illusionoflove Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Back story. 8 years ago I met a man that I had an instant attraction to. We seemed drawn together like magnets. I have never felt such passion as I did with him. We had the same interests, etc. He is a bit older than me but it didn't matter to us. We went out a few times but we didn't get serious because he was newly separated from his wife. I chose to go NC and move on with a guy more my age. That subsequent relationship lasted for five years and just ended in January. This week I have found myself dreaming about the first man and today I wished I could find out what was happening with him now. I have not talked to him in over 5 years. The county deeds suggest that he did divorce his wife. I am afraid to reach out and contact him though because he may have moved on with his life and not want to hear from me. I guess I'm stuck in memory lane and I had always wished that our timing had been better because I felt we would have gotten on very well together. Should I just let it go, or attempt to contact him? I did find his cell number. I wonder if maybe some very romantic memories are best left in the past? Link to comment
NANsense Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 What have you got to loose? Worst case scenario--he's involved with someone and tells you "nice to hear from you" or you get no response... On the other hand--he could be available and the time could be right? I say "go for it!" Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 It's a difficult one, this; sometimes old loves do work out. However ... you don't say how old you are, but chances are that in that 8 years you may have changed a lot. So will he. Especially if he was newly separated then, and has had all this time to heal and move on. If you're newly out of a relationship, it's very easy to romanticise old ones and they seem surrounded in a rosy glow which vanishes very fast in the cold light of day. If you're newly out of a relationship, you need to give yourself time to heal and learn the lessons that the relationship was trying to teach you before contemplating anything serious. It doesn't sound as though you spent enough time with the guy to see what he is really like; it sounds possibly as though you moved on during the 'honeymoon period' of the relationship - with good reason. However, it could be that contacting this guy will give you closure rather than wistful 'What Ifs?' - so you could always contact him - but be prepared to be very disappointed. You may be pleasantly surprised, but go in anticipating the worst and make sure you will be able to cope with that before you make any kind of move. Otherwise you may find yourself hurt at what is already a vulnerable time. Good luck, whatever you decide to do. Link to comment
Meddlin Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Hi, just reading this and though I would put in my 2cents. I think that you should contact him! Do you have any way of finding out if he is single or not? Perhaps through facebook? The internet has so many resources these days. (Might be a bit of self interest here, because I find myself thinking 'what if' to someone that I dated briefly about same length of time ago, c.7yrs, and ended it due to very bad advice from a friend that I trusted - now older and wiser!) If it didn't end badly, and you feel that it was just a sense of timing, then he might also be having similar thoughts about you. But in any case - I think that you're more likely to regret the things that you haven't done, as opposed to the things that you have. Link to comment
illusionoflove Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 Thank you guys. I'm going to keep thinking about it. He definitely isn't on Facebook. Believe me,,,I have looked! We are about 15 years apart in age and I'm in my 30s. I'm sure things would be very different now, but I would like to know that he is okay and doing well. I do still need time to heal from my other relationship and that is exactly why I'm not going to rush into anything. In looking at my long term relationship, I just realized that I never felt the passion I had with this older man. I think I just need to tie up some loose ends. We certainly didn't leave each other on bad terms, he just had a lot he had to figure out and I knew I needed to remove myself from the situation. Will keep you posted! Link to comment
NANsense Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Please do tell us how this turns out I love a happy ending and will send you good wishes! Link to comment
superfox Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I looked up my first love a while ago on FB, curiosity mainly and boredom. Not in any way to reach out to him. Turns out he's married with 2 young children! He was always adamant he didn't ever want any Funny how things turn out, I'm pleased for him and was well over him years ago. I'd do the FB thing, you have nothing to lose from that. You can gauge whether someone is in a relationship or married usually but if he's not and still attractive then go for it! I'm more concerned that you maybe be thinking of the big 'what ifs' due to your recent split though. Look after yourself first x Link to comment
illusionoflove Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 I can't find a trace of him on FB. That would make things so much easier. I do have a phone number that might still work and a possible email address although he did not have a computer when I knew him. I've been doing some internet sleuthing to find contact info. I'm going to hold off a while and make sure I have my head screwed on straight before contacting him. I'm plenty busy and do need more time to heal before opening up this can of worms. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I would caution about this one. If you have just broken up from a LTR in January, you could still be on the rebound, number one. Number two, this man is not an old love - you went out a couple times. And number three, could it be that you are romanticizing him? I think your contact is going to be strange and out of the blue to him unless its the case where lets say you knew he was a part of the local Widget Collectors society and went to one of their shows to see if you ran into him casually. But other than that, i think a lot of time has past on a connection that wasn't particularly long. I mean, you would have more to go on if he had been a classmate of yours for 5 years and just looked him up. A few dates and contacting him later might seem psycho to him, but maybe not. I would probably advise to just move forward because you are not the same person you were 8 years ago, and neither was he - and this could have been a case of more regretting a missed chance than the actual person. Link to comment
notme2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Leave him alone.. it was not meant to be.. i look up and old love and i was so disappointed ! he went after my niece.. ;-( Link to comment
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