I keep thinking that she will call

[Nappyloxs]

I keep thinking she will call one day. So much so that I picture her phone number showing up on my phone. I even subconsciously hope that every time my phone rings, it is her.

 

WHY?

 

I imagining what the conversation would be like. So many different scenarios. Yet, between the Narcissism and the 3 years of B/Us and all the other crap, I know I can never trust her again. I may love her, but I could never trust her even if I wanted.

 

During the last breakup last year, she did not contact me in any way for 4 months. It was only through the constant begging and pleading did she finally call me so that I could have "closure" which somehow ended up with failed attempt to get back together.

 

Does any one else go through this?

[iBroken]

Yup

 

I wish she would reach out. Because it would validate that I meant something to her.

 

But I know that she cant reach out to me. Im not ready.

[ForumGuy]

Yes, I did get validated and continue to get validated, but realize, like you, that there will never be trust, so there will never be anything. I continue NC and she continues to contact every few weeks. I finally said "it's over forever" about 2 weeks ago and haven't heard anything since, so maybe that was it. I hope so.

[J-L-T]

That's just normal. Until we "get over them 100%" we will think/wish they would contact. Even if somebody doesn't want somebody back, or know it's not for the best. People still want to feel like they are rememberd.

[Nappeal]

Yep, I"m in the same shoes.

 

I see his phone number pop up in my mind every time I get a text message. Only leads to disappointment. I don't play conversations out in my head too much anymore, thankfully.

 

I too know that even if he were to one day say 'hey, let's try and make this work', I've already been too burned...there's no way I could go it again. Not only that, no way I could go it again w the lingering fear that he could just bolt again w out saying a word should it be 'not working out'.

[bish0p2004]

Yup, I will rarely admit this, even to myself, but I wish my ex would contact me just to check up on me even though I have no intentions of getting back with her. She would check up on my every once in a while after the break up, but she saw me with my current girl a few months ago and I haven't heard a peep since.

[tingkong]

Changed my ringtone and text message sounds right away and that helped a little bit but I still have that itch as well.

[J-L-T]

And just now I heard a car that sounds really similar to his. I thought "...It's not impossible" but meh, it's not gonna be him let's face it. He lives an hourish by car, and he wouldn't just turn up without talking about it first. But those movies make you think these things sometimes, lol.

 

I wonder if "dumpers" feel the same?

[JonasWaingaro]

Yeppers, even after ~14months I still wonder about her reaching out. I even had a dream about it last night. (not cool, even though it went well in the dream) Those feelings come and go now but sucks that I still wonder, subconsciously if nothing else. Validation is a powerful dealy. We really do thrive on it as humans. Anyhoo, it would be nice to know the ex wonders what ever happened to me. Ain't happening and that's very sad.

[Hell_On_Heels]

At first, yes I wanted him to call. Later on, I dreaded his calls and emsils, even though they were only about the divorce at that point. Now I've changed my phone number so I don't have to worry about that. And I switched my main email account (he has both addresses, but he has no reason to write...and many reasons not to write).

 

I still figure he'll contact me someday, when he's down - probably between girlfriends - and wants a little ego boost. He's not going to get it, though.

[sunday2010]

4 months and all i got was 1 call... a month ago.He said we woudl stay in touch... mmm not likely from his end... its pretty sad all round.he obviously never missed me and is doing okay...

[J-L-T]

Any "dumpers" here really missed their ex, and contacted them? Missed them and want them back?

[sunday2010]

Any "dumpers" here really missed their ex, and contacted them? Missed them and want them back?

 

yeah I'd love to hear those stories...

[LarsWB]

16 years together, she acted like she loved me up until the day she left me.

 

Yeah....it hurts me like hell that she doesn't call, ask about me, see how I'm doing, nothing. Friends ask me why I don't hate her...why I still care about her. I wish I knew and I wish I could stop it....turn it off and be numb to her.

[Nappyloxs]

Any "dumpers" here really missed their ex, and contacted them? Missed them and want them back?

 

Thanks everyone. I am glad I am not alone in these thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I am crazy to be thinking it.

 

Here is a quick little story. So ex. and I broke up last August to December. Well we got back together. When I used her laptop, my name was in the memory of google. It turned out that she had been googling me to see what I was up too. (I did the same). She had blocked me from facebook, but found out I was on some online dating sites and signed up to them to keep tabs on me. She never truly admitted that she ever missed me during this 4 month period and never attempted any contact either. But obviously I was on her mind.

 

Again, thanks for the replies. Sometimes I just think I am so crazy for believing that she will call.

[Mttens]

12 years together, no call in 3 months. Sure I`d like to get one call for him, to hear him say he's sorry, that what we had meant something, but the reality is that he will never call or even realize what he has done.

[Nappyloxs]

but the reality is that he will never call or even realize what he has done.

 

This is so true!

[sunday2010]

12 years together, no call in 3 months. Sure I`d like to get one call for him, to hear him say he's sorry, that what we had meant something, but the reality is that he will never call or even realize what he has done.

 

wow thats terrible.... 12 years.I got a call after 3 months but I heaven't hear from him again hes gone nc again...

[Scotty123]

yeah I would love for my ex to get in touch is some way, but I know it won't happen. I guess as others have said, when we no longer care whether we hear from them or not we will be truly over them.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Any "dumpers" here really missed their ex, and contacted them? Missed them and want them back?

 

I did, yes. Three days after he asked for the divorce, I wanted to stay together. Felt that way from mid April until mid June. I contacted him a few times after I moved out mid May - clearly I have a mid month thing going on here, lol. Anyway, he gave me a ton of mixed signals. He said something in one of our conversations that led me to believe he was never going to commit to our marriage, never going to put any time or effort into it, or me. So I emailed him and let him go. He, of course, emailed me back and let me go, but harder and more...cruelly. Even mentioned he might kill me. Freak.

