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I want to save my relationship and get her back

harsh284

By harsh284
in Getting Back Together

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She means what she says. Let her contact you next.

 

If you really, really want to push her away even more, contact her in the next ten minutes.

 

LMAO........exactly.

And if you want to push her really far away............call her about a thousand times until she turns her phone off.

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harsh284 Apprentice

harsh284

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She means what she says. Let her contact you next.

 

If you really, really want to push her away even more, contact her in the next ten minutes.

 

No I wouldnt do that because I geniunely want her to be happy and do what she wishes - I havent contacted her since this last message from her

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Bobbadoo Contributor

Bobbadoo

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I will but this pain is killing me internally - I just want someone to keep motivating from time to time so that I dont lose my way and control

 

Just keep going. Today I just got an email from my ex after 1 month of NC. Its a dumb email but it tells me that she is reaching out and is missing me. I thought she would not contact me for another 2- 3 months. So keep going!

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harsh284 Apprentice

harsh284

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Just keep going. Today I just got an email from my ex after 1 month of NC. Its a dumb email but it tells me that she is reaching out and is missing me. I thought she would not contact me for another 2- 3 months. So keep going!

 

Congrats man!! I am happy for u - But I think my girlfriend would not miss me, if she missed me she would have already contacted me

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harsh284 Apprentice

harsh284

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If you had a meaningful relationship of any sort, yes they miss you and I'm sure she thinks of you right now.

 

However, if you want those thoughts to turn negative, I suggest you call her right this minute.

 

Doubts are coming in my mind because a female on one another forum suggested me that 'my girlfriend is using this as an excuse to get rid of me/to keep me away and that it is over and I should move on. She will not come back.'

 

I get confused because of this

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Bobbadoo Contributor

Bobbadoo

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You know what, I tried to get you to think positive thoughts to keep you motivated to get you to do the right actions. You keep letting yourself get consumed by negativity. As you can see this female is giving you some negativity and therefore making yourself anxious and want to call her. If you are having doubts then go ahead give her a call and push her further and further away. Keep contacting her making yourself look needy, desperate and lose all that respect you have from her. Smother her with all your love and see if she comes back because to tell you the truth if you do these things, she will not come back 100%.

 

There are ways to motivate others to do NC, I choose to go the positive route because it has more impact than negative. This girl obviously uses negativity to impact you and guess what, now you want to call your girlfriend and break NC. Anyways if you have doubts then be my guest and make the same mistakes again and again. You are going to ruin your chances and worst of all make yourself look pathetic and you'll become a loser. If you don't want that then go NC and find that winner again.

 

Also why are you confused? You know the answers to every question you asked here. There is one route you can go if you want to save some face and that is NC. You learned from your mistakes and you know what to do so I don't get why you are confused or have doubts. You got to go NC anyways so whats so confusing or doubting about that?

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thekid55 Experienced

thekid55

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Doubts are coming in my mind because a female on one another forum suggested me that 'my girlfriend is using this as an excuse to get rid of me/to keep me away and that it is over and I should move on. She will not come back.'

 

Typically, the dumpers will say this because they really, really want space and may have to go extreme measures to get it. There's literally no regard for your feelings at all, which sucks, but is the truth.

 

I've had it happen to me before. She told me the same stuff, didn't want to talk to me anymore, blah blah blah. I just said 'To Hell with it!' I left her alone for two weeks and she ended up texting me with something trivial. I'm not saying this is the gold standard because obviously, everyone is different. My ex is a little bit of an emotional nut job, so she may be the exception. Anyway.

 

Don't believe anything that they say in the short-term. They aren't basing their decisions off of logic. They are using pure emotion. Time helps assuages all bad emotions. Time is your best friend. Once some time goes by without any contact from you, she will start to think of you and remember good memories. Does that mean she'll come back? No, but if you do nothing, nothing bad can happen. Remember that.

 

Fill time up with new activities, new ladies, etc. Before you know it, you'll really start to forget about your ex. The less interest you show in her, the more interested she will be in you. I've seen it happen time after time. If it helps, think back to a time when a girl who you didn't like was really, really interested in you. Your lack of interest drove her crazy I bet. That's how you have to treat your ex.

 

It's a marathon, but I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Respect her wish for silence and space in the short-term and good things will come your way. She'll respect you more for it.

