I'm addicted to drugs.

[betrthanurex]

I'm 23. I have a full time career. I have a live in boyfriend, and I take care of my grandfather, while he takes care of my grandmother who is in nursing home.

 

I've been smoking pot and dabbling in other drugs such as cocaine, ecstasy, mdma, mushrooms since I was 16.

 

Slowly, and surely.. I am falling apart. I"ve managed to hide this issue from everyone, even myself at times - and more than ever I'm realizing I have a really big problem. While I don't take hard drugs very often, I am smoking weed multiple times daily and find it hard to stop. I have no apetite and can't sleep when I don't, and also have a lot of anxiety I find it difficult to control when I don't smoke.

 

I've managed to keep a generally normal life up until now. I've managed to keep and hide this secret. Since I realized lately this is not normal - I've slowly started telling friends and my boyfriend how I feel about it, and that I feel it's time to stop. However, I haven't been able to and I (paranoidly) feel my friends I've told are judging me, or going to.

 

I'm writing because I don't know where to look anymore. I'm not looking for comments saying 'Just quit", or "talk to your friends more".... I think I'm looking for people in the same situation, or have been there, or who have had a friend like me.

The suggestions like chew gum, keep busy and stay active are not helping. I know all this - my friends come to me for advice. They all knew I smoked and had ideas about how much. But to find out my 'full' life is really just covered by lies and the fact that I am too...(whatever my issue with smokng is)... they are pretty surprised that I have this real, and serious addiction...

I think they all though, "oh she smokes a lot of pot.." but really it is slowly killing me.. my "normal" life that i've faked through the drugs.... is really just a lie.

 

I want to build something real.

 

Sorry if this post was all over the place - I'm not high - I swear!

[Mauxly]

You may be self medicating some underlying issue. The first thing I'd do is go to your doctor and tell him everything, tell him that you are concerned. He may refer you to a psychologist and this is OK. We've all got issues, life is hard. And when we are young we tend to 'fix' these issues with the only tools we have. Sometimes its drugs, sometimes its eating, sometimes its bad relationships.

 

When I was your age I did a lot of drugs. I pulled myself out of that. You can too. And it's worth it.

 

You may find that if you can force yourself to stop smoking pot for a few months, and work on your issues with a counselor, you may lose the desire to do it all together. That's what happened to me.

[betrayedgirl]

Wow, admitting your problem is a big step! Congrats!!

 

Now, please see your doctor and he/she will refer you to the appropriate places.

 

I too was an addict, clean almost 10 years now. Life is much better that way.

 

We use drugs to escape reality, which only makes it worse, and then you use more to escape.

[Cheetarah]

I used relationships, sex and alcohol as a means to escape what was going on in my life. I quit alcohol by myself, but I needed some help with the rest. So I'm with the others - Get a professional hand. I don't know what I would have done without it.

[DN]

pm me if you want, i may be able to help you.

[betrthanurex]

Wow, admitting your problem is a big step! Congrats!!

 

Now, please see your doctor and he/she will refer you to the appropriate places.

 

I too was an addict, clean almost 10 years now. Life is much better that way.

 

 

We use drugs to escape reality, which only makes it worse, and then you use more to escape.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the pat on the back I appreciate it.

I think I am at an age (23) where you're past the teenaged silliness and immatureness, but not yet completely made the transition into a responsible adulthood yet - so I really do feel a tear at becoming this new person, because it's so hard for me to move on from smoking daily.

And smoking daily can no longer be part of my responsible adult routine because I have so dubiously fooled everyone into thinking I am this busy, responsible, mature being - but really, I feel selfish, lazy and irresponsible - always taking one step forward and two hops back.

I'm "stuck" as well because I found a career right after high school and haven't been to post-secondary yet - or ever? I took an online class and got a D in it.. was so embarrassed to tell me Electrical Engineer friend and Finance major boyfriend.

It shows how well I can juggle work, family, boyfriend, animals and friends with school, which I so obviously cannot...

Especially turned me down when I realized I'm FAKING how well I'm taking care of work, family, friends, pets, school.

 

Ugh.. I'm so sick of myself.

 

I've used sex, relationships, alcohol, drugs to escape reality before. I know I am definitely using pot to escape my "full" adult schedule.

I don't even know what kind of advice I'm asking you guys for anymore... because as much as I know I have to quit - I really don't even want to... I love smoking that much.

 

Anyways.. thanks everyone.

[betrthanurex]

So, I'm at work right now.. for five more hours - and I've only been here 2.

 

I can't stop thinking about smoking and how good I'll feel when I'm home, finished work and have a nice fat joint to smoke.

[FriendlyHelper]

betrthanurex, I believe you are thinking about this wrong. Before you tear yourself up telling yourself that you are an addict and feeling bad because of it please hear what I have to say.

