jealous of pretty girls around boyfriend

[Emilia]

You guys have a great point. My train of thought I guess is confusing. A bar to me is different from a grocery store because girls will dress in short skirts and be drunk hitting on him. There are a lot more peeople around our age at the clubs and so fourth.

 

He has female friends but they are usually his friends g/f's. He used to have one very close girl friend it did bother me but I trusted him because she had a b/f. I get so jealous and angry but keep it in because I know IM wrong and don't want him to suffer. Not healthy at all I know.

 

It's not that I think he would want to sleep with any girl he meets, etc....I can't even explain it because maybe I dont even know why I get upset. I think it's because when there is a blonde bombshell of a girl, she is prettier than me. I think he would see her and want something better. He always wants the best of everything, is a very motivated and successful individual. He's always pressuring me to be my best. Do I think he would ever leave me for another girl? Absolutely not. I just dont want him thinking Im second best.

[Fudgie]

This is definitely your own insecurity talking. I suggest you see a therapist to work on it. You feel inadequate to other women despite him NOT having any flirtacious behaviors. this is all on you, not him. If you keep being this way, you WILL lose him, I can promise you that. When people are insecure, they ooze of it, and it's probably the most unsexy thing out there. It comes out in everything you do. I've dumped boyfriends over this and I know guys who have dumped girls over it. At some point, it just becomes unbearable and it's unhealthy.

 

Time to change.

[OptomisticGirl]

MORe than likely even if there were the hottest girl in the world standing next to you, YOU would still be better than her. It's not him thinking this, it's you. You view yourself as second best to some bombshell and I know how that is. I still have some insecurity issues about looking at myself as beautiful even though my fiance tells me I'm the sexiest woman in the world to him. But that's the thing - it's our view on ourselves, not how they us. We just project how we view ourselves and believe it's how they view us as well.

[OrangeSlice]

Have you talked with him about this? One of the big keys to a relationship is COMMUNICATION.

 

I find that talking through things helps to bring down your jealousy. If not then it is possible you have some issues in your past and should seek help.

 

But talk to him about this. If you are afraid to then your relationship wont last. If he leaves you for this then it was going to not work anyways.

 

But remember, COMMUNICATION is very important.

[Emilia]

Thanks OrangeSlice, Im going to talk to him about it. I think he senses it sometimes so this should not come as a surprise to him

[horrible]

omg natalie im so glad i found this post!!!

im the EXACT same way with my bf!!

im a skinny girl who is goergous too but cant help my jealousy of him looking at any pretty girl lol

its not good i know but he always tells me he gets grossed out by porno and half naked girls dont turn him on but i keep thinking "hes a guy this cant be true" but he is actually telling the truth. its getting so bad for me to the point where he wont even look on the tv if theres a half naked or naked girl.

i think im just going crazy but he doesnt mind.

talking to him about it did work out for me.

[ladyninja30]

'm the same as you but worse, I even got jealous of him talking to ugly girls (and by ugly, I mean fugly) or girls who wouldn't actually even flirt with him. It sucked because I kept checking on him on FB to see who he was talking to, and almost got to the point where I would want to check his phone but I didn't.

 

these girls are more threatening that you think....my ex left me for one and trust me I may not be a super model but, her? really? good god..sorry I'm sure that was nowhere near encouraging to this post.

[Huntress0527]

these girls are more threatening that you think....my ex left me for one and trust me I may not be a super model but, her? really? good god..sorry I'm sure that was nowhere near encouraging to this post.

 

Looks are not everything. Personality trumps looks because in the end the looks will fade. If a guy is going to cheat, he's going to cheat doesn't matter what they look like.

[Fudgie]

Looks are not everything. Personality trumps looks because in the end the looks will fade. If a guy is going to cheat, he's going to cheat doesn't matter what they look like.

 

This is very true. Your ex cheated on you because he has crappy character. Doesn't have anything to do with how you look.

 

If you don't want to be cheated on, do these two things:

 

1) Choose a guy who has good character and WANTS to be monogamous. that is, he doesn't feel that he's "Settling" for an exclusive relationship and that's genuinely what he wants.

 

2) Fully meet his emotional, sexual, and all other needs as part of a healthy relationship.

