Tainted Love...

[Opportunity]

My ex and I dated for four years throughout high school in a serious, intimate relationship. Before senior year ended, the problems that had accumulated in our relationship reached an unhealthy point, and she ended it.

 

 

Ten months later, we are different people. We've grown out of our insecurities and--through NC--I've learned to live without her and stand on my own feet.

 

 

Three weeks ago she sent me a text. Two weeks later we went on a walk together that no one knew about. We clicked immediately. Ten months apart couldn't change how naturally comfortable we were with each other. I brought up her recent boyfriend and she told me their relationship never got serious, that she was never attracted to him, and eventually broke up with him because she wasn't emotionally attached to him.

 

On the night of the lunar eclipse, we sat in the back of my car, face to face, our lips inches apart in minutes of silence before we started making out.

 

The next day we got together again. She confessed that she had sex with her recent boyfriend. For a period of time, they also said "I love you" to each other.

 

 

I was devastated.

 

 

It took her two and a half years to have sex with me. We were young then, of course, but that's the kind of girl I thought she was. After just getting out of a four-year relationship, I'm appalled that she would so easily "fall in love" with someone she claims she wasn't attracted to and had no emotional attachment to.

 

This is destroying my idea of what I thought OUR love and OUR sex was to her. I had hoped that she would have left something that was ours alone, but in a six month "non-serious" relationship with him she had already given him everything she had given to me in a four year relationship--her love, her body.

 

 

I think back to a few months ago when I had my beautiful friend straddling me completely naked on her bed. Emotionally, I couldn't have sex with her.

 

 

 

I need your help, guys.

 

 

 

Why did she have sex with him if it was "awkward" and a "mistake after the second time"? How could she have "thought she loved him", even if they had just one "really good month together"? She claims she was weak, that she didn't know how to be by herself, that she didn't have a backbone. Can I forgive her? Is she telling the truth?

 

 

One of my close friends told me he was glad we were talking again because he believed we were perfect for each other. Another friend who didn't know us then and was cheated on with three different guys in one relationship warned me not to open closed doors in my past.

 

 

She tells me she doesn't want him, she wants me.

She tells me she doesn't love him, she loves me.

She tells me she won't give up on me, she wants us to happen.

She tells me no one else feels right like I do.

 

I would like to accept the past and move on anew with her. But does she deserve that? Do I deserve that? If we can work this out, please give me the wisdom to see through my emotional pain right now.

[misssmithviii]

We all do things out of character sometimes, perhaps my story will help you get a little perspective.

 

As people on here know, I follow an intense moral code and live each breath by it - and expect to be with a lover who follows this same code.

My first love lost though, devastated me to the point where I acted out of character. In a matter of 4 months I had multiple sex partners, each one I made it clear that I didn't want a relationship - just wanted to mess around a lot. That behavior for me is unheard of, it's completely the opposite of who I am but after my first love left, I didn't know how to be. I began partying, rolling, raving and doing cocaine and smoking cigs.

 

At one point during this time of self-rebellion, a friend who had known me for years told me as we sat in the sand, "I just don't want to see that light in you die..." I wasn't myself. I wasn't that driven, pure person I once was and it took me awhile to finally find who I truly am once again.

 

My point is basically this, if she loves you and wants to be with you and you love her and want to be with her, then why not?

 

Although, if you don't think you can accept her I would highly suggest against it.

You cannot go into this relationship harboring resentment. She was probably scared at how you might view her if she told you these things but I commend her for actually respecting you enough to not mislead you. She came to you openly saying "this is who I am" because she only wants to continue a relationship with you if you love her for all she is and all she's done.

[nutbrownhare]

She didn't do any of this while she was with you. Many of us do things when we're sad, lonely and looking to fill that yawning void left after the breakdown of a long term relationship. And in a short relationship there's NO WAY she could have developed the strength of feeling for the other guy that she clearly has for you.

 

Please put this behind you - or you really will live to regret the loss of someone you really click with!

[SethSLC]

My point is basically this, if she loves you and wants to be with you and you love her and want to be with her, then why not?

 

This is all you need to know right there ^

[Ms Darcy]

She didn't do anything wrong. She had sex with her bf after your relationship ended. It doesn't have anything to do with your relationship. If you can't let it go, then you should let her go.

[LeeRoy6071]

Opportunity,

 

Everyone here has hit it straight on. Let this go. If you need any more convincing, just look through this forum full of heartbroken individuals wishing for the very same fortune you've received from the Universe. There's a reason why your ex has returned to you. Be grateful for that blessing. Also, remember that healthy reconciliations mean "new relationships", not holding one foot in the past and one in the future.

 

Good luck,

LR

[ForumGuy]

She has been with you all through high school. It is only natural a girl this young needs to experience other guys. Believe it or not, this can be good for your relationship because she would always be wondering and eventually resent herself and you for it if she hadn't done it. If you were in your 30s or 40s, I wouldn't say this....but this young....yes.