For the brokenhearted souls out there.

[waveseer]

I would like to offer a kind word and a bit of food for thought. This is for everyone who knows that even though it's really over with their ex and even though in their mind they know it's probably for the best there is that nagging yearning deep inside to be with them once again. That somehow, someway things could be made right, well, and whole again. That the bond they feel could overcome any obstacle and will never completely be severed. This is for those who have loved with their whole self only to face the harsh reality that their ex was unwilling, unable, unwise, unprepared, undecided, unaffected or unloving enough to grow a permanent bond in return.

 

What I am about to say may seem like a small consolation, but when used as a meditative contemplation can bring surprisingly positive results. No matter how short or long your relationship was you know that it could have continued longer with the same end result. No matter how young or old you are you could have spent an indefinite amount of time on someone who would eventually choose to end the relationship whether they did it quickly and cleanly or slowly and painfully.

 

Reflect not on the amount of time and energy you wasted on your ex. Rather rejoice that your relationship lasted not one second longer than it did and you are no longer wasting your precious love on someone who doesn't appreciate, want, or need it. You are now free of the shackles of a broken relation. Even if you feel devastated right now, eventually you will be ready to try again. You will be wiser when you choose whom to love next time. You will make sure they are genuine, capable, and worthy of your love. You may have a few false starts, but a loving heart will carry on. One day you will find yourself with someone who does not make you pay for loving them with pain and suffering but instead rewards you with pleasure and joy.

 

Anyone who lets us go has done us a huge favor. Now we can grieve, heal, and become more whole to be ready for a real bond, a heartfelt meeting of the spirit. No more giving without receiving, no more hoping against hope, no more accepting the unacceptable, no more loving the unloving.

 

This is your opportunity to give your heart to someone who gives you theirs. Really now, does your ex deserve a second thought?

[sunday2010]

wow thankyou I needed this today.. so insightful and true...

 

They chose to walk... ii remember looking at a you tube video early on on here of madea saying" if they want to walk outta your life let them go... its so hard though...

 

but its now 14 weeks and there is no hope left....

[waveseer]

wow thankyou I needed this today.. so insightful and true...

 

They chose to walk... ii remember looking at a you tube video early on on here of madea saying" if they want to walk outta your life let them go... its so hard though...

 

but its now 14 weeks and there is no hope left....

 

I know how hard it is to let go, but try to remember what it really is that you are letting go of. Was it good right up to the end? Were you treated well? Would you like to get used to someone loving you as well as you know how to love? Does your ex really fit the bill?

[Carus]

You make a very valid point Wave*...

 

I've posted a couple of times on this forum about how grateful I am that my ex left me before we had those kids we were planning....

 

Oh dear...Imagine that!

 

Thanks again.

Ever Forward

K2*

[waveseer]

You make a very valid point Wave*...

 

I've posted a couple of times on this forum about how grateful I am that my ex left me before we had those kids we were planning....

 

Oh dear...Imagine that!

 

Thanks again.

Ever Forward

K2*

 

For so long I carried resentments against multiple exes for what I perceived as their deceptions and manipulations. Instead of being grateful they were no longer wasting my time I was angry at both them and myself for ever letting it happen to begin with and go on as long as it did. This attitude stunted my healing and my growth.

 

Like you, now I am just grateful that I am free to be with someone kind and generous, like me.

[OneBrightStar]

This is a great post. Thank you, waveseer.

[waveseer]

This is a great post. Thank you, waveseer.

 

You are more than welcome, OBS, if any thought borne of my anguish can diminish another's I will be at peace.

[Hobbes]

Thanks Waveseer, truth! Healthy reminder.

[Snowy]

Very nice post. Thanks.

[Positive_Anonymous]

Absolutely spot on and this is exactly what I have been thinking recently! You have beautifully confirmed this for me. Thank You!

[WockaWocka]

A truly excellent philosophy. I look back at some of the guys I fell for (especially when I was young) and shudder to think what life would be like if I'd married then divorced them and/or we'd had children.

 

Sometimes you have to see how bad things can be with the wrong person in order to appreciate how wonderful they can be with the right one. People always say "relationships take work" and this is true but _you_ should not have to be the one doing all of it. It's amazing how much simpler things are when you both respect and care about each other.

 

Thanks!

[ryder]

That really did make my day a little better.

[1guygirl]

after getting back together after 'a break', him coming up to see me then spending 4 amazing days together, me giving him my all, and him giving me is all, only to have cpl days after that him end it by text (cos i said that i didnt do 3 way convos when he phones me and i found it hard to talk openly with his daughter in earshot) ....well...you know what, if my best wasnt good enough and my supporting him when he was feeling depressed went unappreciated (while he was building up to the break up text)...then fine, go, i cant be with someone who bails everytime i feel uncomfortable about something and want to discuss it openly with him. I wonder if the getting back together in 2 months cycle will run again this time, good ole rinse and repeat??? ....maybe for him but not for me

 

we loved each other deeply, i learnt my lessons from him, now its his turn to learn that you dont jus throw away someone you love, you might jus regret it when they dont come back

 

this time is for me, and NC has been much much easier now i know this is a pattern not jus poor circumstances. the reality of that brings a kind of relief

 

i want more from my man...i want words to be backed up by actions, sentiments endured with strength...nice guy, jus not right for me

[Scotty123]

Yep a very good post, but so very difficult to do. In my head I know it was the best thing that the relationship ended, but my heart says the total opposite. My ex didn't do anything "bad" in any way, neither did I. There was no disrespect or any kind from either of us. We just didn't talk. I know I have lessons to learn but today I just want her back in my life so very much. I also know it's not going to happen but it doesn't stop me wanting her back. Don't get me wrong she isn't perfect and niether am I but I just find it so hard not to think about what could have been if we had both got our act together.

 

I'll get there eventually, just having a bad day today. Hopefully one day I will be able to truly say I am thankful the relationship is over, but today is just not that day.

[abigheart]

Anyone who lets us go has done us a huge favor. Now we can grieve, heal, and become more whole to be ready for a real bond, a heartfelt meeting of the spirit. No more giving without receiving, no more hoping against hope, no more accepting the unacceptable, no more loving the unloving.

 

This is your opportunity to give your heart to someone who gives you theirs. Really now, does your ex deserve a second thought?

 

I loved these in particular - well said!

 

I am finally at a point where I see that this is what it all boils down to. Once in awhile, I falter and get sad but my head is beginning to wrap around this very notion that I AM growing and becoming a better, stronger person. and I am grateful to have read this, thanks for posting!

[bungalo]

This is beautiful. In my case, the longevity of the rel/ship plays tricks on my head and my heart. I got used to the instability, the roller coaster ride, the uncertainty, the longing for her to surrender and finally commit. Sound like love to you? While I feel like I will always love her, I know I was dissatisfied with a person who was never in it whole-heartedly. There were many ecstatic-yes even glorious times, but the cold, hard truth is; she couldn't stay with me for good. She couldn't ride the waves of the normal ups and downs in our relationship. She couldn't love me consistently. She couldn't realize that love always waxes and wanes. She fell out of love with me-and maybe she never did love me-and that's that. Now I have to survive.