jealous of pretty girls around boyfriend

[LanaH]

I know this post is old, but I googled something about jealousy and this came up. I wonder how you are going now? I just wanted to say I am soooo glad that I have found someone who feels EXACTLY the same as I do, and a little sad at the same time as I know how awful it is! I have been through exactly the same, I have ended relationships over it because I couldnt handle it anymore. I am in a relationship now, six months in, and this guy is amazing, so loving and treats me like a princess but there are things that he has done/said that I can't get out of my head and I hold a grudge on him. I am so sick of feeling like he is some scum bag when really its my own issues making me feel this way. A quote that I came accross that made me think... "No-one can make you feel anything, the way that you feel is based on the way that you think, it is your thoughts that have created your feelings" it is so true, but how do we stop? I would LOVE to hear a reply from you as I have never come accross someone going through the exact thing. I hope you are going a lot better! Lana xx

[LanaH]

Thanks Annie, this is a lovely post and a very helpful one too! I have been trying to open up a bit and think, well yes I think that girl is attractive, so why get angry if he does too. I think it helps to think about when you have found another guy attractive, how does that feel? Do you think about how you want to be with that person because he is hot and break up with your boyfriend? Does it even taint how you feel about your boyfriend? No. And that is how you have to look at it the other way around. It is definitely hard at first to admit to yourself but I am slowly getting there and I find that once you are honest with yourself and look at things in another perspective or put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes, there really is nothing to worry about. I think it does help to point out how you feel, if you think another is hot, admit it, admitting it to yourself and to your guy actually helps in a weird way. You have to learn to let it go and realise that those fears are false. I feel a lot better after reading this and I hope I continue to improve, thanks

[GraceTX89]

Hey Natalie!

 

I can relate to your feelings of jealousy and insecurity in these different scenarios! One thing that is helping me is actively choosing to trust my boyfriend. I've talked to him about these feelings I have and he understands, we have both changed things in our lives to have a healthier relationship. He doesn't order magazines that objectify women, we don't watch tv shows or movies with nudity or half dressed women in them. I agree with you that, our men should be only seeing those types of things from us their girlfriends. I don't want my bf seeing a pair of breasts on tv and then when we fool around I'm wondering if he is thinking about he saw on tv, it's a terrible feeling.

He has made a big effort for me and helped me trust him. It's been hard to choose to trust him, but he does so many little things to show me I'm the only one. I know we both see and recognize other attractive people, but we don't dwell on those people or lust over them. There is a huge difference between noticing someone and checking someone out. If we happen to be a public place and there's a random lady with her boobs hanging out he makes an effort to turn his head or walk a different way that avoids it.

I've also realized that he has no desire to see that stuff. He loves me and is faithful to me. We are always trying to do things that are good for our relationships. We don't put ourselves in bad situations intentionally, and if something negative does happen all I can do is choose to react the appropriate way.

I know this is hard, it truly is a daily battle for men to be faithful with their eyes and their minds. There is no such thing as looking and not touching...Looking is lusting, and if you've lusted in your mind then you've committed adultery with your heart. Finding a man who is ready to be strong and resist temptation is hard, NO ONE is perfect. Even my boyfriend messes up, and it hurts, I totally understand your feelings, being insecure and jealous is an awful feeling.

 

Make sure you've talked to your boyfriend about why you feel upset when he sees other naked women, is it because they have something you don't have, or is it because you are jealous for his heart? There is nothing wrong with protecting your relationship and wanting your boyfriend to be faithful to you with his eyes, mind and heart.