Its here :(

[stevef20]

Hello all,

 

It's here, the moment ive been dreading for many weeks.

 

Not only is it the weekend, which for me is always terrible but it is also her birthday this weekend and 8 weeks of NC.

 

Ive woken this more and am full of anxiety, my heart is beating so hard and i am already finding it harder to breath and think straight, i will be leaving for work shortly, how i wish i had this weekend off, its going to be so tough to get through this without doing something silly. I already find myself wondering if i should send a card or small gift, i know on the day ill ask myself if i should text.

 

Im scared everyone, really scared, this is THE weekend in my mind, the weekend that determines the rest of this year and my near future.

 

Its not often that i am lost for words but i am now, i cant explain how im feeling, anxiety, sadness, short of breath, mind racing, hurt, the list goes on

 

Any advice from anyone will be gratefully recieved, im struggling

 

Thankyou

 

Steve

[MakeItCount]

This weekened means nothing. It's just another weekend that you'll get through and look back at, laughing at yourself for stressing so much. Don't text her, ABSOLUTELY NO GIFTS!!! She doesnt get that privelage anymore.

[dramallama]

Instead of making this weekend, or any weekend, about HER - embrace it and face it full on. Make it a weekend all about YOU!

 

You can either choose to be a victim or you can do something to change how you feel and take action. Make the weekend as action packed as you can. Do the things that you love. I don't want any excuses.

[AutumnBorn]

Steve, it's going to be OK. Relax. You're probably experiencing anxiety. It's going to pass.

 

Sending her a gift or card could only result in more pain and grief for you. What would be the benefit for you? If she doesn't acknowlege it, it'll hurt. If she calls to say 'thanks', it could lead to drama. How would you feel if she returned the gift?

 

I suggest you don't take risks and take care of yourself. You're right about this being a defining moment in your life. By taking control of your emotions, by being strong and doing what's right for you in the long run, you'll gain strength and momentum in moving forward. It doesn't get any harder than this, but it's absolutely something over which you have control. Giving in to our impulses by doing what we think might provide temporary relief, we prolong our pain.

 

She's not your friend. She's not there for you now when you're in this horrific pain. The next time she sees you, whether it's next week, next month or year, or 20 years from now, I hope she sees a strong, confident, very together, successful man and that she eats her heart out.

[twitchyfingers]

^ That is a really great post, Autumn.

 

Steve, even though it might feel like the birthday thing is really emotionally charged, remember that it's temporary and will pass. Milestone dates are triggering, but don't let it psych you out. Eight weeks NC is a HUUUUUUUGE accomplishment.

 

Like llama said, make this weekend about you. I know you have to work, so just try to let that be a distraction. After work, do something that gives you optimism -- research your new car or one of your new activities, really throw yourself into it.

 

Hang tough!

[stevef20]

Thanks guys,

 

I will try to take all the good advice on board.

As you will all know, being able to agree with good advice and actually being able to action it can be 2 very different things.

 

Thanks again

[stevef20]

I'm just venting here so please no kickings.

 

I'm really hurting right now, she dominates my thoughts even though I'm working, really struggling to hols it together, I can wait to finish so I can let it all out. It's hit me so hard, I was expecting this, just not this severely. I'm having thoughts for her I've not had in a while. I'm not going to be hers on her birthday like last year, I'm not going to be able to buy her flowers and jewellery or spoil her with live and affection. I'm devastated.

 

I never thought is love someone or have them affect me like this So deeply. Perhaps she was my one, its a shame I'm not hers.

 

Really miss her x

[stevef20]

I'm just venting here so please no kickings.

 

I'm really hurting right now, she dominates my thoughts even though I'm working, really struggling to hols it together, I can wait to finish so I can let it all out. It's hit me so hard, I was expecting this, just not this severely. I'm having thoughts for her I've not had in a while. I'm not going to be hers on her birthday like last year, I'm not going to be able to buy her flowers and jewellery or spoil her with live and affection. I'm devastated.

 

I never thought is love someone or have them affect me like this So deeply. Perhaps she was my one, its a shame I'm not hers.

 

Really miss her x

[jonesyjakk]

hey steve,

 

my ex's birthday was 3 months after we split....she text me asking if i could have our kid so she could go out, a week after her birthday she text saying she was seeing someone....i later find it is somone from work....

 

so while i took our kid so she could go out and have a good time, she was also with some other dude.....man.....i KNOW how you feel bro, keep it together as best you can. its ok to feel these things, after 5 months, i miss my x more now than i did when it first happened.

 

i miss her cos i have changed fro the guy i was when i was with her, and believe i can make our family work because i want different things now....realising what you had is a tough cookie, realising what you lost makes you choke on that cookie....its tough one to chew...

 

there is no medicine my friend, there is nothing anyone can do for you, except tell you that in time, it gets easier i promise.

 

there are no remedies, i have been as busy as i can be, working, gym, football all sorts mate, and still i cry, still i hurt, still i cant believe it, i wanna phone her everyday and just hear her voice, i wanna text her and say i love you still, please let me come home....i wanna grab her and shake her and say stop doing this to our son...this is not what was supposed to happen....

