I'm not sure how I feel now.

[thekid55]

16th-

 

If you got a skill man, give it everything you got. I know SA is a skilled dude and I have my skills. At the end of the day, all we can do is hone our craft and watch the girls follow.

 

Also, throw some Drake lyrics into ENA posts! The mod probably have no idea who/what Drake is!

 

Ha.

[SA2000]

Talked to the ex again tonight. I called her while she was in bed and talked to her for about 45 minutes. It sure feels like a new situation. I am used to feeling comfortable around her but I don't at all anymore. Its so weird that like 2 weeks ago I felt like we could go back to normal so easily and now it feels so different. Its probably because we haven't seen each other in so long. I feel like all of the confidence I once had with her is lost because of this all. Like not talking to her or being distant was easier. Its almost as though I have grown accustom to being alone and have started to really close myself off. I think I need some time to figure out where my head is at again. Im guessing it has something to do with the fact that I drank all weekend for the holiday and haven't worked out in a few days.

 

I am still kind of trying to figure this whole situation out. I don't trust it at all.

[CrapAtNC]

Seems to me like you're just coming into this as a different person and treating it like a whole new relationship. You're also very nonchalant, because your happiness is not at all dependent on the relationship, her, or anything she does--perfect!

 

My best experiences/relationships developed from situations I wasn't so sure where what I wanted. If you think about it, as such, there is no room to stumble, no disappointments to be had, and nowhere to go but up. My most favorite girlfriend grew on me over time; my worst relationships were with women I had huge feelings for from day one. The best nights out I ever had were the ones that I really wasn't that bothered about going out on.

 

I see success on the horizon here. Whichever way it goes, you will be fine. Remember that, and enjoy the ride.

[SA2000]

I'm over thinking things again. I don't like being uncomfortable in situations and feel as though I don't know where we stand. I hate it. Our conversation on Sunday would say we are getting back together. Our conversations sense then would say that we are friends. I don't know what I want from her anymore.

[thekid55]

I think going to the jungle for three months without technology would be the best thing for you at this point. Haha. 100% joking.

[SA2000]

I'm going to rename this thread "Screw it. I dont even care anymore".

[Rally]

Thats the attitude

[tha16thletter]

Hell yea son. Love the Drake lyrics you threw in. Great song, and that's exactly how I felt.

 

My opinion still stands. I think you need to back the HELL off, WAY off, and just let everything settle. Y'all are still standing in the middle of the storm so to speak. You can't see what's to your right and to your left. I feel like you guys keep stiffling progress because you're too caught up in what you're trying to/not trying to accomplish. You gotta get outta there man. Jump ship. Bubye. Peace. You feel alone, but I don't feel like you feel completely off wanting your "fix" of her. If you're gonna make this right, you gotta get past all of that. It's the hardest part, but you gotta do it.

 

I'd tell her this is just all too confusing and you both need to chill. That's what I'd do.

 

You know I gotchya back too, just hit me up whenever.

 

-P

[SA2000]

Maybe you are right, P. I am still trying to clear my head with all of this. It has been 3 months since the break up and we have been LC, like once a week, all initiated by her. I think I need another 3 months to get my head where it needs to be.

[tha16thletter]

Yea, time in breakups dont seem to go as fast. Three. months in anything else would be plenty time, but time and its perception seem to crawl in this. Id just disappear for a bit.

[Iconoclast]

I completely agree with the last poster. I think you are trying to maintain an appearance of nonchalance when you are clearly still far too invested in this woman to start again. You are faking it! You keep saying you don't care but I think you still do. Alot. Honestly, I think you would do better passing on this one and finding someone who treats you better.

 

You didn't stay NC long enough. She is stringing you along my friend. You have fallen into the exact situation that wanted to avoid at the beginning of this thread.

[SA2000]

Thanks Iconoclast and 16th. I needed that. There are some things I definitely don't like about this situation and why walk into a situation that I already know I don't like? I read a few threads today that made me think on a different level. Instead of what I need to do to continue to get my ex to contact me I started to think about why I want her to contact me.

 

There are aspects of my life that I am not satisfied with. I don't feel like reconciliation would work on my end until I tackle those other things so there is no point in pursuing it now. I am not mentally ready to reenter that situation and neither is she. We miss the comfort that we had together but that simply isn't enough to rebuild a relationship on and I know that. Until I am satisfied with the other aspects of my life (which I am currently working on and have been quickly moving in the right direction) I know that I can't actually be with anyone seriously.

 

I read something in another forum which I am sure I can't link here but it was very helpful in regards to working on yourself while an ex is gone and how you need to value yourself enough to not let someone walk in and out of your life at will. Although it is hard, you need to reject reconciliation until you get to the point where you really love yourself again. If you arent there, you arent ready for anyone else yet.

[SA2000]

Feeling good today. Ex wished me good luck on my interview which I killed. Time to dial it back again. She isn't showing any signs of meaning what she says. Until she can walk the walk there is no reason for me to change my attitude towards her.

[thekid55]

You are on the right path, my friend.

[SA2000]

I just thought to myself would I rather be single or be with someone I love who may ir may not stick around. SINGLE! I just want someone to come home to. But I'm not going to mortgage my happiness on a big risk like the ex. I'm a little drunk now so I know that thats how I honestly feel.

[tha16thletter]

LOL. My homie. I love you man (no homo), I look into the computer and I swear I see myself so often.

 

Seriously, time's perception in this situation is at a standstill. It's like a dream you can't wake up from. Days and days and even weeks may pass in a dream, but that doesn't mean it was any longer than the 8 hours you slept last night. That's how being apart from someone you really love feels. You (and myself) keep thinking that because a month, two months, etc have passed that we're ready to start over. We gotta turn inward and focus on what we need to do to make ourselves better. What if they come back crawling on hands and knees, pleading and moaning about how great their mistake was. Are YOU ready to be better? You can't be sure she will be, but are you in a better place? Are YOU stronger than when you were last together? Because if you are, you can weather the storm that might face you. If not, it's just gonna be right back in the water, swimming for your life against the current.