 

I left for Indiana, and didn't tell him. He had no contact with me, no updates, nothing. And that lasted a few weeks until he decided he was sooooo miserable, wanted to reconcile, loved me so much, etc. When I agreed to come back for therapy, he changed his mind. He just wanted to be in control, I think. He was so vicious during that conversation, so needlessly brutal that there was no going back. No more missing him, because the man I loved was dead. Some monster has taken his place. No more contacting him or letting him contact me unless it was about the divorce. (My part in that is now done. I expect we'll be final in 2 months or so.)

 

Nothing like having someone rip your heart out, stomp on it, pour gasoline on it, and light a match to get you over them. I don't want him back. I still struggle with the abuse aspects of it.

 

It's very hard to believe but if they've left you, they've freed you to live a better life.

[No1]

You are going to laugh, but you are really in denial that its over. You still think she loves you and she needs you in her life and any day, she is going to call you. Now you also battle with her calling you, and you have mock conversations going in all different directions, how you would say this and she would respond. We have all been there but you are not moving on. You have to stop. Its over. She is gone. Forget her calling you at all. If she wants to, she will call you. You said that last time it was begging that got her to call, so Im guessing that you might be contacting her because if it aint broke, dont fix it.

So if you are contacting her, you must stop. And if you are not contacting her, dont start. You have to stop obessing over her, she is not in your life no matter how much you want to imagine she is.

[jimmajam]

I had this type of thing early on, maybe the first 4 months even. After I went full no contact they pretty much died off. I still have my weak moments, but sitting around hoping she'll call or stop by is long gone. At this point I hope she reaches out some day, but if she doesn't, it's her loss. Tough.

 

Nappy, I have been here for most, if not all of your story on this website. This girl has had you in emotional distress for at least the last year. She has repeatedly played with you, said one thing and did another, pretending she wanted to get back together only to completely turn around.

 

I called you out long ago about being clingy when you continually contacted this girl and pushed to talk for "closure" which ultimately turned into you guys getting back in some form. Now you are just becoming straight up obsessive with this girl and I think you know it. I see you posting about how she's not good for you, she treated you bad, she's a narcissist, yet you still have these visions of her coming back, calling you, etc. It's really not healthy after all this time and all the things she has done to you.

 

There has to come a time where you move nappylox back in to the #1 spot. How much more disrespect and pain are you going to take from this one person? It's great that you fought for what you wanted, but it's not romantic that you are fighting for her and your love when there is so much pain and abuse. You also need to realize you are bringing a lot of this on yourself by continually trying to cater to her needs to get her back.

 

If she truly wanted to be with you - she wouldn't be jerking you around whether she was a narcissist, commitment phobe or whatever. Show her for once that she can lose you by standing up for yourself and worrying about YOU.

[iBroken]

Any "dumpers" here really missed their ex, and contacted them? Missed them and want them back?

My ex dumped me in November. Missed me and came back

 

Then dumped me again and is MIA.

 

Sorry its not the fairytale you were hoping for but you will find a common theme. Not many reconciliations often last.

[Mustachio]

I had this type of thing early on, maybe the first 4 months even. After I went full no contact they pretty much died off. I still have my weak moments, but sitting around hoping she'll call or stop by is long gone. At this point I hope she reaches out some day, but if she doesn't, it's her loss. Tough.

 

I would say this about sums it up for me. At the beginning I sat around and waited for her to call. I needed that call, I couldnt believe she could just leave and never come back.

 

I no longer am pining for her, I no longer spend all day wondering what she is doing, wondering if she thinks about me, etc.

 

I would also be lying if I said those thoughts didnt cross my mind from time to time. I do on occasion wonder if she still thinks about me at all. And I still struggle a little wondering how a 7 year relationship could just end and seemingly mean nothing to her when it was everything for me. So yes, I do hope she will contact me at some point, but I have come to accept that may never happen, and if it doesnt oh well... her loss, not mine.

 

So nappy, I think having these thoughts are normal, as long as they arent consuming you.

[Nappyloxs]

No they aren't consuming me. I haven't contacted her for almost a month (Day 28) and even then I only had that one email since we broken up.

 

JimmaJam, I am not repeating the things I did before. I agree with your post, but a few things. With her being a narcissist, from my reading, it is kind of like stockholm syndrome. It is hard to just detach from her. Also there is my co-dependency issue which makes things more complicated.

 

I don't sit around thinking she will call, but I do think of the day it may happen. I have been moving on, but it is a process. I have been slipping a little bit about the working out, but other than that I am still starting to return to my pre-ex. days slowly but surely. I am talking with 3 different women, have been on a few dates. I am not rushing anything though as I know I am not ready.

 

Honestly, I know she is no good for me, but it doesn't really stop me from missing her. I can't really explain why. I do not want to contact her at all. Learning from last year, I reread the email I sent to her last month. It says every thing it needed to say. Of course, I can say I left things out, but I am happy with that being my final attempt to communicate with her.

 

My biggest fear is this. If she does call, that I will be there!! I know all the crap she put me through was wrong and I should have left along time ago. I guess this is why I started this thread. I really know I should ever be there for her again if it ever happens in the future (most likely not), but I know I may allow myself to be.

 

This just comes from my experience of being friends with my other exes and numerous girls I dated in the past. After time, I always let them back in aka they always ended up coming back even if it is to be friends. I don't want to do that with this one.