I know I'm upset over nothing...

[kmh1239]

But I was texting my boyfriend tonight, and he was like, "Can I tell you about my dream I had the other night without you getting weird or mad?"

And so of course I was like, "Tell me" and it turns out he had a dream about having a threesome with me and my best friend.

I know it was just a dream and it didn't actually happen, but first of all, it makes me feel like since it happened a few days ago and he's just now bringing it up, that he's been thinking about it. Second, I feel like there was no real reason to tell me, unless he was trying to like, see my response because it's something he maybe wants to try.

I don't know, I guess it's just me being insecure, but now I don't even want to hang out with him and my friend together. I know I'm probably being ridiculous, but I just don't see why he would even tell me about it. And now I'm irritated.

[Capricorn3]

I know I'm upset over nothing...

 

I know it was just a dream and it didn't actually happen,

 

I guess it's just me being insecure, I know I'm probably being ridiculous,

 

YEP, all of the above.

 

It's a dream. Let it go before you make a mountain out of a molehill.

[pl3asehelp]

I don't blame you for thinking the reason he brought it up was because he wants it to happen and this is his not-as-smart-as-he-thinks-he-is way of bringing it up without being responsible for it (i.e. it wasn't my idea, it was just my dream). I don't think it's insecure for you to have that reaction or if you're just not into it, it's a difference in values. I'd call him out on it and go from there.

[kmh1239]

YEP, all of the above.

 

It's a dream. Let it go before you make a mountain out of a molehill.

 

 

I just don't understand why it's something he would even tell me. What good would come out of that?

The ONLY reason I can see him telling me is to see if I was like "oh, maybe that's a good idea! let's try it!"

but yeah. you're right.

[kmh1239]

I don't blame you for thinking the reason he brought it up was because he wants it to happen and this is his not-as-smart-as-he-thinks-he-is way of bringing it up without being responsible for it (i.e. it wasn't my idea, it was just my dream). I don't think it's insecure for you to have that reaction or if you're just not into it, it's a difference in values. I'd call him out on it and go from there.

 

Well, I'm glad someone thinks I'm not being completely ridiculous. I mean, I'm not going to make a huge deal out of it and turn it into a fight, but it does make me think it's something he wants to try. What other reason would he have to bring it up? Especially after several days.

[Capricorn3]

I just don't understand why it's something he would even tell me. What good would come out of that?

The ONLY reason I can see him telling me is to see if I was like "oh, maybe that's a good idea! let's try it!"

but yeah. you're right.

The point is, even if he was trying his luck to get you interested in the idea, if you are NOT interested in it, then you simply don't do it. No-one is forcing you to take part in this and if he asks, you tell him "NO". I don't see what the big deal is, but maybe that's just me.

[kmh1239]

The point is, even if he was trying his luck to get you interested in the idea, if you are NOT interested in it, then you simply don't do it. No-one is forcing you to take part in this and if he asks, you tell him "NO". I don't see what the big deal is, but maybe that's just me.

 

I guess it's because I'm a very insecure person, so my boyfriend having sexual dreams about other girls (and especially my best friend) is something that makes me uncomfortable. I wish I wasn't insecure, people are always telling me I'm pretty, but I'm extremely hard on myself.

I've gained weight the past few years, and my self esteem has dropped a ton. So anything that makes me feel like my boyfriend wants to have sex with other girls makes me feel like crap.

[Capricorn3]

I guess it's because I'm a very insecure person, .

There ya go! There's the answer. You need to work on your own insecurity if you want to have a successful relationship because low self esteem/insecurity issues almost always harm a relationship one way or the other. Perhaps some counselling is in order?

[kmh1239]

There ya go! There's the answer. You need to work on your own insecurity if you want to have a successful relationship because low self esteem/insecurity issues almost always harm a relationship one way or the other. Perhaps some counselling is in order?

 

Yeah, probably.

[jakel]

The guy is a D bag and completely oblivious and immature to tell you that. Tell him to contemplate the purpose of telling you things in the future. There is such a thing as brutal honesty. If the tables were turned he probably wouldn't want to hear it.

[shuttlefish]

I think he may be "testing the waters" to see if you're open to the idea. Just a thought. If he isn't then he's a moron. One should never ever show any lust towards your g/f's friends. Seriously. (Hey, he's a guy, he's gonna HAVE the lust, he just shouldn't tell anyone about it)

[AbombSnowMan]

Maybe he never even had a dream, and just said that to bring up the subject of a threesome with your friend

[Glowguy]

I would definitely keep that to myself unless I was trying to test the waters. Maybe he just wanted to share it, but I don't see any possible reason for him to do that other than seeing if you would be receptive to a threesome. Seriously, would any of you ladies tell your bf that you had a dream where you had a threesome with him and his friend? Maybe he wasn't thinking at all though, and was just being an idiot. Either way bad move on his part.

[kmh1239]

I would definitely keep that to myself unless I was trying to test the waters. Maybe he just wanted to share it, but I don't see any possible reason for him to do that other than seeing if you would be receptive to a threesome. Seriously, would any of you ladies tell your bf that you had a dream where you had a threesome with him and his friend? Maybe he wasn't thinking at all though, and was just being an idiot. Either way bad move on his part.

 

See, I asked him how he would feel if I told him I had a dream about a threesome with him and his best friend, and he said he wouldn't care, because it was just a dream. But I know that if roles were reversed he WOULD care, he just thinks right now that he wouldn't.

