The 3 Day Rule?

[Dougie_D]

Everyone says...mostly guys...wait until you call/text her again. Usually its 3 days or so right? I understand it though. You don't want to act desperate but you don't want to act like you are not interested.

A girl gave out her number (I never asked for it) after asking her (on a social media site) about bars to check out. I texted her a few days after and we agreed to meet at a bar I suggested.

It ended up being just the two of us and was pretty cool. I'm not sure if it was date or not but I'll consider it.

Anyways, I waited 2 days to text and I said "Glad I got to hang out with you, see you soon"

So my question is..how long should I WAIT for a text back? If I don't get one with a week should I move on? Or text her back again?

[somegirl30]

Others may disagree with me, but I really dislike these silly games. If you like a woman, call/text her.

 

I like when a man contacts me within 24 hours to let me know he enjoyed spending time with me. And if it was me I would respond as soon as I had the chance. I'm not sure what other women do, though.

[kay83]

i like a fairly quick response as well. it shows that the man is thinking about me and has enjoyed spending time with me. it's both flattering and 2011. pretty sure the "3 day rule" is outdated and childish. if you like a girl, call her. text her. email her. facebook her. there are unlimited resources and if she hasn't gotten back to you yet, i'd call her. sometimes i'm too rushed to respond to someone right away and then i get sidetracked and completely forget altogether. it wouldn't hurt for you to refresh her memory!

[InkkedBree]

I prefer no games, just to be yourself. Texting within 24 hours, like somegirl360 said, is preferrable. If I received a text like that three days later, I'd wonder at the oddity of liking the time spent with me but yet took a long time just to say that? I think the rule of not calling or not texting a girl within three or two days is just stupid, imo. I like knowing if a guy is interested in me enough to take the initiative.

[secretness87]

I also prefer the man to call instead of text but I know that not everyone is a huge phone person so I don't mind texts either. Back when I was casually dating, I used to play little games as well...ie: waiting 3 days to contact someone, waiting a few hours to text someone back (because texting right away apparently makes you look too eager or desperate lol)..so ya....I think if it takes her a week or more to reply back to you then I don't think she's interested. If you are waiting for a text, then probably a few hours to a day tops...anything longer than that, move on...but that's just my opinion.

[Miss Firecracker]

Call her if anything, Dougie.

[MeetTheVirus]

I will usually call them next day after receiving the number earliest is that night if I got the number early in the day (later in the night like 8ish) many girls I have talked to after dating awhile say that they were so nervous and waiting for me to call them and tell me they were so happy that I did.

 

3 days is WAY to long in my opinion, but you also don't want to call them 3 hours after getting it either..

 

because:

1) you don't want to seem to come off desperate or stalkerish

2) it's human nature to want what you can't have if you make them wait a little they will want you even more, patience is virtuous

 

just my 2 cents, If I had it my way I wouldn't wait at all as I hate all the mind games involved at the beginning of any relationship. But society as a whole as put these games upon themselves. Sometimes you just *have* to play the games.

 

now waiting for a text/call back, if they haven't contacted you by the next day that is a good sign she not interested / not ready for a relationship and its time to move to the next fish in the sea. Understand people can be busy working or spending time with family but it shouldn't be no problem sending a quit "hey, i'm sorry life has been really hectic but I had a good time with you yesterday" text if she was genuinely interested.

[Inquirer89]

I find the 3 day rule immature and pointless. Why not be honest and real about your interested and call, text, or email her when you actually want to, and not play that stupid game to not come off as desperate. Sure, don't contact her only a few hours after receiving her number, but the next day would show me the guy has interest and I'd be open to seeing him again. If he waited days just to contact me for the sake of being thought desperate I wouldn't even bother seeing that person again, in fact I would think by a couple days he had no interest and I'd forget about him. Of course, every person is different, this is just how I would perceive it.

[guynextdoor]

The 3day rules apply in movies(Swingers). Just wait till next day and call her.

[abitbroken]

if you like her or at least had a good time, call and tell her so! By three days she will have written you off as the guy who never called. Sure, she can call too but what are you waiting for? I would have called the next day or the next waking hours appropriate time. As far as "was it a date?" its what you make of it. If you liked your time, call and turn it into something. texting is so impersonal. It read like a courtesy call

[WockaWocka]

I think you have non-chalance overkill here. If you want to invite someone out again then I can understand waiting a few days. But a text message saying you enjoyed yourself is not something I'd sit on for 48 hours. I find it much more endearing if the guy sends it fairly soon after.

 

Also "see you soon", while better than "see you later" (which almost always means see you never), isn't much to go on and certainly doesn't invite much of a response. Next time I'd say "hope to see you again." or something similar.

 

What to do now? I agree with the others who encouraged you to go ahead and call her. Do it tonight (Tuesday). Ask her if she's free on Friday to go out. Inviting her out on a weekend night is a good signal you might be interested in dating.