 

Me and my ex's ex best friend were kickin' it earlier tonight and sometimes just hearing someone else hate on your ex gets you in a good mood about her dumpin' you. lol. He said "if you look close enough, you can see the devil in her eyes". LOL!!!! Dude was slayin' me... I never say a bad thing about her even though she ripped into me, but it's funny to hear it from someone else that feels your pain. This was totally an aside, though.

 

Just keep moving onward to what you are tryin' to do man. You want them to see that success. Smell that change, and how much BETTER you are. I think, in the end, we forget that they don't want to be with us again. They left (presumably) because they want something better. All we can- and should- do is to put that on display, FLAUNT THAT ISH, and make them want it again. Then the ball is in our court, and we can say yes or no at our leisure and keep it movin'. Don't keep moving towards her, move laterally- make her catch up. I'm still stickin' with cutting her off and concentrating on all the positives you have going forward. Stay focused.

 

-P

[SA2000]

I agree with you 16th. My head isn't in the right place. We have been talking every day but it doesn't seem like she is really trying. She says one thing but then her actions say something different. I am tired of the push/pull game and want to go NC now. I texted her to see if she wanted to hang out this weekend and instantly regretted it. I just feel as though she is expecting me to meet her half way as far as contact is concerned and I am not doing that. But that is probably due to me over thinking things. This is all requiring way to much thought and time. I just want to be done with it one way or another. And the best way is to say good bye to her so I can be sure I won't have to go through it ever again.

[SA2000]

It looks like my career may be headed in a very bright and promising direction in the next year with my income possibly doubling. That is if my small business produces nothing. If that works out as well things could be very good for me. This news makes the whole break up a little easier.

[thekid55]

It looks like my career may be headed in a very bright and promising direction in the next year with my income possibly doubling. That is if my small business produces nothing. If that works out as well things could be very good for me. This news makes the whole break up a little easier.

 

Good for you, SA!

 

Any updates for us?

[SA2000]

Nothing really new. I have been talking to the ex on almost a daily basis via text but the conversations are getting shorter. Had I not made contact with her yesterday I doubt we would have spoken.

 

Funny, because the week before she said she wanted to be with me and work towards rebuilding things. I thought to myself. "Ok, this is a good sign. But does she mean it?" So I kept up the MO of letting her come to me. At first she called every day. Then she texted every morning and night. Then it gets to the point where I am initiating the conversation.

 

So I thought to myself "Is she waiting on me to do all of the contacting? Is she waiting to see if I will call her?" But then I though if I wanted an ex back and I knew they wanted me back I would call them. A lot. So I have decided to back off again. Maybe she was sad or whatever. Maybe she had a rough week. I will never know what her motive was but it proved to be just a hiccup. Thats cool. I'm not pushing anything. And as time goes on I find myself much more willing to just move on. If she can't show me that she means it and wants to be a party girl, hey thats cool. I'm just not interested in dating someone like that. No big deal.

 

As far as I am concerned I have been focussing on this career move. Keeping my eyes on the ultimate prize. I am taking the next 6-12 months to really focus on my career. I can feel myself changing and maturing and it feels great.

 

I know my ex is lost and is searching for an identity. I was there about a year ago. I think beeing part of "the scene" will get pretty lame pretty quickly once I am kind of out of the picture. She will realize that it doesn't really lead anywhere and that most of the people are single and unhappy. That although they have their freedom, they really want something more. Something she had.

 

I feel as though this situation starts to get more extreme in the next 2 months, one way or the other. Either she comes back and wants to move quickly at getting back together or we just continue to drift apart and close the door forever, I'll check in from time to time, but now MY life is my priority. As opposed to OUR life.

[thekid55]

I think that's exactly what's happening with my ex.

 

All of her friends are single and do the typical Facebook happy, happy BS. A lot of her friends couldn't believe that we broke up. For my age, I am so polished and I know what I want in life. If she wants to do all of that garbage, then that's her business.

 

She's already been in the scene once and that got old pretty quick. We'll see what happens. I've already slid out of her life and you gotta do the same thing man. Stay strong. You've come a longggg way.

[SA2000]

Just got more word from work. Looks like I am in really good position for the position I posted for. I can see things really going my way in the next 4-6 months. All I have to do is put in the work but the path is clear. So in the last 6 months I have moved from an apartment I loved, broken up with my ex who started dating someone else, and my mom got really sick and had to have surgery. Now in the next 6 months I will be looking forward to my Mom's health improving, getting a promotion, and who knows what will happen on the lady front.

[thekid55]

Just got more word from work. Looks like I am in really good position for the position I posted for. I can see things really going my way in the next 4-6 months. All I have to do is put in the work but the path is clear. So in the last 6 months I have moved from an apartment I loved, broken up with my ex who started dating someone else, and my mom got really sick and had to have surgery. Now in the next 6 months I will be looking forward to my Mom's health improving, getting a promotion, and who knows what will happen on the lady front.

 

Love finds you when you least expect it. Believe that.

[SA2000]

Ok so here is a problem that I see. I feel as though the ex has no idea what I want from her. She doesn't know what I am looking for. I find myself wondering if she is thinking she will not contact me anymore because I never call her and then finds herself breaking down and calling me. I wonder if she has no idea why I haven't really responded when she says she misses me or answer when she calls at 3 am. I know I am over thinking this but it I wonder if really we both miss each other but are both acting too damn stubborn to let each other know. I guess we will never know. I sure as hell aint telling her. That usually just sets me back.