Anyway, now it's really bothering me because now I don't even want him and my friend to hang out, even with me there, because now I picture him seeing her in a sexual way, which makes me feel really uncomfortable.

[kmh1239]

I think he may be "testing the waters" to see if you're open to the idea. Just a thought. If he isn't then he's a moron. One should never ever show any lust towards your g/f's friends. Seriously. (Hey, he's a guy, he's gonna HAVE the lust, he just shouldn't tell anyone about it)

 

That's the only thing I can think, but it makes me upset. Like, I know he's guy and he's going to have these thoughts, but I want him to want me, not other girls, and especially not my friend. I don't even want to mention her name around him anymore because I'm afraid it'll make him think about having a threesome with her. I know I'm probably blowing it out of proportion, but it really bothers me.

[Glowguy]

I don't blame you and unfortunately the cat's already out of the bag. The worst thing you can do is keep dwelling on it. Perhaps you can just tell him to keep details like that to himself in the future because it upsets you when he talks about being with other women. Hopefully he will respect your wishes on the matter.

[kmh1239]

I mean, I think he will keep it to himself next time, because he usually learns pretty quickly. But for some reason I just can't stop thinking about it. I know it's not anything he actually DID, it's just a dream (if that, even), but just knowing it was with my best friend really gets to me, because we hang out with her all the time. And now I wonder if he's been attracted to her this whole time. What reason would you have for telling me who it was with? I mean, seriously.

[zakky]

Personally, I would let it go. Sometimes we men say things without thinking.The danger is over analysing it and making it into a big deal. It was a dream and unless he actually asks you to have a threesome then I wouldn't think that is what his communication meant. (IMO of course)

[kmh1239]

Personally, I would let it go. Sometimes we men say things without thinking.The danger is over analysing it and making it into a big deal. It was a dream and unless he actually asks you to have a threesome then I wouldn't think that is what his communication meant. (IMO of course)

 

That's what I'm trying to do. I just feel like, even if he doesn't want to have a threesome with her, that he's attracted to her.

I mean, I typically wouldn't have a sexual dream about someone who's completely repulsive. If it was a threesome dream with a celebrity, random person, etc, okay. I could deal with that. It's who it is that's really bothering me. But you're probably right, I just need to let it go.

[Glowguy]

Trust me, I've had lots of sex dreams about people I'm not attracted to, but chances are that if she is hot, then he is attracted to her. That's out of your control though and no amount of obsessing over it will make one bit of difference. It will just make things worse and you will start to question him all the time. Do you trust him? If so, then you have nothing to worry about. Relax!

[kmh1239]

Yeah, I trust him. I just would rather not know these little details about his dreams that include other girls.

[zakky]

I hear you and I don't think its the dream that is the issue, more a little insecurity in yourself. Lets take the scenario that you seem to fear the most, which is that he is attracted to your friend. Firstly, he might not be attracted to her but most importantly he is WITH YOU. He has made a commitment of his time and energy to be with you, nobody else. There are attractive people everywhere in life, but people make a choice when they enter into a relationship to be with that one person. You can't control dreams and can't control attraction to other people but remember that he has chosen to be with you. Let it go and focus on the future which is full of fantastic and amazing experiences you can do together

[kmh1239]

I hear you and I don't think its the dream that is the issue, more a little insecurity in yourself. Lets take the scenario that you seem to fear the most, which is that he is attracted to your friend. Firstly, he might not be attracted to her but most importantly he is WITH YOU. He has made a commitment of his time and energy to be with you, nobody else. There are attractive people everywhere in life, but people make a choice when they enter into a relationship to be with that one person. You can't control dreams and can't control attraction to other people but remember that he has chosen to be with you. Let it go and focus on the future which is full of fantastic and amazing experiences you can do together

 

That's true, the main problem here IS that I'm insecure. Most people probably wouldn't think twice if their boyfriend had a dream like that, but I'm not like that. I don't know HOW to be more confident and secure in myself

Now, to make this clear, I'm not always this person who is down on herself and thinks she is ugly and hates herself. That's not me. But when certain things happen (even little things like this), it makes me doubt myself. Even though I know I shouldn't be doubting myself because of a dream my boyfriend had. I know it's just that--a dream.

[geekgirl4]

Yeah, I trust him. I just would rather not know these little details about his dreams that include other girls.

 

If you trust him, why is this an issue? He's sharing a random wacky dream he had with you. I'm sorry but I don't buy that you trust him. If you did, his opinion is the one that matters not random attractive girls around him. He's with you so he's not going to blink at those other girls. The one who really matters in his life is YOU.

[kmh1239]

If you trust him, why is this an issue? He's sharing a random wacky dream he had with you. I'm sorry but I don't buy that you trust him. If you did, his opinion is the one that matters not random attractive girls around him. He's with you so he's not going to blink at those other girls. The one who really matters in his life is YOU.

 

If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be okay with him going to fraternity parties without me. If I didn't trust him, I would be constantly checking up on him, making sure he's doing what he says he's doing.

It's not about trust. I don't think he's going to do anything ESPECIALLY with my best friend, who I also trust. But I'm not thrilled to think he's having sexual dreams about other girls, and is telling me about them.There's no reason for me to know that.

This has nothing to do with trust. I don't think he's going to go out and reenact his dream. I have no doubt in my mind he's faithful to me. It has to do with me not feeling good enough about myself, which IS the issue.