I gave in and called her . .

[chai714]

There was something I needed to know. When we initially broke up, I was unsure if it was a permenant thing, or temporary. I called her from work, and I asked her if she was ready to talk yet. She said that she didn't think things were gonna work out, so I hung up.

I fell apart after I heard her say that, but I needed to know where we stood. Now I know it's over, and I can start healing now . . .I had to leave work, cause I couldn't do it. Now I'm at home, typing in this forum, wishing that this was all one big dream. Today was the most painful day of my life.

[jonnyc92]

it is hard im with you on that my girl of 3 yrs broke up with me by txt and its been 4 weeks and i havent been given a chance to talk she won talk.All over silly little arguments it does take time to get your head around it it is still very painfull for me but try to hang in there and take each day as it comes

[sayer7]

I been where you stand before.

 

Had to leave work for the same reason... kinda just sucks doesn't it.

 

Try not to mope too long though... At some point try to get outside- especially if it's sunny and warm. Get a breath of fresh air and try not to think about the bad things that happened in that relationship.

 

I read something a close friend forwarded to me outside that day and the jist was basically 'I believe people come into our lives for a reason... some people come into it for a short time, other's for a lifetime... but they all have something to teach us no matter how long they're with us.

 

Try to figure out what that relationship taught you with an objective mind and remember that now you are free to heal at your own pace, and move on when you know you're ready.

 

The ball is in your court now and you can hit it whenever and where-ever you want to. Try to stay positive and in the meantime, find some way to better yourself-- like start working out, or start a new type of work out regiment. Start reading a novel you've always been meaning to read, take up a new hobby.

 

Someone new will come a long someday and you will be stronger and know more about yourself than you did the last time. Just be open to new beginnings, make the most out of your life, and try to enjoy your life as much as possible.

 

Hope this helps.....

[TheDoctor]

Sorry to hear that..it has been 4 months for me and I havent spoken to her nor as she to me since I left her room saying its over. She let her pride, vengeance, and ex bf get her through the NC. I only let my heart, strength, and God get me through it. Now I am at a better place and surrounded by a better group of people and a much more logical state of mind while shes back with her ex and as always emotionally unstable. My point is....its not just NC its how you do it. You got to walk away and just let the person know your there for them but still regroup and gather your state of mind. In just 1 month your gonna have a logical perspective on your relationship and youll be strong enough to handle all this. So just be patient. Best of luck on your journey...cuz thats what it was for me...a weird mystikal yet sometimes lonely but happy and exciting journey.

[Scout]

I know exactly how you feel. Right now, your main priority needs to be to not feel any worse. Think about the other stuff later, but for now, to keep your sanity you absolutely must stay busy, busy, busy. Even if it is the last thing you feel like doing. Go swimming, go work out until you drop, have an impromptu dinner for friends (maybe later this week)...you get the idea. Keep every minute of your day jam-packed with projects and activities.

 

This will actually get the endorphins going in your body, which are natural chemicals that make us feel good mentally and physically. It will also help you sleep better at night, and generally create a buffer against the enormous pain and anger you would otherwise be feeling. After about two weeks of this, you'll be able to face/think about the situation from a much better place within yourself. You also need to be in No Contact mode with "you know who". Hang in there, buddy. It will get better.

[chai714]

This sounds immature, but her best friend called me and asked me to meet up with her tomorrow. I agreed, cause she has better insight to the entire situation. I'm one of those people who wants to understand the situation before any decision is made. Unfortunately, my girlfriend (I mean ex) I believe made an emotional decision. According to all the people I talk to (both family and friends), they say that she will ultimately hurt worse than me. Of course me, being the fool that I am, doesn't want someone that I love to hurt, but I do realize that I can't stop that - afterall, it was her decision to breakup with me.

Is it me, or do those of you heartbroken individuals have moments of happiness - when you think you ARE gonna be ok, followed by moments of sudden saddness - you feel utterly sad. . . . I know I'll make it through this with the support of everyone, but . . . saying this is "hard" is a complete understatement. . . .

