Nana00 Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 My ex and I broke up in Feb. After months of no contact, he messages me in July and wants to work things out. We couldn't make things work so I ended it with him about a week ago. I've been away in another country for two years. I came back home to the States in Feb after the breakup. Since then, I haven't been able to do anything. My parents are kind enough to let me stay with them. I have no motivation to see my friends or to find a job. I've completely isolated myself. I use to be a type A personality, proactive, motivated, etc. Right now, I want to move on with my life, I want to forget about my ex, I really do, but apart of me doesn't want to move on. I don't want my ex to come back, even if he did, we have no future. I'm stuck. I want to move on but I can't. Feels like I need closure of some sort, but don't know what that closure is. Feels like I'm waiting for something, but don't know what it is. Or is it fear? Anyone feeling stuck? What made you this way? What do you think will make you move forward? Link to comment
tingkong Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 nothing is wrong with you. I went through a break up like that four years ago. Just try to move forward and don't let your mind trick you. Remember you said you didn't want to be with him Link to comment
MissyMolly Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 You're not stuck, you are just mourning. And that can sometimes feel like being "stuck" because it feels so uncomfortable. But, it means you are healing. Remember that. And you are grieving the loss of a relationship, not him. A loss is still a loss. The loss needs to be worked through. Allow yourself to feel these complex feelings. You are not stuck, you are doing the work! Link to comment
emma34 Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 i've been in a rut ever since my ex broke up with me a year and a half ago...which is way too long in my opinion. you need a fresh start. Today could be the first day of the rest of your life. After my ex left I didn't know where to go, because he was in my all my future plans...so I know it's tough, but keep your chin up, and you'll make it through. If afte a few months you are still feeling this way I would recommend seeking a counsellor. Link to comment
tryintosurvive Posted August 13, 2010 Share Posted August 13, 2010 I imagine reconnecting with him set you back to square one again. God I hope my X doesn't contact me anytime soon. That would be like a death all over again. Link to comment
Nana00 Posted August 14, 2010 Author Share Posted August 14, 2010 The death of a relationship is seriously awful! When they say 'pain is inevitable. suffering is optional' is it really? I don't want to make myself suffer, who does? I feel like I'm making no contribution to society. Not sure why I'm here. The thing that keeps me going is knowing one day, I'll start living my life again...one day. Don't know when that 'one day' is, and I'm always living for that 'one day'. I imagine reconnecting with him set you back to square one again. God I hope my X doesn't contact me anytime soon. That would be like a death all over again. Even though I'm back to square one (well, it's actually easier this time around), I'm glad my ex contacted me. When he left, I had many 'what ifs'. I had imagined him coming back, what I would say or do, etc. Once time took over, I slowly started to forget about him. When he wanted to try again, something in me was different. I realized our previous problems still existed and wanted something better. I haven't read your story, but if your ex contacts you, I'm sure you're much stronger this time, more than you realize. Link to comment
Carus Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 When they say 'pain is inevitable. suffering is optional' is it really? Yeh I've had 'Suffering is a choice'.....Well honey, if that were true I would have chose not to suffer from Day 1.....! I'm 14 months out and know that stuck feeling very well...Actually just kinda having a relapse at the moment for some reason.... I also have always been an A type team leader...They say that post breakup you're supposed to better yourself, but to be honest I was pretty happy the way I was...! However, I guess I have learned some things about the way I act in RS's and also about RS/BU dynamics so thats a postive... As to what to do, I guess just be patient, push on, and read my sig below.... Also in regards to your thread title...There's absolutely nothing wrong with you Nana*...All totally normal for this type of situation* Strength to You Ever Forward K2* Link to comment
sunday2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 Yeh I've had 'Suffering is a choice'.....Well honey, if that were true I would have chose not to suffer from Day 1.....! I'm 14 months out and know that stuck feeling very well...Actually just kinda having a relapse at the moment for some reason.... I also have always been an A type team leader...They say that post breakup you're supposed to better yourself, but to be honest I was pretty happy the way I was...! However, I guess I have learned some things about the way I act in RS's and also about RS/BU dynamics so thats a postive... As to what to do, I guess just be patient, push on, and read my sig below.... Also in regards to your thread title...There's absolutely nothing wrong with you Nana*...All totally normal for this type of situation* Strength to You Ever Forward K2* kalgan I love your posts. Man I'm struggling at 3 months and 1 week and got a call finally from the ex even though it was just by chance.i actaully feel worse after the call I keep trying to look for things he said but there is nothing in the call that showed any hope.and for one he wasn't looking to speak to me so that makes it worse,he just couldn't hang up obviously , although he could of but chose not to. all I can say is is that i have along road ahead.meeting somebody new would help but who knows if that will happen.. I hope to post good news on this site one day I really do. Link to comment
Carus Posted August 14, 2010 Share Posted August 14, 2010 kalgan I love your posts. hehe...Aww.... I know I'm a bit further down the track than a lot of you, but still affected by the train wreck...no doubts there.....But I'm glad I can at least try and help and shine a torch up ahead in the tunnel like so many did for me through my dark days* Man I'm struggling at 3 months and 1 week and got a call finally from the ex even though it was just by chance.i actaully feel worse after the call... Yep...I remember in my early days saying to my mentors "She'll never call...boohoo...waaa'....and they would always tell me 'Oh yes she will'....and now in hindsight, I kinda wish she didnt... Mainly because each time it would just reopen the wound and give me major false hopes.... One of my favourites was "Noones gonna replace you", yet she's still with the guy 14 months later....lol Sorry to say too darlin'....3 months is a drop in the ocean....but be patient. Wounds heal without us even noticing it.... ..meeting somebody new would help but who knows if that will happen.. Well, meeting the right guy will help sure, but meeting the wrong guy will make it worse....So be cautious but stay open* I hope to post good news on this site one day I really do. That day is coming and I'm sure everyone here will love it when it happens too* Talk Soon Ever Forward K2* Link to comment
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