[mfan]

Anyways, I waited 2 days to text and I said "Glad I got to hang out with you, see you soon"

 

Now that you said "See you soon", it's YOUR responsibility to contact her with specifics (e.g. a particular day, time, and place). The phrasing of your text message, as another poster said, does not invite or ask for a response. The girl is likely waiting to hear more what you meant by "see you soon" - as in, did you really mean that or are you just being polite. I agree with other posters that you ought to call her rather than just text.

[Inquirer89]

Yes, texting is very impersonal. It's why I love to save important conversations and actually connecting through conversation in person, while saving the chit chat, and small talk for texting. I'm also not a very big caller, so I would most likely never call a guy if I liked him except on few occasions when I feel it's something I should do, hence my waiting to talk face to face. It also makes it easier to gauge whether or not somebody is lying to you or possibly what kinda attitude they have towards you and maybe their interest level. Instead of texting her to make a date, call her and set it, or at least leave a voicemail, that way you come off as genuine and personable

[Miss Firecracker]

Dougie, you aren't going to call her. Are you?

[Kitten love]

I prefer a quicker reply as well. MUCH prefer it.

When a guy waits to text I feel that i'm not a priority, just an after-thought, doesn't make me feel very good at all!

[browney2]

I hate the mind games. My theory is that there are three levels of interest. There are guys you don't like at all. It doesn't matter how long he waits to call cause you won't like it. There are the guys you really like and again unless he is calling you every ten minutes just to be silent with you then the timing is immaterial. The last level is the borderline interest. This is the level where doing something so mundane as calling within 3 hours is a turn off. I don't know about guys but I wouldn't want to be stressed out over someone whose level of interest is borderline to non-existent. I've known girls who get excited when a guy calls within the same day and she is excited .... and that same girl looks at the phone like its diseased when some other guy does the same thing.

[Dougie_D]

I got the cold shoulder. I didn't call but I texted. I don't feel comfortable calling her because I don't know how our relationship is.

 

Me: What are your plans this weekend?

 

Her: I'll be out of town this friday.

 

I didn't even get a "but, I'll be free afterwards."

 

Should I not pursue interest in her? Was she even interested in the first place?

[browney2]

This is the problem with texting. You get left with the bare words minus the tone of voice or other non-verbal cues. She answered exactly what you asked and now you are finding fault with it. How many times we going have to tell you to call her. You don't know how your relationship is now and at this rate you never will. Stop fooling around with the texting. It will make it weirder when you finally call if you send her 10 messages and call the same day

[Dougie_D]

I think I can't call her now. It's obvious she's not interested. If I make ANY type of communication it will be awkward. It's on her now, right?

[mfan]

I think I can't call her now. It's obvious she's not interested. If I make ANY type of communication it will be awkward. It's on her now, right?

No, it's still on you, and it will be until you write a text message that looks exactly like this:

Would you like to go to [sPECIFIC ADDRESS] on [sPECIFIC DAY AND TIME] with me? It sounds like it will be fun. Please let me know.

 

Then it's on her and finally you'll know if you're cut off.

[Miss Firecracker]

I think I can't call her now. It's obvious she's not interested. If I make ANY type of communication it will be awkward. It's on her now, right?

 

No, she won't bother.

 

Girls like guys with courage.

 

It's just a girl thing, sorry if that offends people.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you have to know the context of the three day rule, which means after you get her number you weight three days to contact her. That is all the three day rule is. Once you have been out with the the three day rule doesnt apply. After your first outing I would then contact her to set up other outings.

[abitbroken]

I don't have big conversations about text. If she is out of town Friday, she told you what she is doing. You didn't come back and ask if she wanted to get together. You asked, she answered. I think you are afraid to ask her out again. I think you should ask her to something specific, not just "what are you doing?" that's pretty lame. Why not "Would you like to get dinner with me this weekend" or "the cool band is playing at that cool place. would you be interested in going?" Just CALL her, why don't you instead of trying to guess what her thoughts are

[Dougie_D]

I actually did follow up with her response within 5 minutes. I texted "That sounds fun. Whenever you are free afterwards just let me know. Maybe an Irish bar this time. "

So basically I let it open.

I get it. I have to call her. How long do I wait now? I texted her Tuesday. So CALL her this coming Tuesday?

[WockaWocka]

I actually did follow up with her response within 5 minutes. I texted "That sounds fun. Whenever you are free afterwards just let me know. Maybe an Irish bar this time. "

So basically I let it open.

I get it. I have to call her. How long do I wait now? I texted her Tuesday. So CALL her this coming Tuesday?

 

At this point I don't necessarily think you need to call. You could, but I think one more text next Mon or Tues would be good. Invite her to a SPECIFIC Irish bar on a SPECIFIC night. The reasons for doing this are 2-fold: 1. Lets her know you actually want to make it happen, 2. Gives her an easy out if she's not interested, she can just give some excuse. If she really does want to see you but truly can't make it she can offer a different night, and if she isn't interested at all she can just decline without any follow-up about rescheduling.

 

FWIW, next time in the early stages of meeting/dating someone I'd avoid using phrases like "whenever you are free" because it makes you seem overly available and can be a bit awkward for them not to have an easy out.

 

Let us know what happens!