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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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We had a really good visit at my mom's. The family reunion was great. About 50 family members showed up but another 50 or so were missing. It was for one side of my mom's family. I met her cousin who was home from New Zealand. The last time she saw me was as an infant living at my grandparents because she lived there too before she went off to New Zealand to be married. I met my mom's other cousin who lived and worked in Saudi Arabia since before I was born.He is back in Canada now permanently. Most of my mom's cousins are now in their 80's. My mom is the third youngest cousin. My mom has several sets of double cousins. My grandmother and 2 other of her siblings married into my grandfather's family. So it is the descendants of those same 4 grandparents that got together. There are about 116 descendants of those same 4 people. So it was really nice.

 

While I was back home, my former neighbour died. He was such a sweet sweet man. The funeral was today.

 

Yesterday there was a huge flash flood in the city I was born in. They got 130mm of rain in a few hours. My in-laws live just north of there. When we were home we took them out for their anniversary. I have taken a position of assertiveness with them and do not let them push me around. They seem to have backed off in respect. They are really really slowing down, it is so sad to see. I remember them when they were so much more vibrant. They were in their 50's when I met them.

 

R said he wants to train to be a tech crewman and do that for a year for the experience. That means he will be gone about 25 days a month. But it will be a year before that materializes so I am not going to worry about it.

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And my brother's ex thing is right off her rocker. Right the hell off her rocker. She is threatening suicide now if he won't come back. He called the police for an ambulance for her. My nieces are at my mom's for two weeks anyway. I told him to keep that text and many many other abusive ones to use in the custody case. No one this nuts should look after kids.

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When I went home I also got to see my girlfriend C. We used to work together when my son was a toddler. She said she couldn't believe how he has gone from a toddler to someone going to graduate high school. She went for three weeks out west she had never been there before. I went to her new condo and saw all her pictures from her trip. When she showed me the pictures of Banff and the mountains it actually gave me goosebumps. I was so thrilled to see her pictures I was just covered in goosebumps all over. It reminded me so much when I lived out there. She also stayed for a week in Kelowna where my first stepdad is from. I was there all the time as a kid to visit my step grandma and grandpa.

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Last night I went to bed with a headache and woke up with a headache. I had nightmares all night long about getting into car accidents. I woke up to three people texting me asking me if I wanted their shifts permanently. Two of them got full-time jobs and another is moving away with her boyfriend. They are nice offers but I really wish they would go through official channels. Go to the boss and let her offer it because I don't want to step on other people's toes.

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Tonight I am going to a goodbye dinner for one of my bosses. Her husband got posted out to another base. She is very easily one of the best people I have ever worked for. So while I am happy for her I am sad for us.

 

I gave her a hug the other day and told her she was the best boss I've had and I will miss her a lot and she's awesome. She hugged me back and told me ,"you make me smile every day."

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The other day my husband started to cry a little bit about the fact that we had no other children. He said that is his biggest regret in life. He told me that he felt it was his fault that we have no other children because he was not ready when I was physically able to have them. My OB told me to have another child immediately after R. Because if I didn't I would never be able to carry another one. My husband said he was not able at that time in life to have children because he was caught up in his own very ferocious cycle of anxiety.

 

I told him it was not his fault there was a whole mixture of things at play. And that I don't blame him at all. And that I love him and I am happy with our one child. And that I don't harbor any resentment towards him at all.

 

The only other two things I have ever seen my husband cry about was when his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and that the death of our second son. And about his mother he cried for five minutes and never cried about it again. And about our second son is the most upset I've ever seen him in my life. He actually started smashing things he was so upset. And then he stifled it away for about five years before he talked about it again.

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Ahhhhh what is great for itching skin? A paste made with water and baking soda. Or you can put it right in your bathwater. Vinegar is another thing that will take itch away. I don't recommend that one on open skin though. An antiseptic will also relieve itching. One that my mother-in-law uses is Dettol. And you can also use Teatree oil.

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