I want to save my relationship and get her back

[harsh284]

Thanks that was really helpful. That has really made me less anxious to call her. I just need this kind of advice time and again to stay strong and in control.

[harsh284]

I have 2+ years relationship. She was the one who proposed to me. Initial 1 year was going good. Then after that she started acting strange at times. After around 1.5 years she started complaining about my career. She is herself a Bachelor of Engineer + MBA. I am just Bachelor of Engineer. She started complaining that my career should be better than hers for it to work out in long term. I have been trying to get through MBA but could not make it so far. I told her that I would eventually do it. After that whenever she was unhappy she would start getting angry with me and start pointing out other things like I am irritating and she may like other guys as well. But then after few days it used to get normal. We would go to movies and lunches and dinners.

 

She also gets irritated when I ask her where she was or what she was doing or if I call her a lot many times in a day. She was unhappy with her job but I supported her throughout her bad patches. Now she is without a job and trying to prepare for higher education.

 

Earlier also she had stopped talking to me for about a month. At that occasion I took her to meet my parents for our marriage. But my parents did not like her much. She got angry because of this and stopped talking to me saying she was qualified than me and my parents have no right to reject her. Then I called her after 2 weeks and we met. But she said I will not marry you. But I think that was only to tease me because we were doing same old stuff together- movies, lunches,dinner and same level of intimacy. But this time its been over 40 days since she broke up and she seems to be a lot more strongheaded this time. Completely ignoring me.

 

This time, on the day of our breakup, I was in office and I was planning to leave early, so I thought of meeting her and called her up about 5-6 times. She was sleeping then and texted me that when I reach near her place then I should give her a call. I got stuck in work and this idea slipped off my mind and I left office a little late. She called me up to ask where I was and by mistake I did not take her call as it was in silence mode. Then I immediately called her back and she asked me where I was. I suddenly realized that I had fixed a plan with her and I got a little scared that she will get angry so by mistake I said that I was half way to her place. But somehow due to background noise she figured it out that I was back at home and said I am lying and I am with some other girl. I feel so stupid that for no reason she was doubting me and she got furious. She called me a liar and I am not worth it. To save my grace I said I am not lying but would not agree. Then she said why did I disturb her when she was sleeping by calling her 5-6 times and I am irritating. She also abused me verbally and told me not to call her again and its over.

 

After that I called her and texted and mailed her many a times and apologised for lying and explained her the entire thing. I also aked her to look at the reason behind my lie. She said I lie generally also. But I said I lie only a few times and too to friends just for fun sake and no serious lying/unethical lies. But she said a lie is a lie.

 

I dont know if this is the actual reason or it is just a way/excuse to keep me away. I told her I would not lie even for fun in future but she would not listen/respond.

 

After the breakup this time I had told her that if I dont get through MBA I will not pursue her further,and I didnt get through. When I talked to her last time after the breakup, I said as promised since I have not been able to get through MBA I will not call again but I know that was just rush of emotions/feelings. I want her back.

 

I have always supported her during her bad patches. I think I am in a mess this time. She may have got fed up of me now.

[tina zorn]

I think that you bother her too much. Having someone check up on me and ask what I was doing many times in one day would drive me nuts.

[harsh284]

I dont think so . She used to ask me similar questions and I only tried to call her so many times when she used to get totally unresponsive - and I wanted to know if there is anything wrong or not??? But yes at times it was a little too much and i did apologize to her for that

I think that you bother her too much. Having someone check up on me and ask what I was doing many times in one day would drive me nuts.

[harsh284]

Need help/advice!! I could not control myself and called her today. We broke up about 45 days back - We had talked last time about 20 days back - I had called her last sunday and monday without getting any replies - Is there still any scope she will come back?? - I am getting frustrated and depressed - Dont know what to do now - Have I lost her forever?? Please advise - I feel a little stupid to have called her, have I ruined all my chnaces?

[Bobbadoo]

There is always hope but the thing is if you want to get back together you have to let that go. Now that you called her, you have been set back since you have gain some momentum and now its all gone and you have to start over. Delete her number off your phone and delete all contact with her so you don't do this again.

 

Forget about her. You are in no mood to talk to her now anyways since you are still desperate, needy and depressed. No one wants to talk to a person who is feeling this way.

 

Just focus on yourself and don't think about what she is thinking. Focus on your life and live it. Remember its never too late to go back in, but it is ALWAYS TOO EARLY. The only thing that is stopping you from getting her back is you. Get yourself back on your feet and man up. If you have a moment of weakness call a friend and have them give you that kick in the ass.

