My long-distance marriage

[ClarenceRutherford]

As I haven't updated this thread much lately, want to provide some updates I've posted elsewhere (usually in "closed" boards where users have to be registered to see posts).

 

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All I think about is sex....

One night recently, as she went to bed, told me she'd "wake me up after Midnight" and let me ML with her.

As she's never (or rarely) expressed sexual interest in me, thought she wasn't serious.

 

Stupidly masturbated that night (not to porn, though).

Of course, I was in no way physically interested in ML with her.

And she really did want me that night.

Or.... maybe I could have pushed her and gotten my needs...

 

Recall thinking what a big fool I was to MB that night when I can MB any other night...

Told her later what happened, and admitted I have to MB bec. of my high drive.

No mention of my earlier porn viewing. Won't bring that up unless she asks, and will honestly tell her I don't regularly view porn anymore...

 

 

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An update

 

Some success !!!

 

After a romantic weekend together in a resort city, we got closer on the return drive and later last night, she was receptive to my overtures.

 

She didn't even need lubrication, as she has in the past (have posted about this).

It was, however, after a long period of foreplay, which was fine as I enjoy that of course.

 

Even more significant, she began to "touch" and caress me. This is something I've recently began suggesting she do as a "substitute" for times we (she) can't do PIV.

She's only done that a couple of times in our entire marriage, and this time, it didn't take any prompting from me. So was a pleasant surprise for sure.

 

No, I didn't release during that (but wanted to), but was a good feeling, the kind of which I used to enjoy in some "everything...but" with some virgin ladies in my late 20s...

 

As was aware of the late hour on a work night, didn't want to "overdo" her so kept myself from the caressing and tried to end it before PIV so she could have a restful night of sleep.

Noticed her body's response, however, and just proceeded. Got no resistance.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Just because she doesn't like for you to cum on her mean something is wrong with her CR.

Many women refuse to have their SO's cum on their face, tummy, or even swallow after a blow job. Doesn't mean something is wrong with them, it's just a preference they have - as far as pain during sex I have heard therapy works but it'll only work if she's willing to do it.

Thanks for your response, OG.

Received different responses on another board, like the woman was "all wrong" by being "repulsed" by my semen.

link removed

 

Methinks I need to have plenty of kleenex and washcloths handy...

[OptomisticGirl]

Glad thinggs are looking up CR - just keep not putting as much emphasies on sex and it will get better.

 

Some women are just idiots, lol. Sorry. I personally have no probelm with my husband doing anything on me or swallowing BUT I am not every woman. Just as we all look different, think different, and have different bodies, we all have individual prefences when it comes to semen.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Glad thinggs are looking up CR - just keep not putting as much emphasies on sex and it will get better.

 

Some women are just idiots, lol. Sorry.

 

I personally have no probelm with my husband doing anything on me or swallowing BUT I am not every woman. Just as we all look different, think different, and have different bodies, we all have individual prefences when it comes to semen.

Good points. I obv. married a woman with some sexual hangups, though we had sex before we got engaged, so felt fortunate to get that kind of attention and love from a woman and didn't think anything was wrong. Hoped I'd get to do other things after marriage....

Yes, was like many guys in their late 20s, 30s and 40s on these boards, wasn't a virgin like many of them but still, wasn't successful with relationships...

 

On the ejaculant, posted to show my wife's irrational and immature reaction to my sperm -- or rather, the possibility of my sperm landing on her sacred body.

She gets upset when I make a "mess" on the sheets....

 

Anyone reading that account would call her behavior pathetic.

"...OMG... you're gonna spill some on the sheets.... Can't have a mess like that... Get off of me...."

 

From what I've read in other boards, like that Christian marital sex site I've referenced before, many couples engage in "snowballing," and many women actually like that kind of thing, and are willing to "accommodate" the husband when they can't give him PIV.

 

That kind of thing is all foreign to me, as is oral from either side.

I can't get any kind of sexual stimulation and am receiving little to zero sexual satisfaction.

Hugs and kisses only.

 

All I think about is sex....

[OptomisticGirl]

The thing is don't view them as hang ups - simply becuase she doesn't want to do something you do doesn't make her not wnating to do it a hang up. Just sometimes your partner isn't as down to what you want to do. 'hoped' is probably why there are some probelms in this area now - if you never discussed what the other liked, what the other expected and just hoped, well....

 

Again, don't degrade your wife's POV on sperm by calling it 'immature and irrational' - I'm sure if she ever read that thats how you view her reaction, do you think you'd get sex then? Because if I wasnt into something and found out that's how my husband viewed my dislike of it F no he would not be getting any. The fact is some women just DON'T like it and they are entitled to that, just as you are entitled to what you like and don't like. If you wife wnted to strap on a dildo and dog you what would your feelings be on that?

