I want to save my relationship and get her back

[shessofly]

Should I wish her on X-mas and new year? or Should I stay NC? Please suggest - Wouldnt NC on these days be rude or a major turn off?

 

Hasn't she asked you not to contact her again? Or do I have the wrong thread? Without question if someone asks you not to contact them again then do not contact them.

[harsh284]

Hasn't she asked you not to contact her again? Or do I have the wrong thread? Without question if someone asks you not to contact them again then do not contact them.

 

She didnt say dont contact me again - BUt she did say leave me alone - I believe that is one and the same thing - anyways I am not contacting her on X-mas or new year - I had tried contacting her on a festival earlier but I did not get any replies so probably I should try something else and not contact her - this might work

[harsh284]

Thanks again!! - You are right - Infact I dont have any other option but to stay NC and try to be in a positive frame of mind - beggers are not choosers

[harsh284]

I wanted to wish her on Xmas but I am happy that I kept my control and didnt contact her - she might be taking this as rude or may be not but I have already tried reaching out to her so many times and she has never replied - I just feel she needs to take atleast 1 step towards me before I can take 10 towards her - Dont know after 2 months she actually misses me or not - may be she has moved on - but I think if I contact her now I will get only pain - probably i will think of contacting her after a month - rest is upto God!!

 

Suggestions welcomed

[bish0p2004]

Right now you're just sitting and waiting for the paint to dry.

 

Also, you're still using NC to win your ex back and you're going to be very disspointed if your method of NC doesn't work the way you want it.

[harsh284]

Bobbadoo - do u think it is a good idea to contact her after a month??

[Bobbadoo]

If you can control your emotions, be happy and don't talk about the relationship and want to be just friends then ya sure. If you still want her back after a month then my suggestion is no.

[harsh284]

If you can control your emotions, be happy and don't talk about the relationship and want to be just friends then ya sure. If you still want her back after a month then my suggestion is no.

 

I can still control my emotions but problem is if I contact her she may not reply/answer my calls - I dont knw even after giving her so much space and time why she is not even ready to talk to me in general - i dont wanna talk about relationship also - just in general

[Bobbadoo]

I can still control my emotions but problem is if I contact her she may not reply/answer my calls - I dont knw even after giving her so much space and time why she is not even ready to talk to me in general - i dont wanna talk about relationship also - just in general

 

Judging by your posts here, you are not in control of your emotions. You are still asking yourself is she going to call, will she call me back and so on and you are letting that drive you nuts. Giving her 3 weeks of NC is not enough space and maybe 1 month is not enough either. You have to go as far as you are not caring whether or not she will answer your calls or reply back to you. Thats when you want to contact her.

 

If you have urges to talk and you just want to talk to her then that means you are not ready to contact her. Right now you are worrying when you should contact her which is not the right approach because you are just going to wait by the phone and wait as the seconds tick by. The more positive approach is to go out and have fun, hang out with friends, workout, enjoy life without her and do things you love. Thinking when to contact her should be out of your mind and you should be thinking about what will make YOU a better person, what will make YOU more attractive, and what would make YOU happy that is not involved with the ex.

[harsh284]

I agree with whatever you are saying - but my concern is what is going in her head??

[Bobbadoo]

I agree with whatever you are saying - but my concern is what is going in her head??

 

The point is you shouldn't care about whats going on in her head.

[harsh284]

The point is you shouldn't care about whats going on in her head.

 

hmm right - I know this may be an annoying and stupid question but is there a chance that she might come back??

[Bobbadoo]

There is always a chance, its up to you if you approach this the right way.

[harsh284]

There is always a chance, its up to you if you approach this the right way.

 

Is NC enough? What else should I do apart from NC to increase my chances?

[thekid55]

You should start dating new girls as soon as possible.

[harsh284]

You should start dating new girls as soon as possible.

 

How will that help?

[thekid55]

You probably will meet someone else better than her. I can guarantee you that she's not the last woman on Earth.

 

Plus, don't you like the company of new, attractive ladies?

[harsh284]

You probably will meet someone else better than her. I can guarantee you that she's not the last woman on Earth.