[harsh284]

How should I get her back then - When should I contact her then - I have already contacted her after a break of 15-20 days but she does not respond - Is there any way - She has closed all doors of communication - It has become a dream that she was with me sometime back -

[Bobbadoo]

Well for you, you don't. You have to wait for her to contact you. If she does not contact you for 3 -4 months, then you might want to send a small hello message but by that time you probably might be over her. Its going to be a painful process and its going to drive you insane but you have to look at yourself. You only went 15 - 20 days of NC and you lost control. 15 - 20 days is nothing. If you do get her to talk to you, what are you going to say? Are you going to beg, plead and reason with her to get back? if so then its only going to push her away. If you want to talk, again its only going to be worst for you because its going to hurt you alot more. Save yourself some pain and try to get over it. They usually come back when you forget about them and ya it sucks.

 

Go NC until she contacts you. Don't ask what if she doesn't? Believe she will. IF you keep asking yourself what if she doesn't, then you are going to break NC and you will be back here posting about it. Keep a positive mindset. If you have a negative one, you're going to have a tougher time going through this.

[harsh284]

Thanks for all the help - I know there are very few who extend their help selflessly!! Sometimes I feel during difficult times people actually leave you and there are very few who stand by you - After my breakup I contacted her friend as well who talked to me twice but after that she also stopped talking to me and started ignoring me. I thought I would know something from her and she might help me. Just needed her help and understand the whole thing. Anyways she was her friend not mine - cant do a thing about that - Sometimes reality is so difficult to handle and painful. At times I feel very frustrated that I did everything possible for this girl but in return she abused me and dumped me - I know its her choice and I cant force my love on her but she could have talked to me properly after breaking up - I aam not saying I have not made mistakes but did I do something so much wrong that she left me - Just because my career is currently not that great and my parents not accepted her forthrightly but I told her they will agree after sometime and I will convince them - They infact agreed but what is the use now- My bad luck - So much mis-communication and misunderstaning or may be I am not able to understand the complete situation-Sometimes all problems hit you at the same time -

[harsh284]

What if she is in a new relationship? Will she not forget me? - She is very headstrong - I am getting so much anxious to call her her - dont know how to control myself -

[Bobbadoo]

What if she is in a new relationship? Will she not forget me? - She is very headstrong - I am getting so much anxious to call her her - dont know how to control myself -

 

Headstrong or not, relationships is not about logic and reasoning. Its about emotions and if she was in love with you before, she will not forget. Only way for her to forget is if you keep calling her up. Stop giving yourself a negative mindset and force in positive ones otherwise you will not survive. Tell yourself she will miss me and I want her to miss me.

[harsh284]

Headstrong or not, relationships is not about logic and reasoning. Its about emotions and if she was in love with you before, she will not forget. Only way for her to forget is if you keep calling her up. Stop giving yourself a negative mindset and force in positive ones otherwise you will not survive. Tell yourself she will miss me and I want her to miss me.

I was feeling the urge but i didnt call her today - but it is a long wait and I am not sure if it will end positively and she will come back - I keep trying to think positively every time

[harsh284]

Headstrong or not, relationships is not about logic and reasoning. Its about emotions and if she was in love with you before, she will not forget. Only way for her to forget is if you keep calling her up. Stop giving yourself a negative mindset and force in positive ones otherwise you will not survive. Tell yourself she will miss me and I want her to miss me.

 

One of the females on a forum after reading my situation said the following "She obviously didn't feel you were right for her but she has certainly moved on and may well be in another relationship. Whether you decide to get in touch with her again is entirely up to you but personally I think you would be wasting your time to do so and will only be making a nuisance of yourself in her eyes. She doesn't want a relationship with you... period! I'm sorry but you have to finally accept that and move on I'm afraid.

" - I am more confused now

[rbsx]

One of the females on a forum after reading my situation said the following "She obviously didn't feel you were right for her but she has certainly moved on and may well be in another relationship. Whether you decide to get in touch with her again is entirely up to you but personally I think you would be wasting your time to do so and will only be making a nuisance of yourself in her eyes. She doesn't want a relationship with you... period! I'm sorry but you have to finally accept that and move on I'm afraid.

" - I am more confused now

 

Not that I'm always the most optimistic person in the world but it could be a rebound. It wouldn't weird for that to happen.

[harsh284]

Not that I'm always the most optimistic person in the world but it could be a rebound. It wouldn't weird for that to happen.