[kipster]

I wouldn't meet with her best friend chai, not this soon. I think you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt on this one if you do. Like most men, we tend to think logically and rationally and rebuff emotions. We want to know 'why', the real reason, when in some cases, in dealing with a woman, I've learned, there may be no REAL REASON. You want an concrete answer, but even if you get it it WON'T CHANGE HER at this point. You continuing to go back and meet her friends will not help you. I know its tough, I did it several months ago and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But like theDoctor stated, it was through God, heart, strength, and positive people around me that I got through it. You can't bypass this one, dude. This one you've got to go through and there's no easy way out. But in the end, you will be a better person for it.

 

Getting back to that meeting though, just think about it, what can her friend tell you that you don't already know? You already know your EX wants to leave. That's not likely to change over-night whether its based on emotion or not. You also already know that she claims (and remember all things are subject to change---but only with time and faith) there's no hope at this point. So going to her friend isn't going to change that. The best thing is to stick with a modified version of NC I believe. If she calls and you can handle it, you can call her back, but never call back directly after she calls and not until you can honestly talk to her without breaking down. And stop talking to her friends, they want to play MR/MRS fix it and it doesn't work. Plus, trust me you only want your EX back if she comes back on her own volition. Nothing will be worse than to have her come back, out of pity, guilt, etc., and then if ANYTHING GOES WRONG, she'll hate you and feel like she's been duped into returning to you, like she's been hood-winked, led-astray, bamboozled, yada-yada-yada, by you and then she'll despise you. For now, cut her back. Work on you and understand what went wrong in this relationship and also look for some spiritual guidance in some form. That helps tremendously. Then the next woman who comes along, whether it be her or not since if she does return she'll have grown too or it won't work I assure you, you won't encounter the same problems. And don't call her, I know its hard, but its critical. Have faith and trust and know that if she's the one she won't cheat on you and go with the next man that quickly. If she does, then would you really want her in the long run anyways? I know you're afraid, I was as well, afraid she'd jump right into bed with the next guy and he'll have all the good things that you took for granted. But if that's they type of girl she is, then she would have done that anyways no matter what. And if she can move on that easily after the time you two were together you must question her committment. She wants space, give her 'outer space'. I know it seems like you're letting her go and giving her a free pass to explore, but sometimes space is a scary thing when you get it. You realize real quickly that the world is such an oyster and that you really had a good thing that you pissed away. Look at this as a blessing and as a rites of passage, for if she's the one, she won't stray and she'll sprout her wings and then find out that what she had was pretty damn good. Then when she does return, take a guess who's court the ball is in. You don't realize it now, but the balls already in your court. She will return if you didn't abuse her. The only question is when and will you want her when she does. You don't see it now...but you will. Let Him do his work, you won't be disappointed...

 

 

Kip

[kipster]

Just hang in there man.....

 

Kip

[Mun]

Kip I liked your " outer space" idea.

 

Chai hang in there, give yourself some time to grieve for this loss and then get out there. Visit your friends, go out, do what you can to keep yourself busy. Getting over someone is going to be hard but you have our support.

 

I know you hear this all the time, but things happen for a reason. Trust that there is a reason why this did not work out. Remember you are a good person and someone out there will love and value you the way you deserve. Be Strong.

[chai714]

Kip - Thank you for the inspirational post. It was really an eye opener to read all of what you had to say. I feel a bit better too after reading it. It's just that some days (like yesterday) are just so hard, sometimes you don't know what to do with yourself. I suppose you really do have to FORCE YOURSELF to get out and quit being down, but this is VERY HARD.

 

Trying to accept that she no longer wants a relationship with me is beyond difficult. Everytime I think about it (which is all day except when I sleep), my heart sinks. She's leaving town today for a few days, and I'm leaving town on Saturday, so hopefully that will make my life a little easier . . . who knows though.