 

Plus, don't you like the company of new, attractive ladies?

 

BUt that will not increase my chances of getting her back

[thekid55]

BUt that will not increase my chances of getting her back

 

Think of it this way. She doesn't want to be with you.

 

Have you ever had a girl like you who you don't like back? I'm sure you have. It gets annoying if they are always around, knowing how they feel, there's no challenge, etc. You'll never want to be with them.

 

Now, when that person goes away, stops talking to you, and actually starts dating someone new, you may start to want that person again.

 

It's basically wanting what you can't have. Girls are attracted to what they can't have, but really, really want what they thought they had, but now don't. Trust me on this. It's basic supply and demand.

 

The more you sit around, live in the past, and pine away from her, the more you waste your life. I'm telling you. Go out. Meet new girls. Stop wasting your life wanting someone who doesn't want what you want.

 

It's ultimately your life and you'll do what you want, which will be sitting around for who knows how long and pine away after this girl. You'll get even more depressed when she has a new guy in her life and even wonder why the heck you wasted so much time.

[professorplum]

Very sensible advice Kid55. Following it is much more difficult but I know you are right and this is my new year's resolution. It may not bring her back, but it gives you the best possible chance.

 

Harsh - is this something you give a try to at least?

[harsh284]

Very sensible advice Kid55. Following it is much more difficult but I know you are right and this is my new year's resolution. It may not bring her back, but it gives you the best possible chance.

 

Harsh - is this something you give a try to at least?

 

I dont know - I am not mentally prepared for this as she is still in my mind and thoughts and I still her want her - I know it is not right cos she has left me

[professorplum]

I am not going to date anyone else - and not going to risk the chance of further rejection anyway. However, I am 2.5 months from being dumped. We are still talking, emailing etc but I am much too eager I know that. I have decided to 'disappear' as far as possible and give the impression I might be dating. She is aware she can have me at any time and I know that is not helping my chances. There were one or two positive signs when she thought I wasn't there waiting for her in December so my plan is to continue. However, it is really hard - not had a good day today and it will be worse when we go back to work in Jan.

 

But I have tried being nice etc, beggy etc so what choice do I have? I'm determined to give it a go and listen to other peoples advice here [males and females].

[professorplum]

I have just read the whole thread and feel even more strongly you should not contact her any more for a while. Why not give yourself a date say 31 Jan and say you will do nothing until then. See how you feel then and possibly try and extend it if you are able. Cross off the days until 31 Jan so you can see it is getting nearer. In the meantime, try and keep yourself occupied ie this MBA, male friends, chatting online, computer dating etc. You don't have to date, just gives you another focus other than her.

 

Not saying give up because there is always hope. Just give it a breather. If you are in for the long haul and you meet no one else, you can try again later in the year. Every time you contact her now makes it less likely you will get together. I am only just realising this myself. It takes a while to sink in and because I work with my ex, I am literally dodging behind walls sometimes to avoid her. If I dont, I analyse the conversation and often it makes me feel wose.

Keep posting.

[harsh284]

Thanks - I understand what you are saying is right - I have already been on complete NC for last 13 days - But problem is she has convinced herself mentally that whatever she has decided is correct, so I feel I dont have any chance - She always justifies her decisions mentally - I am not contacting her - But it would take a miracle for her to come back and miracles dont happen in real life

[professorplum]

You have done well then to have completed 13 days. It is 14 days for me since we spoke and only 8 days since she sent me an email [still not opened it yet]. Do I feel any better today? No, in fact I feel much worse. I think it is because of the holiday period and knowing she is likely to be with the new bloke on New Years Eve. She said she would email during the holiday so another message might arrive but in a way that doesnt help although Im pleased she can still be bothered to contact me.

 

An old female friend said she had spent 18 months getting over her heart being broken by a married man who said he would leave his loveless marriage and then changed his mind. It doesnt need to take that long but it shows you are in good company. You have helped me to be strong in that I know there are many others going through similar heartache. Hope you can fill your time effectively in the next month or so. I still think you will hear from her eventually. How do you feel today?