes to that conclusion im pretty sure ill be done. Everytime ive broke up wih someone its always been cos they pushed me to it and sometimes they want me bAck. But i cant go back Stay strong chickie. Link to comment
sweetpeaswuv Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 maybe your looking in the wrong places or giving off the wrong signals without even realizing it. definitely take a little break from dating and look into yourself, write down wat it is you truly want in a guy, concentrate on it for a while.. be very specific.. make a list of everyting you want, read it every morning, envision him.. give it a month or so, maybe shorter maybe longer, but itll work eventually. you just have to make more specific to the universe what you want. dont just settle. and dont give up! Link to comment
Maame Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Im a romantic too and i believe if he loved me he wouldnt constantly doubt me and us I loved my ex with every single part of my being but I constantly doubted him. not because of something he did but because of my own insecurity. He did everything to prove his love to me but it still wasnt enough. I was seeing things that weren't there, being scared of getting hurt which prevented me from giving in completely. You need to sit down and talk calmly to each other before it's too late and you don't want to get back together anymore. Ask him if he can come tomorrow and hold your hand at the funeral. Tell him you need him there. maybe he needs some insurance you do love and need him after all? I know you have a lot on your mind right now and it's hard but try to calm down. Crying helps a great deal but it also stops you from thinking clearly. he said some things he shouldn't have but don't we all do that when we're hurt? Not trying to justify him in any way. Link to comment
Mustachio Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 You shouldnt have to change who you are for him unless you truly feel like you have a problem... and if you only now think you have a problem because of borderline emotionally abusive words from him, well then you probably dont have a problem at all. Your emotions are all running high right now. Stay strong and dont give in when he comes running back. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 He literally swore and ranted for three hours and said he needed time to decide if i was worth being with. Not having it Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 23, 2011 Author Share Posted May 23, 2011 I tell him i love him and want him all the time and he gets more insecure and asks for more, he denies i ever tell him nice stuff...he just never hears it Link to comment
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