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harsh284 Apprentice

harsh284

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Right - But does that mean she would not come back - as you said she might get a little curious after sometime (though already months have passed) but will she come back or even try to contact me? I will try to forget her but does it mean it is over now forever without much chances

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Bobbadoo Contributor

Bobbadoo

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Right - But does that mean she would not come back - as you said she might get a little curious after sometime (though already months have passed) but will she come back or even try to contact me? I will try to forget her but does it mean it is over now forever without much chances

 

You have to realize that every relationship has a chance. People cheated on their partners, been abusive, went to jail and all that non sense have gotten back together. Its how you act after the break up that makes the difference.

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iBroken Collaborator

iBroken

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Dude - your behavior, desperation and dependency on this girl is a bit concerning.

 

No one here has the answers as to whether or not she will come back but what I can tell you is that right now, as it stands, she has withdrawn from you and has made it clear that she is not interested in any level of contact right now.

 

I know that you are in a very very hard place - I have been there as have others. It eats away at you not being able to talk to them. But do you know what eats away more? What you are doing. Chasing her down with the incessant phone calls. Every time you justify a reason to call her, you are beating yourself down when she doesnt reply. If you were in NC, it would hurt that shes not calling you however, as the days go by, the hurt starts to turn into a revelation, and then anger.

 

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but your chances right now with this behavior are substantially sabotaging ANY chance of her changing her mind and coming back. This behavior is a major turn off and as long as you chase her like a puppy dog, she will know that you are there desperately waiting for a bread crumb.

 

You gotta grow a set and man up and stop chasing her down. Let her see what life is like without you. Maybe then, she will come back around but more importantly, not being in contact with her, or waiting for contact will help you heal.

 

Who knows - after the time apart , you might decide she wasnt the best thing to happen to you after all.

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harsh284 Apprentice

harsh284

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I have not called her up recently and I have decided not to do it. She texted me today "Please stop paying my bills. It's a sincere request". I had put a scheduler on my bank account months back (when we were in a good relationship to pay her phone bills).

 

I just replied back "I had put a schedular months back. I will remove it".

 

What is concerning me is that people here have received texts/phone calls from their exs within few weeks of break up and I havent received anything in 2 months. so does that mean they reply in just few weeks after which its no game?

 

Has she turned indifferent?

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harsh284 Apprentice

harsh284

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Yes, I realise that I need to stand for myself - Its just that when I am trying to gain control over myself, someone from nowhere jumps in and tries to make me think negatively - I appreciate your advice and all the help offered by you- But its your motivation only that has stopped me from going nerd and calling her every second - I now feel to have more control opver myself then a month back - Had you not adviced me I would have called a lot many times in this last one month - I have pledged to go NC till she contacts me - I may get some jitters but I will first trry to post it here before taking any step and get some sensible advice

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harsh284 Apprentice

harsh284

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What was your relationship like?

 

I always used to care for her - I used to be around her to support her during her bad patches - She is a bit impulsive - She used to tell me all her bad situations and I supported her completely - She used to get irritated at times but I apologised for that - She was always concerned about my career - I told her that it will be fine - What else do you mean?

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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I always used to care for her - I used to be around her to support her during her bad patches - She is a bit impulsive - She used to tell me all her bad situations and I supported her completely - She used to get irritated at times but I apologised for that - She was always concerned about my career - I told her that it will be fine - What else do you mean?

 

This doesn't seem like much of a relationship, to be honest. You don't seem to have anything positive to say about her. It's all about you and what you gave her. If that is indeed how the relationship was, then it was no relationship at all. If on the other hand she did have any redeeming qualities, then you don't seem to see that part of her. Either way, I suspect it's better that it ended don't you think?

 

Relationships break up for a reason.

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harsh284 Apprentice

harsh284

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This doesn't seem like much of a relationship, to be honest. You don't seem to have anything positive to say about her. It's all about you and what you gave her. If that is indeed how the relationship was, then it was no relationship at all. If on the other hand she did have any redeeming qualities, then you don't seem to see that part of her. Either way, I suspect it's better that it ended don't you think?

 

Relationships break up for a reason.

 

No you are getting it wrong - I didnt mean that - I just thought u were asking me wat was the relationship like as in if I did anything wrong or not that may have led to break up - I like her for a reason - I feel my best in her company - she brings life in my life - she is caring and my best critic - and there is lot more to it

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Bobbadoo Contributor

Bobbadoo

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My big question is " Does she still love me?" - I think this will clear all my doubts/queries - After getting this answer I will be at peace.

 

Go NC and only time will tell. As of right now move forward and get yourself out of this hole you're in. Don't let a girl bring you down. Man up.

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