[LonelyMoondancer]

OP, you yourself are a gorgeous girl if that's you in your avatar. But the truth is, you are not the only pretty girl in the world of course There will always be other pretty girls around both you and your boyfriend- that won't change. But your boyfriend is with you. I know it's hard to just turn off the insecurity and stop worrying, but try to keep in mind that your boyfriend has chosen to be with you all this time. So far, he hasn't left you for a girl he finds prettier. Realistically he probably does find other women attractive sometimes- he's human. But that's nowhere near the same thing as him wanting to leave you/cheat with someone else JUST because they are pretty. You are so much more to him than simply a beautiful girl, you both have an entire relationship together built on more than just that. I'm sure you occasionally notice an attractive guy other than your boyfriend, but does that necessarily mean you'd leave your boyfriend to pursue one of them? You two are committed to each other, and people committed to each other do not always jump around when they think they've spotted someone better, many of them appreciate what they have. Your boyfriend's given you no reason to doubt his committment to you. So I would keep in mind that while you're right about pretty girls entering the picture and catching your boyfriend's eye, you don't need to worry about that or deem it as a bad thing unless he gives you more of a reason to worry.

[Chicklet]

Take it from me. If you don't get control of your behavior, your behavior will continue to control you.....through many different relationships. Have you been cheated on in the past or know of someone who was, that shocked you??

[ladyninja30]

Looks are not everything. Personality trumps looks because in the end the looks will fade. If a guy is going to cheat, he's going to cheat doesn't matter what they look like.

 

yes but she is niether cute nor nice...she is manipulative, controlling and * * * * * y....hence I guess I just don't get it and apparently i'm not supposed to.

[John Cage]

Well... I am going to share a secret with you because... It happen to be a slow day at the office

 

To tell you God's honest truth... Most of the time, you have at least "some" reason to worry. Despite what women like to think of their men, a LOT of the male population are what I call "result orientated thinkers". I know women who feels guilty because she had some naughty thought about a good looking guy at the office... and I know men who thinks it's perfectly ok to cheat as long as you are not caught (because there's no visible damage). It's like asking a guy if he will sleep with a hot chick if God promised him no one will find out (hint: the answer starts with Y). That being said, there are ways to lessen a guy's will to cheat. Believe it or not, being HOT only gets you a guy's attention, it doesn't hold it for too long. The sad truth is that even if a guy can have a 4 star restaurant making him a sirloin steak with peppercorn sauce everyday, he would still want to taste that 3 dollar burger accross the street. That's just how guys are. If you want to hold a man's heart, you need to start some serious manipulation. Some girls do it knowingly, some girls do it naturally (in which case, it's not manipulation). I can NEVER cheat on my gf not because she's the hottest girl alive (she's very cute but let's be honest, there are 3 billion women on this planet... She can't THE HOTTEST). I can never cheat on her because "I love her". Now, I quote the "I love her" because any less logical or analytical male will stop at that as the perfect answer; however I dug deeper and found out WHY I love her.

 

She knows how to make me feel needed and loved. She made me feel like I changed her life and she will die for me without question. Combine that with a natural cuteness and she just makes me WANT to make her happy. Every time a hot girl talks to me or tries to start something remotely inappropriate... I immediately picture how I have betrayed her. It's hard for me to describe exactly HOW she got me to feel this way but I gathered that it had everything to do with "How I feel around her" as opposed to "How hot she is". Males have a protective drive and you need to use that to your advantage. Make the guy protect you and worry about you, that way he's not just thinking of you as a hot chick he's banging. Because a guy will bang many hot chicks in his life but he will only sworn to protect one (and love one).

[love_life]

I've had this problem myself, being jealous of my partner potentially finding other women attractive. It really is just down to your own insecurities. You need to tackle that by focusing on your own unique qualities. What are your good qualities? What are you good at? What have you achieved? What does your boyfriend lke about you? Etc..

 

Everyone is bound to think other people are attractive - it is nature and are automatic thoughts. I'm pretty sure that everyone in a relationship notices when another woman/guy is attractive (besides your partner) it is only natural. What matters is if you take actions on your thoughts (e.g. cheat). Of curse your boyfriend will notice the attractiveness of other women (I'm sure you notice when a guy is good looking). As long as he doesn't stray and is loyal to you then it shouldn't matter. As for this magazine he gets - let him know how much it bothers you. He shouldn't need those magazines if he has you and is happy with you. Talk to him. Communication is key.

 

If your boyfriend does start flirting around, cheating etc then he doesn't deserve you anyway - find someone who will treat you right. But my guess is that there is nothing to worry about here.