 

I don't even have any idea WHAT snowballing is - but the point is they aren't 'accomodating' - such a negative term - they just are willing to try it. No one should have to do something sexually they don't want to do.

[ClarenceRutherford]

"Snowballing" is breast sex, with the ejaculant ending on the woman's neck, etc., without getting too explicit here.

It's nothing I've ever tried but would love to. Learned that from that Christian marital sex site. And people think Christians are hung-up about sex.

I never was, but I've stated enough about my past and views on sex.

 

Your other points on my wife's POV are taken. I don't like how one spouse gets to "control" everything here, and I certainly am not planning on her reading my posts.

 

On the other board I linked to, LS, have created a separate screen name where I don't really talk about the refusal issue.

Have spent most of my time there trying to discourage guys from viewing porn... another problem I overcame and have been free of it for 1+ years...

[OptomisticGirl]

In your wife's defense, I'm a VERY sexual person and the thought of that doesn't even turn me on. Breast sex is not as good as it's made out to be. You have the entire weight of your man crushing your chest, your boobs have NO lube whatsoever... imagine someone dry humping your chest very hard but also squishing your boobs together - not a pleasant feeling.

 

It's not about one spouse controlling everything - remember also as the person who WANTS sex you can't control simply because YOU want it. Now yes, ideally in a marriage there is give and take but if I'm not up for it, I'm not up for it. I've told my husband no once and that's because it was an emotional day for us - he tells me no more more often - but I don't (or try not to) take the no as a personal insult. It doesn' tmean he loves me less or wants me less - he may just not be in the mood.

 

Porn isn't a demon. i mean, if you became addicted to it, yes, then it does become a problem but overall, porn can be viewed healthyly.

[ClarenceRutherford]

In your wife's defense, I'm a VERY sexual person and the thought of that doesn't even turn me on. Breast sex is not as good as it's made out to be. You have the entire weight of your man crushing your chest, your boobs have NO lube whatsoever... imagine someone dry humping your chest very hard but also squishing your boobs together - not a pleasant feeling.

Haven't asked her for breast sex.

Pretty much know the answer before I'd ask, so that's out.

 

As I prepared to enter, have moved my lips onto her vagina, to do oral on her, but she always resists. Am afraid she'll shut everything down, including PIV, so I don't push it.

 

 

It's not about one spouse controlling everything - remember also as the person who WANTS sex you can't control simply because YOU want it. Now yes, ideally in a marriage there is give and take but if I'm not up for it, I'm not up for it.

 

I've told my husband no once and that's because it was an emotional day for us - he tells me no more more often - but I don't (or try not to) take the no as a personal insult. It doesn't mean he loves me less or wants me less - he may just not be in the mood.

Yes, should be a give-and-take.

 

Yes, you accurately surmised I took her rejections personally.

 

I'm fighting for WEEKLY sex vs. the once every 2-3 mos., as it is now.

I was never consulted on if that's something I wanted or would be happy with. I had no choice in the manner, so yes, it does feel like one spouse is trying to do the controlling here.

 

Porn isn't a demon. i mean, if you became addicted to it, yes, then it does become a problem but overall, porn can be viewed healthyly.

For some, may not be an issue, but have read many cases like these:

 

-husband runs home from hospital where wife giving birth to their child so he can wank-off to porn vids,

-Girl posts how she has to leave the house and go jogging or something while her BF jerks-off to porn, like everyday....

-Man denies his wife sexual attention, no matter how she throws herself at him, yet he MB's to porn all the time... The porn addiction leads to their divorce.

 

Those are just several situations posted on the boards...

 

Now, I wasn't involved in porn in any way like that, but used it to excess and as a "substitute" and did become addicted (for a while).

It did distract me from pursuing my wife sexually, and am never going to let that happen again.

Got out before I let it take over my life....

 

Odd bec. I'm the only guy in that LS thread speaking-out against porn. Have allied with some of the women.

Some of those guys can't take my stance and like called me a pu**y, but no matter, doesn't bother me what they do.

[OptomisticGirl]

Some women aren't comfortable with oral. Unless I've just come out of the shower, as much as I like it, I won't let my husband down there. Way too insecure.

 

Just remember in the fighting that it won't happen EVERY week like clock work. Life gets in the way, people are tired... it's like expecting it to be sunshine and clouds every weekend. Some weekends it will but some weekends it won't.

 

Well like I said, pron addicition IS real (and the cases you listed are classic porn addiction cases) but not every case is that extreme.