Jealousy in FWB

[allie24]

Is it a deal breaker? What if both of you acknowledge it's there, then aren't you just accepting that it's a natural part of human nature..that doesn't make a FWB relationship wrong, does it?

 

Because isn't it impossible to have any relationship without some degree of jealousy? I tend to think people who disagree are kidding themselves.

 

Hmm....opinions?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I wouldn't go so far as saying an FWB relationship is wrong...it is just not a wise thing to do. Yes there is often jealousy in FWBs..but each person can be jealous for two different reasons. Often the woman is jealous because she develops feelings for the man while the man is jealous because he simply doesn't want his "possession" taken away from him by another man. In other words he stakes ownership on the woman simply from a sexual point of view while the woman stakes ownership on the man from an emotional point of view. Yet the "relationship" is dead end and superficial.

[allie24]

I wouldn't go so far as saying an FWB relationship is wrong...it is just not a wise thing to do. Yes there is often jealousy in FWBs..but each person can be jealous for two different reasons. Often the woman is jealous because she develops feelings for the man while the man is jealous because he simply doesn't want his "possession" taken away from him by another man. In other words he stakes ownership on the woman simply from a sexual point of view while the woman stakes ownership on the man from an emotional point of view. Yet the "relationship" is dead end and superficial.

 

It doesn't really matter that it's dead end and superficial, I think it's assumed that all FWB "relationships" are like that. I guess what I'm wondering is whether his jealousy could still end up hurting him even though he acknowledges it and seems to think it's not a big deal.

 

Maybe there's just no answer to this haha...

[lavenderdove]

The first thing you have to ask yourself is if you're feeling jealousy in a FWB situation, then there is more attachment than you're willing to admit to yourself.

 

FWBs can be a colossol waste of time and risk because you are investing your time and attention in someone who by default has decided you're not 'good enough' for a real relationship, or they're not interested in a relationship (at least with you). So why spend much emotional energy on such a situation, and jealousy drains a lot of emotional energy and really serves no purpose in the case of FWBs, since you don't 'own' the person to begin with and have no claim on who else they see.

 

So i'd take it as a sign you need to get out of the FWB situation if you start to feel jealousy, because you are getting more attached to the person and getting a sense of 'ownership' that you shouldn't have since he is not your special person, just some guy who you've agreed to sleep with with no strings attached. Jealousy definitely indicates you have a BIG string attached to the person or you wouldn't care enough to be jealous, and you will get hurt if you continue on with him.

[allie24]

I guess what I'm wondering is whether his jealousy could still end up hurting him even though he acknowledges it and seems to think it's not a big deal.

 

I'm not feeling jealous, he is. Everyone always thinks it's the girl! Haha...

[Stay_home]

I don't know what it is about FWB's but they never tend to workout. Eventually someone's feelings start getting all twisted up in a meat grinder; they're like a temporary solution to a long term problem.

[WockaWocka]

If you think he's developing feelings that you can't reciprocate, try just politely confirming the boundaries of the relationship ("not serious," "don't want anything long-term" etc). At a certain point if he says yes he agrees to these boundaries then I wouldn't worry too much. He's an adult. Maybe also try minimizing any "relationship"-y aspects of the dynamic if possible, like cuddling afterwards or sharing too much about your life.

FWB can be great when it works. There are lots of times when I want to get my needs met on a semi-regular basis without the emptiness of a one-night stand or the complication of a full-blown relationship. It's difficult though when one partner gets overly attached. But I think as long as you reiterate your boundaries and check in with him periodically you're fine.

[mca1975]

I was seeing a guy who would not commit for about a year but he would constantly get jealous about other guys. I thought he had a cheek but I also liked it. He let me down so much that I decided to never go there again. That was over two years ago and he still texts me and sends me messages to this day saying he wants me. I never reply to him.

[lavenderdove]

I didn't assume it was you because you were the girl, but because you were the one posting about problems with jealousy... Jealousy is no respecter of gender!

[Fudgie]

I think it's very difficult to have a FWB without any jealousy. It really requires that both people are completely removed emotionally and don't attach any emotion to sex. That within itself is very difficult to do and I only know a couple of people who may be able to do that.