[imelda30]

I can relate to number 2 and 3! If I'm single, I'll be OK. But when I'm in a relationship, I start thinking the worse. What helps me, though, is the truth: that, one, those girls are just objects to him and, two, that he'll forget about them as soon as a few seconds, especially by the time you two get home. If he's constantly checking them out or flirting, then hell yeah, pick a fight with him! But if he's not, then try not to sweat it. Seriously, I know how you feel. It infuriates me and there are times where I'll be at the point of telling him to * * * * off and to just leave me to be with them. But you really have to calm down and try to give yourself some time to blow off steam. If I think my bf looked at the same pretty girl more than once, but not a lot, I'll clam up. He'll ask me what's wrong, and I'll say nothing and to not ask me again, to just give me time. He'll usually know what that means. Once I * * * * * him out in my mind and remind myself that I'm making this * * * * up, I calm down and realize that it's not a big deal. Why not? Because he's already lying on the floor playing his video games or watching Tosh.O. Point is, he's completely forgotten all them * * * * * es! haha. Sometimes I can't do all that you may not either, but that's something he'll have to understand. You're a human being. Now--don't go crazy, please--I also think about his meeting another girl who is NOT jealous but confident and how attracted he might be by her. Then I get scared that he may leave me for her, which can probably happen bc no one can stand jealousy for too long. That's when I say, "Oh, hell no!!" haha. So I try to be as confident as I can. Hope this helps; it's been a while since you've been on, but your posts really hit home with me. Good luck!

[imelda30]

Another thing: On your being afraid of his finding other girls pretty....so what? I'm not trying to be callous; I'm just trying to understand what your fear is. With me, I think it's an ego thing. I don't think too lowly of myself. I actually have a good opinion of myself, physically. So I can't stand the fact that he may find another girl good looking. I guess I have a fragile ego. You may want to ask yourself if it's the same for you. Or are you afraid he'll leave you? If so, so what again! Will you die without him? ha! I didn't think so! It could also be the dynamic between the two of you. Sooo many factors

[Notagoodninja]

Hey girl where did you go. I wanted to tell you first of all you're a GORGEOUS girl. But everyone on here missed one thing, and I had that happen to me.

I am NOT a jealous girl at all. I used to be SOOOO confident. I am fit and attractive and look younger than my age.

But my DH drove me off the edge. I think HE caused me to be insecure/ I wasn't a needy insecure psycho until I was with him for 4 years of him checking out women and womanzing!

I've been with other men who have looked @ magazines or swam with girls in bikini's and it didn't mean a thing to me...because THEY WERE INTO ME and I was secure KNOWING this...and I KNEW they were not womanzing! but with my current DH he IS a womanizer so it's completely different

I hated going to movies with him or watching TV or knowing he'd be looking over my VS catalogs in the mail...he was a total lustful CREEP!!!!

[theeknightmare]

I felt so alone when it came to jealously. I would tell people but they would just insist on me becoming confident and i would feel better. Thing is, its hard for me to be confident when i just got fatter. I was average, but had hormonal imbalance, i dont get my period for months and i got more acne then before, weight gain, and so you can imagine how low i felt, especially when i wasnt even used to how i as before i got worse physically. My boyfriend that i am with now has been with me for two years. He says he loves me, only me, and is not comfortable with anyone else, which i know is true. His family was shocked how open he ws with me. He says he wanted to be with me for a long time and im beautiful, but that was when i was descent looking. Now he still says the same thing, but im not sure if he means it half the time. he still touches me and treats me sorta the same. We argue about girls though. That's the only thing really. We have alot in common but bring another girl into the conversation and im like "you like her? you think shes cute? you wanna * * * * her too?! you dont even know her! she's a * * * * !" stuff to i guess make him not like her. When I am single, I am not one to get jealous for even I guy i crush on, but once your with me and we consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend, then i guess i assume comittment to some degree. Not marriage, but that would be nice one day. When I go out, I dont bother to look at other guys, because I know they wont be interested in me. I focus on the stores, items, and since i get uncomfortable around too much people (anti social) I rush to get what i need and leave as soon as possible. I would expect my boyfriend not to care who is around either, so if he notices a girl and looks her way alot, i get angry and say stuff like, "she wont like you anyway, she's out of your league, i bet she doesn't think your cute, but i do." which i know is not right at all to say, but i mean most of the time it is true. My boyfriend is super careful what he does, he wont watch movies, like that have megan fox or any for that matter. sucks at times i now because i admit he misses out on good movis at times, but he is stubborn and keeps saying no, you watch it alone. I get confused on this jealously alot. He wont look around at stores, he will have his head down looking at his phone, ipod, watch, books, toys, stuff he knows i wont get upset at because i know he doesnt have anything bad on his phone since we share one. He wont even look at my sister or mom. Im not saying they are hot, but if my boyfriend likes thick grls like me, or fat really, he will reallly like my mom and sister, so he stays clear. His fmaily hates me because they say i have him on my palm of my hand, and i didnt mean for it to get this bad, but it has, im trying to change myself, but bad thing is, is now he is used to being cut off fro girl world, and treats like a queen. But wat happens when he goes to the hospital or a theme park? we cant enjoy it with me doing spy on his ass and him being too scared to even move. > imgetting fustrated. he really loves me i do see it. is it possible he can turn on me and this relationship? YES but that is why im tryin to change before its too late. He was even afraid to work because female co workers. I beat myself up everyday and trying to find balance with my love life. My family is not amused by how he is either. No wonder people think im a * * * * * , but i dont want to stay this way, its just hard to change what took years of abuse from other people to actaully feel secure with letting him wonder freely. He gets a boner for me, imagine a super model! i kinda told him if he gets a boner for some other girl ill break it! and not in a good way.

