he is almost twice my age? scary

[alfalfa]

Hi,

 

I'm new to this site... so this is what i need some advice on:

 

I am 24. My new boyfriend is 41. I didn't consider him my boyfriend for the first 2 of those months, because of the age difference. I can't get over it. But we have such a great time together. He's actually a gentleman. And makes me laugh!

 

Thing is, I still can't get over the difference of age. He was already 17 when I was BORN. I think I'm going to break up with him. I know they say age doesn't matter... but is that too big of a difference?

[savignon]

It's really up to you and what you're comfortable with. Some people will say it's too big a difference (for them) and other people can tell you about great relationships between people with decades between them. It's all really individual.

What do YOU think??

[orchidbloom]

I agree with savignon; its what you think about this. My best friend is 26 and is dating someone who's 39 this year; and they are fantastic together. He really cares about her, is confident and financially stable. He has a son and my best friend adores him. They're taking it day by day right now but I think they're a good match.

 

Her family was VERY worried but it was soon apparent that he was looking out for her which is sometimes more than we can say for guys our age (20 somethings).

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, it can work.

[faithful14]

I agree with the other posters; there is no right or wrong- how do you feel about it?

 

If he treats you well and you guys enjoy each other's company then that's all that matters.

[alfalfa]

I feel excited and happy when we spend time together

 

Maybe this time, because I do find it hard to get over the difference (very hard. i mean, i am just finishing up college and he has already been divorced. lol.), we'll just have to take it slow and see how it goes.

[Dako]

I had a wonderful relationship with a woman half my age and I think we both value it in retrospect. We still care for each other.

 

Enjoy being with a good person. You could be with someone your age who's whack.

[Fudgie]

There is no right or wrong - how do YOU feel?

 

I'm with a guy who was 38 when I was born and we get along great. Very happy here.

[No1]

Dont think about a future with this guy quite yet, just enjoy the time you spend now. Remember you will constantly evolve, what you like now, you might not enjoy in 10 yrs. What you want physically and mentally might not be the same in, say... 5yrs.. Views change and until that happens, just enjoy the moment. He is proably very set in what he likes and dislikes, so you probably wont sway his mind that much ( you can for a short period of time because you are only 24, but he will eventually go back to what he likes )

[1inlove]

Age is irrelevant. My fiance' was legally old enough to drink when I was born. I don't care. We are happy and he makes me happy. That's all that matters. I wish you the best of luck on your relationship. Keep me updated!

[NightLily]

I think considering you are 24, there shouldn't be any problems that are too massive. It isn't like you are fresh out of highschool or new to being on your own at this point. Just feel it out but if you aren't comfortable there is no harm in looking elsewhere.

 

It is your life so live it up how you want.

[greywolf]

It's only too big of a difference if you feel that it is.

[lostnscared]

I wouldn't date someone that old. I have a general rule of thumb--I don't date someone that is more than 5 years older than me. But if you are happy that is all that matters.

[Starri]

If you're having doubts, you should probably cut it off. I'm not saying you can't make it work, but you seem really unsure, and that's not a good attitude to have about a relationship. ): Good luck!

[CandyKins]

i think it's like you never been with an older guy before and it's just a matter of getting use to then you'll see past the age gap and it really wouldn't matter because it doesn't. it may seem like a huge age gap but you're old enough. don't give yourself rules because it sort of restricts to whom you meet and say your restriction is no older than 5 years say you meet a guy is 7 would you really restrict yourself to such an awesome guy? that's just an example.

[Fudgie]

I gave myself a "rule" when I was online dating - I liked older guys but NO one over 50 because I didn't think I could handle dating someone my father's age or older.

 

Well, it's not like I put "IF YOU'RE OVER 50 DON'T BOTHER" on my profile so my boyfriend came along. He was 57 at the time. I thought "aw what the heck, I'll talk to him, he seems really cool" and the rest is history! I'm glad I didn't give up on him.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I don't think rules are necessarily bad. There are lots of guys single in your age. So setting a rule that I don't date anyone 10 15+ year older than me is not unreasonable at all. Now if you say I have a rule that I just date virgins, then yeah, that might be a bad rule because it really limit one's options and it's not really as significant in a relationship as an age gap might be.

[Fudgie]

Yeah I don't think they are bad, just think it's rather silly if someone says "I won't date anyone over 21" and then this guy shows up and he's 22. It's one year! Well, I think that person would really be missing out.

 

For me, 50 and 57 didn't seem like that big of a deal. I know it may be for others, but for me, I thought "what? 7 years? eh".

[PaintWithLight]

I agree with the other posters. But I am more curious to how you two met? Are there any lurking dangers there; ie, he is a family friend, boss at work, teacher??? I just ask because there is usually a situation that bring age gappers together. And often, that deals surround the situation can provide clues to the viability of the relationship.

[alfalfa]

I agree with the other posters. But I am more curious to how you two met? Are there any lurking dangers there; ie, he is a family friend, boss at work, teacher??? I just ask because there is usually a situation that bring age gappers together. And often, that deals surround the situation can provide clues to the viability of the relationship.

 

We met in the summer. I was a bartender at a pub and he was the regular Brit that came in for a beer after work every day. I stayed for a drink after work one day, sat next to him at the bar because there was an empty seat and he kind of intrigued me in a weird way, and the rest is history.