Long distance Girlfriend was murdered

[pennyloafer2]

This happened to a friend of mine, a girl used fake pictures, made up stories about getting raped, having bad parents, etc etc. Someone found the *real* girl on myspace whom she was stealing pictures from, and it all went sour.

 

These are my thoughts, maybe not the best advice here, but here goes:

Stop talking to her for a few days. No texting no calling. Make up some excuse, like you're going camping or something.

 

Think long and hard about what this person has portrayed to you, and when you have gathered your thoughts, send her an email explaining how you know everything is a lie, you saw her IP was in oregon, you know her pictures are fake, tell her that meaningful relationships rely on honesty and whatever thoughts you may have. Basically help this poor child who needs attention. Maybe they won't do it again and realize they don't need to lie to be loved. There is compassion everywhere in the world.

 

As for you - if you send the final correspondence or not - you need to run away and cut it off. A confrontation might give you closure, but this relationship is not worth any sort of salvaging.

[Batya33]

But I thought she was supposed to be on her way to see you -what was her explanation for changing the plans? The lost/broken phone of course makes no sense -after all this time she would have some way to reach out to you -email/regular mail or fedex/borrowing someone's phone, many different options. Please stop contact with her - staying in touch could end up being harmful to you or your family physically (and emotionally).

[ToF]

If that were the case I'd just not tell her what I found out...

 

Then, why? You're really going to stick around and continue communication just for morbid curiosity?

 

This girl is messing with you, end of story. Since you are choosing to continue talking to her, you now have no one to blame for your pain but yourself. You're turning yourself from victim of a cruel prank, to a participant in it. You are only letting her toy with you more.

 

Think about your choice.

[Periwinkle.]

ToF, he's been through so much with her. After all those months, I'm sure he's devastated and would at least like some closure.

[ToF]

ToF, he's been through so much with her. After all those months, I'm sure he's devastated and would at least like some closure.

 

Yes, I'm sure that's true Periwinkle. But what kind of "closure" is he going to get from this person? Nothing she says from here on out can be trusted, so it's a waste of the OP's time and emotional energy to even attempt to extract any kind of truth from her.

[savignon]

What do you mean by you just want to see if she comes clean?? When you asked her "Is all of this you're telling me the 100% truth?" and she said "Yes" was that not a chance for her to come clean? Every day since that day has been an opportunity for her to come clean and you sticking around and participating in your own suffering is foolish, self-sabotaging and massochistic (and those are the nice words I can think of to describe it). You have no one to blame but yourself now. You say "either way it's over".....obviously it's not over if it's still going on.

Just.....Wow.

[Periwinkle.]

You know what, you're completely right ToF. This will probably give her a chance to play with his emotions even more, which she has proved she is completely capable of. He should cut contact.

 

I just feel somewhat empathetic... I was once an online liar myself. My lie was a stupid accident about edited pictures of myself. It's a long story but basically I felt really terrible the whole time because I loved that boy. During the experience, I thought of a million ways out. It was really hard to tell the truth. I would never have faked my own death but whenever we fought about any dumb thing, I felt tempted to just break up with him when i otherwise wouldn't have. However, I never did break up with him because I knew it would break his heart. He shouldn't suffer for my actions (now I see this is a difference between what she did and what I did). He was always an angel to me. I couldn't leave my sweet boy thinking that he wasn't good enough for me, when I'm actually the one who wasn't good enough for him. It took me 1 year to come clean about them. I decided enough was enough and I didn't want to feel like a liar anymore. He was really shocked but forgave me in the end and even consoled me in my guilt.

 

So I just thought that maybe the girl felt trapped how I did, and she was trying to leave the situation. Maybe she feels guilty. But it's true...what she did is unforgivable. She intentionally hurt him, which I [out of love and respect] never would have done. So yes, she took it too far. I'm a bit confused now and i forgot what my point was so I'll just leave my story up there as something to consider.

[Batya33]

I don't think the answer is to justify this person's actions (if it is a girl, a boy, or a group of people) by whether or not she feels trapped - the lies she told are what hurt intentionally - not just the faking of her "death". She took it too far from the first time she lied about who she was. Your story is quite self-centered- it's all about how you didn't want to feel like a liar and you even allowed him to "console" you - to spend more time in caring about you when from the beginning your actions showed that you didn't care about his well-being, even on the most minimal level of stranger to stranger - you didn't love him in my opinion although we might have different definitions of love. I sure hope that the OP doesn't take the route your person did - I hope he doesn't waste another second worrying or even thinking about whether she feels trapped, or how she feels -and certainly not reassuring her that she shouldn't feel guilty. If she lived closer perhaps I would suggest that he send her the name of a good therapist but that's all. She needs to live with her guilt and hopefully she'll make the choice- as you seem to have- not to go down the path of lying to someone about something material.

[ToF]

Sorry Periwinkle, but agree with Batya. Your story is certainly heartfelt, but can you see how you have almost solely centered around yourself?

[Periwinkle.]