 

You are using marijuana to treat your anxiety. When you do not take it (smoke it) you get anxious and feel as though your world is coming to an end. If you go to the doctor then he will give you harmful medicine to control your anxiety. What you are using now is not harmful. Think about it. Marijuana has been used for thousands of years. Just recently, 1970, has it been illegal and frowned upon. You are not addicted to marijuana. You feel fine without it right? If so then when you get medicine from the doctor you will feel 'fine' as well. PM me if you want to chat betrthanurex.

 

Google these and click the first result. There are many other resources available via the internet on using marijuana as a cure for anxiety.

California Marijuana Medical Evaluation Centers on anxiety disorders

Elle marijuana anxiety cure

 

Youtube - history of weed

 

If you don't like what I posted don't reply to it, easy as that.

[tickytacky]

I'm a recovering drug addict. I started with pot then escalated to harder drugs over the years. I agree with the others in telling a doctor (a compassionate doctor would be good). Also, see if you can find a Drug and Alcohol Helpline that you can call to find out about services in your areas that can assist. I'd recommend looking up Narcotics Anonymous in your area. Going to NA meetings has really changed my life.

[Tryna-findme]

You are on your way to a healthier place--knowledge is power and reaching out for help is the only way we get better for most of us. Admitting you are addict is huge, and as a recover addict myself, my suggestions is to get help. There are programs; 12 step programs, therapist, rehabs...get some help. You can talk to your doctor, but be aware that a lot of them are not trained to deal with addictive personalities. In the end, you will have to confront what is driving you to use. Since you started when you were 16, you may be digging back a few years to understand what was happening/happened that began this habit. I too started when I was young and for me, it took rehab and a 12 step program to help me but it did it. The addictive mind will always fall in and out of love with the object of their addiction. Once you have suffered enough negative consequences however, you will get help. Better to get clean at a younger age, it is sooooooooo much easier. Trust me on this one. Good luck. Narcotic Anonymous...look it up.

[mikelopez]

I read this post approximately 6 days ago and I could not get you out of my mind. Well for me I had a full ride scholarship to a 4 year university, big money for the first time in my life at the age of 18 with no discipline, or influential positive role models. I started college with a bang, females, parties, drinking, and the love of my life "mary jane." (weed) I had a job and everything was perfect my first year in school, passing grades, had a job, and scholarship money. Slowly I started smoking more with my smoking buddies because it was fun, the cool thing to do, and eventually I became a chronic smoker, 24/7. I could not put it down I loved pot, I talked about it like it was a female. I noticed I had a problem so I reached out for help. I did not feel I was an alcoholic so AA did not work out for me, and NA was too crazy, but I knew I needed help. Well more than a year ago I found this site called link removed and I joined the 24/7 chat room they have. I asked questions about the program and went from there. They also have 12 questions which I'll post at the end to help you determine if you are a pothead or not. Ok from there I took the next step. Based on the 12 questions I was a pot head, so I went to a live Marijuana Anonymous; the reason I went to that meeting was because weed made my grades slip, skip classes to get high, quit my job to get high, and just brought drama into my life. Honestly I learned a lot in those meetings, like why I smoked, about my past, emotions that I never dealt with, and how I used Marijuana to escape from reality. Over a year plus of going to meetings and still smoking I was able to personally grow a lot. Finally I hit a bottom: lost my full ride scholarship, had no money, got into trouble here and there so I decided to go back to this program and work it correctly this time around. I am still in early recovery 52 days cleans longest clean time in my life ever! I had great holidays with no drugs, the best gift I could give my family. If you have any questions I can help you I'll send you a message with my information. Thank you for sharing, I know life can be a B!!!!!!

 

12 Questions

Has smoking pot stopped being fun?

Do you ever get high alone?

Is it hard for you to imagine a life without marijuana?

Do you find that your friends are determined by your marijuana use?

Do you smoke marijuana to avoid dealing with your problems?

Do you smoke pot to cope with your feelings?

Does your marijuana use let you live in a privately defined world?

Have you ever failed to keep promises you made about cutting down or controlling your dope smoking?

Has your use of marijuana caused problems with memory, concentration, or motivation?

When your stash is nearly empty, do you feel anxious or worried about how to get more?

Do you plan your life around your marijuana use?

Have friends or relatives ever complained that your pot smoking is damaging your relationship with them?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you may have a problem with marijuana

[theartofruin]

bump

 

[i'm interested in any updates]

[Johnbuckley]

Does anybody still read this?.. I'm 20.. This story is my story except I smoke pepspice like you do weed.. This story sounds like I wrote it. I need help. 3 hours until the new year and I just want to start it off better then this **** year I've had. Worse year ever. Im losing everything Somebody please help me.

[Capricorn3]

Does anybody still read this?.. I'm 20.. This story is my story except I smoke pepspice like you do weed.. This story sounds like I wrote it. I need help. 3 hours until the new year and I just want to start it off better then this **** year I've had. Worse year ever. Im losing everything Somebody please help me.

Hi. It's probably a better idea to start your own thread so as to get replies to your own questions (as this thread is over two years old and the OP has never returned). Thanks!