[WhenWillILove]

Just love yourself for what you are.

There will always be women more beautiful and smarter than you out there. Accept that. And move on.

[Mesemene]

Do you see your looks as being your primary asset?

 

Sometimes, since we all know looks are only the cover of the book, feeling like only one aspect of ourselves is our main point of attraction can really wear on security, because deep down, we feel it's not enough. Maybe start looking at yourself and find other points that he appreciates - sense of humor or fun, adventurous spirit, sympathetic listener, intelligence, etc and start really feeling those other qualities are what makes you "beautiful" in his eye, beyond just your appearance.

 

I had a friend in college who modeled, and she told me in confidence that modeling actually HURT her confidence and self esteem because of the daily emphasis on her appearance - she felt she lost something of her "self" along the way, and had to go to therapy to try and regain some of the other things she used to feel about herself.

[BlueRiver]

" I envy the girls who can look at Maxim's with their guy and not even think twice about the ladies."

 

I completely agree with this. I think the only thing I am more jealous of is girls who don't suffer this. My bf and I went on a break and he went on a date with a prettier girl. Nothing even happened, but I can't drop this feeling in the pit of my stomach.

[Fudgie]

I haven't looked at Maxim but my boyfriend and I have viewed porn together and it was fun. I didn't think anything of it. I know he wants to be with only me, and that's what matters. Watching porn and watching other couples get off together was just an added bonus. I believe there are many much more attractive women than I out there but if he wanted them, then he wouldn't be with me!

 

BlueRiver, I can understand the feeling. I would feel the same. I think it's different though when you're in a committed relationship and not on "break". you feel stable enough to appreciate the beauty in others without feeling insecure. In your case, I would feel bad about it as well because it was an actual date.

[WhenWillILove]

" I envy the girls who can look at Maxim's with their guy and not even think twice about the ladies."

 

I completely agree with this. I think the only thing I am more jealous of is girls who don't suffer this. My bf and I went on a break and he went on a date with a prettier girl. Nothing even happened, but I can't drop this feeling in the pit of my stomach.

 

I think every woman would feel that. Well, most.

I know one thing for certain is that if my boyfriend got a better looking girl than me, it would definitely gnaw at me.

[annieapples]

Hi Natalie... just saw this thread and thought id reply. how are things going with you and the bf now?

 

I can relate to certain parts of your situation... a while back I found myself thinking "is he checking her out" when me and my bf were out in bars or clubs....

If i was drunk it could really ruin my night, if i thought i saw him looking or commenting to his friends about a girl it would put me in the biggest mood and we'd possibly have an argument.

 

all i can say is this:

 

you need to learn to relax. I am 5 years older than you and ive noticed that it gets easier as you get a little older. you become more comfortable in your own skin. i found that if you roll with it a bit more it can help.... for example, i would point out a girl and say "jesus she is hot", he would agree and then later on in the club id go tell the girl how stunning she was.... i know that sounds crazy, but it would take the pressure off.... it would release the fact that we both were thinking it, plus talking to the girl would make me realise she was just a normal girl probably with the same insecurities as all of us.....

plus im sure at some stage you were the girl that a couple would be argueing about, some girl im sure had insecurites about you.

try not worry too much about, let yourself go.... women are everywhere but we cant all be enemies, we all have insecurites and it happens everyone at some stage- maybe not as extreme as us.

 

 

enjoy being in love, enjoy being yourself and remember if he wanted another girl he wouldnt be with u x

[MarmiteCrumpet]

I know this is an old post but WOW. This was so powerful and helpful to me. Thank you John Cage