 

but i dont.....becauseits not what she wants....and because yes she has hurt me more than anyone on this planet, but i do love her so much, and because i love her so much, im trying to let her go and let her do the things that will make her happy even though it kills me, and our son cries his eyes out when she leaves...i have to respect her choice. i dont like it, and i dont understand her desire to not work things out and decide to be with someone else....but life goes on.

 

if you love her, let her go dude....it hurts so badly.....but you gotta let her go bro. im with you buddy....im with you.

 

 

jonesy

[Kev0s1983]

Hey Steve,

 

I want you to know that this convict from over the pond is sending big wishes to you. You have done amazingly well to date. You have shown time and time again how much this woman meant to you, and ok, she still means a hell of a lot to you... But dont forget that this woman has caused you this pain - im not making a judgement on her - Im trying to keep this simple. You are no longer an item or couple. It IS her birthday, yes, sure thats going to sting and hurt because of memories in the past. But thats what this date needs to become and in actual fact is, just a date that once held importance to you.

 

It doesnt anymore. This date and weekend is one that no longer involves you - out of her choice. She is living her life, dont allow her to enter your mind and make you feel bad. Try to keep strong, there are many people here who can feel your pain through your words. We are all rooting for you to make it through this weekend and once you make it through - not IF cos we all know you WILL get through this - you can look back and feel like there are no more hurdles.

 

See this as the big final push before it gets easier. Just one more big challenge Steve. Dont falter now. Hold it together for just a little longer and you will feel really good about it. Keep writing here and keep reading how much people care and are rooting for you!!

 

K

[Eocsor]

You sound like you've been doing well and what you are experiencing is just the natural ebb and flow of getting over the ex. I sent a birthday card and it did absolutely nothing for me. She even sent me birthday wishes on my birthday and it still meant nothing. Just hang in and keep on doing what you're doing.

[stevef20]

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences and offering me continued support, you're a great bunch of people.

 

I am sincerely grateful for all of your time, efforts and advice

 

Steve

[hotnspicychikn]

Thinking of you this weekend Steve, hang in there buddy!

[stevef20]

I'm trying hot, really finding this hard though

 

Thanks and hope Ur well x

[Live-N-Learn]

Sending her a bday wish will do nothing but raise your anxiety and keep you hurting. Even if she responds it will not be what you want her to say and you will spend the next 2 weeks analyzing what it meant. Don't do it to yourself. I sent my ex and text just saying Happy Birthday! She responded 3 hours later with something like Thank you, I miss you! It meant nothing and she was off that night partying with her new guy and having sex with him I sure.

 

It's just not worth it. She knows how you feel and she won't hate you if you don't wish her a happy bday. She may even respect you more since you are showing you are respecting her decision not to be with her.

[jonesyjakk]

Thats so true live, she will respect you more for not sending that b'day wish. Its her choice to be without you, so let her have what she wants.

 

I didnt send my ex a bday msg back in march, instead i went out with a girl from work that day, spent all day with her and had a great time...ya know what....my ex text me on he bday....a msg to my then 18 month old son....who was with me....

 

this is her exact msg mate

 

(this is a msg to our son) hey gorgeous boy, thanks for my card, love you and miss you.

 

JOKE!!!!!

 

birthday msgs mean nothing mate....nothing!!!!!!! i had the same cr...ap on mothers day.

 

you are a good man steve.....a good man...the level of hurt you feel just shows how much you loved her....and what you feel is natural, weve all felt it too....we are all behind you buddy.....chin up bro....

 

 

your friendly sheep sha66er

 

jonesy

[JonasWaingaro]

Hey Steve - one thing you gotta work on is thought stopping. You are getting caught in the endless loop of thinking. Which is okay unless it involves an ex! You are getting stuck in projecting dread over a future you don't know. Believe me I know, I did the same thing. Heck we all do it. So you have to break that process, stop it before it becomes a habit. You habituate this stuff and your healing is going stretch out longer. I did that, it's no fun! So when you start building up dread, stop yourself. Some people wear a rubber band on their wrist and snap that sucker when bad thoughts start. I would scream STOP in my mind then change my thoughts to something or someone else.

 

And don't send a gift/card/text on her b'day. It won't make any difference either way. You won't feel better, it won't help get her back. L-N-L is right, she'll have more respect for you if you don't send anything. The bonus is you'll have more respect for yourself down the road. Hang in here! You are doing good.

[stevef20]

Thanks live, jonesy, its nice to have people here who understand, my mum tries bless her and my dad, well ill not bother commenting how awful his support has been

 

Thanks for being good people, i find it hard to believe that all these kind hearted, warm, loving people have been dumped, what the hell is wrong with the world//

 

Steve

[stevef20]

thanks jonas, appreciate that mate

[sadchick83]

Last weekend was my birthday and I buried my father the day before. I still had a good day, and you can too. You need to put things into perspective. It can always be worse. Enjoy what you have.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Steve. Know how you must be feeling. Hang in there and it will be okay.

[twitchyfingers]

steve,

 

Thinking of you, buddy. Virtual hug from your Yank fan.

[stevef20]

Thanks my lovely ladies, I could use those hugs right now.

[dumpedinshock]

As everybody else said: hand in there Steve, u r doing wonderful, dont give up now

[stevef20]

Thanks dis