Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 "All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you" - Wayne Dyer Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I can't believe it who do I meet at the dentist again? My aunt's husband. He says " oh F is going to going to be in town in two weeks. Did you know? " I said no. He said well we're having a get together with everybody did you want to come? He said I know there was something in the past but I wanted to know. I said no I won't be coming and no I will never speak to that man as long as I live. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I can't believe I can't go to family functions but a rapist can. It never effin ends. *sob* I'm just sitting in my car sobbing. It will never end until he dies or I do . Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I cannot believe that in two weeks someone who raped me and wanted to kill me is going to be within 20 minutes of me. Someone who terrorized me and stalked me for three years. Why did they even tell me? Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I'm sorry, Vic He will have to answer for what he did in the next life. It isn't right that you're alienated from the family because of the henious acts that he did to you. You do not want to be around people that condone what he has done anyway, that is if they know about it. You are better than that and deserve to be around good people whether or not they are family. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Maybe he was giving you a head's up or just extending the opportunity, letting you make up your own mind. Some people just do not think whatsoever, not at all. I am so sorry honey, these people are so twisted and charismatic that they put on these great facades and very few people willingly want to look past that, they just want to believe it's sugar and rainbows. I am also so sorry that you have been alienated in this way. Maybe if it is extremely important to you to meet with soem of these people, you can have your own get-together at the house. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I have had it Huntress. It is time for HIS ass to pay. I am texting my aunt's husband today and I am telling him and I will scan and send the court documents proving what I have to say. F this! I am NOT paying anymore he can ! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 Maybe he was giving you a head's up or just extending the opportunity, letting you make up your own mind. Some people just do not think whatsoever, not at all. I am so sorry honey, these people are so twisted and charismatic that they put on these great facades and very few people willingly want to look past that, they just want to believe it's sugar and rainbows. I am also so sorry that you have been alienated in this way. Maybe if it is extremely important to you to meet with soem of these people, you can have your own get-together at the house. Oh Cheet I am so effin besides self. I just want to scream at these people or drive my car off into the lake. BECAUSE IT NEVER EFFEN ENDS!!!! Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 If you need to call I'm here. It's so vile Vic. Effing pig. And all those blind people who don't want to think its possible or that you should have moved on, whatever the hell goes on in their heads. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I think it's more of a case of 'Well it happened so long ago' or if I don't think about it, it didn't really happen. I think you should do what you have to do but don't let your anger fuel something you may regret doing. You know me though I'm all for letting people have it and they should know what type of monster they have in the family but I don't want you doing anything that may hurt you. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 Yep, I would talk to your counselor before making that move. Can you get an appt., or a phone session? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I am trying to collect myself. I am so freakin agitated I am shaking like crazy. I was bawling on my husband's shoulder for 10 mins and spitting venom. Omg I am so unbelievably mad. Yes I think I am going to call my counselor. Can I call you in a bit Cheet? I really have to collect myself because I am do flipped out. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I had a great half hour talk with my counselor. She is going to help me with the email to my Dad's family. Thanks for the great talk Cheet. Hugs Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted March 4, 2013 Share Posted March 4, 2013 I'm glad you are feeling better and was able to vent it out to a couple of people. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I'm glad you are feeling better and was able to vent it out to a couple of people. We can exchange numbers too if you want I have a North America wide plan. I am feeling better I am just exhausted now though. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 4, 2013 Author Share Posted March 4, 2013 I just feel so exhausted after today's emotional outburst. I feel like I could sleep for year and still be tired. I had a 20 minute nap and feel slightly better. This can go a few ways after I tell them. They either believe what I have to say. They don't believe what I have to say and ostracize me completely. But either way I will know which kind of family I have. I gave my mom some advice for dealing with my foster sister today. Some of the advice is what I have learned in my own counseling. My mom found it very useful. My mom told me how she felt after she found out I had been raped. She said every night after I went to bed for months on end she would take a pillow down into the basement and she would scream into it for hours. She said she wished it had happened to her and not me. She said she thought about killing herself but couldn't because she couldn't leave us behind with our dad. She said she never hurt so much in her life as that time. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I'm just so tired of this and I want it to be over. It is time to set myself free. I have the control and power here. I am going to say what I have to say and they don't have to like it. But they will hear me out. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I am totally calm cool and collected again. I will have a great sleep and tomorrow will be just fine. I will start working on my letter and I have control of how this is going to go. I realize I'm putting myself out there to possibly get victimized again but it will be for the last time. I will have said my story. I will have said the truth and no one will be able to take that back. I will have regained my voice. And it will finally be all out and then I will be set free. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 You're always in my prayers. I hope that you the find strength and the closure that you need. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Yup another period I get to have two in a month this time yay! What a PITA. So I have been thinking of my letter. Dear Family, What I have to say will be hard for you to hear as it is for me to tell it. In 1980 your brother F raped and terrorized me. He did so several times. The number of times he did I cannot remember so I am not sure of the number. He beat me when i did not comply. Out of respect for Grandpa I have remained silent for 33 years. Grandpa and Grandma knew what happened and it was hard for them I'm sure as he is their son and I am their granddaughter. Grandpa didn't don't want it talked about in the family. This has been very hard for me because no one has known the truth. It has come time that this should be a secret no longer. I do not like feeling estranged from my family for something I did not do. I have paid the piper for 33 years but now it is time for the person who did the crime to pay that piper. I have court documents if you wish to see them proving that he was charged. He did however get to walk away because there was no physical evidence at the time. The police believed me and the court believed me . You can also phone my parents as they know. You can also phone my brother he knows as well. F also continued to harass and stalk us for 3 years until we left the province of B C. My parents got a restraining order protecting me from him as he tried to kidnap me from school. He would stand just beyond the restraining order distance at my school. He would phone our house constantly at all hours of the day and night. He would slash the tires and brake the headlights on our car. This is why I do not want to be anywhere near this person. He is a dangerous criminal. I am sorry to have to say that about your sibling but it is the truth. I would like to get to know you all better as I have been estranged from you all. I will leave that all up to each of you in light of what I have said. I wish none of you any ill will I just had to tell everybody the truth. Sincerely, L. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 You're always in my prayers. I hope that you the find strength and the closure that you need. Thanks Huntress. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I just want justice for myself. Secrets make everyone sick. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Okay lady called you 17 times now and four times I've told you have the wrong number quit leaving messages on my machine you have the wrong damn number! Get that through your fat head! Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Hun I would take out the I don't know how many times. It makes you sound unsure of yourself. This is something you must stand tall with and speak(type) with confidence. You dont have to.explain why you dont want to be around him. He IS.a dangerous criminal, period. Vic I'm.just giving you.my.personal opinion, the fact that you had no one behind you during that time is shining through. That need to be believed is, too. I can feel a 14 year old girl in this letter. It's your letter of course. Just saying how it came accross to a reader. I want you to be able to stand tall, mighty tall. Link to comment
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