Trust me guys, I still feel really guilty about what I did. I know it was wrong and I am in no way trying to justify this other girl's actions. I can see how you would think that I was self-centered but, knowing my situation, I don't think I was. I never meant to hurt or deceive anyone, I really didn't. Yes, I was a stupid and immature girl back then, but even then I didn't mean to hurt anyone, and I've grown so much in this experience.

 

I met him on an online game and he was just one of many "friends". When he asked to see my pictures I showed him the ones on my website which I had shown many people before. When I was 14 my uncle bought me a photoshop so that's how I started editing my pictures. I basically only fixed my blemishes and played with my eyecolor. I know I was foolish, but I never felt wrong when I showed someone my pictures because well, it was still me! It's not like I gave them a stolen myspace photograph. Yes I should have told them it was edited and I regret my actions SO much now, but at that time it never crossed my mind that I was committing a terrible lie... I know it's not much of an excuse but I really didn't have it in my heart to deceive anyone, even less hurt anyone.

 

When I finally told him about what I had done I honestly didn't have any hope of him forgiving me. I cried many nights, and always prayed to God that he'd find someone who could make him happy and treat him better and forget about me. I know it's not healthy, but the reason I became close to him was because he was suicidal when I met him. I talked to him for hours everyday and we just became closer. I never felt so comfortable with anyone before. Not in real life and not online. He fell in love with me first and I was reluctant to fall in love with him because of religious reasons, but I finally did. I wasn't looking for a relationship, but he was (is) just such a beautiful person and I couldn't let him take his life. I was scared of telling him the truth (thus my trapped feeling) because I thought he would hate me and end up killing himself. He said many times that I saved him and I gave him hope. It was a really scary situation for me because I knew I had to fess up sometime, but I didn't want anything bad to happen to him. I do wish I could have been honest to him from the start. Let's face it, a relationship can't be based on lies. But I believe things happen for a reason, and what I went through made me mature greatly. I'm happy for the way things turned out for me, but it was a rough ride.

 

Either way, I wasn't trying to defend her. I know what she did was wrong. She's obviously playing with his feelings and it's downright unfair that anyone should be on the receiving end of these childish games. Again, I apologize for getting so off-topic.

[Periwinkle.]

Sorry again for hijacking the thread but I forgot to add, the reason he was consoling me was because I didn't WANT him to forgive me as easily as he did. He basically laughed when I told him and said that I "created a tropical storm from a glass of water." I didn't want him to take it so lightly and that's why he was telling me not to worry, that he understood and that it must have been hard for me. He is too good for me and I know I'm very lucky because he has every right to be angry with me...

[sweetpea03]

I don't know, I just feel like finding out if she'll admit it or not, if she still lies about it then I know she's 100% no good, a liar, etc., if she admits it I guess there must be a tiny amount of decency in her. Either way it's over.

 

I guess I'm just too curious for my own good.

 

You are only causing yourself more emotional strain and problems/drama. Stop talking with this girl. You won't get any truth out of her, so I really feel like you are wasting your time. She'll continue to lie like she always has. What exactly are you hoping to achieve? you already know she's a liar.

[KH26]

Maybe I'm going mad but just wanted to say, in that photo you posted isn't that a baby in a bouncer seat in the background? Maybe I'm just seeing wrong though...

[Vexile]

Oh dear. I was the same as you. You wanna hear my story? So before I met my fiancée I had a run in with this girl I met online. She lied to me. I only knew her a few days and found lies already, and the truth is I never loved her, but I thought I did. Huge difference there. She lied to me about everything. First she said she lived in London when she didn't. Then she said she was in love with me. Then she said she had to go in Hospital to remove her kidney. But this lie was badly covered up. Then she said the same time she was meant to be getting her kidney removed, she was in a car with her friends and it crashed and she went through the windowscreen. Only 23 stitches and she was conscious too! I did what you did. Went along like I believed it. Tried to get out of her why she lied. I never did. Instead she mad a boyfriend figure for herself. And he talked to me. Just, these lies. It's so obvious. Didn't you ever get the vibe that things weren't right? And even after she lied and I laughed at her. I wouldn't let it go right away because I felt sorry for her. Why would she set out to hurt me like that? With such bad lies. It sure did make me wonder. But I gave up with everything after I met my fiancée (: Which also made me realise that before I met her, my heart had never smiled properly. It didn't seem easy to get over at the time, but right now? I laugh at myself for pursuing it further and giving me an excuse to carry it on. Just don't, there's no point. I see why you're doing it but just end it. Do what you have to do, sure. But the one thing you'll never get from a liar is the complete truth. They're only sorry if they're caught. They'll never feel guilt. So Seriously, I'd give up if I were you.

 

Periwinkle. Do you have a email address? I'd like it if I can talk to you about some things please (:

[superfox]

interesting choice of name....................

 

Isn't it! I've just read this whole thread

[sara-pezzini]

yeah i followed this thread and so the name got my attention....something seems off here...

[superfox]

yeah i followed this thread and so the name got my attention....something seems off here...

 

Wonder if the ip leads to Oregon?

[sara-pezzini]

wondered the same thing too! LOL it's a miracle...she's alive LOL

[avman]

Thread closed.