 

But what should I do then?? Is she gone forever?

[rbsx]

But what should I do then?? Is she gone forever?

 

Seriously dude, you're asking question to which none of us have the answer. Just be yourself, and if that isn't good enough for her then she should go f*ck herself and she isn't the right person for you.

 

I've been in a * * * * situation for a few months watching my ex make bad (and not subjectively bad decisions, I'm talking about objectively bad e.g. she's going broke, her dad was laid off, and she's rebounded dating a 34 year old) and all I can do is keep rising to the occasion and surprising myself and her.

[harsh284]

Seriously dude, you're asking question to which none of us have the answer. Just be yourself, and if that isn't good enough for her then she should go f*ck herself and she isn't the right person for you.

 

I've been in a * * * * situation for a few months watching my ex make bad (and not subjectively bad decisions, I'm talking about objectively bad e.g. she's going broke, her dad was laid off, and she's rebounded dating a 34 year old) and all I can do is keep rising to the occasion and surprising myself and her.

 

I feel so frustrated!! I just wish she comes back and is not in another relationship

[harsh284]

Headstrong or not, relationships is not about logic and reasoning. Its about emotions and if she was in love with you before, she will not forget. Only way for her to forget is if you keep calling her up. Stop giving yourself a negative mindset and force in positive ones otherwise you will not survive. Tell yourself she will miss me and I want her to miss me.

 

I wish I could be as positive and as strong as you are - Dont know how to stay positive ? What if I am hopeful and in the end I dont get her back? I will be heartbroken completely

[Bobbadoo]

I wish I could be as positive and as strong as you are - Dont know how to stay positive ? What if I am hopeful and in the end I dont get her back? I will be heartbroken completely

 

It takes a lot of time. I was in your shoes the first month of my break up. I was panicking, asking myself is she is gone forever. I came here posting all these questions looking for answers. I still feel like she can be gone forever but I don't let it consume me cause if I do, I would be calling her like crazy and end up being a chump and losing alot of attraction and respect in her eyes. It sucks I know, it takes time and alot of discipline. What helps is if you are doing something you enjoy to keep your mind off of her. I have school, video games and exercise which really help me move forward. No one said it was going to be easy.

 

Like i said the only way to stay positive is to think positive thoughts. Do not let your anxiety take over you. Tell yourself the she will be back as long as you don't contact her. Tell yourself she will come around when you forget her. Next thing you know, months go by and you start to feel comfortable being by yourself and happy. Keep thinking positive, act upon it, and keep active. Force yourself to go out with friends, force yourself to try new things. When you're feeling down go find something fun to do. Tell yourself I will not sulk and I will not be sad.

[harsh284]

I called her today she didnt pick up but then messaged her "We have known each other for a long time and we should atleast keep talking terms".

 

Then she replied that "I have to prepare for exams (I know she is preparing for exams for higher education which require lot of hard work) and I have stopped talking to my other friends as well. I want no distractions. Please leave me alone". She is very particular about her academics

 

I said "Fine-best of luck -Let me know if u need any help - talk to me when ur ready".

 

I dont know if this is a positive sign or not since she has replied for the first time to my message in so many days (almost a month) and she is not in another relationship.

 

I have now decided that it is enough I will not call her again unless she does now

[FrenchFries]

You really should respect her wishes and stop calling her. If she wants to talk to you she's got your number.

[harsh284]

You really should respect her wishes and stop calling her. If she wants to talk to you she's got your number.

 

Yes ur right -I will not call her again - I just hope she calls back

[Outshined]

Yes ur right -I will not call her again - I just hope she calls back

 

Nothing wrong with the hoping.....just keep it realistic.

 

And in the meantime.................DO NOT CALL HER AGAIN.

 

If you have to, take your phone and throw it out the nearest window. Unplug your computer.

 

Do whatever it takes.

 

You have to find yourself.........and I mean A.S.A.P.

[Ms Darcy]

Then she replied that "I have to prepare for exams (I know she is preparing for exams for higher education which require lot of hard work) and I have stopped talking to my other friends as well. I want no distractions. Please leave me alone". She is very particular about her academics

 

Leave her alone. Respect her wishes.

[harsh284]

Leave her alone. Respect her wishes.

 

I will respect her wishes but is it just an excuse to keep me away or does she actually mean what she is saying? I dont know what does this entire thing mean - Is there a realistic chance of her coming back ? It has been almost 60 days when she said it is over