Im moving on but i feel guilty!

[StillHopeful88]

My boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago (2 year relationship) because i had extreme trust issues. I took it VERY hard at the beginning while he was the one partying his life away. Recently ive been talking to a new guy, and although im not expecting anything with this guy it just feels good to talk to someone. I feel very guilty because my ex have recently been calling a lot and saying he'd do anything to make things work. He tells me that he'll work on himself and i can work on myself and we can try working things out, but i just really dont want to. I love him with all my heart and i always think about him and yes i do wish we could get back together, but i really dont want to go through all the stress any more. I dont want to worry about where he is or what he's doing and ruin my studying because im worried about him.

 

Should i feel bad that while he's crying and begging me to make things work.. im talking to another guy? I feel like the worst person ever.

[Nerdyjock]

No you shouldn't feel guilty. He probably only wants you back NOW because he sees that you are actually ok without him. I have to be honest, if you are feeling guilty about your ex, don't get too serious with this new guy you're talking to. The new guy, if y'all enter a serious relationship, deserves all of you.

 

Edit: changed the 2nd half of my post. But you sound like a sweet person. Too sweet! And yes, that is possible . You deserve to be happy now, and if the new guy seems like a good fit, then go forward confidently. It's ok to consider your ex's feelings but don't let them shake your confidence.

[Yaz]

You're fine. Don't worry so much

[annie24]

agreed with the other posters - sounds like he wants you now that you've started to move on! and i agree, take it super slow with the new guy. don't do the rebound thing.

 

as far as the trust issues - do you think you are naturally distrusting in relationships or did your bf bring out the worst in you? was he doing things to indicate you should not trust him? i ask this because if you do have problems with trust in relationships in general, going to a counselor on your own might be a good thing, so that this is not a problem in your future relationships. however, this doesn't mean you need to get back with your ex.

[johnm3]

My boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago (2 year relationship) because i had extreme trust issues

 

so he broke up with you because you had trust issues? if so, then he has to deal with the consequences of his decision and it's no longer your problem... he needs to learn to work through issues in a relationship rather than escape them.

 

you shouldn't be so fast to have sympathy for your dumper; breaking up with someone is a huge decision and if they didn't fully think through where that road will take them then they don't deserve anything good in the first place

[StillHopeful88]

so he broke up with you because you had trust issues? if so, then he has to deal with the consequences of his decision and it's no longer your problem... he needs to learn to work through issues in a relationship rather than escape them.

 

No i broke up with him becuase my trust issues were really putting a toll on our relationship.

[StillHopeful88]

agreed with the other posters - sounds like he wants you now that you've started to move on! and i agree, take it super slow with the new guy. don't do the rebound thing.

 

as far as the trust issues - do you think you are naturally distrusting in relationships or did your bf bring out the worst in you? was he doing things to indicate you should not trust him? i ask this because if you do have problems with trust in relationships in general, going to a counselor on your own might be a good thing, so that this is not a problem in your future relationships. however, this doesn't mean you need to get back with your ex.

 

 

Ive never had these issues before. He was my first real relationship and he did some things to loose my trust in the beginning of our relationship. He changed, but i ultimately couldnt let go and it became a vicious cycle of me being extremely paranoid and stressed out all the time. (and it wasnt cheating if that's what you're wondering lol)

[johnm3]

then in my opinion you should seek counseling and develop a plan to overcome these trust issues because they will plague you throughout every relationship you're in.

 

unless he was giving you a good reason not to trust him like flirting/staying out late/lying, etc.

[annie24]

yeah, i went back and read your other threads. i don't blame you for just wanting to call it a day and not try again. you know, even if he did cheat or do something bad (besides lying over stupid things) - at some point, you either have to forgive them and what they did and get past it - or just move on. if you can't move past his lies, and you tried, then i don't blame you for not trying anymore. i can see where you get more peace of mind just by saying, 'let's move on.'

[Ms Darcy]

I feel very guilty because my ex have recently been calling a lot and saying he'd do anything to make things work. He tells me that he'll work on himself and i can work on myself and we can try working things out, but i just really dont want to. I love him with all my heart and i always think about him and yes i do wish we could get back together, but i really dont want to go through all the stress any more. I dont want to worry about where he is or what he's doing and ruin my studying because im worried about him.

 

Sometimes you just can't let it go. It's ok, it doesn't make you a criminal. It just means you want to start fresh versus having to deal with the memories of the lies. I think when people are dumped they don't always remember that though you can change your behavior, you can't change what you've done to people in the past and how they've responded to it.

[DN]

I always find it very ironic when I see people say Ì love him with all my heart`and then sa Ì am moving on`. Which is it - it can`t be both.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

My boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago (2 year relationship)

 

Recently ive been talking to a new guy, and although im not expecting anything with this guy it just feels good to talk to someone.

 

This is how rebounds get started. You are talking to someone new in the hopes of finding someone new. You are only a month out of your two year relationship which had caused you a lot of stresss. A month is not very long to sort out your issues and pain...by encouraging the attentions of someone new so soon after a break up, you will simply be masking all of your pain and you will have a higher likelihood of repeating patterns from the last relationship. Perhaps it is time to stop talking to the other guy and focus on your own healing process.